Confucius (or someone) said, "There are only two kinds of paranoia: Total... and _insufficient_."
Posts by D-Coder
32 publicly visible posts • joined 28 Dec 2015
Junior sysadmin’s first lines of code set off alarms. His next lot crashed the company
User demanded a 'wireless' computer and was outraged when its battery died
What the **** did you put in that code? The client thinks it's a cyberattack
Dilettante dev wrote rubbish, left no logs, and had no idea why his app wasn't working
After a long lunch, user thought a cursor meant their computer was cactus
Tech support chap showed boss how to use a browser for a year – he still didn't get it
Crack coder wasn't allowed to meet clients due to his other talent: Blisteringly inappropriate insults
BOFH: The true gravity of the Boss and the 3-coffee problem
"...a 5,000-page manual which was translated from its original esperanto into Klingon"
No Klingon would ever learn Esperanto. It is too easy. A true warrior would not study a language that is four times easier than other languages. Unless all of the rules were duplicated six-fold with irregular and irrelevant changes to challenge the mind of the true warrior.
English is a pretty good challenge for a true warrior, though.
WTF? Potty-mouthed intern's obscene error message mostly amused manager
I once worked on some software that would decipher logs and error codes and do some simple OS tests for the field service people.
One of the tests did not work at a specific level of the machine's microcode.
I did NOT put in the message, "Upgrade microcode and press <RETURN>"... but as a joke, my weekly progress report to my manager did say that I'd done that.
Five minutes later he came almost running into my office...
California man's business is frustrating telemarketing scammers with chatbots
Elon Musk to step down as Twitter CEO: Help us pick his replacement
BOFH: What if International Bad Actors designed the vaccine to make us watch more Steven Seagal movies?
BOFH: Where do you think you are going with that toner cartridge?
Did you test that? No, I thought you tested it. Now customers have it and it doesn't work

Re: Indeed on the pork ...
First man on the moon suffered a similar accident (after the moon): Wikipedia:
While working on his farm in November 1978, Armstrong jumped off the back of his grain truck and caught his wedding ring in its wheel, tearing the tip off his left ring finger. He collected the severed tip, packed it in ice, and had surgeons reattach it at the Jewish Hospital in Louisville, Kentucky.
Intellisense was off and developer learned you can't code in Canadian

US-ian compiler issue
I was working the computer center's help desk back in college days, in a New England town. I was not from New England.
Someone asked for help with a FORTRAN program that wouldn't compile.
I pointed out that INTERGER may be fine New England pronunciation, but apparently the FORTRAN compiler spoke Middle American English.