LOL indeed.
If these are all essential, then why don't people either a) not buy them when realising in the shop that they can't do these things b) return them after getting home having realised the same.
The fact is that NONE of these are truly essential:
Keyboard - the iPad's on-screen effort is OK for emails etc. (USB & BT keyboards can be used).
Browseable filesystem - most non-IT people wouldn't know what this is and again, what for? any useable document is generally available via it's app.
USB ports and other connectors - what for? (that's essential for day-today usage).
Side-loading and content lock-in - OK - 26 years in IT and *I* don't know what this is. I know the iPad plays standard content.
Higher resolution cameras and displays - again, what for? The iPad's ones do what they are designed for.
These are all *nice* features, but none are essential.
Steve