* Posts by DailyLlama

193 publicly visible posts • joined 16 May 2016

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'What's the point of me being in my office, just because they want to see me in the office?'

DailyLlama

Re: Contract clauses

My "office hours" have not changed while I've been working from home. My work laptop lives in my spare bedroom/office, and does not come out of there unless I'm going to the physical office building.

I do not go into that room before 9am, or after 6pm. Those are my contracted hours, I do not get paid overtime, thus no overtime happens.

UK comms regulator rings death knell for fax machines

DailyLlama
WTF?

Much loved???

By who?

PC component scavenging queue jumper pulled into line with a screensaver

DailyLlama

I did exactly the same

to a colleague who had been to watch Man Utd lose the Champions League final to Barcelona.

I got approval from our manager first, and he was just as big a joker as me, so happily went for it.

He eventually asked me how to get rid of it after seeing the grinning Barcelona team as his wallpaper for two weeks.

BOFH: You want presentation layer, but we're physical layer

DailyLlama
Gimp

"They say they brought their MacBook Air in and you refused to take a look at it."

"Oh, I thought you said COMPUTER!" the PFY says.

It's not a computer, it's a fashion accessory.

*Where did the Paris Hilton icon go??

Chemical plant taken offline by the best one of all: C8H10N4O2

DailyLlama

Java installation

I arrived at work one morning to be greeted with the news that "someone tried to install Java on one of the MFD printers, and it didn't work".

As I was pre-coffee myself, it took me a while to work out what they meant. When I got upstairs, I found that someone had put a pint of freshly brewed coffee on the sorter unit of the MFD (cost ~£20,000), and proceeded to print out their days instruction booklets. Whereupon the sorted had duly started moving up and and down rapidly, and spilled the pint of coffee into the printer.

Fortunately this user was only a partial idiot, and had turned the printer off to prevent anything too bad from happening... so I separated all the parts I could, and we dried as much as we could with paper towels, and then I raised a ticket with our printe management company. Who turned up a couple of hours later, and miraculously, nothing had gotten inside it.

It did smell nice for a couple of weeks though!

Doctor gave patients the wrong test results due to 'printer problems'

DailyLlama

Re: Photocopier challange

This is an annoyance of mine. If you require instructions on how to use the parking brake, it's too complicated. Get rid of the stupid button, and put the big lever back in the middle of the car, where everyone knows what and where it is.

In a time before calculators, going the extra mile at work sometimes didn't add up

DailyLlama
Windows

Re: The d in £sd

Spare a talent for an old ex-leper?

Mouse hiding in cable tray cheesed off its bemused user

DailyLlama

We used to do this...

When wireless mice first came out. Except they only had two channels, so if more than two people were using them, everyone's equipment quickly becamse useless.

And for a joke, when you were bored, you'd just change the channel on your mouse and move it around a lot and wait for the cries of surprise and annoyance from your colleagues.

Even better were the keyboards. Change the channel, and type something like "This is IT, your account has been suspended for watching too much porn"

'I wonder what this cable does': How to tell thicknet from a thickhead

DailyLlama

We had a complete technophobe of a marketing director, back in around 2002, who never used his computer. He'd always come to us to dictate emails (despite none of us being secretaries), and when we asked him why, he complained that his computer was really old and slow. And to be fair, it was the last 486 in the building, so we ordered him a shiny new Pentium 3.

When it arrived, I took out his old computer, and he took the opportunity to rearrange his office a bit. Meaning that the new computer was now too far from the network port, and I needed to get a new cable. We didn't have any of the right length in stock, so I ordered some new ones, and told him that I'd be back to install the cable in the next couple of days.

Things happened, there was a weekend, and it was 6 weeks before he came back to me to say that his new computer didn't work... SIX WEEKS!

Reg readers tell us what they wanted for SysAdmin Appreciation Day

DailyLlama
FAIL

I got the same as most of you...

Absolutely sod all.

Microsoft warns Windows 10 patch broke printing for some

DailyLlama

I don't see the problem

Just get rid of all your printers, and it's all fine.

A character catastrophe for a joker working his last day

DailyLlama
Pint

The company I worked for acquired another smaller company, and after a few months closed them down, making everyone redundant.

When we turned up at the site to start collecting all the equipment up, one of the senior senior managers noticed a flashing light on a label printer, and asked someone what it meant. "Probably a paused print job", came the reply. So he pressed the button next to it, releasing a job of 5,000 labels saying "<company name> are c@nts!"

Highly amusing for everyone except the manager...

We've got a photocopier and it can copy anything

DailyLlama

That's so stupid...

...it's almost brilliant

This is the military – you can't just delete your history like you're 15

DailyLlama
Paris Hilton

It's happened to me a few times...

I was in my office one day circa 2001, and "someone" came in and put a Zip disk (remember them?) into the drive of a computer used by someone who wasn't in that day. Then went back to their own desk.

Then I noticed the activity light flashing a lot, and being a nosy bugger (and not trusting this person a jot), I opened Windows Explorer and went to the Zip drive, and found that the disk was filling up with images of women who had clearly gotten too warm, and decided to remove all their clothing.

Screenshots were duly taken (of filenames, not the images), and information sent to HR & Management, whereupon the user in question claimed that he was "copying it for a friend who didn't have internet access). Management then decided that even though there was a precedent of sacking people caught doing this kind of thing, that he merely merited a warning.

Rufus and ExplorerPatcher: Tools to remove Windows 11 TPM pain and more

DailyLlama

Re: Just goes to show..

"Why not just provide a mechanism to import group policies, convert them and apply them*?"

This, a million times over. Then my users who don't/don't know how/cba connect to the VPN will have their policies updated, and settings set.

A great day for non-robots: iOS 16 will bypass CAPTCHAs

DailyLlama

That's lovely, but...

When will they give me a way to block cookies without having to click on "Reject All" on practically every single website I go on?

BOFH: Tech helps HR investigate the Boss's devices

DailyLlama
Big Brother

Inspirational!

The BofH is a lesson for us all. Record every interaction with HR. And everyone else...

Teeth marks yield clue to widespread internet outage in Canada

DailyLlama
Paris Hilton

Thanks, I just had it stuffed!

Global pandemic was good for business, say UK infosec pros – but we're still burning out

DailyLlama

Re: Telling times

I think we can all agree that all politicians were asleep during their history lectures, otherwise they wouldn't keep making the same mistakes over and over again...

Original killer PC spreadsheet Lotus 1-2-3 now runs on Linux natively

DailyLlama

Never mind 1-2-3

Bring back Ami Pro! I loved that so much more than Word.

Microsoft exposes glue-free guts of the Surface Laptop Studio

DailyLlama
Gimp

I've used Surface tablets, and much like Macbooks, they're hugely overpriced, and just seem to be fashion accessories, rather than actual computers.

Netflix to crack down on account sharing, offer ad-laden cheaper options

DailyLlama
Megaphone

So many things wrong with the TV/Streaming model

It's partly due to naff content, partly that I've seen pretty much everything I want to watch from them over the last two years, and partly that although I have access to Netflix, Amazon Prime, Sky Movies and Disney Plus, there are still things that I can't get.

I'm not going to get any more subscriptions, especially when things disappear from them and someone else gets to decide what I can and can't watch. Everyone has suddenly decided that they need their own streaming service, and you can only view their content on that. I've had enough of them all, I want one service with access to all of them, so I can pick and choose the few shows/films I want to see, and not pay for all the rest of the dross that I will never watch.

Also, while I'm on a rant, how do Sky get away with charging you for access to channels, and then forcing you to watch adverts. If I'm paying for a service, I expect to get it without adverts. And if you insist on having adverts, then why am I paying for it?

Half of bosses out of touch with reality, study shows

DailyLlama

I don't know about anyone else

But they're going to have to pay me a lot more to get up early and sit in traffic again. Time for companies to realise that work/life balance has to include the commute time too.

BOFH: The Geek's Countergambit – outwitted at an electronics store

DailyLlama
Holmes

Poor Colin

I suspect we won't hear much from him again, as concrete is VERY good at muffling sound.

Allegedly.

BOFH: On Wednesdays, we wear gloves

DailyLlama

Clever writing

Not a single actual threat, just the power of suggestion!

Nothing's working, and I've checked everything, so it must be YOUR fault

DailyLlama

Several times...

The worst was a 400 mile round trip from Uxbridge to Newton Abbot to restart a server after someone swore they'd done it, only to find out they'd turned the monitor off and on again.

Boffins find way to use a standard smartphone to find hidden spy cams

DailyLlama

Re: Thunderbird 1 had camera detection years ago

"Apparently at the script meetings they'd occasionally consider rescuing Alan from orbit, but always decided too leave him there to wank himself to death."

Odd, I don't recall that particular storyline...

Let us give thanks that this November, Microsoft has given us just 55 security fixes, two of which are for actively exploited flaws

DailyLlama

Re: And they still haven't fixed network printing

No, the best fix for printers is to uninstall them, remove them from your offices, and use PDFs.

Say what you see: Four-letter fun on a late-night support call

DailyLlama

No, that was The Living Daylights, in 1987

Sharing is caring, except when it's your internet connection

DailyLlama

Re: "What the neighbours made of their sudden disconnection is . ."

I've had that with a Powerline network. Was using it for a few months until one day everything seemed really slow, and I couldn't see my media server. so I went to the router, and found it was for Sky broadband, which surprised me as I was with BT at the time...

Google emits Chrome 94 with 'Idle Detection' API to detect user inactivity amid opposition

DailyLlama
Holmes

Fixed it

I couldn't find it in settings, but a spot of googling (ironically), led me to this:

chrome://settings/content/idleDetection

Then "don't allow sites to know when you're actively using your device".

I would drive 100 miles and I would drive 100 more just to be the man that drove 200 miles to... hit the enter key

DailyLlama

We've all done it

I've had a 390 mile round trip from Uxbridge to Newton Abbot and back in a day, just to press return on a server. Mainly because this server was locked in a secure room, and I wasn't allowed to tell anyone on site the code for the door (the two people who did know were off sick or on holiday in the USA), and my colleagues in Chester worked out that I was closest to Newton Abbot, but only by a few miles.

Electron-to-joule conversion formulae? Cute. Welcome to the school of hard knocks

DailyLlama

Re: Ask the dog - it has an 80% success rate

I do that with crossword clues. The act of reading the clue out loud makes you hear it as well as read it, and a different part of the brain thinks about it and bam you have the answer, often before you've finished reading the clue out, which annoys/frustrates everyone who's listening.

Not too bright, are you? Your laptop, I mean... Not you

DailyLlama

Re: me too

Was that in Disaster Area's stunt ship?

A practical demonstration of the difference between 'resilient' and 'redundant'

DailyLlama

We've all done it...

Gone behind server racks and pulled plugs out with our backsides, only to find that the UPS was fine when plugged in, but miraculously failed as soon as power was removed, or even better, found out that the separate PDUs were both connected to the same UPS.

Oh! A surprise tour of the data centre! You shouldn't have. No, you really shouldn't have

DailyLlama

I got chewed out on a Friday morning once for not answering the on-call phone the previous evening.

It turned out that the pub I'd gone to do the quiz at was in a dead-spot for phone signal on the network that the on-call phone was using, so it never rang. I filed that information away for further use in case I didn't want to take a call again in future...

D'oh! Misplaced chair shuts down nuclear plant in Taiwan

DailyLlama
Holmes

Re: it was always the (dry) cleaner

"doesn't the icon look like somebody working in one of them places?"

Only if you've caught your cleaners rifling through your coat pockets...

What is your greatest weakness? The definitive list of the many kinds of interviewer you will meet in Hell

DailyLlama

Re: Dignity

I once interviewed for a lowly tech position at a financial company, and they made me go to Central London 5 times in total, getting through technical tests, interviews with various engineers, managers, and HR types, and on the last one spent two hours talking absolute nonsense about how great they were.

This was after 3 months of being out of work, so I put up with it, because I didn't feel like I had any other choice.

I had an interview for another company that afternoon. It lasted 45 minutes, and they called to offer me the job before I'd even got home...

Exsparko-destructus! What happens when wand waving meets extremely poor wiring

DailyLlama

Re: Tagline

You use that word a lot. I do not think it means what you think it means...

Microsoft releases Windows 11 Insider Preview, attempts to defend labyrinth of hardware requirements

DailyLlama

TPM

Does China still ban TPM chips on devices sold there?

If so, how is any PC in China expected to upgrade?

BOFH: Oh for Pete’s sake. Don’t make a spectacle of yourself

DailyLlama

Brilliant

All this gear should be mandatory to wear when politicians are on TV.

Stop. Look... Install Linux? The Reg solves Microsoft's latest Windows teaser

DailyLlama

wishes...

I just want them to get rid of all the Candy Crush style nonsense from Professional and Enterprise editions.

Give us a stable platform to work from, without all the home user junk in it. Not that I want it at home either, tbh...

Hubble Space Telescope sails serenely on in safe mode after efforts to switch to backup memory modules fail

DailyLlama
Mushroom

Re: Douglas Adams called it

Red Dwarf too:

Cat : Well, according to the Damage Report Machine, there are several small fires in the cockpit, lots of smoke and the Navicomp's fizzing.

[the Damage Report Machine explodes]

Cat : Oh, damn! Now the Damage Report Machine's exploded!

Do you come from a land Down Under? Where diesel's low and techies blunder

DailyLlama
Alert

Re: My first gig

This kind of thing is why I no longer fix people's personal computers on the side... *shudder*

We don't know why it's there, we don't know what it does – all we know is that the button makes everything OK again

DailyLlama

Re: Fighting thermostats

A site I worked at had two offices with individual AC units, but whose thermostats were somehow connected to the other office. User in office A decides that she is too cold, and turns the heat up, making office B too warm, where the user turns the heat down. Eventually, office A is near Absolute Zero, and office B is practically on fire, and neither user is happy...

After a few months of this, somebody figured out the issue, and the contractors were recalled to fix the problem.

DailyLlama
Terminator

Re: A Story about Magic

I was installing some spotlights on the front of my Ford Capri back in the day, and whilst holding the two lights in my hands, my brother connected one cable to the car, and they lit up.

I was wearing rubber soled trainers, and wasn't in contact with any other part of the car, so am at a loss to explain how this worked...

The common factor in all your failed job applications: Your CV

DailyLlama

Another important thing to remember...

Is to omit anything you don't want anything to do with ever again. For example, there's a particular Print Management software (Safecom) that I never ever want to touch again, even with your hands, so it's not listed on my CV, and never will be.

Just what is the poop capacity of an unladen sparrow? We ask because one got into the office and left quite a mess

DailyLlama
Mushroom

I say we pull back to the ship and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Protip: If Joe Public reports that your kit is broken, maybe check that it is actually broken

DailyLlama

Re: Civil service paying for excuses

I had a similar thing at a previous job. My tight-fisted manager ordered us all brand new shiny laptops, but decided to save £50 per laptop by not purchasing the built in WiFi cards, as none of our sites had wireless capability.

Less than 6 months later, she's signed an order for £100 per laptop to buy Cisco PCMCIA WiFi cards for us all, as all our sites were getting WiFi installed.

Can't get that printer to work? It's not you. It's that sodding cablin.... oh beautiful job with that cabling, boss

DailyLlama

Re: Printers are the Devil's work

We got away with the "Automated Reporting Systems Environment" for a good 6 months before anyone important noticed it.

We also got "T(company name) Information Technology System" past three very important people, before they showed it to someone as childish as us :-(

Strangely, they were all ok with "T(company name) Weekend Activities Team" as the name of the social club for over 10 years.

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