* Posts by Dion R

29 posts • joined 8 Aug 2007

'Rowdy' rectal extraction op vid hits YouTube

Dion R


"Boldly goin where no other CAN has gone before" more like it ...

"Hey, where's Mr Soreanus?" - Ahh, he's gone for a few cans - err - tinnies ... ahh whatever.

But seriously, imagine if the spray deployed while it was mud-up...he's shit's woulda been attractin all the ladies, like on them deoderant advertisements.

I'm pretty sure I had a hat that went with this jacket....

Polish builder sacked for humping hoover

Dion R

Kinda reminds me of....

A story el reg ran a while back with a dwarf ...


This is starting to become a trend - el reg running bits on vacuumed knobs... now for your next breaking news scoop - put the 2 together ... polish builder superglues dwarf to his hoover then vacuums his undies....

I'll go now ... the green one please.

Dallas man accidentally shoots self in head

Dion R
Thumb Up

@George Johnson

Get off your soap box .... err soap bar... :)

Dion R
Dead Vulture

Chip off the ol' block.....

Dickheads like this should use rubbers ... well, rubber bullets anyway - not that it woulda mattered close range...

US man sets himself on fire and cuts off his own arm

Dion R

This one goes hand in hand with ....


I think these guys should get together, as then, and only then, will the right arm know what the left arms upto ...

But in all reality ... why didn't he just shoot it with a 12 gauge ... that works with stuck wheel nuts and the occasional texan attorney :)

Employee sacked for texting in sick

Dion R


I wonder if his boss sent him a classic "your fired" via text message in return....

Crime-busting gator kills Florida fugitive

Dion R
Dead Vulture

Is this what they mean when...

ol'mate comentator dude on that Maximum Exposure show used to say something about being caught in the jaws of the law... bleh

Monkey butlers a step nearer as boffins clone macaques

Dion R
IT Angle

Where's the IT i hear you say...

At least the C++ monkey may be a thing of reallity, I hear it can manage object-oriented programming,Visual C++, even some Java .... There's always a tech angle on ALL of El Reg's stuff if u just read between the lines.

I think these people have finished dry cleaning my coat now...

Dion R

Smell no evil.

Macaques are theiving little buggers,they'll take anything they can lay mitts on. Just think, they are gunna clone em, George Dubya will be the chief big banana, he'll send the theiving lil buggers into the middle east, and all they'll do is advance up the scale to theiving cars n doing drive-by's with their explosive turds.

I can see it all now, to deflect attention from the Iraq Macaque debarkle, the president will appear on the tonight Show riding a unicycle.

Dion R

I wonder....

Now that I can get macaque cloned, i wonder if i could also get it enlarged?

Hat ... coat

Boffins refine mind-to-prosthetic link

Dion R

@ Anonymous Coward

Thats a good summary of the process of taking a shit, however, Lets say, some poor bugger with his prosthetic sphincter (highly unlikely, i know, but for arguments sake) is out in public and he steps in dogshit, or even dodges the dogshit whatever, and he thinks to himself, "shit, i almost stepped in ..." but by then, the magic word has been thought of, and he's shat himself not once, but twice.......

Wouldn't that shit ya...

Dion R

Bad luck if...

One had a prosthetic arse, just think.....and shit yerself,

US man blasts stubborn wheelnut with shotgun

Dion R

a Lincoln Continental eh

They should rename / rerelease the car model, I think the Cheney Continental's the shot !!

Man who urinated on dying woman for YouTube glory jailed

Dion R

I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire?

/start kelvin

Let alone at all, but u guys in the UK are a bit closer to Germany than we are :)

/end kelvin

Dead dog floors 68 Namibian villagers

Dion R

thats what u get fou hounding the chef

that's just poor taste, shame on me!

I'll be spending the night in the doghouse after that one, i'll be needing that coat, ta!

Dion R

ooops, forgot my hat.

Ahh, leave em alone, they were just making mutt'n :)

keys:check - wallet:check. front door:check

Dion R

When the dog snarfed it

the villagers all barfed it?


dog took his last bark, and made em all kark?

ok ok, i'll go now

Dion R
Dead Vulture

Gettin to the nitty gritty ... err ... for dinner

if only this happened over in the sub-continent, as then you might have a tech angle on it folks...a faulty sub-woofer pounds out bad (soup) base to 68 villagers...

TAXI !!!

Sign up for our virtualization e-Symposium or we'll kill a puppy

Dion R

Ahh lester, go on, kill that dog

Then ya can feed it to the blokes over at namibia, a feed of healthy pup might fix em up.

Drunken Indian elephants take on electricity pole

Dion R
Dead Vulture

How many elephants does it take to screw up 20,000 lightbulbs??

only 6!!!

But I do hear they put on a pretty decent BBQ ...

I'll Pachy my bags now i think.

Delhi's deputy mayor killed by monkeys

Dion R

Andrew Symonds?

Well, you smelly buggers, don't come asking to borrow Andrew Symonds when you need that bigger monkey.....Dheli... why don't u live up to the name, and have a few end up in ur Deli's?

Nuff said...

International manhunt tracks pedophile suspect to Thailand

Dion R

Coulda saved everyone the time.....

I shoulda just "outted" this dude from the start .... It's MOBY.... thats right folks .... MOBY... Bodyrock yo !!!

iPod Nano in airport trouser conflagration horror

Dion R
Dead Vulture


Ever set a fart on fire? ... with a nano?????

Aussie bin Laden penetrates APEC security

Dion R

@ Phil

Ahh Phil,

I guess not being in the UK, a lesson on someone who used to be on telly here was quite a read,and honestly, Jasper Carrot isn't big here in Australia, as suggested by some "anony-twunt" earlier in this thread..

Now if I said Geirdie, maybe I generalized a little, like some of the "convict-bash up" simpletons over there do, and i appologise prefusely :)~ ,I now feel at least a few IQ points brighter, and enlightened, for knowing the origin of Jasper Carrot. Phil, Jolly good show old chappy!!

Dion R

Carrot, straight no chaser.

"Jasper is worshipped in Australia. They look up to him like some sort of cargo cult god after some of his videos washed up there"

Ok, i'll tell you this, Rolf fkn Harris is more popular there than Jasper Carrot is here.

The Carrot used to appear on television, all of what, 12-15 years ago, lasted a season or 2, and was never seen again - that droll, geordie english humour? ur havin a giraffe surely...

Next Up, the Chaser dudes did use fake ID's - yet they made them that ridiculously fake, that one look would have informed a half educated security check-point operator that they were fake - the passes had "The Chaser's war on everything" written all over them - the very word "war" should have set a few alarm bells ringing.

Ahh well, off to grab a few jasper carrot DVD's - oh hang on, we don't have DVD yet in Australia, i'll take the wombat out for a walk instead - fooowells...

Republicans hammer Brit artist's Bush

Dion R

If you look closely.......

You can see a bit of jizz on his chin! - Well, that was last time i saw him on telly anyway...

But i guess, the artist made him into a useful bush - err, several of em - cue gecko gloves !

New underclass dossing in Japan's net cafes

Dion R

Ahh well ...

They could start having LAN wars ... throw a job application on the network n let em fight for it ... This could be a new japanese game show !

Finns dominate mobile-chucking contest

Dion R

I suppose this is expected....

But why wasn't Russell Crow issued with a "wild card" entry into this comp... he woulda been the champ !

World Poker Tour goes, er, global

Dion R

Im all in ......

to enter a WPT main event it costs $10K(US) yet WPT have decided to goto China, have a string of events where presumably, it would cost nothing to enter, and they couldn't offer cash prizes ... WPT freeroll China, All in Leeeeeeeroooy !!!

Hardly seems worth WPT's time and effort if you ask me.


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