* Posts by Jon

36 publicly visible posts • joined 3 Aug 2007

Six-month hangover for 60-pint Scotsman


That depends..

... on when he sobered up!

Aftr 60 pints I think I'd be unconscious for a month!

Phoenix hijacks Windows boot with instant-on


@ Sceptical Bastard

"Laptops are a different kettle of fish, I grant you - but laptops are for wimps, women and wankers showing off on trains ;)"

No.. That'll be Mac's..

If I've got enough room to breath, I get my Laptop out on the train because i've got work to do and I get paid piece work. Every second I sit contemplating the joys of summer and how much I like the skinny top the gorgeous blonde opposite is wasted money.. But since it's no longer summer, and on British trains the person opposite usually looks like this:


I'm happy to get my laptop out.. I usually keep it hibernated, so it does only take a few seconds to boot.

Paris Hilton exits missionary position to save Universe

Paris Hilton

Shopping better in Japan than Africa..

Ask Paris, she knows you know.

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton in thong.. Oops, throng..

Well, that'd be a first! Paris with her knickers on when there's cameras around!

Pirate Bay aims to sink BitTorrent


And the winner is....

The lawyers.....

In this continuous battle between Copyright holders and people hell bent on copyright abuse, the only real winners are the lawyers.. If (and it seems to be starting to happen) the copyright holders distributed copyright material at a reasonable price rather than trying to build cast iron defences round their material, then they would sell a lot more copies, and perhaps p2p networks would disappear.. They've only really appeared to accomodate the fact that there is so much rubbish and repeats on TV, cinema's are extortionate, and software is disproportionately more expensive than the amount of work that goes into them, and they often become obselete within 12 months.

In a way, P2P sites are a democratic way for users to show their dissatisfaction of the current system for distribution of material.. It's a convincing argument.. Wouldn't stand up in court though.. "I was only exercising my democratic rights!"

Macs seized by porn Trojan

Paris Hilton

Here we go again...

I warned you..

Didn't I warn them? I did didn't I? I sure I did..

Everyone duck.. The Windows and Mac crowd are throwing rocks at each other again!!

As for the "Only a vulnerability if you log on as root"... These attacks are aimed at (ab)users at home, not many people are brave/foolhardy enough to look at porn at work.. I would say from experience that 90% or more of home users log onto their machines with root privs.. Or admin privs if your a Windows user, which is why these vulnerabilities work.. I wonder how many of you reading this now are logged on without Root/Admin privs if you're at home??

Where's the Paris Hilton angle on this?


Aaaarrrggghhhh nooooooooo....

I've just managed to pull myself out of a Blog site that was taken over by Mac/PC bitching... Do we have to do this all over again??

Please El Reg.. Pull this story before I pull my hair out.. There's never a winner when you set Mac and PC users against each other.. Just endless, pointless droning on and on and on and on.....


Virtual! stripper! game! targets! Yahoo!

Thumb Up

Not so simple....

@Jason: Most firewalls do this automatically anyway, so I would think Yahoo has implemented this already, however it doesn't work with BotNet clients because of the distributed nature of a botnet, and it won't work in this case for exactly the same reason.. In this case, the users are the "bot".

@Tom: I think probably that someone trying to get a stripper undressed might be a little distracted and not really be bothered, if they notice at all. However your idea of involving the entire web page in a captcha technology might be a good basis to start from.. For example, you could dot Catcha letters at random places around the screen, or in a circle of several smaller Captcha screens, with instructions to read clockwise or anticlockwise or something.. You're right, it needs work, but it's certainly sounds like a go.. It would be interesting if between the readers of this article we were able to design an uncrackable Captcha system.. El Reg.. We want some of the profits please, or leave it open source!! Actually, no, we want the profits, forget open source! :-)

BMW gives away 5 Series and $850k

Black Helicopters

So it's not real then...

... All a scam....

...I can't get a free BMW to go with my millions of dollars that I'm going to get from the guy who's trying to get all his money out before it gets nabbed by the government..

.. And all those mortgages I've been approved of, what about them???

Oh this is all so disappointing..

Dot, squiggle, plop



I'm pretty sure if you know what you're doing you could write a Firefox snap-in that would allow the browser to decode standard English into Americanized dialect. The problem lies with (spit spit..) Internet Explorer.. It still has 60% of the market share and I'd say writing a similar snap in would be damn near impossible.. And Microsoft ain't going to do it because there's no money in it and anyway, to them everything's spelled correctly already.

I think the easier way to do this is to write a coding program that would allow you to create "alias's" in your written code that the would allow you to use the language set of your choice to write your code and the program switches the code automatically, you hit a button it writes the same code in standard HTML and hit it again and it codes it back using your alias list. It would be a pain to administer at first, but I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't take long before the open source community compiled alias lists to suit your language, making web design and so on a cinch for non-American English speakers. I'll bet there's some cash to be earned if any of you felt like writing this?

By the way, I noticed on Wikipedia (don't ask, I can't remember why I was looking at this subject!) That there is a move to merge the word knickers into the word panties.. Those of you in the English (as opposed to the American) speaking world.. We should do something to stop this travesty.. There's a link from the web page to discuss the changes.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knickers That's just such an ugly word!! Please help keep your language sacred!

Paris Hilton heads for the cryogenic freezer

Paris Hilton

Oh Paris, why bother..

In 100,000 years time, and there'll still be no cure for being you.. And who'd be crazy enough to thaw you out anyhow? They're just doing this to get their mits on daddie's money.. Spend it on making more porn movies instead.. That way you can make your mark on the world by fillng up the landfill sites!

The first rule of Reg Club is...


First time here...

Who's up for a fight?? Cum on, I'll take yer all on.. I'm hard as nail me, hard as nails!!

On the subject of trolls and fights, where's amanfrommars and what's his take on these rules?

Banking data fears over Fasthosts intruder



Yes, that's all I got.. ONE F^£king email.. "Oh dear customer we seem to have been hacked, you might want to change all your passwords" or words to that extent.. Nothing proving it wasn't a hoax..They could have done a little more than to have sent one email.. Alink to a confirmation announcement on their website would have been the least I could expect.. I'd already threatened to walk away from them because of their handling of my DNS records, the Techie didn't seem to care.. This clinches it.. That's it.. I'm off.. Anyone got any recommendations.. I've heard a lot about GoDaddy.. anyone got any good/bad comments about them??

Dutch Consumer Association declares war on Vista


@Bill Gates

Microsoft pays bloggers??

Hey Bill.. Bill.. Yeah Bill, it's me old buddy, old mate, I'll blog for you... My Vista machine is doing exactly the job that it was employed to do.. I've no complaints at all..

How's that? Worth a few bucks that you wouldn't notice slipping from those $billion coffers? Please? Pretty please?

I promise not to tell anyone that the job I'm employing my Vista box to do which it's so good at is to act as a door stop to my office and I won't tell anyone that I've taken steps in my clients contracts to prevent them from upgrading supported PC's to Vista without renegotiating their support contracts because supporting this monolith it so much more labour intensive. Promise.

It's a great, wonderful, holy OS which I can never find fault with, ever, and you can quote me on that for a few $k


Russian spammer murder hoax exposed


Ahh, why spoil the mystery

So why spoil it?? Perhaps if this story had proliferated and ended up widely believed to be true, real SPAMmers would have been put off and we'd have a reduction in SPAM??

I'm going to blame El Reg for every single piece of SPAM I get from now on!! It's all your fault! :-P

Sun to blame for yin-yang Moon's dark side


@ Tidelocked

"Dusty material spiralling in from outer Moons hits Iapetus head-on, and causes the forward-facing side of Iapetus to look different than the rest of the Moon."

Hmm.. This comment would seem to suggest that the moon is indeed tidelocked to Saturn, with the dark side leading the orbit.

All sides of the moon are exposed to equal amounts of Solar radiation, however dark matter (As opposed to "Dark Matter") absorbs heat faster than lighter coloured matter, suggesting that the dark side of the moon (roll over Pink Floyd) has a greater temperature fluctuation than the lighter spots, meaning that over the billions of years of the moons existance, water gets vapourised to a greater extent on the dark side, and slowly over time, that side of the moon gets darker and the trailing edge gets lighter (Ice?) in a sort of global warming catastrophe. More Ice accumulates on the trailing edge, more dark matter accumulates on the leading edge until it gets to the point where, despite the temperature fluctuations brought about by exposure and lack of exposure to sunlight ice cannot form on the leading edge because it's always too warm and does not melt on the trailing edge because it's always too cold.. Closest example I can come up with on earth is a Glacier in the Alps that does not melt in the summer months to the point that it dissappears entirely, compared to regions of a similar latitude where Ice almost never forms (Death Valley California?)

Rise of the f*cking machines: Arse Elektronika bumps uglies with Web 2.0


F*cking Perverts

This is just a load of perverted b*ll*cks maquerading as legitimate use of technology.. Where can I get tickets and when's it coming to the UK?

French court says non to pre-loaded Windows on Acer laptop


@ Daniel van Niekerk way up top...

Do you really mean that? Are Europeans really so stoopid for not wanting to furnish someone elses pockets for something they don't want or need??

I am a Linux user for a simple reason.. I don't need Windoze in my life.. I work with SAP and Sun servers, so using a windoze machine is not only painful, it's confusing too.. So why must I be forced to buy a laptop with an operating system that I will never use, just because Bill Gates tells me I should.. who is he anyhow?? Noone to me.

Then there's my friend who is an MSDN subscriber, he has OS's coming out of his ears.. Why should he pay for one more??

Well done the French!

MIT student walks into airport wearing circuit board and wires



She's an ugly munter, and with those barins they should have shot her anyway and done her a favour!!

I mean, how can you defend going into an airport with something that "LOOKS" like a home made bomb.. A circuit board with flashing lights and a gob of Playdoh is exactly what you see in films like "Speed" when they're trying to make a "this is the man with the bomb" moment, I'm an electronics engineer, and excuse me for not being able to tell the difference.. The police DID NOT over react.. Her actions were pretty much the same as going into an airport and Yelling "I've got a bomb" at the top of your voice.. Expect to be handcuffed at the very least, and possibly dead!!

All the English yelling about American over reaction should remember a young Brazillian man who got dead for fare avoidance!! Yes but that was just after the underground bombings.. And this ain't so long after some idiots drove two jumbo jets into the World Trade Centre.. Apparently they took over the planes using Stanley knives and toe clippers!

If you're going to blame anyone apart from this idiot for not being able to walk into airports wearing what looks like a bomb at first glance, blame the Islamist fundimentalists.. Otherwise SHUT the F**K up and let the police do the best they can at protecting you and me from nutters and loons!

Want a free iPod Shuffle? Ask Tesco


What a pain...

UK Customers only :-( Looks like I'll have to wait 3 months and pick up one of the cheap ones on ebay when the glut strikes!

China looking to develop scramjet missile tech


@ Everyone

My my how the troll population is growing!! (OK, that's been said before) but it does make me laugh.. You're a SUCH troll.. No you're a retarded troll.. Nah nicky nah nah... Grow up kiddies..

On the dolphin front.. Why are we worried? If the dolphin is flying at M6 10m above C level, it may be unhappy, but then it's going to an untimely death in the explosion 90 seconds later anyhow..

And I'm sure that the Chinese wouldn't be as cruel to Dolphins as the British would be to Australians! After, it's a bit much to put them on a 2 hour flight back down under and then blow them up when they get there.. Did Tony ever get round to suing or was he put on the fist Beta phase test flight that was running Windows for Missiles?? That'll be the one that has just booted up and then immediatly crashes.. Oh, hang on, that's all of them!! Or more likely the Chinese misslie developers are open source developers and so long as you agree not to use the missiles for profit, they'll let you have the blue prints..

Oh god, these jokes(?) are getting too geeky.. Time to stop.

You're a big fat troll.. No, you're a republican troll, not you're a democrat troll and the reason why everythings horrid.. No, you're a big.... Oh SHUT UP!!!

Mobiles can upset hospital equipment, after all


Yeah.. B.lls..t!

My wife works in intensive care here in Switzerland.. She is hands on to the most sensitive instruments in the hospital.. She also texts me every night and occasionally calls me..

The hospitals only have phone bans on the ward for visitors and insist that the patients have their phones switched to silent because it disturbs the other patients. However there has never been a single instance of equipment failure in the whole time my wife has worked there.. 13 years.. that can be traced to mobile phone use..

Obviously nobody is allowed within 3cm of the equipment without being properly trained because that's just daft, and leaving a phone on top of the ventilator is just criminal, but a ventilator failing from 3 metres is a reason to ban that poorly designed ventilator rather than a reason to ban mobile phones.

There's more than a few dodgy handshakes and palms being greased here I do believe!

Dino-killing asteroid traced back 160m years


@ Alex

On each of your points(?)..

Very easily..

If my pay was off by 12.5% I'd be a bit miffed (or maybe not if we were talking + rather than -)

What if we don't want to "Study a bit of classical mechanics"?? What are you going to do about it huh.. Wanna step outside? ;-)

The paper in front of me is blank.. What are you talking about?

Aww.. please do.. More cannon fodder!

Although I studied Applied Physics at Uni, I don't consciously use it in my day to day life. Physicists have a reputation of being boring, so I tell them I studied gynacology, which raises a few eyebrows (sadly that's all!), and with good reason if this is anything to go by, there's guesstimate science, which this article obviously was, but you've come straight in with the usual nit-picking that goes on.. This was an interesting aticle.. Chris was expressing a personal opinion (and he has a point) about something that he's entitled .. If you don't like that, go and live in Iran where you aren't allowed one.

Boffins bend space and time to measure neutron star


OK, This is getting really obscure

I understand what you might be trying to say Adrian, and you could hardly call me a noob after 15 years in IT, but The Reg is the first place I've come accross comments with that signature, I've come accross lots of other trolls, but never this one, maybe I have not been paying enough attention to inane comments, I don't know..

amanfromMars ismost likely more than one individual.. Probably started out as one person who liked just winding people up, and now other people are trying to ride the wave (I'm Brian and so's me wife!) so I'm not gonna bother googling them 'cos I really have better things to do, honest.. So the rest of your comments have completely gone over my head..

What's with SPAM bot's anyhow.. Having spent a good few hours tweaking mail filters, you can imagine how many SPAM emails I've seen.. I still don't get their point.. Yes, I understand the concept of selling off the percentages, and buying shares, sending millions of SPAM saying these shares are about to hit the roof, and waiting for the shares to rise, but honestly, what's the point of sending an email with an embedded picture and some random text at the end.. How's that going to earn anyone any money? I really am lost in this world where people do seemingly random things just because they can.. SPAM-bots.. Evil pointless things.. Yes, if you're a SPAMmer, you should realise that you're universally hated, that nobody likes you and you have no friends, that your £ or $ or € is tainted and that really you should go and throw yourself off the nearest high precipice!


@ Morely - Only you know what you're talking about!!

If you take the average male weight to be 80Kg and female to be 75Kg, (http://weightlossinternational.com/newsletter/average-weight-chart.html) and ignore the fact that some are children (because that's always a good thing to do with them) then the 6 billion population would weigh 465,000,000,000 kg or 4.65*10^14 grammes. Pile them all into 1cm cube resmbling sugar, and you get what David's reference shows as the core density of a neutron star to within 5% so there! :-D

I don't care if my calculations might be a little off, I feel like I've achieved something tonight, and any descrepancies we can just wash away with the cosmological constant.. Oh, wait, that's already been done!


By the way Martin

Computers have been around for 80 years or so and we've come along a hugely long way.. The versioning we see is more of a response to the changes in hardware that we've had (Babbage to Quantum Computing).. We've been studying the cosmos for 2000 years or more.. Einstein was a genious, I grant you, but his flash of inspiration is the end of a VERY long journey, and still he managed to deliberately put in some padding for some bits and bob's that he didn't understand or couldn't account for (The cosmological constant http://www.jb.man.ac.uk/~jpl/cosmo/blunder.html).. GR was really v2 of the Newtonian Laws, which stood well for 300 years or so, so 88 years is quite a short time in relative terms so to speak! And we're hardly on v2.0 what with the Standard model, and the developments in string theory and now Membran theory.. Einstein had an excellent start, but if the new LHC in CERN is able to show supersimmetry in the Universe, let's not underestimate the impact of modern day physicists!


SSI standards (strange SI standards)

Surely the density SSI should be Everests/Cupful (E/C) since Black holes and white dwarfs will have different densities and so different proportions of Mt Everest would fit into the the cup.. And since Einstein proved E=MC^2 surely E/C=MC which gives rise to a new Rapper.. MC Neutron!

By the way, all things being equal, (which they aren't, ask Torrentspy!) it's doesn't matter which cup you choose.. Neutron Star densities fluctuate between 8x10^13 and 2x10^15 (Ask Wikipedia.. it's definitely correct on this edit!) and Mount Everest keeps growing and nobody really knows where it ends and the next mountain begins, and it's density can only be guessed at and blah blah blah.. But out of curiosity I did the maths taking the mountain as a cone with the base diameter the same as the height and you get to the right order of magnitude, I actually got to around 2 cm^3 which is about 2 grapes, but like I said, it's the right order of magnitude, it's not a mustard seed nor a watermelon!

And stop calling me Shirley!

Old timers boozing themslves into oblivion


Die Old or Die Happy

Quite frankly, it's not bulls..t that drinking kills.. But so does old age.. Take your choice, drink yourself to oblivion and die a few years younger, or don't drink, get altzheimers, or arthritis or a miriad of other horrible things that happen to us when we're old, live a few years in an old peoples home feeling lonely and miserable watching the world go by..

Come on, old people have earned the right to choose the easier way out.. Personally, the moment someone tells me that I have to retire, I'm gonna crack open the gin and start smoking cannibis, 'cos anything has to be better than having no purpose to life and sitting back and watching your body go into slow decline.. You'll find me sitting in the corner of the old people's home giggling silly to myself and anyone that will listen.. An yes, I do know what it's like to be a relative of someone who died of lung cancer, my mum did, I'd much rather she'd kicked the bucket while she was pissed or stoned.. And I'm sure she would have too!

Light sabre on cargo manifest for next Shuttle mission


@Anon re @John A B

If you'd read his comment rather than blatently thinking you know everything, you'd have realised that he had a valid point.. Or at least though he had.. There's a HUGE difference between paying for a road taxes and paying for some prat to put a 20 year old piece of tat into orbit just because some nerds think it might be cool. I hate "know it all's"

However, that said, if NASA actually start to make a profit, from selling space on the space shuttle to people with space in their heads and space in their wallet who want to get some space in their closets by sending things into space, I'll make some room for them! (Yeah, I was going to put space in there again but my space bar was getting worn out!)

Uranus strikes a pose for Hubble's camera


Hooray, I can use google..

At the risk of getting all anal about this(!), according to this web site:


the Greek god is pronounced Ur-a-Nus, which from what I can work out, is as close to the evocative pronounciation as I can imagine, however I have no Greek preople in the viscinity to ask, so I'm off to get a kebab to see it I can gather any corroborrating evidence!

Anyhow, no matter how it's pronounced in other parts of the world, I like the British way, if only because it brings a silly schoolby grin accross my face every time!

My vote goes to the Futurama reference above, despite the fact that I haven't got the slightest clue what the reference made regarding amanfrommars and crack pipes is referring to..


Jon Jon Jon...

You haven't been listening now have you.. Get with the program now and start making silly jokes and stop being so precious about when these rings will next be visible like this! Urs or Mine, it's still got rings around it (although I think urs are substantially bigger than mine!) and the picture is just so very pretty! A bit spoiled by the blue blob in the middle.. What's that? The methane coming from Uranus?

Anyhow if we're going to start with this quoting business then the web page I found says that the next time we're going to see this is on 23rd October 2453 at 13:16:24 from Vladivostok.. Take a look for your self! :-P


Personally, whether it's going to be in 2049, 2453 or even 2901, I doubt I'll be in a position to care whether I can see the rings, but I'll probably still enjoy making jokes about Uranus in 2049 if you're so retentive as to say "I told you so!" :-)


Can I just have my two penneth worth??

While you're all getting so pedantic about information that is freely available in most childrens books about the solar system and thinking how clever you are for knowing this information, you've missed the point! (I know I'm gonna get flamed for this, but I don't care!)

This artical was nothing more than an excuse to write a sentence that included "rings aroung uranus" and "methane" and stem some jokes from that in the comment section. It's crying out for the jesters to come up with something funny but all we can say is that the thing's on its side and spinning backwards.. My Nan could do better than that, and she's dead!

Come on, let's get some jokes in here about piles or something! Afterall, it's a really pretty picture of Uranus that the HST took.. and there we all were thinking it was pointed out to space!

So, what's the velocity of a sheep in a vacuum?


Well somebody had to get upset about Wales!

Of course, this entire article was written to put Welsh people down and the humourist is wearing a white cowl and a pointy hat and burning people on crosses... Not!!

Comeon guys, I get it that labelling people in a derogatory way when you don't like them is bad, but Wales is a neighbour, and what's the world coming to if you can't have a friendly rib at your neighbours?? We call the French Frogs, and they call us Rostbef and can't work out why the English don't find this insulting.. We call the Scots Jocks, which is not my favourite piece of sports wear, but if a cricket ball is heading in the general direction of my nether regions, I'll be glad if I'm wearing one.. We take the mick out of the Irish, call the Dutch Potheads, and complain that all the Germans run out and put their towels round the pool before dawn.. All of them.. Even when they're at home.. Wales has a lot of wide open spaces, inhabited by sheep and coal mines.. The coalmines were all closed by Thatcher so that's probably a bit of a sore point, which leaves the sheep.. Comon guys, stop bleating about how being labled just because the english can't think about anything cleverer than Sheep intimacy.. It's only because we're jealous.. We've got a sense of humour you know.. if a Welsh person actually say something funny to insult the English with, rather than just "English arrogance and lack of respect" then perhaps we'd laugh with you too! We're not trying to hurt anyone with this sense of humour, it's just the way we are.. If we didn't talk about the Welsh like this, we wouldn't talk about Wales at all!

Skype apologises for network snafu


You gets what you pays for...

The idea that individuals and corporate users take what is essentially a free service infrastructure with paid for add ons for granted and put expectations on that service in the same way as you would put expectations on a Telco company that provides you with a service you pay for is ridiculous! It's inconvenient to say the least when a service like this goes down.

Anyone that has been using Skype as an essential part of their work is asking for trouble.. It's useful, but it's free, therefore should be treated with caution.. The weather is free, but I don't expect it to be sunny just because I want to make a barbeque! We take precautions and have backup plans and in the UK, usually everyone ends up eating indoors (especially this summer!) So why do people not have backup plans for when Skype goes down.. It's just pure stupidity not to!

Dwarf superglues todger to hoover


How does "20 mins" make a difference..

to a glue that reaches full strength in 10 seconds? And if he's done this so many times before, then surely he knew how to apply it properly.. He just wanted a pretty Scottish nurse to fiddle with his privates! Hope he got an ogre instead.. or worse.. A male nurse!

Brings a new meaning to getting hard! Ouch! :-)

Man cuffed over 'cycling cheat' email hack



What stupid comments "Hacking in of itself shouldn't be a very serious crime either".. why??? You're trying to legitimise what you see as being cool like a grafitti artist saying he was only painting pictures, and then you want to throw the book at theives.

In every sense of the word, hacking is theft and should be treated as such. In any country that's illegal and has been for centries, in Iran you'll get hung for it, so why is anyone surprised that this guy, who broke into "something" and "stole" something that didn't belong to him. In this instance, the thing that was stolen was information.. And in todays world we SHOULD be treating cyber crime with as much force as we do off-net crimes.. Companies lose millions each year through cybercrime, and you don't think it's the fat cats at the top that lose their bonuses over it do you? No, they're off to play golf because that's "real work" to them, it's us poor guys in the IT department that lose ourjobs, see ourworkload double and have to work longer hours because some idiot wants to make a quick buck..

Come on guys, treat other people with the respect you'd like to be treated with, punish theives as theives, and maybe, just maybe, this world will survive long enough to make it to the end of this century without descending into anarchy..