Posts by Steve Dulieu

Who do you want to be Who? VOTE for the BBC's next Time Lord

If we're going for a female Doctor, don't pussy about, get Katie Beckinsale in full on Selene mode...

Entire Reg readership would fill 205 Olympic-sized swimming pools

Re: Name that pool

Looks like Wathamstow to me...

Carbon fiber MacBooks to appear soon?

Been done surely?

Sony Vaio X505 from about 2004 anyone?

Cheers, Steve.

El Reg probes pregnant Playmobil lass

Are you sure he's still in Blighty?

Given that *someone* is driving a one ton nuclear laser tank down to ET's Bar 'n' Grill on Mars right about now, are you sure him and a mate aren't doing a bit of moon(Mars?)lighting for NASA at the moment?

http://www.playmobil.co.uk/on/demandware.store/Sites-GB-Site/en_GB/Product-Show?pid=5154&cgid=Future

Cheers, Steve

Titanic director James Cameron prepares for deep sea dive

Re: Units, please!

Might I humbly suggest the "Cuban Virgin's Thigh". With one CVT equal to one half of the pressure (two legs used in'it) required during the rolling of one standard Monti-Christo cigar?

Cheers, Steve.

Fire burns away the Kindle dream of interactivity

To those saying that the cheapest kindle doesn't have a keyboard, err, yes it does. It's shown on the page for the new kindle on Amazon UK. Admittedly navigating a keyboard using up/down/left/right/enter is going to be a pain in the arse, but it does have a keyboard. Second button from the left calls and dismisses the keyboard, centre d-pad to select letters.

Cheers, Steve.

Japanese erections named 'Bollox', 'Wonder Device'

It's more complicated than that...

...depending on use, in British English bollox (or bollocks) can mean either good or bad. EG

"That's the dog's bollox" = "That is very good indeed"

"That's a load of old bollox" = "That is very bad indeed"

Consistency? We've heard of it...

UK gov 'Spads' hefty salaries released/buried

Oi!

As others have intimated, the railway's on the line, they want their acronym back...

Latest boffinry: Feeding TNT to sheep

New standard required?

Presumably, the old maximum velocity of a sheep in a vacuum was based on a sheep propelled by unaugmented methane fuelled bio-rocketry. This new TNT/Methane hybrid propulsion system requires immediate research involving fag packets, backs of envelopes and unfeasibly large amounts of beer to confirm that the standard remains constant.

Apple tosses Sony iBooks rival from iTunes

How to Get Android Version

Anyone know? Searching market on my 2.2 Desire for Sony Reader doesn't work and the download software link on the sony reader site just offers PC and Mac versions.

Our PARIS becomes GLOBAL MEDIA SENSATION

Name for the launch vehicle?

Now that it's been shown to work, how about a decent name for the box hanging off a balloon that took Vulture1 to launch altitude? May I humbly suggest;

Extra-atmosphric Expanding Envelope Glider Image Recording Launcher?

or EeeGirl for short

Cheers, Steve.

Call of Duty: Black Ops

Had to get some shopping...

...for the mother today, walked into Sainsburys, big display, spend 30 squid on your shopping get CoDBO for £27.97. cost of shopping for mother, £30.05. Bonus!

Good clowns battle evil at the 'Carnival of Screams'

Of course they're scary...

...one should never trust anything with shoes that big!

Cheers, Steve.

Apple files chip block stack patent

Hang On...

That photo, That's no substrate, that's a frogger screenshot that is...

Cheers, Steve.

New 3D displays use falling water drops as 'voxels'

Hang on...

...exactly just how off your face do you and chums need to be to come out with something like <Neil from the young ones> Hey guys, what if we could, like, make the headlights shine *between* the raindrops?</Neil from the young ones> and instead of setting SPG on you, your chums say <Mike the cool person> Great idea, we can't fail to make money, let's get to it. </Mike the cool person>?

Cheers, Steve.

2012 Olympic mascots cop a shoeing

Mmmm... Beer

Good grief, the best part of 100 comments and no-one has mentioned the obvious, "Wenlock" now where have I heard that name before? Oh yes, the defunct brewery in East London, 'round about where they're building the Olympic park. One of the mascots celebrates the distruction of jobs and a reduction in the choice of beer! G*ts.

Cheers, Steve.

World's mightiest supercomputer to design new nuke plants

Hang On...

...Jaguar, Denovo, are we talking HPCs or RFTs here?

Cheers, Steve.

Chronos EZ430: An SDK packing watch for real techies

Teledildontic Circle Jerk Anyone?

So a wireless programable device capable of reading rapid wrist movments and transmiting them to a computer? Which via the internet could talk to other computers that are themselve's talking to other wrist mounted motion sensors? 15 comments in and I'm the first to think of the teledildontic possiblities of this peice of kit? My fellow commentards, you're slipping...

Got to be Paris, everyone gather round, open channel "C"...

Cheers, Steve.

Software update spikes certain Freesat set-top boxes

@AC 12:19

Like all the rest, nothing but praise for freesat, make sure you get a Humax HD box or thier PVR and you can't go wrong.

iPhone voted UK's 'coolest brand'

@ Mahatma Coat

Clarks Wayfinders, they were cool, wern't they.

Cheers, Steve.

Vulture Central plans Brit-Yank dictionary

Here's another one...

In the UK pickle is what a 'Merkin would call relish, not a green abomination lurking in a jar with it's chums at the back of a chippie.

What a 'Merkin would call a pickle, a Brit would call a gurkin.

Once saw this cause a truly splendid culture clash in the Highgate Wertherspoons when a chap from the left hand side of the pond didn't get quite what he was expecting with his ploughman's lunch.

Cheers, Steve.

Boeing to build prototype pulsed-microwave robomissile

@ Simon

In a more innocent age, a "LensLok" was the only tech disabling kit you needed. Of course, that was the exact opposite of it's intended function...

The one with " Mamba me no Mamba, my Cobra's got an Iron Ass" on the back thanks...

Steve.

ToysRus unleashes Devil's Whore on innocent kiddies

Never mind about ToysRus...

What about El Reg's new TD2YDT* tech? I refer, of course to the Bravissimo ads that have started appearing on any remotely Bulgarian AB related story. There am I working up a rightious head of steam over illicit plod HD sizeure and up at the top of the page - NORBERTS!!! - <Homer> Mmmmmm, Norberts...</Homer> Keep it up, it's the geek dreamtime, IT and large breasted ladies with their shirts off. So one hand for pizza, one for the mouse, one for the...damm!

Cheers, Steve

*T*ts Direct To Your DeskTop

US prosecutor orders Craigslist 'erotic listings' shutdown

Illegal and Unlawful

Ah, illegal and unlawful. Know what the difference between them is?

Unlawful is something that is proscribed by law.

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Illeagle is a sick bird...

Cheers, Steve.

Google boffins unveil 'What's Up?' CAPTCHA

re Lens-lok

Right On, Commander!

Cheers, Steve.

Grey squirrels invade Nutt house

I'm sure I've metioned this before...

http://www.scarysquirrel.org/

Cheers, Steve.

iPhone 3.0 beta reveals mixed blessing

@ Fab De Marco

On o2 in the UK preface your text with "*0#" ( thats star zero hash without the quotes) that will get you a delivery report. Make sure delivery reports are switched OFF on the handset for this to work.

Cheers, Steve.

Gadget-buying Taliban 5th column in Blighty - shock!

What's the betting that...

...that loony fishwife in the home office starts trying to outlaw stuff like this?

http://www.maplin.co.uk/Module.aspx?ModuleNo=226037

NASA talks little green men with Vatican

Life on other plants?

...are we talking dafs, daisies or cresanthmumumumumumuanums here?

Cheers, Steve,

Seeking out new life and new pollenations, to boldly go where no bee has gone before!

Blu-ray backers highlight rising demand

No idea if it's any good...

...but this is the first player I've seen for less than a hundred quid...

http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/catalogId/1500001151/productId/1500317761.htm

M42 closed by marshmallows and beer

In Other News

The M1 was closed earlier today following a collision between a lorry carrying tortoises and a van carrying terrapins.

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"It was turtle confusion" said a spokesman.

Lightning to thunder with speed-creep beating V8 roar

It's UK built and called Lightning?

Then surely only one sound will do, when I was a lad I was at an air show that had an English Electric Lightning pull it's party piece of fly in low level, stand on it's tail and go vertical on full re-heat, it was the most awesome thing I've ever heard.

NASA: Google Gulfstreams not science experiments

Yo-Ho-Ho

It's not this one perchance? That tail fin design looks about right for the lads from Mountain View.

Doh!

Of course, this might have helped with my previous comment...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Alphajet-N88XA-071206-02-12.jpg

Virgin Media network downed by scouse power outage

London as well

E-mail been borked all day here (N17). For most of the day the service status page had gone to the zoo, it's back now but just shows a yellow blob with the legend "Intermittent Issues" when moused over, no other clue as to what might be wrong.

Putin's dog gets satnav tracker collar

Da all well and good torvaritch but...

...come back and brag when it includes a built in mobe to allow you to talk to fido whilst he's busy lying in the puddle.

http://www.petsmobility.com/products/index.php

i-Mate has no friends

@ jasjar

errr, I'd have a quick google for "HTC Universal" if I were you...

HMV lines up a few VAT-free CDs and DVDs

title? we don' need no steeinkin' title

Hmm, what the article doesn't make clear is that if you go to hmv.co.uk *anything* you buy, be it in stock or out is coming from the channel islands.

Cheers, Steve.

RAF strafes Next in pirated duvet copyright rumpus

Musical instruments next?

Presumably these lads should be building an air raid shelter against an incoming cease and desist sortie?

http://www.imuso.co.uk/ProductDetail.asp?StockCode=EG01333

Steve.

Google Translate speaks in (more) tongues

Or the hardest one of all...

...amanfrommars into English

Botanist sues to stop CERN hurling Earth into parallel universe

@ gizmo23

I believe his title is "First Speaker"...

US.gov disappears European-owned Cuba websites

@ Cuban Holidays

All Cuban holidays were removed from the lastminute.com portfolio when the company was taken over by Travelocity which was owned by Sabre Holdings an American company.

Activision and Vivendi Games merge into Activision Blizzard

@Anon Coward

With the possble exception of Wing Commnder VI, hasthere been anything worth buying since Elite? The hours of fun I used to have with Lenslok...

Truphone phones a friend

Last port of call these days...

Sadly, since the utterly woeful website redesign, expansys is anything but the first port of call for myself and my gadget buying chums.

Will bird flu stuff our Happy Christmas?

On the cooking of the wiley sprout...

You will need;

Serves four.

Sprouts (nach)

A red onion

Two cloves of garlic

Some fresh chillies

A jar of Sharwoods sweet chilli stir fry sauce.

Seasame oil

Take the sprouts and par boil 'em.

Chop the onion and chillies and roughly crush the garlic.

Heat the oil in a wok, then add all the ingredents and stir fry until done.

Place loo roll in freezer for use the following day.

SWMBO and I call it "Sprout Diablo" althought the original inspriation came from "Sprout Mexicane" as featured on "Bottom".

'PlayStation-deprived' teen admits part in plot to pop parents

@stu

I thought Maryland was between Stratford and Forest Gate...

Record labels to ditch CD singles for USB Flash drives

But what if they're playing the long game

If I were a forward thinking pigopolist, what I'd do is, at the start, release the music in a non-drm lossless format, of a quality *greater* than is currently available on CD *or* vinyl but for a similar price. Sit back and bask in the reflected glow of astonished but greatful punters for, ooh say about the 36 months that will be required for market penatration to be total with USB playback devices (USB-PD) (both windows and mac based) and the complete distruction of the CD and vinyl markets. Then announce that dispite thier mumnificence and thier trust of the said punters not to rip them off, piracy remains as big a problem as it ever was and as of tomorrow all USB stick music would unfortunately have to be DRM'ed up to the gills but would ship with a *free* copy of the required software on every stick to enable playback on said USB-PDs. Of course, those of us who are savvy to this sort of fuckery will squeal like Paris at the opening of a shoe shop, but yer person on the Clapham omnibus? Probably just shrug and pony up the dough...

Kung fu monks battle Colombian karate assassins

@ Dave

ITYM Dimac? and Omally FTW surely.

Free Software Foundation plans protests at 'corrupt' BBC

I certainly can't watch on my fridge

Ahem...

http://www.comet.co.uk/cometbrowse/product.do?sku=336084

:-)