* Posts by Mine's a Large One

81 posts • joined 15 Jul 2016


Can't get that printer to work? It's not you. It's that sodding cablin.... oh beautiful job with that cabling, boss

Mine's a Large One

Re: "Well Analysis - New Knowledge"

In my first IT job, the mainframe IDs were first 2 letters to denote department, first 5 letters of surname and first initial. Ian Nisbet from Personnel must’ve been thrilled to know he was identified as PENISBEI.

Planespotters’ weekends turn traumatic as engine pieces fall from the sky in the Netherlands and the US

Mine's a Large One

Re: RE: engine failure

That test (and the protective jacket) only applies to the large fan at the very front. The compressor and turbine disks witihin the actual engine core are very difficult to contain in the event of a failure due to their much higher rotational velocities and the forces involved - there have been several examples of a turbine disk exiting the engine casing upon failure and causing substantial damage to the aircraft, eg. Quantas A380 QF32 - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qantas_Flight_32

and United Airlines DC-10 UA232 - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_Airlines_Flight_232

DBA heroes don't always wear capes. Sometimes they just have a bunch of forgotten permissions

Mine's a Large One

Was part of a project where I needed about a day's input from another team so I could finish my tasks, but their guy on the project had been grabbed for something else. I started emailing him and his team lead (and .cc-ing my manager and the project manager) about 6 weeks before the pilot was due to start, saying I either needed their resource back, or somone else asap. I did this at least twice a week, as well as speaking to the team lead whenever I saw him, until a fortnight before the pilot, when I started doing it daily.

Three days before the pilot, I was working away and got a call from my manager, the project manager, the other team lead, and a couple of the others involved in the pilot, angrily asking why I hadn't delivered yet. I politely pointed-out that I'd been asking/emailing for 6 weeks without getting anywhere so they needed for somewhere else to point the finger. I also forwarded them all of those emails whilst we were "discussing it". They allocated someone to work on it that day, and I did what I needed remotely the following day. Sorted.

When my manager called me 15 minutes later to apologise "for putting me on the spot, but they'd come to his office on the warpath", I told him in no uncertain terms that he should be eternally thankful I was 250 miles away, otherwise I'd be taking him outside and punching him in the fucking mouth - career-ending or not - and that went for any future occasions also. Never had that problem again...

It's just a pair of arrows. What could be more innocent than that?

Mine's a Large One

My favourite logo fail is still the logo for the Office of Government Commerce...


UK coronavirus tier postcode-searching tool yanked offline as desperate Britons hunt for latest lockdown details

Mine's a Large One

Re: A coloured map perhaps would have been just as good

And Cornwall too, if you don’t mind.

Tech support scammer dialed random number and Australian Police’s cybercrime squad answered

Mine's a Large One

Re: “Police recommend that you do not engage with scammers,”

After I told one guy that "my wife deals with technical calls, I'll go and get her" and put the handset down, I had one guy on the line for ages. Every now and again we'd creep up to the handset and he'd be saying "Hello? Are you there?". Last time we heard him it had been 17 minutes then the nerxt time he'd hung up.

It's happened: AWS signs Memorandum of Understanding for fluffy white services with UK.gov

Mine's a Large One

I agree, but Government departments are already using Azure and other cloud platforms. There's no difference to me other than being locked-in to multiple providers.

Did I or did I not ask you to double-check that the socket was on? Now I've driven 15 miles, what have we found?

Mine's a Large One

Had a user testing some new kit alongside his existing device. Called to say he was trying out the main app they used and was trying to load something but "only half the files are showing compared to the old kit" (they opened one file, but the software opened an additional 6 or 7 files). Checked several times that he was doing things exactly the same way on both kits, so when the answer was in the affirmative, I spoke with my boss, arranged a hire car then drove the 140-odd miles to his office.

On the walk from the lift he said he'd left both kits side-by-side and not touched them since we spoke, and as we walked through the door of his office, there they were and I immediately pointed-out that one was looking at the files in File Explorer whilst the other was looking at them via the File/Open dialog of the app...

2.5 hour drive for literally three minurtes to get from the car to his desk and then 5 seconds actual work. Followed by another 2.5 hour drive back in a worse mood than on the way up.

From 'Queen of the Skies' to Queen of the Scrapheap: British Airways chops 747 fleet as folk stay at home

Mine's a Large One

Re: Bloody awful

Unless they're roll spoilers used to assist/replace the ailerons for banking.

Yo, Imma let you finish, but for the 6,000 people still using that app on a daily basis ... we have a question: why?

Mine's a Large One

Millenium Hand and Shrimp

For the reference to Foul Ole Ron -->

Microsoft Teams starts February with a good, old-fashioned TITSUP*

Mine's a Large One

Re: Executive Hubris

It was IT execs in our case.

Same outcome.

The IoT wars are over, maybe? Amazon, Apple, Google give up on smart-home domination dreams, agree to develop common standards

Mine's a Large One

Re: Be careful what you wish for

It'd be like having a teenager in the house again...

When is an electrical engineer not an engineer? When Arizona's state regulators decide to play word games

Mine's a Large One

Re: AKA Libertarians

Or this one:

Three engineers were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would put a toxic waste pipeline right next to a playground?"

Remember the Dutch kid who stuck his finger in a dam to save the village? Here's the IT equivalent

Mine's a Large One

Re: From Experience (and In Hindsight)...

Can't remember if they were Compaq, IBM or Toshiba laptops we rolled out years ago where the sliding power switch was in just the right spot on the side so that anyone moving the laptop closer to them or going to pick it up from the desk slid the switch and shut it down.

The silence of the racks is deafening, production gear has gone dark – so which wire do we cut?

Mine's a Large One

Years back, our IT building (and the rest of the Regional HQ it was tacked-onto) was backed by a couple of fairly substatial diesel generators, which could apparently power everything "almost indefinitely" should the need arise.One day everything in the office suddenly went dark and very quiet, then before anyone could say anything, bright & noisy again. Yay. About 5 minutes later, we're dark and quiet again but this time it stayed like that. I looked-up to say something to a colleague and noticed the thick plume of smoke from the generator house... We were sent home later when it was clear the power wasn't coming back!!

Talking to the maintenance guys next day, I was told that workmen had killed a local transformer up the road, which had triggered the first gennie to start. When it wasn't fully delivering power a few minutes later (although it was running), that triggered the second gennie to start which promptly started spewing fuel over everything in sight, including the exhaust of the first, which was now quite hot causing lots of smoke (they never said if it started a fire but the general consensus was it had),

Open-source companies gather to gripe: Cloud giants sell our code as a service – and we get the square root of nothing

Mine's a Large One

Re: Conference Theme Tune

Or even the Beatles' original...

Microsoft hikes cost of licensing its software on rival public clouds, introduces Azure 'Dedicated' Hosts

Mine's a Large One

Re: $106k over three years

Totally agree, however when the powers that be have their strategy to move to the cloud, it's hard convincing them otherwise. They've read the whitepapers, swallowed the marketing and donned the free rose-coloured specs and come back with the usual "Ah, but it costs money to have a datacentre, power it, cool it, fire-protect it, secure it..." and my favourite "and it's OPEX not CAPEX so Financel love it...".

If someone was to point-out to Finance just how much we spend on cloud, to run a fraction of our services there, and then added how much more we'd be paying if we moved everything out and closed the datacentre, I suspect they may not be loving it quite so much.

Red flag: Verify to be marked 'undeliverable' by gov projects watchdog

Mine's a Large One

"Simple: ignore all the hidden and generated costs et voilà, remains de savings only."

I've seen that a lot. "We moved from legacy Product X to shiny-shiny Product Y and saved £20K over the duration of the contract". Yes, but it cost £200K to do that...

300,000 edgy folk pledge themselves on Facebook to storming supposedly UFO-tastic Area 51

Mine's a Large One

Janet - sometimes referred to as Janet Airlines.

Apparently the name came from "Joint Air Network for Employee Transportation", but the USAF guy that told me that years ago admitted he wasn't used to "Briddish ales" but had drank rather a lot of them...

Apple fakes intimacy in our dead-eyed digital world with software fix

Mine's a Large One

Re: Just what I don't want

It does say that it can be turned off, so hopefully it'll stay like that in the final release.

Mine's a Large One

Re: Always made effort

So turn it off and carry on as before. (Me too by the way)

You're not Boeing to believe this, but... Another deadly 737 Max control bug found

Mine's a Large One

Re: For what it's worth

The Shuttles were built by Rockwell (bought by Boeing in 1996)

One man went to mow a meadow, hoping Trump would spot giant grass snake under flightpath

Mine's a Large One

I read that as ... "leaving home before 'finishing school'..." and thought "bloody hell, how posh are you?!?!

Then I re-read it again properly and went for a coffee to wake myself up!!

Honey, hive had it with this drone: Couple lived for years with thousands of bees in bedroom wall

Mine's a Large One

It's no good. Cardinal BEEgles, you'll have to say it...

User secures floppies to a filing cabinet with a magnet, but at least they backed up daily... right?

Mine's a Large One

Re: Then there is the "send me a copy"

You made me think of the old Gary Larson cartoon:

It's a fax from your dog Mr Dansworth. It looks like your cat.

Are you sure you've got a floppy disk stuck in the drive? Or is it 100 lodged in the chassis?

Mine's a Large One

Re: Fiscal responsibility.

Guy I worked with had his VCR trashed by his 2yo son pushing toast/marmalade & biscuits in the slot. The lad had asked how it worked and he'd answered there was a little man inside the machine who read what was on the tape and made the actors on the screen do and say the right things. The lad thought the little man might be hungry so had been pushing food in for the last few days!!

Boeing... Boeing... Gone: Canada, America finally ground 737 Max jets as they await anti-death-crash software patches

Mine's a Large One

Re: More than 300 dead is largely worth an abundance of caution

I'm not aware that the A380 has had any fatal crashes after more than a decade in service...

UK joins growing list of territories to ban Boeing 737 Max flights as firm says patch incoming

Mine's a Large One

Re: The reason that the Max series need MCAS

Was AF296 caused by Airbus? The pilots flew their aircraft on a low flypast at high-alpha (ie. nose up) with the engines at flight idle, gear/flaps down, and then selected TO/GA too late for them to spool-up to full power and start to climb away from the trees they were heading towards and therefore hit.

Mine's a Large One

Re: The reason that the Max series need MCAS

Sully landed in the Hudson in an Airbus A320 complete with standard Airbus automation. If I recall, the only criticism Sully had was that they system imposed limits on his flare before touchdown (probably because the system wasn't in landing mode) meaning touchdown was harder than it could have been.

Mine's a Large One

Re: The reason that the Max series need MCAS

"The pilot cannot bypass the technology, that capability no longer exists, and that has to be explicitly part of the design"

That's not strictly true for Airbus. Simply put, the systems operate in various "Laws" or modes whereby the systems will attempt to protect the aircraft from being flown outside its envelope. They range from Normal Law attempting to protect the aircraft in pitch, roll, speed, load factor and angle-of-attack, through Alternate Law 1 or 2, down to Direct Law which allows the pilot to completely hand-fly the aeroplane in the event of systems failures.

Airlines in Asia, Africa ground Boeing 737 Max 8s after second death crash in four-ish months

Mine's a Large One

Re: Except that clearly isn't true

I don't think Lion Air ended as it did because the pilots "did not do the right thing" - MCAS was happily trimming the nose nose down to the point it couldn't go further whilst the pilots were unable to apply enough force to pull the yokes back and stop the dive.

Customer: We fancy changing a 25-year-old installation. C'mon, it's just one extra valve... Only wafer thin...

Mine's a Large One

Re: The dirtiest four-letter word...

Agreed. Same goes when visiting a friend/family member and they say "you know about computers - can you just take a look at..." which usually results in 3 hours of un-fun in the spare room disinfecting, reinstalling and updating a PC so rabid it should have been taken behind the shed and shot, whilst everyone else is downstairs merrily drinking tea & scoffing biscuits.

Amazon Prime Air flight crashes in Texas after 6,000ft nosedive

Mine's a Large One

Re: Weather-related? Microburst????

If it were closer to the ground (eg. after takeoff or coming in to land) my thoughts would be the same at this point, but from 6000' I wouldn't have expected a nosedive into the ground.

Whatever the cause, thoughts with the crew and family/friends.

Fun fact: GPS uses 10 bits to store the week. That means it runs out... oh heck – April 6, 2019

Mine's a Large One

They do that already!!

Scumbag who phoned in a Call of Duty 'swatting' that ended in death pleads guilty to dozens of criminal charges

Mine's a Large One

Re: Hostage situations...

@AC "Once the decision has been made that deadly force is required..."

Well if deadly force is "required" - which implies it is going to happen anyway - why bother shouting orders for hands up or lie face down? Surely they'd may as well kill him as soon as he's out of the house.

And who decided that "deadly force was required" without knowing any actual facts about the situation, other than an unverified phone call from an unverified source with no verified evidence of any wrongdoing having taken place? I'd be hauling their arse up in court for murder as well.

I'd have thought that taking someone down with non-lethal force was just common sense. Maybe I'm just getting old.

Mine's a Large One

Re: Hostage situations...

And if I take option A) and shoot, I can:

1) Shoot to kill

2) Shoot to injure, because it doesn't look like he's armed, he seems confused as to why we're here, there have been those headlines about cops shooting the wrong person and maybe this guy is innocent.so injuring him is better than killing him.

Tough choice...

Devon County Council techies: WE KNOW IT WASN'T YOU!

Mine's a Large One

Re: More than just spelling.

No. It says "... or cash in person at the address below".

As in attend in person and hand over the cash.

Agreed re. your other comments though!!

In Microsoft land, cloud comes to you! Office 365 stuff to be bled into on-prem Office 2019 Server

Mine's a Large One

Re: Reality

"I particularly like how they assume that "journeying to the cloud" is inevitable, even though it's certainly not."

It is for some of us.

Even though we've tried to use common sense and logical arguments to suggest it shouldn't.

Sysadmin sank IBM mainframe by going one VM too deep

Mine's a Large One
Thumb Up

Ha!! I knew I wasn't making it up!!

Back in 6th form Computer Science, my teacher used to refer to the exclamation mark (!) on the BBC Micro as "pling", and it stuck with me. If I need to say it - say spelling out a command or something - I still say pling today (it's quicker than saying "exclamation mark"). People just look at me blankly...

Relive your misspent, 8-bit youth on the BBC's reopened Micro archive

Mine's a Large One

Well no, I don't think "ICT means programming", but I did think some programming would be involved. Scratch is something I suppose...

As for your analogy, I also wouldn't expect "driving" to need an understanding of "automotive engineering", but I would expect someone to have a grasp of the basics like "going too fast in rain might mean that the tyres can't clear the water away quick enough, so theyrcan't grip the road and you may skid" rather than just telling them "go more slowly in the rain". It's not engineering (and it might not save you anyway...) , but if you know the reason why you're skidding in a downpour, then you have at least some inkling of what to do next (ie. slow down).

Mine's a Large One

Lee D - I get where you're coming from. When my daughter first did ICT at school, I asked what sort of things she did and she said "Word and Excel and stuff". They did some Scratch, but not much.

At her age (possibly younger) I remember "playing" with the ZX81 in WH Smiths, spending my Saturday afternoons laboriously typing-in programs from one of the few books and magazines alongside it, and it really sparked my interest. I subsequently taught myself BASIC and Assembler/machine code from my Sinclair Spectrum manual and reading magazines like Your Computer, Sinclair User and Crash. It was tough running into something that didn't work as expected - especially with assembler - but that meant I had to work things out, learning so much along the way. It set me up well for learning new languages when I became a programmer.

Whilst I've spent much of the last 30 years in PC tech support roles, that same logical "work it out" attitude has meant that, from digging down into an issue and identifying exactly why and how something happens, I could better devise and implement a solution. I know others (usually younger) who'll have a Google, find a solution and implement it, but don't really understand the hows and whys, etc, and so are surprised when the same issue keeps cropping-up or the solution affects causes other issues.

UK's first transatlantic F-35 delivery flight delayed by weather

Mine's a Large One

Re: New better technology?

"...or for naval aviation the Rafale?"

As the carriers don't have catapults or arrestor gear, we may get Rafales off the carriers (they've got plenty of thrust), but we've no way of stopping them going off the front when they land...

And before you suggest we just install cats and traps (the carriers were after all "designed for but not equipped with..."), the cost of retrofitting was about the same as building another carrier!!

Mine's a Large One

Re: Carriers??

"However this may be because modern engines are a lot more reliable."

I don't think they've fully resolved the issues where the engine casing flexed under manoeuvering causing the fan blades to rub (they did implement a workaround and added *some* stiffening to the casing).

They've also had a couple of engine fires...

Sysadmin's PC-scrub script gave machines a virus, not a wash

Mine's a Large One

Re: Perspective

My boss regularly used to comment on how it took me longer to package software ready for deployment than the other team members. So I asked him whether he'd prefer me to take longer so everything worked properly at every stage, or whether he'd prefer me to be as fast as them, but then also repeatedly spend the extra time they did afterwards sorting out the issues they had cos they'd not done a proper job.

And then I did it my way anyway cos... well... personal pride in a job well done.

Sysadmin hailed as hero for deleting data from the wrong disk drive

Mine's a Large One

Sometimes just measuring isn't enough...

Not exactly a fail like some of the others here, but still IT...

I once asked a building contractor to cut a hole in a comms room floor tile, as there was an additional rack going in the next day. He marked it out and was about to drill a corner hole when I asked if it wouldn't be better to take the tile out. He opened the last cab in the line, put his arm through the hole under it, and proceeded to have a grope around. "Nope, there's nothing under that tile". After several further failed (increasingly heated) attempts at trying to convince him to take the tile out, he said I should stick to IT and he didn't have time to discuss it and drilled the hole.

Nothing bad happened, but before he got his jigsaw blade through the hole, I tried again. He again had a feel under the tile through the other cabinet... "Nope, no need to take the tile out". He got about half way around the hole with the jigsaw before there was a loud bang, a bright flash, and the comms room (and an awful lot of the building) went very quiet... followed by the office manager knocking on the door... followed by the contractor's boss... followed by the electrical contractor... the supply cable he'd cut through was just out of his reach under the tile.

Murphy's law in action.

Bowel down: Laxative brownies brought to colleague's leaving bash

Mine's a Large One

"... for shits and giggles."

Until someone giggles and shits!!

Britain to slash F-35 orders? Erm, no, scoffs Lockheed UK boss

Mine's a Large One

Re: The curse of the F-35.........

Not sure why you got a downvote - your comments are spot on.

Even if we could get things *off it* there's little chance of getting them back *on it*. Well... little chance of getting them back on it and then stop them from going off the other end...

Mine's a Large One


That's across all customers, not just the UK.

Although most countries - including the US - are looking at whether they can actually afford the numbers they signed up for originally...



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