* Posts by SquidEmperor

59 publicly visible posts • joined 24 Nov 2015


They terrrk err jerrrbs! Vodafone replaces 2,600 roles with '600 bots' in bid to shrink €48bn debt


Ah yes - the IBM Biryani Bot.

Antarctic researchers send an SOS to the world: Who wrote this message in a bottle?



OK - Quick update

[1]. I Still have not been able to contact the bottle tosser

[2]. Now have a name (Malgorzata ), a profession (Doctor) and a full email address

* Malgorzata is derived from the Greek word margarita (μαργαρίτα) meaning "pearl". It is equivalent to the English "Margaret"

[3]. A fellow passenger has emailed Malgorzata and some other passengers who were also on the trip to see if we can get in touch with her

[4]. I've shared this information (and the full email which I won't share here for privacy) with the Australian Antarctic Division so they can forward the details to Stella Thomas who works for them and was the person who found the bottle

So in summary the bottle was indeed dropped off the vessel M/V Ortelius whilst it was off-shore of Bouvet Island on (we assume) April 6 2015 by a Polish Doctor named Malgorzata who various individuals are endeavouring to contact to let her know that her bottle has been received.



Just got this response from the Russian blog author:

"..Yeah, sure. She is a Polish doctor from our trip to Bouvet. I'll send her a message :-)"

I claim my free vulture cup


Found the boat!

After some investigation I think I have identified the boat the mysterious judbas@?????.pl was on.

Specifically the Ortelius - which took a number of tourists on a month long trip around the area in March/April 2015

The Ortelius was located off-shore of Bouvet on April 6 and 7 of 2015 but was unable to land. My suspicion is one of the tourists set the bottle afloat at that time.

Here is a travel blog written by a Russian that details them being off-shore at Bouvet at that time: https://www.tema.ru/eng/travel/bouvet/

I emailed the blog's author to see if he can identify the mysterious judbas@..pl

It's back: The mercifully normal-looking Moto 360 smartwatch


Check out Tic Watch...

Had a Gen 2 Moto for ages. Battery died so grabbed a Tic Watch Pro for £150. But might go back to Moto if there is an always display time option...

What the @#$%&!? Microsoft bans nudity, swearing in Skype, emails, Office 365 docs


How Dare You!

This is incredibly bad news. Basically the rule now is you cannot offend any one. Forget about swear words and so on, if I find anything you say offensive I can now raise a flag and (I assume) get you bumped off all MS platforms whilst they investigate it. Free speech means the freedom to offend, if we aren't willing to take the risk to offend, or worse silence those who do, we have no free speech.

PwC: More redundos at HQ of UK 'leccy stuff shop Maplin


Well I got a deal :)

Not a massive saving by any means but I think the only time I've ever bought something at Maplin and got a price that matched online. I got a samsung T5 250 GB SSD FOR £100. And a printer refill (HP) which matched online prices. Literally the only time in 20 years I've bought Maplin and felt vaguely pleased. Sorry for the staff and so on but it was inevitable.

I look forward to the replies telling me where I could have got it for £60 :(

British Level 4 driverless pods are whizzing along ... er, a London path


You can kill a couple of people every billion miles

Of course what many don't consider is that to be the safest form of transport autonomous vehicles don't have to be perfect, they just need to kill less people than people driven cars, motorcycles, bikes etc.

For example Fatalities per billion passenger kilometres by mode: 2005 to 2014 average in the UK was 86 for motor bikes, 2 for cars and 28 for pedestrians. So in a billion km of travel if they only kill a couple of people they're still the safest mode of transport (source: "Transport Statistics Great Britain 2015" Dept. of Transport)

BOOM! Cambridge Analytica explodes following extraordinary TV expose


Re: Too Late

Yeah - they need to make sure they take out all the hard drives out of the office via a window and not through a door...

'Quantum supremacy will soon be ours!', says Google as it reveals 72-qubit quantum chip


Re: Don't you mean World Supremacy?

Just use Incognito mode dummy.

BlackBerry unveils bold new strategy: Suing the c**p out of Facebook


Re: Enough, already

The Apple Patent theft is a good story, but the facts don't appear to match your rhetoric....

see: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/08/12/there_is_no_patentgate/

RIP, Swype: Thanks for all the sor--speec--speedy texting


Preductive Sex

I sink this is a grape idea. Lesbian nest the tick knowledge gee four pre dick up skirt is pretty well purr tickle now.

This job Win-blows! Microsoft made me pull '75-hour weeks' in a shopping mall kiosk


Re: Wants to have her cake & eat it?

I for one would like some cake


Re: To be honest...

I'd like to give you a million up-votes

Life is too short to be screwed by big business like this, who would happily work you 24/7 for minimal wage and then fire and replace when it suits them. wake up peoples

Oi! Verizon leaked my fiancée's nude pix to her ex-coworker, says bloke


Re: fuck em

I knew there must be a reason why the backroom IT guys all have hairy palms and glasses. Mother was right!

Google's robo-CTRL-ALT-DEL failed, hung networks and Compute Engine for 90 minutes


Re: When Evil A.I.™ has finally killed the last human...

This would be more realistic if the automatic update was for Adobe Reader

Stephen Elop and the fall of Nokia revisited


Re: See also in El Reg today

You're nuts

(we have you name, we will be in touch)

Trust no one.


Lesson Learnt

That sucks - and I'm sorry to hear it.

We all have to make our own decisions re: life/work balance and often it's difficult to make the right call on each occasion. None the less I'd remind all of this critical statement:

"What do you get from a lifetime of hard work?......a lifetime of hard work"

UK ICO, USCourts.gov... Thousands of websites hijacked by hidden crypto-mining code after popular plugin pwned


Re: Cant win...

There's no super-perfect solution to this, but a combination of CSP and what you propose (perhaps with a "alert warning" rather than stop script running for the WebAdmin to evaluate, depending on the script?)

Boffins upload worm's brain into a computer, teach it tricks


Well - now we know where the worms went

"I got that reference"

A Hughes failure: Flat Earther rocketeer can't get it up yet again


Spike Milligan has done it!

Someone needs to show him the footage from the Irish Space Program...


So you accidentally told a million people they are going to die: What next? Your essential guide...


We fragged Lieutenant Neidermeyer and raided the General's booze stash.

Thar she blows: Strava heat map shows folk on shipwreck packed with 1,500 tonnes of bombs


Re: Surely.....

LG V20

You can't ignore Spectre. Look, it's pressing its nose against your screen


Anyone got some cheap C90 cassettes?

What? Are we not cloud now? I just off loaded my last C90 cassette tapes (Hot Hits of the 80's Vol.3) because I thought we were all cloud, spotify and netflx. I should have listened to my mother.


The bad news is if it was being exploited in the wild you wouldn't know.


Re: Reaping what you sow

I think your last sentence is really the whole point. Regardless of where your server sits unless you have an air-gap between it and ??? you are vulnerable.

OK, Google: Why does Chromecast clobber Wi-Fi connections?


My Kids also have Google Bug

As the parent of four teenagers I'd like someone to provide a patch for their behaviour which closely resembles this report. If I dare to turn off the WiFi router I am bombarded with sudden and escalating requests which ultimately overwhelm me and can only be resolved by multiple boot-ups.

Sky customer dinged for livestreaming pay-per-view boxing to Facebook


Re: I'm Guessing Russian Hackers

He would have got away with it but


Re: I'm Guessing Russian Hackers

Irony. Look it up.


I'm Guessing Russian Hackers

As usual Reg comments miss the whole point and the key question - HOW WAS HE CAUGHT?

Elon Musk lowers his mighty erection for test firing: Falcon Heavy preps for maiden voyage


Extension Cord

Only a Billionaire could afford the extension cord that will be needed to for the Tesla. Also I hope he remembers to remove his eTags.

Maplin Electronics CEO ups stakes for steak house


Re: Hmmmm

"..Oli has forced the business towards bankruptcy by charging obscenely high prices for cables and by filling the shelves with smart home guff and cheap Chinese crap nobody wants..."

THIS. I feel sad for the staff and support teams but I cannot see how Maplin can possibly survive. My most recent trip to Maplins (which was in the City btw - how can they afford the rent?) for a phone charger almost took my breath away. They seem to target distress buyers who are willing to pay a massive mark up for immediate satisfaction.

Nokia 8: As pure as the driven Android - it's a classy return



Totally agree. After having to move from Samsung to LG (v20) because of the whole Note fiasco I suddenly realised what a bloated cow the Samsung Os was. While not quite stock the LG Os is much closer to pure Android - but still with it's own Gallery App, Email and a few others. What's the point? I never use them - I just use the chocolate box versions.

Samsung Galaxy S8+: Seriously. What were they thinking?


Never again

A devote Note 4 fanboi I was devastated when the Note 7 forced me to buy a LG V20 instead....but now? After living free of the maddening Samsung UI and all its bloatware I'll never return. The finger sensor placement and Bixby underline how bad Samsung has become. They've literally become Apple - sacrificing usability and utility for pointless gimmicks that actually devalue the customer experience.

BDSM sex rocks Drupal world: Top dev banished for sci-fi hanky-panky


Re: he was fired for ...

I'll never forget "role play" day at PWC where I reenacted my favorite scene from "The Thing". Despite the dog being only a stray I was shown the door and never got my air ram and garden shears back...



Is it safe for me to click on that link at work?

Time crystals really do exist, say physicists*


Re: Great

Misread instructions on chant. Now have large black spider on my back.

Facebook shopped BBC hacks to National Crime Agency over child abuse images probe


Re: For all we know...

Post something "insane" and try and detract from core issue. Propaganda tactics 101. You ARE Mark Zuckerberg and I claim ny $100.


Re: I have no love for Facebook...but...

No kidding? My point was not that it shouldn't be investigated, and nor was it that Facebook's manifest pathetic failings in moderating and deleting posts highlighted as illegal shouldn't be examined, reported on and publicised. My point was that not reporting a crime but relying on a third party who may or may not have vested interests is rather silly. Facebook might be negligent, some might even argue criminally so (I have no idea) , but if you see illegal images of children anywhere surely law enforcement bodies are who we should report this to?


I have no love for Facebook...but...

Why on earth would you even bother reporting it to Facebook. Contact the police. If you saw illegal images on a billboard on the side of a office building would you go in to the building and be happy to be instructed: "Sure, just fill in this form about what you saw and why you think it's illegal and we'll look in to it.." You'd report it to the police. That's what should be done online as well. Screw Facebook and their hopeless systems but let's not elevate them to guardians of law, decency and what is and isn't legal to be posted online.

All of Blighty's attack submarines are out of action – report


Collateral Damage

I simulated this in my bath last night and the cat still hasn't come home.

NASA discovers mysterious super-fast electrons whizzing above Earth


Day 18

The earthlings suspect nothing

Want to spy on the boss? Try this phone-mast-in-an-HP printer


HP Inc - please don't tell them...

Can you imagine? They'd be delighted to have a printer sms you asking for some love...

Iceland's Pirate Party tops polls ahead of national elections


Who will think of the Children?

Roger the cabin boy.

Is Google using YouTube to put one over on Samsung?


You old romantic

Your eyes are the colour of photonic activated Rayleigh scattering

Smell burning? Samsung’s 'Death Note 7' could still cause a contagion



I've been hanging on to my Note 4 waiting for the Note 7 and I was going to grab it faster than Trump grabbing married pussy in a furniture store...but now? I actually spent the morning looking at an LG phone. Good God..what is happening with the world?