* Posts by Mr Larrington

400 publicly visible posts • joined 8 Aug 2007

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Miserable? It must be U

Mr Larrington
Unhappy

Bah!

My birthday is less than a fortnight away. Guees which one?

(mopes)

FCC unveils NudeTube

Mr Larrington
Thumb Down

Bunch Of Arse

Quite often I forget that eating dinner and watching "CSI" at the same time is a Bad Idea, but a naked botty wouldn't put me off my feed. The FCC needs to be sent to the camps for re-education.

Dallas man accidentally shoots self in head

Mr Larrington
Black Helicopters

Switzerland

Anonymous Coward writes: "Have you looked at Switzerland? [...] Total number of gun deaths? so low that official statistics are not kept because they know how to use them and be responsible."

Up to a point, Lord Copper. See, for example, http://www.spiegel.de/international/europe/0,1518,480545,00.html The Schnibbles are worried enough about their citizens shooting each other that they have recently banned the keeping of military ammunition at home.

Vote now for your top Bond movie title

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

OHMSS

Does exactly what it says on the tin. The film itself was a bit pants, but you can't have everything.

Man stumps record £375k for number plate

Mr Larrington
Dead Vulture

A fool and his money...

...are soon parted. Which probably explains why Bernie Ecclestone didn't bother (not to mention the fact that he's recently flogged practically the entire contents of his garage).

New Bond movie is Quantum of Solace

Mr Larrington
Thumb Down

@Robert Harrison

No, I, Cosmo Larringsman, thought "Casino Royale" was this: about forty minutes too long.

DC Comics to kill off Batman?

Mr Larrington
IT Angle

And?

Lawnmowers For Heroes, Comics For Zeros, as the poet sang.

Dwarves hidden in sports bags target Swedish coaches

Mr Larrington
Coat

Send for...

...Mr Justice Cocklecarrot!

ID cards delayed until 2012

Mr Larrington
Flame

Pop quiz, hotshots

Who said:

"We all suffer crime, the poorest and most vulnerable most of all, it is the duty of the government to protect them. But we can make choices in spending too. And instead of wasting hundreds of millions of pounds on compulsory ID cards as the Tory Right demand, let that money provide thousands of extra police officers on the beat in our local communities."

Time to storm the Winter Palace, comrades.

Three Little Pigs book deemed offensive to Muslims

Mr Larrington

Orwell

Animal Farm? Ban it! And while we're at it, get rid of "1984". It's too close to the Government's Five Year Plan.

Menks, the lot of of 'em.

Spirit discovers life on Mars

Mr Larrington

Yerrall wrong!

It's Lord Lucan. That bomber on the moon was getting a bit crowded with Elvis, Glenn Miller and Shergar.

Microsoft tries to CTRL-W WordPerfect lawsuit again

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Eh? Wot?

So was it Microsith's spell checker or WP's that allowed the word "Octover" into the graphic in the original story?

Home Sec in anti-terror plan to control entire web

Mr Larrington
Flame

Kill Them!

IIRC 'twas that well-known defender of freedom Vladimir Ilich Lenin who said "The purpose of terrorism is to terrorise". And a dictionary I consulted earlier defines "to terrorise" as "to fill with terror or anxiety; scare". And since the only outcome of this latest spewing of bollocks from the worthless snivellers at the Westminster Gasworks is to scare a few more people, why isn't the Smith woman already locked up in Holloway, married to the person with the most cigarettes?

Grrrr! I really am quite worked up about this.

Motor titans crowd aboard 'green' bandwagon

Mr Larrington
Boffin

My mate Pete...

...and I were discussing this the other week while driving from mid-Wales in the general direction of Londonton (at 61 mpg in my modest-sized diesel estate). I wondered why Toyota hadn't gone the whole hog and fitted the Pious with a diseasel engine instead of a petrol. Pete, who has recently forked out his hard-earned on a Pious, quoted chapter and verse of Toyota's spin, which boiled down to "it wouldn't work properly".

Cynic that I am, I remarked that the /real/ reason was that USAnians don't do diesel.

US boffins create darkest material ever

Mr Larrington
Black Helicopters

Big Pete...

...has it right. Eric Olthwaite's mum's black pudding has this stuff well beaten - it were so black, even the white bits were black.

Confidential details fall off the back of lorries

Mr Larrington
Unhappy

Whipps Cross Hospital, he say...

"A helpline has been set up to address any concerns from Whipps Cross University Hospital patients - this will be open tomorrow from 10am to 3pm (Friday 11 November)."

On an item posted to their website on January 10th. If they don't know when "tomorrow" is, one can hardly expect them to keep track of confidential data, and I hope to $DEITY that I never require hospital treatment while at home

Spam spewing printer attack pulps security

Mr Larrington
Flame

I suppose I too should be grateful...

...for the fact that the P.O.S. HP Laserjet 8100 which I am obliged to hit with a hammer a Several of times a day rarely keeps running long enough to fall victim to this.

When I rule the world, I will track down every single HP printer designer who ever lived, forcibly relocate them to Edmonton and feed them only with old toner cartridges and dead dogs.

Former beauty queen cuffed for torturing ex

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

She's doomed

`In court, Fulbright's attorney Tom Hartzell described his client as "a promising first- or second-year law student`

Dear lady, if your lawyer doesn't know whether you're a first or second year then you are almost certainly going to gaol.

Macworld invites kiddies to 'Make Bouncy Bouncy'

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Not The Nine O'Clock News

I like bouncing, boing, boing, boing,

Up and down until I get a pain in my groin.

Try to be happy, and when it really counts,

Turn into a rubber ball and bounce, bounce, bounce.

Says it all, really.

Asus Eee PC as 'hard to get your hands on as a Wii'

Mr Larrington
Pirate

Wii?

Easy to get hold of if you have a contact on the other side of the Channel and/or North Sea.

eBay: A tale of two listings

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

What would be amazing...

...would be if the vendor is still allowed access to ebay. A certain person whom I shall not name for legal reasons has been thrown off ebay for all eternity for the heinous crime of attempting to sell two discs containing twenty-five million names and addresses, property of HMRC.

HMRC mislays 1.5kg of Bolivian marching powder

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Easy

The culprit is the one who returns to work after Christmas with only one nostril.

Gollum to play Haddock in Tintin

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Tintin The Revolutionary

No, really.

http://tintinrevolution.free.fr/pages/image001.html

HMRC manual on data protection was protected data

Mr Larrington
Dead Vulture

Gagh!

Not even the BOFH's The Boss could be *this* dim :-(

Sysadmin admits trying to axe California power grid

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Wot Fraser said

Many years ago I toiled in the service of a bank. One day a mad Irishman and a pile of tape boxes combined to switch off the entire data centre at around five pm on a weekday. It took half a dozen BOFHs, a shedload of support and development bods and a Field Circus bloke all night and half the next day to get things back to where they'd been before Dave had his attack of brain fade.

The next day the Boss issued an edict that tape boxes were not to be stacked more than two high, and arranged for a mollyguard to be fitted to the Big Red Switch...

Privacy storm descends on Dutch health care database

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

At least...

...they haven't lost the data down the back of the sofa,

Kylie wraps herself round Dalek

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

BOGOF

'ere, Big Pete, send her back (by TARDIS, obv.) and you can have /both/ Minogue sisters...

PT, you are this: right.

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

A question

Am I the only person in here[1] to find Ms. Minogue about as alluring a Julie Andrews[2]?

1 - Britain, I think

2 - which is to say, not at all

Social networking and pron - together at last

Mr Larrington
Thumb Up

@Jamie Davis

Please send new keyboard!

w00t voted 'Word of the Year'

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

This is about as relevant...

...as the Grauniad bigging up "meh" as "The Word That's Sweeping the Internet". Yes, mate.

FWIW I first encountered "w00t" in 2003 and I'm sure it was a museum piece even then.

Boeing announces 'Laser Gunship' completion

Mr Larrington
Pirate

Talcum powder?

Why bother with the expense? I believe there to be plenty of sand in Iran.

(Peers nervously around for Jacqui Smith's Arrest-O-Bots)

Sat nav fingered in shock Arsenal defeat

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Let's see

A couple of hundred quid for TwatNav or a fiver for a road atlas? No contest.

MoD: Frontline troops must have silent Xmas crackers

Mr Larrington
Black Helicopters

WW2 all over again?

Does this tie in with Radiobonce's proposed WW2 austerity measures? ISTR Spike Milligan saying that in the opening overs of WW2, the Royal Artillery had to shout "BANG" in unison when training, due to a shortage of ammunition.

Brown knew data loss was disaster waiting to happen

Mr Larrington
Flame

You *will* have nothing to hide...

...because with this bunch of divs in charge of the ID database, the data will likely end up in the hands of $BADDIES approximately fifteen minutes after it's collected.

Shoot them and burn the bodies, say I.

Auction watchdog says eBay is illegal in France

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Colour me baffled

If you don't like Comet, or Ikea, or Tesco, then don't go there. How is egay any different?

I could potentially save shedloads of cash by buying Stuffs on ebay, but I choose not to because it's riddled with pikeys.

Catholic schism over mobile icons

Mr Larrington
Dead Vulture

Puts A Whole New Spin On...

...I See Dead People.

90mph police chief cops 42-day ban

Mr Larrington
IT Angle

@Anonymous Coward

"Check out http://www.safespeed.org.uk/ for the facts on road safety and speed."

Help, nurse! My sides! You forgot to put quotes around "facts".

Sperm-derived power system for nanobots patented

Mr Larrington
Pirate

They've been reading "Viz"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mickey%27s_Monkey_Spunk_Moped

Appraisals are dishonest, waste of time

Mr Larrington
Thumb Down

Total WOMBAT

My current employer has a self-appraisal system. The temptation to make up a load of old toot is this: strong. However, it's been buried at the bottom of my drawer for four months and no-one has yet noticed...

In a previous life, we had a form to fill in. Lots and lots of questions written in USAnian mgt-speak: Has the employee leveraged fully resources to improve customer-directed focus? Answers along the lines of "I'm a BOFH, I've been here five years and I've never even /seen/ a customer" cut no ice with the HR Droids, who ran the Gestapo a close second in their combination of stubbornness and bureaucracy.

Finally I escaped; fittingly the company was Borged by a German outfit.

World's oldest Roller goes for £3.5m

Mr Larrington
Coat

Three and a half million quid...

...for a packet of stale buns?

Sorry.

Brits declare Paris most pointless celeb

Mr Larrington
Dead Vulture

Going /way/ too far with this

Surely Heather Mills, who post-Macca has shown herself to be a fruitbat of the first order, should be up there with the likes of Jade Goody? The day I pay any attention to an asymmetric bint lecturing me about the calumny of eating meat from the dubious moral high ground that is a bloody great 4x4 is the day you prise the BACON sandwich from my cold dead hand.

Thank you, I feel better now.

UK justice ministry investigates non-updating of PNC

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Tch!

"Where any evidence of misconduct was found disciplinary investigations have been undertaken."

How about investigations into incompetence?

'Beer Hunter' lifts 40,000 pints of Guinness

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Budweiser?

Why?

Assuming it's the Leftpondian wee-wee, it's the only stuff I've ever drunk[1] which gets you from "sober" to "hung-over" without an intermediate phase of "pissed". Will no-one put a stop to this madness?

1 - small-town Leftpondia after Saturday night closing time, and someone else had bought the filthy muck

Mother of God seen on USB Flash drive

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Clearly...

...I need some new glasses, coz I thought it looked like a condom.

Feck!

DHS building handheld lobster spy-beam scanners

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Arthur Daley said it best

The world is your lobster, Terence!

Video games blamed for England Euro flop

Mr Larrington
Dead Vulture

@Anonymous Coward

"so is that why the us army uses console games ? "

Which seems to teach them how to blow up civilians and soldiers on their own side. Ah, what the hell, they can always press "Reset" and start again, er, hang on...

Anyway, foopball is a game for overpaid ponces and the worse England does at it, the less likely we, the populace, are to be confronted at every turn of our newspaper (remember them?) page by the doings of a pack of vacuous oaves with bad haircuts and their moronic squealing wives and girlfriends. This, boys and girls, can only be a Good Thing.

Tesco in X-rated Lawnmower Simulator shocker

Mr Larrington
Coat

Final Fantasy VIII????

Seems that Final Fantasys 1 through 7 weren't actually all that final after all, eh?

And to think people blame video games for the Shocking Decline in Standards of Literacy, Numeracy and the ability to kick a ball...

US judge debenched for jailing entire courtroom

Mr Larrington
Paris Hilton

Long long ago...

...when I was a small Mr Larrington, this sort of thing went on all the time at my skool. Never did me any $&*()%^** NO CARRIER

I'm sure it wouldn't have been beyond the wit of man to have all present searched, their phones examined and the owner of the one with the "Missed Call" wossname flashing balefully to be taken out behind the bins and given a good kicking, but judges the world over are renowned for their tenuous grip on reality...

Will Darling's data giveaway kill off ID cards?

Mr Larrington
Thumb Down

@AC

"I don't need my "freedom" protecting by self-important pricks like you lot."

Who else is going to protect your freedom? The Government?

Nurse, quick, my sides!

Helicopters: President buys British, Queen buys American

Mr Larrington
Joke

@Andy Goodair

"which country will Paris be buying her choppers from?"

Did Paris /ever/ have to pay for it?

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