* Posts by PaulAb

131 publicly visible posts • joined 20 Oct 2015


You better get a wiggle on then: BT said to be mulling switching off UK's copper internets by 2027


More fiber for everyone

Well the huge marketing & supply opportunity here for weetabix to supply the fiber that the Government health officer says we all need is not to be missed how about this slogan: "Multi-mode fiber - the nutty glass breakfast you've waited for" A couple of Ad's with children chomping through the shrapnel should go down well.

Fancy Bear hacker crew Putin dirty RATs in Word documents emailed to govt orgs – report


All together now!! a 1 and 2 and 3....

There lived a certain man in Russia about now

He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming mad glow

Most people looked at him with terror and with fear

But to Moscow politicos he was such a lovely dear

He could preach the bible like a biker

Full of ecstasy and fire

But but he really should wear a shirt

He looks a right wanker

Ra ra ras Putin

Lover of of his Russian team

There was a cat that really was gone

Ra ra ras Putin

Russia's greatest mad machine

It was a shame how he carried on

He ruled the Russian land and never mind the czar

But shirtless he danced really wunderbar

In all affairs of state he was the man to please

But he was real great when he had a country to squeeze

For the team he was no wheeler dealer

Though they'd heard the things he'd done

they believed he was a nutcase

Who could drop a bomb…

Chorus, all together now

Available for parties and gatherings, lycra shorts and fluffy collars included

ICO fines 11 big charities over dirty data donor-squeezing deeds


The reason is.........

Seems like some coal face workers are being paid just above the living wage, whilst others..............


Seems like some like to reward themselves more than they like the thought of the rewards of the job..

I keep thinking pigs, troughs and george Orwell...dunno why

£ 566,868 requires 188,956 contributions of £3.00 and all before a puppy gets dinner

Hundreds of millions 'wasted' on UK court digitisation scheme


I don't feel well......

Doesn't this sound like the NHS IT fiasco 7 years of golden goodbyes to clever suppliers who managed to get payouts on failure and then the system almost managed to keep a single ante-natal clinic up for one morning. I expect the same suspects are involved in this one ....and so it goes on, the Clever leading the incompetant

Goodbye Billionsssssssssssss!

Stripped of its galaxy, this black hole is wandering naked in the cosmos


Down to earth....

Black holes eating Galaxies!..... I'm more concerned with Pot holes eating tyres and suspension.

BDSM sex rocks Drupal world: Top dev banished for sci-fi hanky-panky



I was right up for some male dominance, then my wife told me I wasn't.

HMS Illustrious sets sail for scrapyard after last-ditch bid fails



I shouldn't worry about Illustrious's demise yet, we will have years and years to to do that after we get the next generation carrier that is awaiting the ever faulty '15 minute reboot' state of the art aircraft that is currently at 19Bn cost overrun and turning into a logistical nightmare for the US.

Also, as an ex-submariner, it's a shame to see a dwindling supply of our training targets.

Boffins twist beams of neutrons into pasta to cook up holograms


And I quote...

"Scientists are always looking for new ways to exploit a material's properties for useful applications".

.......What, like adobe flashplayer and One Note? Or am I missing something

NSA, GCHQ and even Donald Trump are all after your data


M I 6 pence worth

I's Is sure my my frien Ira would'nt need t' worry Nor Aid anyone who tried to get it. C I Always think that these organisations are really very freindly and M I 5 children have nothing to worry about, it's all for our own good. N-Suring Anonimity of the general public I'm sure is their top priority, anyway must go I have some daesh's to wash up, shame as it's very Sunni here.

......Just waiting for the knock

You can be my wingman any time! RaspBerry Pi AI waxes Air Force top gun's tail in dogfights


I wouldn't Worry because...

Being a government project, some half wit will leave the Wifi/Bluetooth enabled and a five year old outside the airbase playing with an RC car will let loose all it's firepower before it leaves the runway.

McDonald's says bigger fonts cooked up improved profits


Yes but...

If they would just forget the big letters and put a ramp at the drive through (or thru, not sure which) window so that as you go past on two wheels you could get an under body protection coating.

Maybe not as good as turtle wax, but free. I hate to smell all that grease going to waste.

Mercury to transit Sun: Viewer discretion advised


Re: It's dangerous?

Also remember, trying to watch it from below the inevitable 10 thousand feet cloud cover from the uk may hinder your enjoyment, you may also crick your neck trying to find the sun (albeit your eyes will work another day)

Met cops shop for £150m IT system. Must have: Data centre ops


That's the way to go!

Keep throwing money at anything, just throw it around. That way they can't be accused of not addressing issues and can't be blamed for not trying.

But they'll all collect very nice pensions.

I recall during the 'Yorkshire Ripper' case much evidence was lost/mislaid due to the manual system in use, since then we have had 37 years to get a system, still many Constabularies are incapable of sharing information, What a bunch of self serving arses.

Many systems upgrade by either Revolution or Evolution, Government and public service tend to use Stagnation as the optimal tool

Snake oil ads land China's top search engine in trouble


Dodgy adverts!

On the Internet! how did that happen, I'm halfway through a course of drugs to make myself look 40 years younger and now I'm informed this may not be completely honest, along with the opportunity to earn $10,000 a month from home, I don't know who to trust anymore.

WAKE UP, candy ass


Final demand....

After the penultimate alarm call, the last is a threat to 'Knock you F********* teeth out,... Love, the tooth fairy'

Blighty's SMB tech ranks bitterly divided on Brexit


Re: A vote to stay is a bad idea...

So your point being that an extra layer of bureaucracy helps and that in contrast to 'Grass being greener on the other side fallacy' you believe in Happy Valley.

Whether grass is greener or not, you or I won't know, what is certain though is, it is no more a fallacy in or out.

In what objective way are the Eurocrats different to our bureaucrats, - none. They both serve thier masters which is the main problem with Europe.


Re: This is what we need more of....

Yes, we do have a service performance level, yes, that was corrected but, after the issues were finally rectified, as you well understand, you are not going to wholesale change during important changes.

Before this degenerates any further to the childishly patronising, my points are

1. Pk engineering need to be rid of this person ASAP. Who in their right mind would tell their employees that they're not 'The core'( To the press for god sake), even if you held those beliefs personally, and then blackmail them with the childish rhetoric of the 'We're all doomed' rationale, and what do his customers/suppliers think of this ridiculous outburst, so I re-iterate - he must be a knob.

In or out of the EU there are always going to be major challenges, where management is needed who look at the business in a rational way looking at the environment they are in and the environment that they may be in, a Blubbing Director/exec is the last thing required.

2.Just as a patient is more comfortable with a doctor who speaks the same language, the same goes for many people in many other industries, the free movement of people is great, I like going to Barcelona, Rome etc. and don't mind being seen as an idiot when I need directions etc from a local, however If I were an Financial director of an Italian company who didn't speak Italian, although i was paid a reduced rate Surely I would still be unsuitable for the job, this is what is happening, particularly in the service industry. And as I said 'A modicum of control'.


Re: This is what we need more of....

1. Don't get your logic at all

2. Selected the ERP when uk operations supported it


This is what we need more of....

The boss of Pk engineering wetting his pants and putting his staff under threat, and so what happens in his befuddled mind if we remain in and hit another recession inside the EU, or worse the EU just becomes a failed project as has been muted long before the Brexit movement became popular, he will be the first to be on the lookout for cheaper EU/international labour or moving the facility to India with his 'Core'. Grow up you moron, be a manager and manage.

Also, I've got a fair amount of experience with imported EU workers, what used to be a 5 minute conversation with the UK ERP support team, is now 20 emails (I kid you not) interspersed with just as many phone calls to get the emails explained to me, I know this won't go away but at least there may be a modicom of employment control if we're lucky enough to exit.

Again, to the knob that runs PK engineering, Grow up.

FBI ends second iPhone fight after someone, um, 'remembers' the PIN



Now he's remembered his, could he help me remember mine, if it helps to get some attention in this matter - I am a violent drug lord with tendancies toward lying.

I Thenkyow

F-35's dodgy software in the spotlight again


For just a few $m.....

I would be willing to hold onto a spanner or two and rush it across the world to an ailing F35.

I think this would be cheap at the price, and probably in the eye's of the morons with responsibility over this will think so too. I await my contract with interest.

I'm also quite good at software and believe I could comprehensively program the 'You just crashed' flashing LED, for just a few $m more.

Now, wheres my Arduino.

Trouble at t'spinning rust mill: Disk drive production is about to head south


My old...

ST225 still holds 3 photos and a song, what more do you need.

You engineers and your squigglybytes

CERN publishes massive data set


I just like.....

the pretty pictures, I'll leave nerd central to work it out.

You scientists and your energy levels, have a Snicker (Other Choccy delights available)

IBM says no, non, nein to Brexit


Don't forget Neil's wife, she's also on the Euro gravy train. Maybe I'm being too harsh, thinking of all those important decisions they have made for us.........or maybe not!

I find it hard to believe any of them have time to do anything other than creatively account for the free travel and expenses.



Being as they are getting rid of oodles of british workers, I'm not sure that they qualify to make any comment. I'm sure the outsourcing wing in India will manage to exist ouside the EU

Good enough IT really is good enough. You don't need new hardware


I'm not...

Hyperconverging, it's too big a word. I'm not moving over until this word is shortened to something simple, like cake or tea (I like those words and I understand them).

Breaking down more IT technobabble: 'Unified' comms... say what now?


I can't help but think...

about all the eggs in one basket

Magic Kinder app developer: Surprise! No security holes



I think thier crappy little toys are more dangerous than the App.

BT hauled into Old Bailey after engineer's 7-metre fall broke both his ankles


I remember some years ago..

being on a data cabling course, it was the HS component about ladders and height etc and the instructor talked about the correct ladder for each situation. An engineer then said "All our high back vans exceed that working height should we carry another ladder of the correct type and not use the fixed van ladder at the rear". Next to him sat his manager who promptly said "That's not going to happen". They worked for BT.

'Apple owes me $2bn'


It truly is......

The land of opportunity, there's gold in them thar Companies. Gold! .....Gold! I tells yer!

French thrash Brits, Germans and Portuguese in IT innovation


Slow take up....

How many times has Microsofts cloud crashed in the last year in Europe alone, with days wasted waiting for full recovery, and, if we are resistant to change, doesn't that just mean that many UK IT managers consider that the benefits have not been proven, just like so many Councils and other public bodies that jumped on 'The cloud' and then jumped off again when the cost savings were not realised. Look at the risks the Metropolitan police acknowledge they are taking doing just that.

It sounds like Claranet have a lot of under-subscribed storage waiting around.

I think HP, MS, ORACLE etc. Etc. jump on a new buzz word and then have an expectation that the sheep will follow.

Look at Office 365, useful to a small percentage of users, but it is not essential by any measure, we like many, still use Office 2007 and that is more than enough for 75% of the 'Office' population.

And don't forget, by time the next survey comes around all us ludites won't be on Nutanix or Proxmox or any other Containerised VM infrastructure...and so it rolls on, and on....and on.....

Turbo-charged quantum crypto? You'll need Cambridge laser boffins for that


I'm all for duality.....

because I can be at a fridge somewhere in the multiverse getting a beer, whilst I'm too lazy to get out the chair in the other room.

Also, what with all this simultaneous moments stuff where stuff is in another place faster than the speed of light does this mean I can recall my libelous emails before I send them

Russia and China seal cyber non-hack pact


Menu tonight....

plawn clacker and vodka = Detente

Old Putnik must look in awe towards his dream Totalitarian friends

Sweden 'secretly blames' hackers – not solar flares – for taking out air traffic control


Elite Hackers......

Probably a system patch being applied... Russian cyber attack sounds more exciting

Prof Hawking to mail postage-stamp space craft to Alpha Centauri using frickin' lasers


Why not.......

Point a whole bloody array of Radio telescopes at Alpha Centauri and ask them if they are in, and tell us if they are, by responding with a postage stamp space craft ...Let them foot the bill!

Ofcom promises to have details on duct and pole access by summer


Whats the betting...

BT will place some propriety grease on the poles, so no one can climb them.

Shareholder rage freezes Salesforce boss Marc Benioff's package


Dear Sales Force.....

The current incumbent clearly has lost the plot. Therefore, I would like to forward myself as your saviour.

I doubt I will increase sales either but will be extremely happy to carry out this loathsome job for less than current market rate.

I would also add, that for just a little more renumeration I could wear a suit and tie, and look like I am interested in the job.

Your faithfull servant

Head of IT

Mossack Fonseca

Read America's insane draft crypto-borking law that no one's willing to admit they wrote


Full Moon?

Surely these people are the lunatics of the Early 1960's Hammer house of horror films. Do they actually understand that once they do this, every attractive system in the world will be the focus of attention of criminals and rogue states, once cracked it will be the gateway to everything that operates our world.

These people prove decisively that if you are a complete moron it should not hinder your advancement in government.

There's oil in that thar … Chinese space probe?


Another idea.

Why not carry out the same experiment with a Politician or two, and see what oozes out of them.

Here's a great idea: Let's make a gun that looks like a mobile phone


Re: Oh, come on

You sound like a straight forward rational bloke, unfortunatley you are not the demographic that is the problem. You claim guns would flood in from south America:

a. this is just a re-import from the original supplier

b. To get hold of weapons in various US states is easier than a drivers license, in fact I don't believe you need an eye test anywhere - but I'm happy to be corrected on that.

c. Your own countrymen magnify the stupidity of gun use, - just watch Youtube the shear stupidity of these people can be boggling

d. As you rightly say in the UK you can't own a weapon just for ownerships sake but really, the fantasy of violent crime and the actual occurrance does not come close to the devastation that an inapropriate gun owner could cause.

Sorry my friend, you and many like you are stuck in your social circumstances and hold a belief that the ever increasing ownership of weaponry will keep the status quo, it won't. The argument for protection against coyotes and mad dogs is not a case. If it were such a problem would it not be better to have a paid official to take care of this with legal powers.

Your arguments do not hold water. If you travel to the UK or most parts of Europe, you will not have a gun - are you more likely to be shot at?

If I travel to the US, should I pick up a gun at customs to fend off a coyote?

The BBC flashes £560m ICT deal at hungry tech suppliers


Who would I give this job to?.........

Mary, Mungo and Midge would be eminently qualified, although there could be hot competiton from Noggin the Nog

Failing to get the choice of my two preferred suppliers, I think I'd just fling a few hundred million out the Window at all the normal suspects in large failed projects

Iceland prime minister falls on sword over Panama Papers email leak



Probably suffering from the 'Some pigs more equal than others' syndrome.His nickname at home is probably Napolean.

Surprise! Magic Kinder app could let hackers send vids to your kids


Re: Thank God

I would like it known that I do have puppies for sale and have not ever (until now) tried to gain access to the Kinder app.

N.B. Copying data to a usb stick is ridiculous, a young child might choke on such a gift enclosed in a choking gift

UK Home Office seeks secret settlements over unlawful DNA retention


I've just noticed that the page header for this document reads:

Paper 3.0 NDNAD Strategy Board (10th December 2015)

Shouldn't this be 'NDDNA' This could quiet possibly have occurred as a consequence of a distraction from the Expenses meeting.

Yes, I know it reads correctly, but my interpretation is more hilarious


I noticed...

That this meeting involved a plethora of coppers, a plethora of Home office, a couple of bods from some DNA testing organisations and a couple of other government bods but I didn't really note any independant authorities. It all looked very cosey.

The expenses from the listed participants at the meeting were probably far higher up the agenda than a simple civil rights issue. The result - nearly 5 pages of actual Q&A, they really got down to it that day.

Yes, I like the word 'plethora' today. What of it!

Mobe and Wi-Fi firms flog your location data to commercial firms, claim reports


Utterly disgaceful behaviour..

I can barely speak I'm so outraged.

Rt. Hon. Theresa May

ICO fines PPI claims firm £80,000 over 1.3m spam SMS deluge



If these heros of PPI are closed down how ever will I find out how to make a claim.

And next I suppose they will pick on those nice people from Microsoft who phone just to tell me that my computer is infected, well, if that isn't just plain good old fashioned courtesy, I don't know what is, they can have my passwords anytime.

Rt. Hon. David Cameron

Broadband bods Gigaclear bag £24m for rural hi-speed internet



Anything that can completly bypass BT gets my vote.

Truly crap exhibition dumped on Isle of Wight



All you Politicians and Celebs', You appear to have given any dignity you ever had to the Tabloids so why not give the final act and crouch one for posterity. Your agent "Know's it makes sense"

Politicians who have had a relationship with a pig need not apply - they've already far exceeded expectation.

'Panama papers' came from email server hack at Mossack Fonseca


Good for the Goose......

I don't feel so bad for all that cash in hand work I paid my builders