Posts by Chris Jasper

The ultimate full English breakfast – have your SAY

The ideal full English

2x Smoked Back Bacon

2x Cumberland Sausage

1 Fried Egg

2 Slice's Black Pudding

Peeled Plum Tomato's

Mushrooms

1 Black Coffee

2x Toast, buttered for the egg yolk

And peace and quiet

BOFH: That's right. Turn it off. Turn it on

So, so true

Perfectly encapsulates the experience.

Well done.

Microsoft boasted it had rebuilt Skype 'from the ground up'. Instead, it should have buried it

Skype Adverts

I'd settle for not getting those bloody popup ads for Skype and how great it is every time I open up Windows 10

Shock: NASA denies secret child sex slave cannibal colony on Mars

Wackadoodle

It's a word that you dont see much but is perfectly fitting for some people.

Complete wackadoodle.........

You'll soon be buying bulgur wheat salad* from Amazon, after it swallowed Whole Foods

Ummmm, it's Bulgur

'My PC needs to lose weight' says user with FAT filesystem

Re: Giving the users what they ask for......

We just finally killed our bes servers, the one remaining user had 2 alternate iPhones and 3 iPads but her Blackberry was 'Essential'.

Users..................

User loses half of a CD-ROM in his boss's PC

Dangerous CD's

I dont trust CD's and DVD's in a PC in the slightest.

On more than one occasion I've had them spin up and shatter in the drive, turning them into high speed shrapnel that fires out of the front of the machine fortunately narrowly missing me but on one such hitting someone behind me in the back of the head.

Deeply glad they are dying out in favour of flash storage and cloud.

Waiter? There's a mouse in my motherboard and this server is greasy!

Re: I'm not surprised in the slightest

I can attest to this, just lost half a stone thanks to a greasy kebab

Microsoft kills Windows Vista on April 11: No security patches, no hot fixes, no support, nada

I remember going to a Microsoft presentation for a release of Exchange after Windows 7 had been released and the MS staff there all referred to Vista as "A previous Microsoft operating system", turns out they were not allowed to say Vista which we all twigged in a few minutes and spent the rest of the session trying to get any of them to utter the word.

Good times,,,,

The Psion returns! Meet Gemini, the 21st century pocket computer

Sinclair'ey stuff

Looks great, lets hope it's more successful than the Vega Plus has been so far, anyone seen an actual release date for that recently?

Nokia's 3310 revival – what's NEXT? Vote now

ZX81 with the rampak stuck on with white tack to stop it crashing the beast every time you jogged the table

Grumpy Trump trumped, now he's got the hump: Muslim ban beaten back by appeals court

So how long before a CIA run "Terrorist" attack on the US do we think?

Who do you want to be Who? VOTE for the BBC's next Time Lord

Rowan Atkinson in all seriousness

'I AM TWEETING TRUTH TO POWER: AND YOU CAN'T STOP MY FACTS, MR PRESIDENT!'

Cute

But I dont really think anything would be as funny as the real world right now............

Stop replying! pleads NetApp customer stuck in reply-allpocalypse

Nah

The worse problem is the smartasses who think they have the most original jokes to take the mickey out of the originator of the reply all.......

Clone wars: Wrestler sues Microsoft over Gears of War character

Yeeeaaahhhh..........

Lester Speight looks way more like Cole Train than this guy

UK Parliament suddenly remembers it wants to bone up cyber security *cough* Russia *cough*

There's the cue....

....for massive wrangling with service providers tasked with providing some vague idea written on a post it note by a junior intern who's good with that Apple Mac thing he carries around for "That cyber security stuff I keep reading about in the Daily Mail" with constantly changing goalposts (By the customer of course) ending in nothing useful being achieved except a website (maybe) and a database and huge waste of expenditure of taxpayers money.

Did I miss anything?

CIA: Russia hacked election. Trump: I don't believe it! FAKE NEWS!

Priorities

"although Russia had interfered on one side of the election, it wasn't clear what its intentions were"

The words 'interfered on one side of the election' should be the key phrase here...............

Who's in Peter's file? Moneybags Thiel hits up Silicon Valley brains to join his Trump think tank

Non sequiter?

Trump Think Tank.

Does not compute...................

Windows 10 market share stalls after free upgrade offer ends

Windows 10

I let it in through the upgrade process finally, my laptop slowly tanked.

I did a fresh install from iso, my laptop slowly tanked.

I went back to Windows 8.1.

Much better now.

Never explain, never apologize: Microsoft silent on Outlook.com email server grief

Standard Corporate Approach

Symantec are pretty much the same, they decided to rebrand MessageLabs this week and change the website branding for spam manager, the format of the spam manager emails they send to users, and informed people with a blog post on their news alerts that most of us didnt have access to.

Cue calls from lots of users and infosec types demanding to know what this phishing/malware/terrorist virus attack was all about.

Symantec's response? "It wasn't a major upgrade, what's the fuss about?".

Would have thought the mass of phone calls you evidently got that stopped us getting through for hours would have clued you in guys?

Re: Naughty El Reg

I think a mail to Santa would be more successful

What’s that Sooty? You want a girlfriend?

Re: Lets not start on about Captain Pugwash!!!

Nope, he was called Tom

User couldn't open documents or turn on PC, still asked for reference as IT expert

Re: A whiter shade of pale?

Have sadly seen this with so called Graphic Designers too

This local council paid HOW MUCH for an SD card?!

Maybe more sinister......?

Julius Levinson: You don't actually think they spend $20,000 on a hammer, $30,000 on a toilet seat, do you?

Apple's iOS updates brick iPads

Great..........

............since I work for a place that exhorts its Apple user base to update their devices the second an update comes out without any testing whatsoever then expects us in IT to fix it.

I'm going home............

Work begins on Russian rival to Android

Re: "Trusted"

The X-Files was right all along.................

Lloyds online banking goes TITSUP*

Re: Thinking about it

Well thats about to get a whole lot worse then

What's wrong with the Daily Mail Group buying Yahoo?

Odd Language

I assume if this is successful we can see far more use of the words, 'pert', 'leggy', 'bosom', 'full bosom' and various other terms to describe the physical form of the fairer sex used by the Mail to crop up in search results?

Facebook throws BlackBerry an HTML bone

Widgets

Great, now maybe they will see fit to bring back the Facebook widget to Android instead of trying to up Ad Revenue by making us go straight to the feed?

Brits stung for up to £625 when they try to cancel broadband

And as for the compensation for poor service, ever dealt with Sky?

Not happening.

Wikipedia: It's not for girls

Or Maybe....

Women just have better things to do with their time.......??

BBC accused of coming out for porn opt-in?

So....

.....apparently having your husband caught out for watching porn and 'mistakenly' claiming it on expenses makes you qualified to judge and decide the viewing habits of the entire British public.

Wouldnt mind if it really was to protect the children, but its just another prudish, christian right wing fundamentalist telling us whats right and wrong.

iPhone 4 on Pay as You Go: UK networks compared

Vodafone Shop Assistants

A Vodafone shop prole who was arrogant and rude. Never...........

Samsung Tocco SGH-F480 touchscreen phone

Tocco is..

...pretty damn good actually, does exactly what I want it to do, no dropped calls here and battery life is far better than the three Viewty's I had before.

I may be an apple fan but I cant see the point of getting an iPhone just to be tied into a contract with the devil (O2).

Trevor Baylis cranks multimedia up a notch

Specs

2Gb internal memory and an SD Card slot.

Not too shabby.