* Posts by PB90210

82 publicly visible posts • joined 14 Dec 2015

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The last mile's at risk in our hostile environment. Let’s go the extra mile to fix it

PB90210

Nah... just take away their 5G-enabled phones

Forget TikTok – Chinese spies want to steal IP by backdooring digital locks

PB90210

Re: Ah, Physical Security

A while back there was a story about a gang who communicated using a homebrew crypto that turned out to be so crap that it was less foolproof and more proof-of-fools.

(in Excel iirc)

UK minister tells telcos to share telegraph poles if they can't lay cable underground

PB90210

Wow... Gigabit telegrams!

Samuel Morse would be so proud

Rancher faces prison for trying to breed absolute unit of a sheep

PB90210

Checks calendar... nope, still a couple of weeks away!

PB90210

Re: "captive hunting operations – aka shooting sheep in a barrel"

Then there was Napoleon and the rabbits...

A guy wants to set up a bunny hunt so Napoleon and his pals could have a little fun, so he rounds up hundreds bred by the local farmers... but they don't scatter, as wild ones would do, they advance on the king and his nobles expecting to be ticked and fed carrots... Napoleon retreats to his carriage

Climate change means beer made from sewer water, says North Carolina brewery

PB90210

Re: "Climate change means beer made from sewer water"

Bud has a bad effect on me, but luckily my (former) local kept a stock of bottled Budvar... until AB leant on the suppliers to enforce their 'trademark' and they could no longer supply Budvar to pubs that had Bud/Bud Light as their main beer.

Yes, 'former'...

BOFH: I get locked out, but I get in again

PB90210

Re: German tomfoolery

Sigh... Trying to convince whippersnappers that you can't use '£' in a password as it's used by a Cisco router that only understands 7-bit USASCII...

PB90210

Re: Your mission, should you choose to accept it...

Trouble is Schubert heard "Can't Get You Out Of My Head" and never managed to finish his 8th...

They call me 'Growler'. I don't like you. Let's discuss your pay cut

PB90210

Re: Depends on your definition of growler I guess.

Q why is a pint of Watney's Red Barrel like making love in a punt?

A 'cos it's effing close to water

(when they dropped the name it completely vanished overnight, such was its popularity)

Cops visit school of 'wrong person's child,' mix up victims and suspects in epic data fail

PB90210

Re: Thats ok then

"Since your signature won't change"

When did you last sign something?

I had enough trouble remembering the PIN associated with my swipe card that I use day-in-day-out on a 'foreign' door a while back... figuring out how to duplicate my own signature is a nightmare

On the other hand, I once watched a woman sign a cheque by simple going left-right-left-right a few times leaving a thick line... she could have just used a thick felt tip to save time

Multiple billions up for grabs as UK government launches cloud services tenders

PB90210

Re: Small Government

"The government is only there to decide who gets the pork."

You meant to say 'which of friend/bloke down their pub' gets the job

PB90210

Re: seeking a tech firm to help public bodies "transition to cloud software or hosting services."

"transition..."

From ancient mainframes, faxes, and parchment and quill

But mainly all those temporary patches cobbled together over the years to interface between incompatible systems

BOFH: In the event of a conference, the ninja clause always applies

PB90210

A Maria's bacon sandwich was to die for... soggy white bread; catering bacon cooked by her husband, in stained 'white' vest while smoking a ciggy; smear of catering 'butter'; cut by the fearsome Maria herself using a ancient knife like a stiletto due to years of sharpening... heavenly!!!

The place, just off Warren St, is sadly long gone, but it did sustain many a worker back in the 70s/80s

PB90210

Surely outclassed by the Ferengi... even a disinterested, jet-lagged, teething Ferengi child...

Google Maps leads German tourists to week-long survival saga in Australian swamp

PB90210

Re: Danger maps

I was walking the Thames path and noticed that when I got to Hammersmith Bridge, to cross the bridge, Google said I would have to go up a side street and make a couple of hundred yard detour rather than climb the steps in front of me

(The whole bridge disappeared a couple of years ago when it was closed to traffic due to metal fatigue, leaving just a pier in the middle of the river... now the bridge is back and although it doesn't appear to say it is still closed to cars it does route traffic over other bridges)

Are you ready to back up your AI chatbot's promises? You'd better be

PB90210

Re: I'm not a Luddite, but

Already taken by His Muskiness

Judge slaps down law firm using ChatGPT to justify six-figure trial fee

PB90210

"Cuddy Law Firm is well advised to excise references to ChatGPT from future fee applications."

Not to stop using it though, just not to admit to it...

Nokia brainwave turns cell towers into cash cows with backup batteries

PB90210

I would have thought most telco sites are only going to have a couple of hours of battery to tide them over in case the diesel gen dies

Developer's default setting created turbulence in the flight simulator

PB90210

Re: Fuses?

The default 'sacrificial component' is whichever is most expensive.

You could always try leaving a few bolts finger-tight, so excessive vibration will shake them loose, but there is always the risk they might drop down into that very expensive machinery and BANG!

PB90210

Types 'Big Daddy' and clicks 'search'...

MY EYES!!!!!!

Standards-obsessed boss ignored one, and suffered all night for his sin

PB90210

I've just retired and received an extra payslip for 23p for some unknown (and unexplained) reason the month after my final payslip

The New ROM Antics – building the ZX Spectrum 128

PB90210

Re: Stories give context

There's an excellent episode in the Cautionary Tales podcast, 'laser v parchment', about the BBC's reboot of the Domesday Book. It was distributed as a laserdisc.

Fast forward a few decades and they were virtually unreadable as the required a BBC micro with Phillips videodisc player, a combination as rare as hen's teeth.

A guy took on the task of deciding the custom format (a mix of analogue video plus digital data) and after years of work finally managed to publish it online

Unfortunately he has subsequently died and no one was able to keep the site up and running, so the info is lost for a second time!

WTF? Potty-mouthed intern's obscene error message mostly amused manager

PB90210

Re: Dictionaries

Had a colleague ask for Mr Looney... the guy at the other end sighed and explained it was actually Loonan

Cutting-edge microscopy reveals bottled water has 'up to 100 times' more bits of plastic than previously feared

PB90210

I think it's the Law of Unintended Consequences...

A while back I went to pick up a plastic bag containing old documents, only for it to disintegrate in my hands.

Back in the '80s folks were complaining that plastics were being dumped in landfill that would take centuries to break down and people came up with biodegradable plastics as the answer... now the stuff breaks down in decades into microparticles...

And now we have starch-based plastics that are 'compostable' but have to be kept separate from domestic rubbish...

Need to plug in an EV? BT Group kicks off cabinet update pilot

PB90210
Unhappy

Re: "comes from renewable energy, we're told"

EDF claim 100% renewable... but that's only for the stuff they generate themselves! The stuff they buy in could be 100% CO2 but that's not their problem

How the tech toy century has troubled Santa's sack

PB90210

The EU faffed around with a standard for chargers because so many devices have built-in battery packs.

Doing the same for removable battery packs... first pick a voltage...

‘I needed antihistamine tablets every time I opened the computers’

PB90210

The sports bar thing reminded me of the edict from on high banning smokers from congregating round the (hidden from the road) front entrance.

Unfortunately this was swiftly followed by another because the smokers had had found a sheltered spot round the side of the building... right in front of the inlet for the building's air con!

(luckily we only had a couple of smokers)

FTC wants to crack down on Big Biz profiting from kids' data

PB90210

Re: It's an ID grab.

The dilemma for the kids of today...

Do you tick 'over 18' to get access to the (koff) juicy stuff or 'under 13' to stop tracking?

And how soon before you get banned from sites because they tracked you ticking over/under elsewhere

BOFH: The Christmas party was so good, an independent inquiry is required

PB90210

Re: Plagiarism?

To be fair, some were taking notes but forgot their password and couldn't figure out to transfer messages from their old phone

PB90210

Re: I guess the truth hurts.

"I don't recall the last time I saw a spreadsheet with math formula in it"

=sum(x1:x99) or =[date on row above]+1

'The computer was sitting in a puddle of mud, with water up to the motherboard'

PB90210

A friend had a job to paint the toilets at a bookies in Kilburn. He got fed up with people ignoring the sign on the door and barging in, so he locked the door.

He later discovered the shop's clientele had got around the problem by sideling up close to the carpet-covered counter and... erm, watering the carpet.

PB90210

I'll see your molasses tsunami and raise you the London Beer Flood of 1814... A 22ft high wooden vat burst, causing others to burst and leading to a 15ft high wave that demolished the back wall, two houses, damaged two more and killed eight.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/London_Beer_Flood

Tesla says California's Autopilot action violates its free speech rights

PB90210

Re: Has Elon ever considered...

Unfortunately he's followed Xitter's fortunes and been devalued this year, only making third place this time

PB90210

Re: Has Elon ever considered...

He's already in the running for The Last Leg's 'Dick of the Year'

https://twitter.com/TheLastLeg/status/1733252764648542663

(he only made 2nd place, a mere 'ballbag', last year... just ahead of someone called Liz Truss)

Cloud engineer wreaks havoc on bank network after getting fired

PB90210

<< 529,266.37

Don't forget that final 37c!!

Veteran editors Notepad++ and Geany hit milestone versions

PB90210

Re: With the death of WordPad

WordPad was handy for taking a text file, adding things like colour to highlight the important bits then saving in RTF format to create a quick'n'dirty guide or similar

PB90210

Re: I love Notepad++

Same here.

Add in support for DOS, Linux and Mac line endings and ANSI, UTF and other codings that helps when project managers sent 'plain text' files that MS Notepad doesn't load correctly

Got majorly annoyed when IT support started supplying updates without the 'compare' plug-in as it meant either comparing files side-by-side by eye or having to load another program to check differences (at least they actually allowed NP++, but it was generally a couple of versions behind as they seem to only update 'optional' programs after a major bug/security issue)

It's ba-ack... UK watchdog publishes age verification proposals

PB90210

Re: bloody clueless, and think of Tom Cruise / Michael J Fox

Requirement for Photo ID for elections already exists

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/explainers-64877005

Interpol makes first border arrest using Biometric Hub to ID suspect

PB90210

Re: Tales from BioHub

A few years ago a cartoon from an issue of Private Eye was used in a racist manner and sent to a member of police staff. DC Plod put in a request to PE for a list of subscribers to track down the culprit.

PE said go boil your head, we don't give out the list to anyone.

DC Plod went to a judge to get them to hand over the list but the judge also sent then away with a flea in their ear, pointing out that their request was too wide, that the magazine it came from could easily have been read/handled by multiple people... and that the magazine was freely available, without subscription, at most newsagents.

Bank boss hated IT, loved the beach, was clueless about ports and politeness

PB90210

Re: bullshit detected

The UK arrangement all depends on how the modems line port is wired. Most modems will use an RJ11 port with the centre pair wired and the cable converts that to 2+5 on the BT plug

USB Cart of Death: The wheeled scourge that drove Windows devs to despair

PB90210

The dodgy cart driver had a dodgy cart driver?

User read the manual, followed instructions, still couldn't make 'Excel' work

PB90210

Had a colleague call me over because Excel was just showing a blank screen. Reopening Excel gave the same blank screen.

It was eventually discovered the the default sheet had been windowed and somehow the window had been dragged out of sight... reloading just 'opened' the same out-of-sight sheet

(View > arrange sheets)

How to give Windows Hello the finger and login as someone on their stolen laptop

PB90210

Re: fingerprint works <25% of time

At the beginning of the pandemic, I remember seeing an ad for a face mask company that promised to create a mask that would allow you to unlock your device without having to remove your mask as it had a picture of your chin printed on it

Lawyer guilty of arrogance after ignoring tech support

PB90210

Re: Are you sure, this isn't the plot of an IT Crowd epsiode?

Is your Cisco router one of those with a power LED that is lit irrespective of the position of the on/off switch?

Bug hunters on your marks: TETRA radio encryption algorithms to enter public domain

PB90210

In other news...

The government want us to weaken public encryption standards...

Oops!!

ICE faces heat after agents install thousands of personal apps, VPNs on official phones

PB90210

"No evidence of nefarious activities"

Well to be honest, we weren't actually checking... so, yes, we have no evidence

CompSci academic thought tech support was useless – until he needed it

PB90210

And remember that half of the people are dumber than average

Ask a builder to fix a server and out come the vastly inappropriate power tools

PB90210

Re: Most-Inappropriate Computer Repair Tool

Yes, it was 'cold welding'. The gold in the contacts bond and over time there are enough bonds formed to hold the contacts closed when the relay was deenergised.

A little percussion was enough to break the bonds

PB90210

Re: Most-Inappropriate Computer Repair Tool

Used to work with signalling unit that used Reed relays. The reeds had gold plated tips they had a nasty habit of 'welding' together if the relay was energised for more that a few months.

The cure... put the card out of the rack to the full extent of the runners and slam it back in to place... contact broken... clear code: reseated card

NASA and Boeing try to chase the contrail clouds away

PB90210

Won't someone think of the poor foil-hatters!

What will they have to live for... except the lizard people... oh, and vaccines... and the election... and......

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