* Posts by PaulAb

131 publicly visible posts • joined 20 Oct 2015

Three million satellite snaps now free for all



I may get to see if my ridge tiles need replacing

Brexit: Time to make your plans, UK IT biz


Game of darts, anyone?

Just like the test a few years ago when a bunch of dart players played darts and purchased fictional shares, etc, based on the outcome of the numbers hit, and as I recall the experts were stunned to find that their special 'financial' skills were only just a match for some blokes with darts, - in the same way, we can all gabble on incessantly (including me), as to the outcome of the referendum. No one knows, not the experts, not me, not you, but, leaving the EU (in my opinion) would at least be a brand new start, an adventure, from the grey goo of slow inevitable decline that the EU has become and, by it's very nature incapable of changing away from.

Bring on the vote - lets be a little braver and get out and enjoy the adventure.

Here's a great idea: Let's make a gun that looks like a mobile phone


Easily seen!

In about 18 months American travellers will be easily identifiable, by the missing ear!

Ofcom is keeping schtum over BT Openreach plans until end of year


Family favourites....

The metrics by which you can find the point at which BT went downhill:

1. Family Favourites last broadcast

2. The end of the Bakealite phone

3. You couldn't call 'Chelsea 45, please operator' anymore.

Just like Dark matter, their support is untraceble. Get gone, will you!

Sick to death of mighty rocket launches? Avoid these dates


Fed up!........

Can someone please give me a date when I can go to bed with the windows open...DAMN you, millions of pounds of thrust!

OK, so the users want corporate apps on the move. Don't Panic


Over my dead bo......but wait!

2 factor authentication, Apps device dependant, Attach from anywhere..........

Yea, Yea, Yea,....... Most users I know can't remember their username when they have a long week-end...... The call from dis-gruntled users who complain when they can't connect because they're not connected to a wifi spot.........The call from the other dis-gruntled user who's trying to connect from his mates phone with no idea of the settings - but that's an IT problem.

Everything is feasable nowadays, but really, I wouldn't trust a lot of users to get on the right bus!

HMRC dangles £10bn in outsourcing meat before hungry SME hounds



I'm sure being HMRC any profound losses made due incompetance and poor planning can be written -off, after all, there's plenty where that comes from....and then another £20m plan to start over...

Whats the betting,..the first self assessment period afterwards will go tits up and the fines will just flow like water for non-completion.

Ben Nevis embiggened by a metre


Re: Embiggened - only in The Simpsons please

Well, I'd like to enter a new word - 'Unbiggend' this is a version 1.0 major release under GPL. it supercedes 'smallerated' ver 0.9

Japan loses contact with new space 'scope just weeks after launch


This is exactly why....

Fireball XL5 has been grounded for 50+ years Steve just couldn't take it any more, the risk of hitting all that flying sputnik junk just tipped him over the edge, Steves in Rehab after a binge session with Venus and Doc, Zooney was no help during flight and Robert kept bursting into flame.

I am not inferring that Japanese space engineers built Robert.

Three-bit quantum gate a step closer to universal quantum computer


Byte me!

I just about followed this and then someone one said 'Photon entaglement' (I assume you need some kind of hairbrush to untagle this photon)

London's $40m 'flash crash' trader is to face extradition to the US


Re: Before mouthing off read the judgement

I'm not certain that the comment is an attack on the judgement, but rather the pathetic lengths the UK will go to to appease the 'special relationship', which is very special - all one way. The judge could only find as the law dictates, e.g. a law created by simpering morons in this country who are generally very agreeable to our 'special' friends.

With luck the removal to the US will be turned down.


The Axe may fall but....

If he must get extradited, he at least sounds bright enough to get himself booked first class on the trip over. He would be able to rub shoulders with all those upright, noble, bankers and find out where he went wrong, wouldn't he RBS, wouldn't he Barclays, wouldn't he Sax Goldman. If he had worked for any of the aforementioned he most likely would have received a substantial bonus and an invitation to the Whitehouse to listen to Maria Carey sing.........Yea, I'd take the sentence too!

Snowden 'more helpful than dangerous' says ex-Colin Powell aide


Sign of the times......

I really don't know what Edward Snowdens final motivator for his actions were but, he has certainly caused the much needed embarressment to both the US and by knock-on, the UK governments.

The terrible actions of a few seen over the last 3 years or so by a certain group (I wouldn't dignify them with a name) and before that, seem to be the basis for hysteria from both governments and, by upping the rhetoric will allow them to to eat into everyone's rights. I cannot believe for one moment that the perceived gain of knowing everyone's internet activity will help anyone, at the end of the day no one wants to believe that their government may potentially become the terrorist organisation. It's about time some of our so-called leaders stood up, took charge, and pointed the intelligence services directly at the real enemy instead of the cheap political brownie point competition that bores us all (Well, me at least).

X-ray scanners, CCTV cams, hefty machinery ... let's play: VNC Roulette!


I like.....

I know all the comments so far seem very serious but,..watching users when they can't control the mouse....because I'm playing....... priceless..Snicker!

Glum, depressed ... and addicted to Facebook, Twitter? There's a link, say medical eggheads


As someone once said...

'In life, you will be very lucky if you have have one true friend' (My Aunt's saying).

I don't use any form of social media, but I have been surprised several times by the amount of information people will give out about themselves to 'friends' on facebook etc, and on a couple of occasions have managed to get themselves emotionally blackmailed by the 'friend' which, because they are lacking real social skill with real people they find it very difficult to extracate themselves from the 'friend' by any other means other than just cutting them off. I think this social lacking is the real problem with 'social' media

Confused by crypto? Here's what that password hashing stuff means in English



With all the other stuff you have to day to day, this is a nice, easily digested, memory aid.

Obviously I do know everything, as most users know(even several hundred passwords - apparently).

Thanks for this.

Dodgy software will bork America's F-35 fighters until at least 2019


Re: @Ledswinger

Your joking,..right. Your trying to get some thumbs down for a bet....right?


RC fun!

I expect to hear shortly that some child with a £20 2 channel radio control will take charge of one, obviously it will be the childs fault and I can see the NSA requiring his/her immediate arrest.

Meanwhile the pilot who during his joystick antics, crashes the childs toy will be sued by the parents.

And at the same moment the teccy at ACME Car computers whilst programming a Jeep via wifi finds the car suddenly attempts a straight line dash for lift off.

I'm going to buy a chair and sit outside a military airport with my can of guinness and watch the fun.

I feel a Hollywood blockbuster coming on - I'll call it 'Fast & Furious, Bomber command'

Top! tip! for! Yahoo! – 'Fire! your! board! of! directors!'


Criminal activity

When recently, the board of directors at Yahoo were robbed whilst they slept through a board meeting, they awoke and immediatley contacted security.

Security stopped a suspicious looking man with a stripey jumper, mask and a bag with the statement SWAG written on it, in a brazen act of defiance he shouted 'Search me', they did.....and found nothing.

The board have climbed back in thier hibernation boxes until next years meeting.

iPad bricked by iOS 9.3? Don't worry, we'll get through this together


Apple application support

I believe that many of those who have commented in this article are probably way over qualified for apple support roles, so is my cat, she pea'd on the ipad and it works better than ever as a door stop.

Pothole campaigner sprays Surrey street with phallic paintings


You call those potholes!.. Eeee when I was a lad....

We 'ad to climb down pot'ole pickup t' horse that fell in it brush it off and carry on further daaan t' road t' fall in t' next one, and do t' same again, then go home and get thrashed ba' me dad's tarmac shovel, then we 'ad 'ovis for tea before the pre-bed time thrashing with t' shovel again.

Or grandad lived in pot'ole he loved it, Council came t' repair it'- 'e wouldn't get out so they dug him in as well, We all laughed about that.

Ello ello ello: Bungling Met cops blew £100m on failing tech wheezes


long arm of the law

This is a new project, All coppers will be genetically modified with longer arms, - no resaon, just burns someone elses money

Another project is the 'Lets-bend-Hogan-Howe-over-and-place-this-brush-up-his..........' This project is not expected to achieve anything other than to stop continuous verbal diahorrea. But it is cheap.

Met police commissioner: Fraud victims should not be refunded by banks


Might I suggest...

'Fraud victims should not be refunded by banks'

And overpaid, useless public servants should shut thier stupid faces.

He really is quality, another spurt of diahorrea.

Tracy Emin dons funeral shroud, marries stone


Government job waiting

Well, I think she has a bright career, she could fit in well with all the other History and Arts numpties that run us.

Also, The demented Emin believes the stone will be there always. In france, if you rub a bit of cheese on it, it'll be eaten in a few minutes. (Other foody nations are also available)

Police create mega crime database to rule them all. Is your numberplate in it? Could be


Laughing Policeman RIP

22 billion transiting vehicles watched by our galant boys in blue, who wants to lay bets on how many decimal places we need to find a criminal act.

I understand the police perspective though, it's crime ridden out there, lets stay in and watch number plates.

OOOH, Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho, HO,HO, Ho, ho, AAAAH, HA, HA, HA, Ha, ha, ha, HEEE, EH, EH, EH, EH,........

First verse of the policemans anthem

UK.gov kicks long awaited digi strategy into long grass, blames EU referendum


Government insider response to comment

'Another source said it would help if we had a clear statement about what the government is going to do, as there has been a lot of uncertainty'


We at the department of culture and all things useless, will analyse closely the fast moving trends and requirements of Government and business. Internet speed and capability is far too important a topic to rush at like a bull in a china shop, so, we will take the precautionary position and let everything stagnate for several years but, we will have many, many meetings about it.

Under Secretary of Moats and Expenses

BT: We're killing the dabs brand. Oh and can customers re-register to buy on our site?


Can it be true!...

It's like telling someone who has a mild cough that they can swap it for the plague.

BT took a dive after the Buzby Ad's and never recovered.

Oracle fires big red Solaris support sueball at HPE


How boring

Monoliths of yester-year sueing each other, how very 90's. Kissy, Kissy children.

Side note: does this mean I have to stop offering support to my own virtual box install on the old proliant? (I love yester -year)

Canuck named as next UK privacy watchdog


I wonder if Theresa May was part of the select committee (In person or in the background) we all know how open she is to personal privacy

But maybe I'm just cynical

FTC's privacy champion Julie Brill steps down


Balanced view

'The FTC did not provide a timetable for naming or confirming Brill's successor'.

I think it should be Mr Comey, the head of the G-men. After all they have no axes to grind since they found a way to open up an iphone without using a Tommy gun.

Clear April 12: Windows, Samba to splat curious 'crucial' Badlock bug


Is it safe...

Whine of high speed dental drill..

'Is it safe'

'Is what safe?'

Grinding sound of dental drill followed by a gut-wrenching scream

'Take your time,......Is it safe'

'Is what safe! Is what safe!' comes the bloody gurgled response, blood flows from the mouth.

'Samba, Windows,...Is it safe?'

'Don't be stupid'

'Oh, cup of tea then?'........

'Absolutely,.... my little mad nazi friend'

Gov to take axe to big IT contracts soon, will hand chunks to SMEs


Spot on!

Still too many maggots hanging on for dear life for those mid fifties government pensions that most people will only dream of in their late 60's - Remember government departments, why be successful when you can just suck.

FBI backs down against Apple: Feds may be able to crack killer's iPhone without iGiant's help


Intensive police wot cracked it

They found an App on the Istore

Ofcom wants to crack down on pisspoor BT Openreach biz lines


Crock of Sh**

Bt may well be made to install the connections in this timeframe

BT may well be told to share the infrastructure

BT may well still take weeks and weeks and weeks to rectify their installation cock-up's

BT may well still not take responsibility for anything, progressing you through their 'Escallation procedure whilst you repeat and resend every email you ever communicated to the support tier below the one your at now

BT will still try to fend you off by any means at their disposal, It's about time they were a thing of the past. ( You know, like Dinasours) and the fossils that run it.

British IT outsourcers back Remain in the EU referendum campaign


Re: It's a double edged sword

I think we should leave the EU and outsource the UK government to North Korea, because I can't understand a word either of them say, so at least that should be a big saving only having one set of arseholes running us both.

I'm sure that over the last few years I have become audibly dyslexic or are they all just lying.....no THAT CAN'T BE TRUE! Teasing the small fact from the larger than life politicians lie is nigh on impossible.

Whatever happened to Green IT?


Let's be sensible....

Yes, we all have LED lighting, we all do 60 miles to the gallon, and we all have ever so efficient 72 inch 1 watt Tv',s sky boxes, blah, blah, blah, then every fad season we change it all when it all could do many, many more years of service.

Just look in your drawers at home - 3 phones at least( don't lie). Those Ipads that seemed so promising, now used to keep the airing cupboard door shut.Those TV's that aren't 4k ready(Yes, you know who I mean...you in the corner with the funny little IOT). All the little Bluetooth Gizmos that fell out you pockets and now reside down the toilet somewhere. I imagine all that wasted technology would add up to several hundred Billions of wasted watts of production each year in this country alone.

To make amends, I myself have taken charge of my PI3 and have clipped out the power LED

CONTROL YOURSELVES PEOPLE ......Wheres my green tea (Cold, of course, home grown)

Hi-def ExoMars launch vid lacks volcanic lair vibe


I wish I was a spaceman

I'm sure Steve Zodiac has come age, and the Doc and Venus and Zoony and deepmind, erm.... I mean Robert

Damn you, SuperMarionation, Where are they when you need them most.

Watch six tiny robo-ants weighing 100g in total pull a 1,769-kg family car


I had a gecko once

Funny little chap, then one day whilst he was on me I tried to pull him off, .....Yep,......... I looked like a Dorling Kindersly 3d skeletal model, I can tell you I had the Germolene out that day.

Or was it an Aligator....

UK draft super-spy law 'not fit for purpose,' say 100s of senior lawyers


200 Lawyers!!

So it takes 200 lawyers to realise we're looking at crap on toilet paper. Well thanks M'lud.

I remember the Halcyon days when we all floated around, then that bastard Newton invented gravity.....CRUNCH! 2 teeth missing and I now take a bus.

Gravity didn't exist until we were told by a smart arse but strangely, we used it daily.

200 lawyers add weight to the bleeding obvious....YEhaaar

Staff 'fury' as penny pinching IBM offers legal minimum redundo payoffs


Infamy, they've got it in...yea, yea,...

At the very least they should get a typewriter each so they can say thank you, ..properly

Ever heard of 'multi-cloud'? Get with cool kids – it's the New Big Thing™


New Wordies for those clever,clever, little boys and girls

I see a full circle back to desktop coming round the corner attached to netware 2.15.

I'd like to donate a new word to The IT wordy stewfest, it's called 'Outage cloud' This cloud will benefit over eager IT managers ( You know, the ones who never shut thier fuc**** faces at any gathering, even a christening) who with little knowledge of the legal pitfalls commit the business to to unknown forces where 'Force Majeure' is king and muppetry sits right next to it.

Rant over, can I have my special jacket on again!

Staffers in charge of HPE's UK IT outsourcing face redundo in April


What a sauce!

So all those companies who invested in the HP infrastructure here can now wait in a queue to be answered by some operator with a prompt card in a clearly 2nd language with all the attendant repeating of sentences and vocalising of standard words (And still be contract charged at the same rate). Tell me I'm wrong.

My, that would make me so happy to be a HPE customer

Note to self: forget that outsourcing position in the UK advertised on Indeed

State should run power firm spam database, says... competition watchdog



I just posted these exact concerns 5 minutes ago under the data protection Article, Is someone reading this in the great halls of power. Clearly Reg, you reach places others can't.

You ministers and your History degrees! you don't learn.

NAO slates UK.gov's 'haphazard' sci-tech money-chuck plan



I recently purchased a raspberry pi 3, stacking 10 of these together I can run a LINUX XRDS cluster offering. I reckon this would class as a supercomputer, It's job will be to flash an LED in a very complex fashion, I want funding - how do I apply

I thought that I should also mention that, if we leave the EU it has been suggested that I could afford 2 LED's I would of course, expect extra funding for this.

(This comment is based on the minister in charge of BIS not knowing what an LED is).

You ministers and your VSOP XXXX.

Data protection: Don't be an emotional knee jerk. When it comes to the law, RTFM


On one Hand..And on the other

The UK watchdog Ofgem has anounced that it wants to create a database for Energy companies to access to sell more of their crap savings offers to certain consumer groups (those who haven't moved supplier for 3 years or more, as an example). So who is protected and what rights do consumers have if this latest laughable government department squib come to fruition? Can you opt out, who regulates what the suppliers see, how secure will it be (Right out the box security is not going to happen with a bunch of plundering suppliers with access to your data), and then we can all look forward to many more years of spam mail/email and foot in the door salesmen(Probable all targeting the weakest in society - Elderly - On meters etc.) you know, the easy meat.

Ofgen, you and your spangley relationship with those naughty suppliers, you make us all proud.

Buying gov.UK kit via price-comparison digital portal could 'save £10bn'


Oh,... they're serious

It will cost 11bn a year to administer... where's ATOS

UK.gov will scrutinise all its Atos contracts following IT cock-up


Only 40m

It would save the taxpayer a lot of money if someone would just leave all our records on a train.

I can see someone getting a Golden goodbye.

Why succeed when you can just suck. Thats my mantra for tomorrow (other mantras are also available)

FBI says NY judge went too far in ruling the FBI went too far in forcing Apple to unlock iPhone


You G-Men!

You G-men and your loud plaid suites and machine guns in violin cases, kicking down doors with your spats all white and shiny, I thought by now you would know that all criminals are easily identifiable, they all have names like 'Bullets Maloney' 'Sharky the shark' 'Windy the window cleaner' etc. I know it's been hard, but since the 20's and 30's criminals don't look like Edward G or Humphry B. I'm sure you could try Police work to crack this case wide open,.

See Ma! I'm on top of the World.....

Seagate says it's scooped the 'fastest ever PCIe drive' record


Don't feel bad Seagate

Windows will soon have an update to kill that speed dead.

Home Office biometrics strategy is three years overdue, despite 'lack of clarity'


Smile please

Why not join forces with the morons at GCHQ and the MOD, then involve some inbred in government who needs light on his/her face and create a law that insists every person in the uk stand in front of a police camera at least twice a day and have a picture taken, this would save a lot of time and effort and someMinister having to think to hard (about anything)

Must go...Piccy time