Posts by Mr Larrington

Heathrow T5 security tackles Transformers t-shirt threat

I am tempted...

...to wear this one:

http://images.play.com/covers/3362036x.jpg

next time I have cause to fly somewhere (for those without a Junior Pocket Microscope model 3a, it has a tank on it, and the phrase or saying "To The Pub").

Fail.

BBC continues to milk great tits

Insert...

...obligatory Paris Hilton angle here.

UK to outlaw cartoons of child sexual abuse

@Luther Blissett

Strewth! There's a bloke down there with no strides on!

Ban this filth immediately and make the perpetrators live in Edmonton. And as for that Jodie Foster: Taxi Driver, The Verdict, Bugsy Malone etc. Where will it all end?

Russell T Davies bows out of Doctor Who

@Eponymous Cowherd

"There was also an exceptionally dire "alien invasion" mini-series (from the 1990's, I think). It started off with an alien craft being shot down by the RAF and ended with a giant, pulsating, mutant blob being nuked in the Scottish highlands. Can't recall the name but it was *truly* awful."

I remember that - $DEITY, I wish I didn't - and it was a bowl of dicks from beginning to end. Also the female lead looked like a hamster.

Is it therefore time...

...to revisit La Stob's sublime "Under Torch Wood"?

http://www.regdeveloper.co.uk/2006/11/06/torchwood/

I must confess to being somewhat underwhelmed by the Dokta Oho revival, the more so once the sublime Ecclescake was replaced by a gurning muppet. Also, there haven't been enough Daleks.

Welsh Darth Vader dodges jail

Whither these boxes?

If anyone can tell me from whence might be obtained these alleged ten-litre boxes of wine, I should be most grateful. My local horriblemarket only sells three-litre ones, which means I have to keep going to the kitchen.

Hic!

'Great tits cope well with warming'

BBC Devon...

...had one which read "Mass debate over mobile phone masts". Sadly it didn't stay there long.

Not quite up to the standard...

... of "Dr Fuchs off to Antarctica", but still pretty good.

Pasris, because, well, obvious really.

Jacqui Smith un-downgrades cannabis

Cannabis causes paranoia

Every time I smoke a spliff, I start thinking the police want to arrest me.

Isn't funny how, every time you think a new Home Secretary cannot possibly be any worse than the old one, it suddenly does...

Boris Johnson bans boozing on London transport

@Richard Drysdall

"I don't think I've seen a single drunk person in the 1 1/2 years I've been here."

That's coz there haven't been any British squaddies there since 1999...

Anyway, for my next birthday, a hip flask.

Air France pilot in white-knuckle near miss

Cockpit Visits

As a small Mr Larrington I visited the cockpit of a BOAC VC10 during a flight to Hong Kong. In the days before terrorism and in-flight films, there was bugger-all else to do...

Freesat launches in UK

Pffff!

Until they get Dave and Five US they can go and whistle.

Franco robbed Sir Cliff of Eurovision win

Yay! Go Generalissimo!

The Eurovision Song Contest is this: unmitigated shite. The Italians & Luxembougeois have the right idea.

Shell pulls out of Thames Estuary mega-windfarm

@Luke

"Margaret Thatcher invented global warming so she could bring nuclear energy to the UK."

Sorry, but the above is Clearly Bollocks. The UK had, by my reckoning, sixteen nuclear power stations connected to the National Grid when the Witch of Grantham was elected, with three more under construction. Only Torness, Sizewell B and (possibly) Heysham 2 were built under Thatch.

Police likely to ignore Brown's cannabis changes

@William

Equally ironic that his first name is an anagram of "drongo".

The bowl of dicks that is NuLabour has passed more legislation than any other gubbinsment in history, to the extent that neither they nor the polis seem to know what's legal any more. I'd like to think that should the Monster Raving Tory Party win the next general election, the first thing they'd do is can 2/3 of it, but that would be a prime case of hope triumphing over experience.

Paris, coz she's a Class A intellect in comparison with the average member of the gubbinsment.

Amy Winehouse pitches for Bond theme

My two penn'orth

A while back, I was mildly surprised to learn that Chris "Oo-er I've Got A Sore Throat" Cornell was to do the theme for "Casino Royale", and more surprised when it turned out to be one of the better parts of what was mostly utter bobbins. However, I'd pay over the odds to see a Bond James Bond film with Tool doing the theme song.

Sky One to resurrect Blake's 7?

@BKB

Hurrah, there's two of us. also, Servalan does nowt for me, not then, not now.

"She's Servaloi - obviously some sort of international space sausage" - Mrs Pingu, last week.

Coming soon: The Church of Googlology?

whambezi

"Your search - googlebollocks.com - did not match any documents."

(Is tempted)

Google tips hat to St George - finally

Last refuge of a scoundrel?

If TPTB want we ENGLISH to celebrate Will the Quill's birthday, how about giving us a Bank Holibob? We're woefully short of the things in comparison with FOREIGNERS.

Bond - Fleming expo opens at Imperial War Museum

@Solomon Grundy

Sadly, practically the only thing that the film "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" has in common with the books (for they were published as a series of three) is the name. Even as a small Mr Larrington I loathed the film from the depths of what passes for my soul due to its unutterable wetness in comparison with the written version. No gangsters, no guns, no explosions.

Bah!

@Hud Dunlap

The cover blurb of "Guilt Edged" by the improbable-sounding Merlin Minshall claims /he/ was the prototype for James Bond. Prior to joining Naval Intelligence (where he worked alongside Fleming) Minshall's unlikely escapades included crossing Europe from the Channel to the Black Sea in a barge-yacht, competing in the Le Mans 24 Hours and the Monte Carlo Rally and being the first person to cross the Sahara on a motorbike. Wartime exploits included attempting to block the Danube in Romania in order to cut off oil supplies to the Third Reich. He also warrants several mentions in Len Deighton's "Blood, Tears And Folly" - deighton wrote the foreward to "Guilt Edged" and his name appears on the cover in slightly larger letters than thos of the actual author!

Smith plans 300-strong force to tackle UK radicalisation

@Tonto

I /was/ on the London Underground on 7/7. And I missed the Harrods and Baltic Exchange attacks by a few minutes. I wasn't scared of the IRA then, and I'm not scared of self-styled "Islamic" terrorists now.

I /am/ scared of what the Government is doing to we, The People, in the name of counter-terrorism.

The missing five-minute Linux manual for morons

@Herby

"As for editors, my personal favorite was EDT for DEC boxes"

Would it be wrong of me to admit that I've been using the same heavily-customised version of EDT since 1985? Never could get on with EVE/TPU. Or Un*x...

Top-end Fords will be watching your rear

VAXhall Zafira?

And there was me thinking that a Vaxhall was an old-skool data centre.

BAA grounds Heathrow T5 fingerprinting system

AFAIK

they already started it in other bits of Heathrow. A couple of weeks ago a chap posted to a forum wot I frequent that he'd returned to Heathrow from Mexico via Madrid with naught but a BRITONS' passport to identify him, but on attempting to continue to Newcastle was obliged to be mug-shotted and have his dabs taken.

He was miffed.

Religious MPs get free vote on hybrid embryos

Barking

From the way the bishops have been reacting, you'd think that this time next year the streets would be awash with half-human half-warthog monsters, doubtless taking our women and our jobs. They won't.

The alien, because the bishops have been watching "The X-Files" and think it's a documentary,

Arthur C. Clarke dead at 90

So long Arthur

I really though you'd live for ever

Red Green Ken v Porsche in battle of the polls

Go Ken!

I live in London. I own a car. And I've paid the CC precisely once since it was introduced, life being too short to attempt to avoid it while doing Walthamstow-Old Kent Road in a hired Transit during the rush hour.

And AC above should note that the 90% discount does /not/ apply to all Londoners - see http://www.tfl.gov.uk/assets/downloads/CC-discount-residents-leaflet.pdf

Captain Cyborg plans to milk you, human scum

One day...

...he'll bugger up the wiring and fuse himself permanently to the National Grid. And I will laugh, and then have an ice-cream.

Paris, coz Captain Cyborg makes her look like Einstein.

'Boil a frog' ID card rollout to continue until 2012

Come 2012...

...perhaps we should all change our names weekly to Osama bin Laden / Kevin Phillips-Bong / Mahmoud Imadinnerjacket and keep applying for new ID cards until the system broke under the strain. Or just hunt down the idiots responsible for this farce and deport them to Uranus in three separate crates.

IT industry needs more women

@AC

YA Verity Stob AICMFP!

Microsoft officially 425 years behind the times

Feh!

How many Microsith employees does it take to change a light bulb?

Paris, coz even /she/ can figure this one out.

Minister defends National ID Register security

Another peach from the Gubbinsment

Ms. Hitllier said: "The passport database is certainly a very secure database. The average man and woman in the street are not worried about it."

We may not have been a year ago, toots, but we sure as hell are now. I'd like some kind of assurance along the lines of "If your personal details get out of this database, you are free to visit me at home and stab my spouse in the heart" please.

Odeon kicks Rambo in the 'nads

If only...

...they'd stuck more faithfully to the book's ending. Rambo dies.

Now I am irredeemably shallow, and thus my idea of a good fillum is something with lots of sex, violence and helicopters, but two Rambo movies was one too many.

I, Cosmo Larringsman, have spoken.

Drunken Korean attempts to cook landlady's Chihuahua

Half-time snacks

inna-Seoul-stylee:

http://www.legslarry.org.uk/Pikey/Korean_Food.jpg

Ban booze in supermarkets, says health adviser

@Ed

"I can't think of any state that doesn't restrict the sale of alcohol somehow"

As far as I can tell, the way drinkohol is sold in Nevada is pretty much the same as it is in the UK, viz. you can buy whatever you want from a horriblemarket or liquor store as long as you're old enough.

Paris, coz she can hold her liquor.

Fire extinguisher resolves German smoking dispute

Fart/Smoke

"Do you mind if I smoke?" asked Lady Phillipa, plucking an immense Meerschaum pipe and pouch from her crocodile handbag.

"Not if y'don't mind my wife throwing up." grunted Henry. Nonetheless, her ladyship stuffed the bowl with a nauseous rum-soaked shag called Périque, and lit up. Henry was half-cut and being important.

From Vivian Sanshall's sublime "Sir Henry At Rawlinson End", which DJ Random kindly played me on the way to work this morning.

Jane Fonda c-word slip shocks US

Makes me wonder...

...what sort of language is used in the typical USAnian school playground.

(Bangs head repeatedly on desk)

Five set to resurrect Minder

'er Indoors

...never appeared in the original.

Minder got poor in a hurry after Terry was replaced by a clothes horse; any further development will not be an improvement. Whoever came up with this idea should be deported to Uranus in at least three separate crates. 'urt, 'im, Terence.

Paris, coz even she's not dopey enough to come up with something this wrong.

Oz teen elephant pregnancy sparks protests

Feh

This sort of thing happens all the time in Swindon and nobody complains. FSVO "nobody", obv.

Students win appeal against cyberjihad convictions

@AC

"The B52s were bombing jungle - NOT population centres."

Not even Paris could miss the point that badly. How, then, did they manage to kill up to 100,000 people in Laos and a further 150,000 in Cambodia - http://www.genocidetext.net/us_violence.pdf?

Unless "collateral damage" doesn't count.

@Anonymous Coward

"Exactly when in the last 60 years has a city been carpet bombed, fire bombed, or nuked?"

If you want an example of Thee Military-Industrial Complex indiscriminately bombing the crap out of a civilian population, try Laos in the early seventies. Between 1971 and 1973 the USAF planted more ordnance on Laos than was dropped worldwide during World War II. You might also like to note the long-term effects of the use of Agent Orange against Vietnamese civilians: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2003/mar/29/usa.adrianlevy. I hope you're not maintaining that cluster bombs and chemical weapons are OK if used only against /rural/ types?

In the halcyon days before 11/9, historian John Keegan wrote "air power and international morality now march in step", but somehow I think he missed the irony.

English language succumbs to Symbiotic Ephemeralization

Is this a wind-up?

Coz if Jeltes Consulting

o really exist, and

o specialise in "Specialist Technology Consultants, Management Consultants, PC Network Design & Implementation, PC Programming, Internet Design"

one might just possibly expect them to have their own web-site. And I fon't think my Google-Fu is /that/ bad...

BBC excludes Grange Hill after 30 years of misbehaviour

@Matt

Tucker's Luck featured the continuing wossnames of Tucker, Tommy and Fat Al as a bunch of workshy ne'er-do-wells and astonishingly[1] ran for for three series. It worries me that I possess this information.

Google Image Search for Allyson Rees is a rubbish.

1 - because it was this: crap.

M&S flogs lingerie model with 'durable hardwood feet'

Hardwood feet...

...are, I trust, not bloody freezing when she gets into bed.

Freeview lobby cries foul on Ofcom HDTV plans

@AC up there ^

While you're at it:

Mandate to ensure that the picture doesn't fall off the screen every time someone up the road is having a fucking pizza delivered :-(

Dutch fire up petrol-pumping robot

24 Hour Garage People

I only came in for a tube of Pringles

Sour cream & chives.

As a member of a motley bunch of cyclists who are wont to frequent petrol stations in the still watches of the night, I should like to assure the trade that I ain't coming anywhere near one of those things on a bicycle.

Pod slurping licks a*se antlers to claim Oz word of the year

Could be worse

Could be "w00t"

Veggies a 'perversion of nature': Official

It's Russia...

...and if anyone there actually /found/ a fresh vegetable, they'd make it the lead story on "News At Tenski".

It's fridat, it's 09:30, it's BACON time!!

California deploys dope-vending machines

The Straight Dope

I have a chum in northern California with a prescription.

For Attention Deficit Disorder...