Posts by Noonoot

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson moves to shut Parliament

Re: So, to sum up. . .

Not so much lying down, the Brits have basically bent over, and we all know in which direction.

Hate your IT job? Sick of computers? Good news: An electronics-frying Sun superflare may hit 'in next 100 years'

Re: Yeah let's frrrryyyyyyy

"How are you going to bake that cake?

If you have an electric oven,"

Erm, let's have a BBQ instead?

Yeah let's frrrryyyyyyy

Bring it on - we don't need cell phones, computers, the internet or anything. Good ol' hand written letters, talking over the fence to your neighbour rather than whatsapping and going round to your friend's to show them that cake you baked.

Taylor drift: Finally, a use for AI emerges? Cyber-smut star films fsck-flick in Tesla with Autopilot, warns: 'I wouldn't recommend it'

What on earth is in the photo?

You've used a photo that looks like someone's crusty balding head?

Yuk - one reason NOT to watch the video

Accenture sued over website redesign so bad it Hertz: Car hire biz demands $32m+ for 'defective' cyber-revamp

Cheap hire fobbed off as experienced managers

We all know that Accenture pay pittance for "just out of college" juniors. Their policy is "new hires for 6-month 'stage' " who are then used on such projects like this Hertz account. How could Hertz be so thick to start off with?

Now you've read about the bonkers world of Elizabeth Holmes, own some Theranos history: Upstart's IT gear for sale

Cold-hearted cowh and weird

Let's not forget how cold-hearted she was when Theranos UK scientist Ian Gibbons killed himself.

Data flows post-Brexit: 'Leave it to government to make sure you've got a smooth run in.' Er, OK

Swap him for an AI virtual Raab

Like they recently did in China (reading theReg's news today), they could send an AI virtual bot instead of these nincumpoops of politicians who don't even seem to have a GCSE in anything, let alone Geography, to let them do all the talking.

Even my Alexa Echo could do better. She sings ring ring a roses really well!!

Does Google make hardware just so nobody buys it?

When you have the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$

You can make what you want when your pocket is deep.

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave me tea... pigs-in-blankets-flavoured tea

Isn't this just another name for Bovril?

Who still drinks that stuff?

Are Brits that gullible?

That really is taking the biscuit.

UK.gov isn't ready for no-deal Brexit – and 'secrecy' means businesses won't be either

Chaos and more chaos

If anyone can be bothered to read all the documentation just recently published here:

https://www.gov.uk/government/collections/how-to-prepare-if-the-uk-leaves-the-eu-with-no-deal

you'll notice that every single page starts with:

"A scenario in which the UK leaves the EU without agreement (a ‘no deal’ scenario) remains unlikely given the mutual interests of the UK and the EU in securing a negotiated outcome.

Negotiations are progressing well and both we and the EU continue to work hard to seek a positive deal. "

Going well, going wrong, going disaster???

UK.gov finally adds Galileo and Copernicus to the Brexit divorce bill

#PeoplesVote for space race

You brexiteers that voted for this, you can relish in old episodes of Blakes' Seven and Doctor Who because that's about as close as UK is going to anything intergalactically spatial get if the gov doesn't get its head out of its arse and start dealing with this mistake of exiting the EU.

How an augmented reality tourist guide tried to break my balls

Happy Friday yay!!!!

It's always refreshing to read about your antics à la pisse Alistair. Sorry to hear about your fruits secs escapade. Maybe you should just have held it in your hand. The gadget I mean. No, no, the electronic device....

Ms Dabbs seems a very patient lady. Regards!!

Tesla's chief accounting officer drives off after just a month on the job

Seriously?

Why hasn't anyone written that he's a twat yet because that's what he is? Sorry, but you can have all the money in the world and think you have a good business, but when you are a twat, that's what you are.

Nah, it won't install: The return of the ad-blocker-blocker

Anonymous apparel

We could all simply wear sheets on the streets and no longer brand anything. Then you wouldn't need ads on websites making you buy the latest whatever. What a dismal state of affairs. Just like North Korea.

How much do you think Cisco's paying erstwhile Brit PM David Cameron?

Cameron's ugly head

Why is he rearing it? I'm surprised he has the courage after the mess of the referendum, so Cisco must be paying him a lot.

I predict a riot: Amazon UK chief foresees 'civil unrest' for no-deal Brexit

Brexsiht braindead

Given the majority who voted for Brexshit are those clueless members of society that don't know how to read and are easily goaded into acting irresponsibly because they aren't even capable of thinking before mouthing of a load of nonsense from the sewers they have for mouths, civil unrest could well be likely.

It's time to start shitting bricks.

'It's legacy stuff brute-forced in': Not everyone is happy with Citrix's cloud

Good ol'terminal services stuff

What happened to the days of terminal services, whether MS, Linux or other? Soon companies will be wanting to take back control completely and everyone will be dusting off the cobwebs from their mega servers they always meant to get rid of but actually got shoved in a room somewhere

RIP Peter Firmin: Clangers creator dies aged 89

Niet niet niet niet

The cynical woodpecker - the mice always proved him wrong

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9beAp3TG2E

Ticketmaster gatecrash: Gig revelers' personal, payment info glimpsed by support site malware

Someone's going to get fired

As per title

Atari accuses El Reg of professional trolling and making stuff up. Welp, here's the interview tape for you to decide...

Does the COO know what Atari is selling?

As per title.

Dear Companies who think they are amazing,

When you have someone presenting a product or representing your company, make sure they actually know what the product is, does, state it's in, when it's going to be released. Don't put someone who uhms and ahs throughout the whole interview.

This was like watching the recent Mexico Germany world-cup match. El Reg is wearing the sombrero and is prepared for everything, and Mikey thinks he's smart, but sadly he isn't.

National ID cards might not mean much when up against incompetence of the UK Home Office

Trust me, I am Joe Bloggs

Officer: Identify yourself sir, please

Me: I'm Joe Bloggs

Officer: Ok, I believe you.

British egg producers saddened by Google salad emoji update

Oh let's stop the PC nonsense shall we?

Seriously? If I want egg in my salad, I shall have egg in my salad. Is it so hard to cater for both FFS?

But what do we eggspect nowadays? It's eggsasperating to the say the least that one's eggspression becomes eggspendable

Microsoft commits: We're buying GitHub for $7.5 beeeeeeellion

Alternatives?

We're shutting down our repository - one, we don't trust MS, two they fucked up Skype, I can just see the same thing happening here. A good project ruined.

Platinum partner had 'affair' with my wife – then Oracle screwed me, ex-sales boss claims

That his wife was having an affair is besides the point. If he officially, and with authorization, took leave for medical reasons, being fired 3 weeks later is not justifiable.

But the cynical side of me can't but think that the plaintiff is suing Oracle to pay for his wife's alimony payments.

Who had ICANN suing a German registrar over GDPR and Whois? Congrats, it's happening

Because ICANN

Who said so? Remember that without the Europeans Uncle Sam wouldn't exist. Show some respect for your elders.

Headless man found in lava’s embrace

Quick fix for a migraine

Some consolation....

You've heard that pop will eat itself. Boffins have unveiled a rocket that does the same

Re: High tech gurus

Try surviving a New Model Army gig.

can you dig it indeed

Herring` - Great years. PWEI - gig at Birmingham's NEC, touring with the Wonder Stuff.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36nWNAvtwrw

US websites block netizens in Europe: Why are they ghosting EU? It's not you, it's GDPR

Stop spamming

I had no idea I was actually signed up to all these ML services - an excellent way to get myself removed!!!

At the company I work for, this GDPR opt in stuff has allowed us to reduce our forum and ML numbers considerably - thousands of fake and ghost users good riddance!

Want to know what an organisation is really like? Visit the restroom

Re: IBM

Why is it that people have to wipe bogies and shit on the walls - the answer is in my other comment - about why employees do such things. Obviously IBM is low down on the list of the "respected companies " rankings.

Re: I nver undeerstood why people who look normal turn into nasty troglodytes...

The state of the toilets is not an indication necessarily that people don't belong to the rest of us civilised peeps, but rather the company they work for is shit and treats them like shit. Hence, employees give back what they get.

Friday fun

As usual Alistair has me in stitches in the open space office I work in.

Your software hates you and your devices think you're stupid

"At this point, I frantically press at FF multiple times to get to track 10. Or is it 9? Silly me, I know the song names and their sequence but never got around to memorising their individual track number. Damn, some idiot added some “rare bootlegs” in the middle so I have to keep pressing and now I’ve gone past the end and find myself back at track 1 again."

What? Do you mean your CD player isn't intelligent enough to know what you want just from you pressing the buttons?

US Congress finally emits all 3,000 Russian 'troll' Facebook ads. Let's take a look at some

Decades of experience hmmm

Just because you've been in politics for decades doesn't necessarily mean you're good at it.

Commodore 64 owners rejoice: The 1541 is BACK

Vintage forever

The 80's will never be forgotten.

Spectrums, Commodores and what next? Acorn's BBC micro? Those of us who grew up in the 80's didn't even realise just how brilliant a decade we witnessed [sigh].

Javid's in, Rudd's out: UK Home Sec quits over immigration targets scandal

Re: What's the IT Angle?

The IT angle is that there is no effing IT in place that would have avoided this whole fiasco!

Hitting those notorious targets of illegal immigrants

Concerning the hitting of targets which keeps circulating all the papers, has anyone actually paid thought to the fact that to be able to hit those targets, you need to have the numbers of (illegal?) immigrants.

So, that means the H.O knows how many (illegal) immigrants it has actually allowed to enter the country. Or is that number reached because you just happen to throw in some innocent citizens who you know will have lost their paperwork from eons before?

What a joke.

RIP: Sinclair ZX Spectrum designer Rick Dickinson reaches STOP

Atic Atac

I remember when my cousin got one for her birthday and I was sooooooooo envious. Those rubbery keys, the little beep sounds, unlocking rooms in Atic Atac.

A genius he was. RIP.

Windrush immigration papers scandal is a big fat GDPR fail for UK.gov

So those Windrush landing cards needed to be held for maybe 120-150 years.

Totally agree. And if their answer is that so much paper occupies so much space, DIGITALISE!!!!! UK pays enough civil servants to scan every single document that they process.

Blighty stuffs itself in Galileo airlock and dares Europe to pull the lever

Stop snivelling

as a (ex)Brit (so emabrassed to be one to be honest) living in the lovely EU - UK should really stop snivelling and just accept that the lovely cake you had hoped on eating is out of reach.

What was put in the cakes is a load of hashish - that's the only explanation

There is no perceived IT generation gap: Young people really are thick

And subsquently ruined every choc bar.

Curly Wurly included

Re: That takes me back

"like the crumbly bleached dog turds you’d see decorating every pavement curb corner. " - do these still sit on curbs or have dogs moved on as well and become cultural start-up freaks?!

Geez, even shit moves on in the world!

And what has become of the English language - it too evolves itself sprouting unusual innuendos. What do we expect as we all sit here, young and old, choosing emojis instead of writing "hey that's shit".

Size does matter, chaps: Oversized todgers an evolutionary handicap

small talk in the gents?

Erm I came late to this article and I think I just walked in to the gents' toilets

Machines learned to assemble IKEA’s semi-disposable furniture

Re: Not the real world

I didn't realise that all men were good at losing allen keys and then resort to asking their wife where said allen key is.

Don't all men have tool boxes!!!!!!?????????!!!

ID theft in UK hits record high as crooks shift to more vulnerable targets

What makes a good security question?

Tomorrow's security question should definitely not be about your past, your habits, your family or your hobbies. So no memorable information.

I too have to write down 150 plus account details, and then keep them on paper in case my computer is stolen where I have stored my passwords. What about if they steal my piece of paper? So I have to have several copies, hidden, just in case. Copies of copies of copies.

A total 'MARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t fight automation software for control, just turn it off. FAST

Re: Even in the extremely unlikely event that fully autonomous vehicles ever become viable

And I'll just stay at home thanks and play at the Good Life

What a time to be alive: LG and Italian furniture-maker build smart sofa

no one's mentioned it yet but

Forget farts and catnaps. What happens if you use said settee a "soiree a due" - the intimate get together on a Friday night?!!!!!

Lights on. Off. On. Off. .....TV screen will burn out.

The neighbours will think there are burglars and call the police. WTF!