* Posts by Simon C

84 publicly visible posts • joined 9 Aug 2007


Malaysian politico gets knighted in Photoshop

Simon C
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May I congratulate

this dipstick for doing something so stupid, it actually made me laugh.

'The internet's completely over', declares petulant Prince

Simon C


whereas Prince just wanted the fame and to do something with Gladys the gerbil, if rumours are to be believed.

Anyone remember the Prince two ribs schoolyard rumour?

iTunes hack used to fiddle App Store ratings

Simon C

its not a problem with the app store

its the algorithm in your eyes that displays the rating of your product. - The algorithm displays the ratings higher than they actually are.

Get new eyes, shouldnt be difficult should it?

Ten Essential... BlackBerry Apps

Simon C

I concur with the above comments

granted the BB appworld is not as verbose as the iphone/android platforms (is the iphone if you take away the fart apps?), but it has some great apps are free.

Along with those above (I'll be checking some of those out myself), theres also VIIGO, which is an excellent RSS reader

Googlemaps blows the BB maps out the water. BB Maps is a tad bloated.

One of the frustrating aspects of BB money apps is that they tend to only cater for US$.

Users' passwords exposed by Splunk

Simon C


Looks like that last stick dropped a hella lot of balls.

Google to flee China on April 10, says report

Simon C


am I am just summising here:

perhaps its because when google asked China for help in locating said perpetrators, China turned the other cheek stating quite unequivocaly to Google that their relationship is purely one of take take take.

As a result, Google in its pi$$ed of state decided theyare not going to play ball either.

What follows is probably a long protracted discussion about who f$cked who over, whlst at the same time acting like the proverbial swan as though nothing is the matter.

The result of the discussion is that google has probably tried to dominate somewhere it just isnt welcome and as a result, is leaving.

thats my own take on the matter.

Industry groups leap to Chip and PIN's defence

Simon C

on this note

[quote]I .....And just as the fraudsters continue to innovate so too does the payment industry, which invests vast sums of money in continuous improvements to card payment security", Wokes said[/quote]

How about this then for continuous improvement and shoot me down for being too innovative....why not stop placing the pie just out of reach, which is essentially what your doing and hide the pie completely.

Fraudsters have lots of money and they use it for one purpose, obtaining more money. No sooner than banks offer a more secure method of transactions the fraudsters no doubt are hot on the heels.

Just because you have no evidence of this proof of concept being used DOES NOT mean its not being used.

If companies took the moral initiative and helds their hands high and said, you know what, we are mistaken, we are gonna fix it for real" they would get so much more respect and custom than by simply saying

"I've not lost my arm, t'is merely a flesh wound"


Street View catches Finn with his pants down

Simon C

now the suit is due...

i would give serious monopoly money for the prosecutors to start the proceedings with

"members of the jury, we wish to defend your right, should you so wish...to hang out...with your wang out.........."

Directgov kids' site apes explosive gay porn brand

Simon C


One's a Dog with a Sheriffs badge that Guides Kids around the Site.

The other is a Man with a Site that Guides people around his....well you get the picture.

who needs comedy shows....

only real 'normal' life can come up with magic like this.

Amateur goof makes Twitter account hijacking a snap

Simon C

firefox memory hog

Actually the memory issue tends to be related to No-Script - as much as I love the blocking add-on, I do find I purge my whitelist every 12 months or so for a performance boost.

Under vanilla operation FF runs about 20-30 meg,....currently with my NoScript whitelist it runs at 76. (whitelist contains about 280 entries)

3D TV: Minority interest for years to come

Simon C

If the porn industry ....

adopts 3d tv, then expect the takeup of 3dtv to be greater.

Regardless of your morale stance with regards to the porn industry, you can't deny the fact that its a massive driving influence in the technology stakes.

MoD awards £540m extension to DII

Simon C

I'm more concerned about this bit.....

"Davies told Parliament on 19 January 2010 that the cost of the whole programme,....<snip> remains unchanged at £7.1bn. He added: "DII is on track to deliver estimated benefits to the department in excess of £1.6bn over the 10 years of the contract."

Now providing I'm not reading this incorrectly, but that is 1.6bn OVER 10 years and not 1.6bn per year over 10 years...

I can imagine the comments from our board if I proposed anything costing that much with such little return.

Surely you want complete ROI within 3-5 years...

Avatar renders this earthly life meaningless

Simon C

oh dear

looks like Darwin awards may have their yearly quota in a month or two.

I've yet to see Avatar and its nice to see that people are experiencing the film as I expect James Cameron (initials JC - coincedence?) hoped it would be.

But what keeps movies magic is that when the lights go up and the auditorium empties, you are back in real life.

I'm often morbidly amused by people and their death rantings.....I find it amusing that people's hold on reality is so stretched that these people are broken by a bloody movie.

Billie Piper hooks up with Belle de Jour

Simon C
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so eloquently put

like it was ripped from the scribblings of Wordsworth, Shakespeare or Pratchett ;)

a new keyboard if you may my dear sir.

Better Place talks up DONG-powered e-car scheme

Simon C

in other news

Festive travellers are in for some serious tailbacks within Central London (moreso than usual).

A driver braking hard to avoid the car in front, skidded on ice and crashed into the newly installed Car Charging station.

Police have described the incident as a Dong Ding.

Ladies put off tech careers by sci-fi posters, Coke cans

Simon C

Could it be simply down to primal attributes?

Its often accepted that men are inherently problem solvers, and work in a logical format.

Women are little more airy fairy, ruling by emotion and are inherently less prone to be problem solvers.

These are typical primal attributes.

They certainly are not exclusive to either gender, but may have a simpler way of explaining the IT divide.

There are certain job classes that are dominated by women, Nursing/Caring for one. Other classes are dominated by men, mechanics, IT.

I would just wish the PC brigade would get of its high horse of "must fulfill XXX quota of <choose differing party> to show we are a PC industry". Its a crock of horse manure.

As someone said earlier , the job is what it is.., stop window dressing. The women who want to be in IT, will do it, regardless of decor, the men who want to be nurses will do so regardless of emasculation fears.

I couldnt give two hoots what breed the person across the desk is, provided they can do the job, and are a semi-decent co-op/DM player.

Other than that..

LHC pulverises previous record: 2.36 TeV surprise collision!

Simon C

that would be an awkward return sale

Yes, erm God/Ethereal Being/Cthulu/Whoever,

This erm...wow this is embarrassing...

this Universe you sold me, with its promise of a lifelong observation tank for the perpetuation of life...

well urm...


one of these life forms, well it kind of just broke the universe.

Can I exchange it for a new one?

No no no,..I dont want a refund, I just want one thats not going to fail.

Ok thanks

Appreciate that God/Ethereal Being/Cthulu/Whoever, I'll be sure to tell my friends about you.

PGP disk encrypt approved by MoD for military use

Simon C
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Physicists assemble world's smallest snowman

Simon C


I've created the first adamantium fork......

only its not created of adamantium, its made of blu-tac.....

do I get a phsyics nobel?

Navy's £1bn+ destroyers set to remain unarmed for years

Simon C

perhaps the cook?

If he's a british Steven Seagal we may have an opportunity to end all wars...

PrevX U-turn on Windows update Black screen of Death claim

Simon C

I am actually surprised

that no one has highlighted the fact that the 'cause' of the B(lack)SOD was never picked up by a company that advertises "PC and Internet Security powered by the World's largest real time threat database..."!"

I expect that is why a defamation suite would not be forthcoming from microsoft. In terms of PR , Prevx have introduced the proverbial shotgun and foot.

They not only fail to detect the cause of these problems, but then incorrectly point the finger at Redmond, who THEN do the investigation and find lo and behold is some software a security firm should at least pick up.


/mines the one with the PR for Dummies in the pocket.

Porn app targets your Android

Simon C

in the narrowmindedness of the t'interwebs

you are labelled as such

"a smug b*stard"

Back on topic.

not a bad commercial application, if you are able to purchase the latest in orifice expanding or pleasure enhancing devices from the comfort of a coffee shop, or back of the cab (without having to whip the old fella - notebook - out).

interesting...now what was the url again.......

Bumbling NJ firemen, cops blown up in 'huge fireball'

Simon C

I can see it now.

Darwin, Eddison, Brunei and several other greats in the local boozer quaffing real ale, with Darwin regailing another tale of the ones that got away.

Darwinawards.com is twitter for stupid people.

Revealed: The amazing premise behind Ridley Scott's Monopoly

Simon C

Or was Sir Ridly Misquotes

and actually said

"Why do I have to be part of this movie?".

Lets be fair though, if faced with some of the more iconic films of our age as ideas on a notepad, there would be a certain element of cynicism about us.

Reading this "idea" promotes those same feelings, but lets not knock it too much, that kills peoples creativity.

I doubt it'll be a "classic", but could be entertaining and one to take the kids too perhaps...who knows?

Aussie atheists knocked offline

Simon C

could it have been

The Australian peoples front?

or perhaps....the peoples front of Australia?


Man dissects Apple's Magic Mouse

Simon C

Shock horror - magic, isnt magic

seriously, what did you expect to find underneath the casing.

a feverish army of translucent (but lightweight) elves doing your fingers bidding with a multitude of levers and buttons?

or perhaps raw concentrated magic....the likes of which Apple could have used to power the bloody device, rather than rely on oldy worldy tech such as the double A.

Im not a Mac user - I dont drive a prius or constantly smell my own guffs, but I have to hand it to their sense of innovation.

IBM, Microsoft, HP named nimblest negotiators

Simon C

O rly?

[quote]Our primary goal is therefore to encourage the spread of good negotiation practice[/quote]

Position yourself as a monopoly and bully your target into submission.

Excellent negotiation practices there.

It would be interesting to see the result of this report if performed 20 or so years ago.

I can't say these companies are bad...they have done what it takes to become the leaders of their respective areas, operating morals beside.

But now to say they are great at negotiating, is it not disimilar than saying a thug with a gun asking for your valuables is also a fantastic negotiater....

How about I give you Mr Thug my wallet without its contents, will that do?

No...what if you keep the cards then, the cash is mine?

Whats that? If I want to live, to give you everything...hmm, let me see what other offers there are?

These companies dont negotiate, they bully.

Care assistant sacked over porn shop internship

Simon C

@ AC 14:34

Sir Runcible was probably reciting the conversation verbatim.

As the converser was Dutch, he should be forgiven for taking the queens in vain and not be strapped to a vessel and birched to an inch of his life m'lud.

Stop with the pedantry.

MoD 'How to stop leaks' guide leaks

Simon C

How to stop leaks no. 3

Dont handover documents to the journo doing an investigative piece of behalf of the WIKI Observer.

Google Wave: Testers line up for the love-in

Simon C

Watched the presentation

gotta say, it wet my appetite.

Im not developer, purely an end user, but it looks so useful and as plugged in the demo the odd thing is, is that its ALL done via a browser.

got great potential for both business and personal use.

damn you google, give me my god damn invite.

MoD pays quadruple in money + blood for Afghan helicopters

Simon C

@ Geoff Spick

Fair comment I suppose.

Buying new black hawks (28 of) would save us $56m,

a) use a portion of that for an immediate training budget = win

b) contract established pilots for that aircraft = win

c) do both = win win.

Choose either a, b or c and you've only scratched the surface of that $56 million saving pot.

Conservatively (based on no accuracy) I'd say $25mil to cover all training bases etc....still leaving a whopping $25 back into the taxpayers coffers.

Nation's parents prepare to be vetted

Simon C
Big Brother

Is this government beyond subterfuge?

I mean vetting all people who look after kids is one way of quickly and easily populating an ID database...

James Martin apologises for cyclist outrage

Simon C

@ Lukewarmdog 09:08

I was not aware the HA have traded in the trademark leather outfits and Chopper motorbikes for Spandex and Raleigh Grifters

Israelis offer unmanned robo smart-missile 8-pack

Simon C

Why don't we do away with warfare completely

instead resolve disputes and conflicts by having a scalextric race, or even better a worldwide robot wars event.

they can put all their tech into one mofo that even Craig Charles would have to be impressed at.

Have to play it in the desert somewhere so as to avoid the nuke fallout when the hari-kiri mode on the robots is flicked.

Boffins in 'let's create black holes in the lab' jape

Simon C

May I be the first to say

Desktop black hole ?.....that'll be Windows then.

Twitter transformed into botnet command channel

Simon C
Paris Hilton

@ AC 01:02

Why give the AV vendors a free ride?

Seriously the law enforcement (in whatever guise that maybe) had a duty to stop these botnets as quick as possible, stopping many people falling victim to its attacks and other dubious uses.

Allowing the control channels to stay open, provided the AV vendors with revenue streams.

IF the AV vendors are as good as they say they are, they should be working to provide solutions without having the control channels open - ergo they should be monitoring them way before the law closes them down.

To provide another analogy, its like police allowing a money-counterfeiting gang to keep operating just so that the companies that detect the fake notes can keep protecting the customers who buy their products. - What about the customers who DO NOT buy their products?

Nah, Im fully in favour of killing it at source.

But this just goes to show that AV vendors are running out of steam and can't provide solutions that dont run your system at 90% cpu and max ram just to compare files against a database all the time.

/paris because word is she doesnt run out of steam.

TMS wins flash bragging crown with 100TB monster

Simon C

@ Columbus

Come now Columbus, I feel you are being overtly harsh toward the Redmond Beast. Had you said "upgrading to next version of Windows WITH Office" I think your comment would be more justified.

But you'll find disk space lacking as soon as you go to Windows Update.

Ridley Scott signs up to direct Alien prequel

Simon C


I like the idea of a prequel - what I dont like, is it sounds awfully like the studios have run out of ideas and looking for a rehash - in which case it may be a turd-spurt.

Additionally who said Humans have to involved at all. Can they just not create a race of humanoid aliens in addition to the alien alien, what transpires is an alien on alien alien encounter - which if your head is hurting at the thought of a synopsis about alien aliens on alien aliens, I'm sure the alternate Hollywood has a budget version - google search methinks.

Anyhow, mines the one with the pulse rifle in the pocket.

Microsoft's Windows 7 price gamble - and why it's flawed

Simon C

RE: Jason 7 @ 9.59

What you are stating people change in 5 years (mobile, laptop, car etc) cannot be compared with what MS are releasing.

Lets see why.

Mobile - New mobile offers features that previous mobile did not have - par example, my old mobile was no effective on the web, so I changed it for one that was.

Laptop - Offers features not on previous laptop - I store a lot of image and play some AAA games. My previous laptop wouldnt run them, but my new laptop has lots of storage and can run all the apps/games I want.

Car - Well my old car was a rust bucket and needed some more work, so cheaper for me to buy a new one.

My point is that MS software be it Win 7/8 whatever, at present does NOTHING different than Win XP.

Fancy windows...ooh nice...right the value has been earned and lost.

Quicker bootime - inconsequential and also hardware dependant.

Will run on existing hardware - but not quite as good as the current occupant (win xp)

Quick clicks for stupid people - Win XP was dumbed down NT/2000, imo doesnt need dumbing down anymore.

So there you have it, the key reasons to upgrade dont give me any value whatsoever and does nothing over and above what my current incarnation does.

I too, fail to know these people who buy the upgrades. With many tech colleagues and quite a range of family, I know that MS wont be earning upgrade $$ from my corner of the world.

Why dont they go down a license fee format. Pay an annual cost ($20 a year say) and you get all versions, patches, upgrades etc.

You want more packages, nps, just pay an extra $5 a year for office.

At least you'll obtain a source of income rather than HOPING people will by teh product. - because at present, the only product people are buying IS the computer.

Blackpool acts to avoid fall of Pericles

Simon C


In terms of IT the statement "is rushing to find a replacement" is most certainly an oxymoron.

Rushing to find an adjustable spanner - sure pretty generic

Rushing to find a car - again pretty generic, all the added bits are superfluous to the fact that it can drive.

Rushing to find an IT system - now there's a timebomb just ticking down.

If there had been closer links with the developers of the software, you would have at least got wind of the software roadmap and where it ends, prompting a more thorough investigation into a suitable replacement.

And if the reg hack is not sensationalising the report (ala Daily Fail) and they are rushing - then Epic Fail is only a short time away.

/schhtop - the product specification is not ready yet.

Breathe Networks asks for euthanasia

Simon C

I remember when

I used to be part of the rank of the helpdesk back in the late 90's.

It was a laid back affair, in keeping with its trendy image and obnoxious clientele,

Duke Nukem was played across the 10-12 computers there, until some wise man decided to play with an Exec behind him - brilliant.

Then came the great decision to start hosting certain gay mail addresses - cant remember for the life of me the domains.

It particularly sticks in my mind as I was asked by one unnamed customer to resolve an issue he had with collecting his email.

Turns out his pop account was chocka block of the sort of gay porn even a liberal person like myself had to wince at.

Needless to say my jumping ship (along with a host of others) was well timed, 12-18months later they were in the pan and shipped off to GUS.

However I will always have a fondness in my heart for Breathe - for that was my first foray into the tech world which up until recently became a 10 year career.

RIP Breathe, you were sh1t but we loved you.

Vulture Central unleashes RegPad™

Simon C

you were onto a winner

until you mentioned phorm.

/esc icon for obvious reasons.

Brown to Sugar: 'You're hired'

Simon C

Despite all the negativity thrown to Sir/Lord/ Alan..

theres one or two things thats not been taken into account.

a) In the form of Harry Enfield - He is considerably richer than yau.

b) he may be a bully, but sometimes thats what business needs to keep going. All the calls about his business practice and lack of business acumen seem to be based on very little.

Last I looked Sir Alan was worth about 800 mill, with his fingers in many different pies.

how many here can attest to such achievements?? - didnt think so.

As for joining the labour squad, I dont think its a good move, but all the best to him.

Geeks make least selfish lovers: Official

Simon C

So the moral appears to be

care less, feck more.


Yorkshire boozer establishes 'smoking research centre'

Simon C

@Richard "I wish all non-smokers were like....

One non smoker does not mind the stench and poison that fills the air. Sure its a choice.

But the analogy I use when describing designated smoking/non smoking areas under the same roof is people pissing in a swimming pool

The undesirable ends up in your area regardless of efforts to reduce it.

Id support individual rooms, that are hermetically sealed.

Since the ban I've actually frequented more pubs than before the ban.

Jedi officers enlist with Scottish police

Simon C

So many jokes so little time

I would anticipatet that some of the G20 police are members of the religion, as there are various videos about showing their use of the force.

heres a question. Why are police allowed to show relgious affiliation but not political affiliation?

/mines the one with the lightsaber in the pocket.

Nork splash shot snapped by passing satellite

Simon C

Norks & Splash shot

As the once great Admiral Ackbar once said


the honey trap was set and looks like it snared a few "predators", is this one of Wacky's new tactics for filling up her database?

/mines the flasher mac

Bacon sarnies cure hangovers: Official

Simon C

Re: The Best Cure For A Hangover...

@Sarah Bee

Drink Appletise or some apple based carbonated liquid between booze

1) avoiding the hangover

2) tell mates it cider, extra brownie points for allegedly mixing drinks

3) have bacon sarnie as reward


Laptop facial recognition defeated by Photoshop

Simon C
Paris Hilton

I truly am amazed

that prosthetics have not been mentioned.

surely facial recognition is something that can be easily circumvented by the careful application of facial prosthetics.

Additionally how many celebrities have lookalikes that make money from the originals fame? Facial features while unique, the general look and shape of your face could be shared with many other people.

Paris, because she loves the prosthetics.

Kamikaze ballooning Brazilian soars to Darwin Award

Simon C

@ is it just me

at a tragic accident, possibly.I remember laughing @ the colin mcrae jokes.

at a death occuring due to someones inate inability to process simple common sense - certainly.

death should provide some comfort to others.