* Posts by Stu

16 publicly visible posts • joined 13 Aug 2007

BOFH: Burying the hatchet

Dead Vulture

@ Jim the boss

Management, Middle Management, and any other form of apparent managerial staff are not welcome here, be gone fool!

(Note: I concluded you really are of managerial caliber due to your poor spelling, lack of any grammar and DAMN CAPS LOCK!!!)

Now where is my axe.....There it is in the bird....

BOFH: Shiny new computer room

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Typical top notch deception for the greater good (of the BOFH!).

I'll look forward to the introduction to the new server room....and then advise my current employer to consider a similar course of action.

Now where is my stencil....

Welsh student exposed to nude webcam operators

Paris Hilton

I think we all would prefer...

...for her to stop talking, take the job and take off her kit for the rest of El Reg readers to see.

Just a thought..... =)

(Paris, another we all love to see without her kit on!)

Sharp unwraps 'world first' Intel Atom phone


@Andy Gibson

Sharp have obviously been brown-nosing Intel's Exec's to pull out a fast, high-spec phone that looks to be the same size as my old Atari Portfolio...

Let's see John Connor hack an ATM without Vista crashing =)

(Mine's the one at the back with the Atari logo, thanks!)

BOFH: Lift laughs

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Epic. Truely Epic!

Its not often one laughs away to BOFH on a slow friday afternoon as the building lift gets stuck with three young ladies from sales in it. I had _nothing_ to do with it mind...

Oh if only i was in there.....

Physicists fire up strontium atomic clock


wonderful time piece, but...

Even with all that technology going into making such a precise time piece, im still going to be late into work tomorrow, and you can guarantee that im going to be late for the next 200 years too!!

Vista sets 2007 land-speed record for copying and deleting

IT Angle

Random results with Vista over different hardware

During the UK release of Vista, i was working for a _very_ well known brand (X-Box competitor anyone?) as part of the internal support team, I was tasked with getting a dozen brand spanking new systems upgraded and ready for software engineers to transfer across to.

4 were top end quad-core systems boasting 4gig of ram each.

2 were AMD's top end dual core kits pushing 2gig of ram each

The rest were core2 Extreme's, with 2gig of ram each.

All ram was PC6400 and all disk drives were Raptors in raid 0.

The quad core machines were the bane of my life for long enough. They randomly fell over, were horridly slow at loading visual studio 2005 and the 'Long-goodbye' bug was such a pain, they were going to be left as a remote build farm before i was told to push XP on them. 2 hours later I was blessed with a beautifully running - and stable - development platform (naturally, they were passed on to people who earn far more money than I).

The two AMD's were great. Everything went on like a dream and although they did appear to take quite a performance hit when forced to compile a 4Gb binary executable, that’s what the distributed build software was for =)

The rest of the core2's were to fill out the rest of the engineers in one particular team, and even though everything went on fine, after a week of working with the, the engineers regretted asking for the upgrade, as general work flow was seriously disrupted but the stupidly slow network-copy bug. Strangely, this only happened one-way. From network to PC was fine. From PC to network storage ground to a halt almost every time, with the exception of one (just 1) PC which didn’t suffer from any of those problems but did blue-screen from time to time (usually during a big build!)

It seemed like different hardware would produce different problems, yet even identical hardware would cause random results in day-to-day running.

To date, all those systems have been given new hard drives with XP on, and all developers are running Vista in a virtual machine - Honestly the best way even though its somewhat slow.

BOFH: Balancing the budget...

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Oh yesssssssssss..........

It may have taken 861 words to get there, but the punch line makes my year complete!

Oh praise the BOFH and PFY in all their wisdom and glory!

I wonder when the PFY will start vying for power again.....


US man dies in Taser incident


Unnamed Deputy?

I smell the BOFH!

Microsoft spoils Christmas with Xbox 360 locking feature

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*cough* When i was a lad.....

My parents thought I was a genius simply because I could USE the home computer. Admitted, it was a Sinclair Spectrum, and did need a saint's patience simply to get it to read ALL the data from the cassette deck, but I was actively encouraged to play Dizzy all day long!

Hell, they could never get me off my Amiga, even for food! =P

I don’t know if I would have ever have reached “certified code monkey” without the helpful backing from my parents =)

Camelot pulls scratchcard amid numerical anarchy


A wonderful new idea!!!!

Camelot should gather all the data they can (location, age, etc) of all the fools who truely thought their dumb-ass maths could depict -6 as a lower number than -8 (and all other numerical varients of said case), then geographically display the data to the education board, showing hotspots for the most stupid!

This way, at least the education authorities could target prime areas where retardism (see urbandictionary) is at a high and counter this with either some intelligent way of teaching 18+'s how to count below zero, or flag it to the koreans for tactical nuclear strikes =)

Either way i live in the middle of nowhere so im safe from the horde =)

Hack database, change school grades, go to jail for 20 years (maybe)



Working from the other end of the scale...

The one and only time i will admit that i was "involved" with such illicit activities was as an authorized white-hat making an attempt to reach a very private database which contained several million customer records, including bank details, addresses and the like, for a company in South Yorkshire (UK).

The contract description was "[snip]...attempt to gain access to customer data via external means.[/snip]"

It took as little as firing up Windoze remote desktop software from my laptop and calling the hell-desk posing as the boss’s son saying "My dad wanted me to check the weekly figures again and I have forgotten the network password!"

I honestly thought they wouldn’t buy it, but you would be surprised by the power of stupidity!

After two weeks of working with the hell-desk rookies and the network "administrator"(laugh) I decided the job was getting boring, claimed the system was wrapped up tighter than an Eskimo’s nad-sack and took my pay check!

I think the company closed down a few years later......who knows! =)

Oh the good old days!

BOFH: A tragic accident



Its about time someone got to see the business end of the BOFH!

Ive been waiting for death, decept and intrigue for too long now!

Oh my month is complete already :D

Great as always.



Monster Trojan monsters job seekers' records


Bloody Brilliant

Only a month after beginning my search for a new job, signing up to the top 10 recruitment sites and agencies online, and monster just *happens* to be one of them.


Now I feel safe in knowing that any one of those recruitment agencies who have all of my personal contact information are as air-tight as a wet paper towel.

By the name of the malicious file, it sounds like it was purposely engineered to break monster.com. Thinking that way, it’s possibly not spam that was on the minds of these attackers, but maybe some competition that wants to cause some trouble in the job-seeking world.

BOFH: New toys


Just annother day in the office

At the begining of the week, our shipment of several new blade servers arrived.

The whole tech team reached for their screwdrivers and took one each.

2 trusted hours later, 5 blades are put back together, installed and almost configured as the rookie of the team bursts into the server room almost in tears mumbling "How can we put this back in there!!???".


And there went our spare budget this quarter.

Peterborough bloke warned over 'offensive' t-shirt



Its hard to believe that this bloke is getting warned about wearing a T-shirt which is quite obviously less offensive than many, many others.

I will admit that people do get targeted when wearing offensive T-shirts as a traffic cop booked me for dangerous driving after "accellerating excessivly" to 30mph - on a scooter - however i was wearing a "US School Shooting Tour" T-shirt sporting a list of events and body-counts at the time. It did make me wonder if the cop really took offence to the shirt and booked me regardless. ((which reminds me, i really should get a new, up-to-date version of that))

Never mind. +1 to the dumbass cops this round!