* Posts by MakingBacon

51 posts • joined 4 Oct 2016


BA IT systems failure: Uninterruptible Power Supply was interrupted


Oh come on!

It's a Daily Mail article for God's sake.

We all know how accurate they can be ...

Nokia's retro revival 3310 goes on sale and disappears immediately


Meh ..

I'll stick with my original 3310. It does everything I need in a mobile phone, calls and SMS.

Microsoft raises pistol, pulls the trigger on Windows 7, 8 updates for new Intel, AMD chips


And that just made things easier for me

No new CPU, no new PC and definitely NO windows 10!

I'll use Windows 7 until my current PC goes *BANG* and there's no more spare parts to be had.

MS, Intel and AMD can go roger themselves with their collective cores!

As you stare at the dead British Airways website, remember the hundreds of tech staff it laid off


A database upgrade is short for "we pleaded for any ex BA techies to help us in our plight and one was paid several thousand pounds for the sound advice to turn off the computer and turn it back on again"

Facebook's 'delightful' AI Clippy the Paperclip creeps into Messenger


Allow me to reprogram your memory banks with a rather large axe Clippy!

Manchester pulls £750 public crucifixion offer


He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy! Now, piss off!

Hundreds of millions 'wasted' on UK court digitisation scheme


UK Government + Digital Updating

= complete and unmitigated disaster.

Nothing new there then huh?

Microsoft kills Windows Vista on April 11: No security patches, no hot fixes, no support, nada


Windows Vista ...

Rot in peace ya pile o shite!

Spammy Google Home spouts audio ads without warning – now throw yours in the trash


Re: Good way to lose customers

"I wonder how Google Home responds when told to go screw itself?"

It will respond with adverts for various DIY stores

User lubed PC with butter, because pressing a button didn't work


"No, Deluxe Paint."

Damn you and your uber l33t tools!


"I use excel to put my list of DVDs in.

Should I be using something else? mysql?"

I always use notepad because I'm a l33t user and so hardcore!

US military drone goes AWOL, ends up crashing into tree 623 miles away


That tree was obviously using techniques gleaned from the Monty Python book of How not to be Seen.

Revealed: UK councils shrug at privacy worries, strap on body cams

Big Brother

Big Brother is knocking on the door ...

I note the last paragraph which says non-evidential footage will be deleted after 31 days ... Is this in the similar vein of the recent Reg story of keeping police mugshots even if innocent?


US Air Force terminates Predator drones. Now you will fear the Reaper


WAR! ... Never been so much fun ..!

Father of Pac-Man dies at 91


A sad day indeed ...

Many a day was invested in the arcades during my youth. Pacman still resides in my all-time top 10 go-to arcade machines even to this day.

RIP Masaya Nakamura


Huzzah! Doctor Who comes to Playmoverse


It's all just a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey ... stuff.

Britain collects new naval tanker a mere 18 months late


"Unfortunately, the fuel would be passing through a standard petrol station’s nozzle at around Mach 2 – and completely destroy your vehicle.”

I can't wait for some bright spark to try and explode this one ...

Flameproof coat at the ready, I'll use the fire exit over there --->

British military laser death ray cannon contract still awarded, MoD confirms


Now where did I put that Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

I want to hear an Earth shattering kaboom!

Dotdot. Who's there? Yet another IoT app layer


Maybe the logo should look like ..? Because nobody will understand what the hell it's supposed to be

Mattel's parenting takeover continues with Alexa-like dystopia


Will it run Windows, Linux or Mattel OS?

The Life and Times of Lester Haines


Lester Haines ... this pint's for you my friend!

Did EU ruling invalidate the UK's bonkers Snoopers' Charter?


Hi ho, hi ho .. to VPN we go!

US voting machine certification agency probes potential hack


Them dammed russki's!!!

... said Obama, as he began packing his stuff away in readiness for the big move in January 2017

National Lottery whacked with £3m fine for suspect ticket win


I have ...

3 million reasons not to play the lottery ever again

DDoS in 2017: Strap yourself in for a bumpy ride


I love the smell of a good DDoS in the morning!

London's Winter Wonderland URGENTLY seeks Windows 10 desk support


They should try switching it off and then back on again ...

'So sorry' Evernote rips up privacy changes


Re: Translation

"We were handed our asses to us on a plate by our customers"

Santa's sleigh gets 21st century makeover


No cup holder!

Don't want one if there's no cup holder ..!

HBO slaps takedown demand on 13-year-old girl's painting because it used 'Winter is coming'


Winter is coming ...

I shall expect a cease and desist letter from HBO soon and will no doubt put it to the best possible use I can ... wiping my rear end with it.

Mirai variant turns TalkTalk routers into zombie botnet agents


Re: Talk talk said ...

+1 for also not rolling out that other much used phrase "lessons will be learnt"

It’s Brexploitation! Microsoft punishes UK for Brexit with cloud price-gouging


The simple answer is ...

Boycott MS and their cloud services. Without customers, The muppets who inhabit MS will soon back down when they see their profits dwindle.

Job's a good 'un!

Airbus flies new plane for the first time

Thumb Down

When they make and test-fly something like the Fireflash from Thunderbirds, then I'll be interested.

Until then ...

Elon Musk wants to launch 4,000 satellites and smother globe with net connectivity


And the winner of the category ...

Most complete utter bollox award for non-journalistic content (but attempted character assassination instead) goes to ...

/drum roll

Gareth Corfield


Pythons Idle and Cleese pen anti-selfie screed


Spam, egg, chips, spam, spam and beans

Selfies are the spam of the modern photo-graphical world ...

spam! ... spam! ... spam! ... spam! ... love spam! ... wonderful spam!

A cardboard desk? I won’t stand for it (actually I will)


That £129 could have been used for better things ...

Like paint for the skirting board for example or a couple of hours down the pub

Britain must send its F-35s to Italy for heavy overhauls, decrees US


Ship them straight to Italy after purchase ...

It will save a lot of time, effort and money in the long run.

Trump's torture support could mean the end of GCHQ-NSA relationship


Re: Stick to tech

The Register used to be a tech site. It still should be: your childish political articles make a bit of a laughing stock.

... Says the coward who hides behind the anonymous moniker ...

Siri, clone yourself and dive into this Samsung Galaxy S8 smartphone


Re: Siri, clone yourself and dive into this Samsung Galaxy S8 smartphone

Somebody has been watching a re-run of Dark Star ... I approve!

Brexit judgment could be hit for six by those crazy Supreme Court judges, says barrister


There may be trouble ahead ...

But while there's Junker

And Hollande, Merkel and Farage

Let's begin Brexit and dance

Before the bankers have fled

Before they ask us to pay the bill

And while we still have the chance

Let's begin Brexit and dance

Brexit may not mean Brexit at all: UK.gov loses Article 50 lawsuit


I predict a riot ...

See above ^^^

What should the Red Arrows' new aircraft be?


Reaper drones FTW!

Microsoft ends OEM sales of Windows 7 Pro and Windows 8.1


When the time comes

... and MS no longer supports Win7 updates, it will be time for me to go 100% Linux (PC Win7, laptop Linux at present.)

More movie and TV binge-streaming sites join UK banned list


Like blocking websites has any effect in the real world.

Any pirate will already know and have either a subscription to a VPN or has one of the many free ones installed on their computer. On top of all that there's always a proxy or different web address to bypass any blocks as well.

Samsung are amateurs – NASA shows how you really do a battery fire


Oh dear ...

Somebody obviously flipped the switch from 115v over to 240v

Today is the 211th anniversary of the Battle of Trafalgar


Politically Correct Nelson at Trafalgar

Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."

Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."

Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"

Hardy: "Sorry sir?"

Nelson (reading aloud): "' England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability.' - What gobbledegook is this?"

Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England ' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."

Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."

Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments."

Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle."

Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."

Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it ........... full speed ahead."

Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."

Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest please."

Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."

Nelson: "What?"

Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness; and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."

Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."

Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck Admiral."

Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."

Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."

Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."

Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."

Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."

Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"

Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."

Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."

Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"

Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."

Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"

Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."

Nelson: "We're not?"

Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."

Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."

Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."

Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."

Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"

Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"

Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."

Nelson: "What about sodomy?"

Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."

Nelson: "In that case............................... kiss me, Hardy."

RBS debit card payments have gone utterly TITSUP


Something for the weekend?

Not if you bank with RBS!

Pound falling, Marmite off the shelves – what the UK needs right now is ... an AI ethics board


The emergency is over!

Marmite will be back on the shelves ... HURRAH!

Invasion of the virus-addled lightbulbs (and other banana stories)


I'm Talkie

Anybody want any toast?

How about a muffin?

I bet Mr Dabbs wants some waffles!

I toast therefore I am ...

Stripped of its galaxy, this black hole is wandering naked in the cosmos


Poetry Corner ...

I wandered lonely as a black hole,

That floats on high o'er comets and suns.

When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host, of planets to capture;



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