Not a shredder in sight
This morning PFY is industriously re-virginizing the third of seven bricked iPhones he bought from eBay.
"Good idea of yours." This is a begrudging admission, I should of thought of it myself. "Those phones will be great for sweetening a few deals."
"I am going to give one to that new PA upstairs." The PFY is grinning at his blatant innuendo, "I think I am in with a chance there."
Having failed to make first base with the very same PA the previous evening, I think not. I am about to offer to swap an iPhone for her mobile phone number, but just as I open my mouth to speak, there is a scraping sound from the door to Mission Control.
The scraping is generated by the half dozen boxes of fanfold paper intentionally blocking the door, our early warning system. The simplest are the best.
"Houston, we have a problem!". PFY scurries to hide his endeavours with a couple of ITIL manuals.
"Hi, Boss." Perfectly faking his innocence, PFY ingratiates himself using all the skill's I've taught him.
"I want you to set up this questionnaire. Put in on a web site and get everyone to fill it in."
The Boss is not in the mood for idle conversation. He crashed and burned with the same PA.
"No worries, I'll set it up for the day after tomorrow, Friday afternoon" promises PFY.
"Why Friday afternoon?, can't you do it sooner."
"Well no-one is doing any real work then, so they might as well use that time for filing this in."
"We have a server side plug-in just made for questionnaires." My turn to get some credit. "We can use that."
"OK, I do not need the results until Monday, just make sure it's done by then." Half satisfied, the Boss wanders off and we replace the early warning boxes. PFY ssh's into his fourth iPhone.
"What's that questionnaire all about?"
"Dunno, I'll take a look.". I flip over the cover sheet to reveal the nastiness below. "Crap, crap and double crap!"
"It's all about departmental performance. Personnel, Accounts etc. It even includes IT Support."
"What are you so worried about? We have not done anything wrong, lately." PFY does not seem to appreciate the gravity of the situation. "Our critics seem to be accident prone, they are all on sick leave."
"This is a prelude to penalizing any under performers. This could be bad for us, or more importantly you."
"I see." PFY now appreciates my concern. "You mean we could be downsized."
"Yep, last in, first out - and that's you."
Actually, I am more concerned than I am letting on. This could be bad for me too. PFY does most of the work. My speciality is supervision.
"Don't get so stressed." PFY has a plan, Thankfully I know that look. I just need to work this to my advantage.
"Spill it." I think I know what he is about to suggest here, but I want him to believe it was his idea.
"Well, we'll set up the questionnaire with the answers in different locations for different people, so that if someone answer mostly 'A's. well swap the answers after the fact. We can put the answers we want in the 'A' position, and match that questionnaire with their answers, and so on and so forth."
"Sweet." My hunch was right. I'll let him run with it a little more.
"We will need to be careful so that we do not come out shining too brightly, but we can make sure our performance is better than the rest."
"Excellent. Set this up and I'll make it worth your while." Now to go in for the kill. "By the way, I have the mobile number for that new PA upstairs, is it worth anything to you?"