Posts by Dippywood

Whoooooa, this node is on fire! Forget Ceph, try the forgotten OpenStack storage release 'Crispy'

Re: Thermal Incident

Pray tell, why is it that, no matter where a box has been, when you de-dust it the smell is often of curry?

Microsoft takes us to 2004 with new Windows 10 so you don't mistake it for Server 2003

That thing Santa left on the lounge carpet

Do you not mean "that thing Santa's reindeer left on the lounge carpet?"

I've had it with these motherflipping eggs on this motherflipping train

Re: Oh boy.. An egg...

Durian is something I enjoy when in Vietnam (sầu riêng there).

Yes, it has an odour.

Yes, you can smell it some distance off.

Yes, it reminds me of a gas leak.

Yes, it is delicious!

Can even be bought in various Chinatown areas here in the UK, and, for a while in North London, there was the Durian Centre.

What simultaneously sucks and doesn't? This new robot vacuum cleaner

Heavens knows what a pound will be worth by the time it is released.

About a pound, probably...

A spot of after-hours business email does you good, apparently

Re: My old work email account is still live

Living eventually results in your death. No need to subset.

Hey, I wrote this neat little program for you guys called the IMAC User Notification Tool

So Very Viz

Back in the day of the dinosaurs, when FAX modems were very new, and long before they had been standardised, I got hold of one that thought it was an EPSON printer. This, alongside a MicroVAX and a 3rd party IP Stack for VMS soon became an email->FAX gateway.

This needed a name, so FAXLAG (FAX Line Access Gateway) was born, with due credit to Sandra and Tracey.

Psst. Wanna brush up your supervillain creds? Get a load of this mini submarine

All those years after the other spares stopped selling

Glad to see the surplus Sinclair C5 handlebars went somewhere...

You monsters: Screen time murders your kid's imaginary friend – until they reach school age

Re: Celebrity Imaginary Friends

Pop!

Which is the imaginary friend of the other?

"I say, General old chap"

"Yes, Legal?"

"One of us doesn't exist, don't you know?"

"That's a trifle inconvenient, wouldn't you say?"

Buckminsterfullerene sounds like the next UK Prime Minister but trust us, it's in fact the largest molecule yet found in interstellar space

Re: Am I the only one thinking

Do you have a raison for that preference?

Cyber-IOU notes. Voucher hell on wheels. However you want to define Facebook's Libra, the most ridiculous part is its privacy promise

What could possibly go wrong?

Really, I mean how long will the list be? Which order of magnitude will be required?

Come friendly bit barns and fall on Slough: Equinix opens £90m data centre in London rust belt

Slough - Greater London?

I think not! Greater London. Slough doth reside in Berkshire...

Are you sure you've got a floppy disk stuck in the drive? Or is it 100 lodged in the chassis?

5 to 8-inch "floppy" disks in the flexible, bendable jackets...

Not to forget that one also had some with 'hard holes'...

VP Mike Pence: I want Americans back on the Moon by 2024 (or before the Chinese get there)

Re: Way ahead of you Mikey

Indian too...

Budget rocketry from Donald's pal, Kim, perhaps?

Croydon school rolling in toilet roll after Brexit gift deemed unfit for the Queen's Anus Horribilis

A Soft Landing...

Put them at the base of the 'brexit cliff' we are about to go over (apparently) and use them to cushion the fall...

Schneier: Don't expect Uncle Sam to guard your web privacy – it's Europe riding to the rescue

When the Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth...

Millions of years ago, when I was at university, there was a compulsory module called "The Engineer in Society" that sought to make students aware of the sociological impact that their work could have.

It seems these days that too many are unaware of such things.

Or perhaps they just don't care.

Ah well, maybe I am in a minority as someone who rues the day that such niceties have been lost - or actively dismissed by the likes of Google abandoning the "do no evil' maxim.

Silent Merc, holy e-car... What is that terrible sound?

A new take on a classic game

Announcing Colossal Airport Adventure

YOU ARE IN A REGIONAL AIRPORT FILLED WITH WARREN-LIKE PASSAGES LEADING ONTO NARROW WALKWAY AFTER NARROW WALKWAY, ALL LINED WITH STUPIDLY EXPENSIVE SHOPS AND FURTHER DIVIDED BY QUEUE BARRIERS WITH RETRACTABLE FABRIC SWABS FOR A LONG, LONG, SNAKING 1KM – FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WITH NO PASSPORT CONTROL OR SECURITY CHECK TO ACCOUNT FOR IT.

find boarding pass

CANNOT USE BOARDING PASS WITH NO PASSPORT

find passport

PASSPORT IS STILL AT SECURITY

return to security

YOU ARE IN A REGIONAL AIRPORT FILLED WITH WARREN-LIKE PASSAGES LEADING ONTO NARROW WALKWAY AFTER NARROW WALKWAY, ALL LINED WITH STUPIDLY EXPENSIVE SHOPS AND FURTHER DIVIDED BY QUEUE BARRIERS WITH RETRACTABLE FABRIC SWABS FOR A LONG, LONG, SNAKING 1KM – FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WITH NO PASSPORT CONTROL OR SECURITY CHECK TO ACCOUNT FOR IT.

....

Ah, this military GPS system looks shoddy but expensive. Shall we try to break it?

VHS Tape Case as a Measurement Unit?

Nowhere near obscure enough - the VCR tape case of choice would have to be the Philips V2000 for maximum incomprehensibility. A technically superior unit of measure therefore destined to fail...

Twilight of the sundials: Archaic timepiece dying out and millennials are to blame, reckons boffin

Pocket Sundial

When sorting though my late father's belongings I came a pocket sundial - a nice embossed brass folding thingie with a compass embedded in to too.Of archaic interest, but at least it IS interesting!

Go big (with our bandwidth) or go home, Verizon: Texas mulls outlawing 911 throttling after Cali wildfire fiasco

The FCC again

FCC = F$%k Consumers Completely?

Just seems pertinent

I am just a mapper: Solar drones take to the skies above Blighty

Re: What goes up with the aid of a launcher...

As well they might - however the runway used was considerably more 'conventional' than the ones the navy pilots have with their launchers on. They get arrestors too, IIRC

What goes up with the aid of a launcher...

Crashes hard without one?

Kwik-Fit hit by MOT fail, that's Malware On Target

Oil be the first to say that you wouldn't make brake puns if the shoe was on the other foot. For anyone following this t(h)read, it's just a battery of bad jokes. Perhaps time to (fan) belt up and watch the company tracking its way to the hub of the issue.

I feel better now. Wheely I do...

Florida man's deadliest catch forces police to evacuate Taco Bell

Role Reversal

This time the human caused an automatic evacuation of Taco Bell.

Normally, Taco Bell causes humans to auto-evacuate - the only gamble is on direction...

Detailed: How Russian government's Fancy Bear UEFI rootkit sneaks onto Windows PCs

Re: The real solution

Just a Minix, that's too easy...

Pork pulled: Plug jerked out of beacon of bacon delight

One Purchase Per Customer

Don't be a pig!

Oh Deer! Poacher sentenced to 12 months of regular Bambi screenings in the cooler

...but may also run afoul of US laws forbidding cruel and unusual punishment

This in a country that tells someone that the state will kill them, sometime, eventually, when it finally decides that it can, and then seeks inventive ways to carry out the sentence after a person has spent years on death row.

Hypocritical, to say the least - Frozen should be the least of their worries

Careful with this latest Microsoft release – tug too hard on the threads and it tends to unravel

A special jumper to celebrate the delights of the October build of Windows 10

That would be in BSOD blue, of course...

Shift-work: Keyboards heaped in a field push North Yorks council's fly-tipping buttons

Missed one!

Upon Cursor-y examination...

Robot Operating System gets the Microsoft treatment

Re: Now this is in my head...

Not quite forever...

I think it goes something like this:- "my first instructor was Satya Nadella,...he taught me to sing a song. It goes like this..."

A story of M, a failed retailer: We'll give you a clue – it rhymes with Charlie Chaplin

Re: but there's still Digikey & Mouser

Don't forget the F-word...

Farnell

Ironic, isn't it?

Maplin started as a mail-order business many, many moons ago - that distance-selling mindset should have helped with the on-line. Ironic that a business that was originally not about retail sites was killed off by the retail side...

UKIP doubled price of condoms for sale at party conference

Re: Not for me

Come again?

First we screwed the country, now let's screw each other.

You're alone in a room with the Windows 10 out-of-the-box apps. What do you do?

If you found yourself in charge of the in-box Windows 10 apps, what would you do with them?

Install Linux

Deliveroo to bike food to hungry fanbois queuing to buy iPhones

Good for the Goose

One imagines that Deliveroo will charge double the going rate for every dish to these queuers in order to get them ready for the Apple technology pricing strategy...

Holy macaroni! After months of number-crunching, behold the strongest material in the universe: Nuclear pasta

Re: making them the densest objects in the known universe.

Trump's head contains vacuum.

So dense that he is not even air-headed - the Trump Dichotomy.

Detroit sh*t shifter's operating costs waste away with Oracle's cloud

The DWSD is now reliant upon...

Oracle Database Excretedata Cloud Service...

Norwegian tourist board says it can't a-fjord the bad publicity from 'Land of Chlamydia' posters

"...so they can make sure they're also forearmed"

Is it the strange practice of "forearming" that spreads it then? No wonder there's confusion regarding the use of the condom...

Microsoft commits: We're buying GitHub for $7.5 beeeeeeellion

Time...

... to git while the gittings good

El Reg needs you – to help build an automated beer-transporting robot

To avoid spillage, why not move the beer in some kind of sealed, pressurised container with a tap fitted?

Perhaps one could give such a container a name: keg, perhaps?

Oh...

HomePod, you say? Sex sex sex, that's all you think about

Comb?

A comb - to treat the symptoms? Address the problem at source, and make the gift a tongue razor!

Home taping revisited: A mic in each hand, pointing at speakers

Re: C30 C60 C90 Go!

I have this on at least 2 compilation CD's...

Go Wild in the Country and I Want Candy too.

But don't worry, the rest of the compilations contain music

Morrisons launches bizarre Yorkshire Pudding pizza thing

Move it Further North

Freeze the thing in a domestic freezer. When time to cook, cover two Mars-bars in liquid nitrogen and, when down to temperature, remove them from the liquid and shatter them with a hammer.

Place the shattered Mars-bars atop the frozen Yorkshire-pizza thingie, and immerse in a thick beer batter.

Remove coated delicacy from batter and deep-fry.

Server together with Tennant's Super or white cider.

What employs half a million people, just did $44bn in sales, and rhymes with Azerbaijan?

Re: I don't know

Let's not forget the "supercilious, formalistic silly words surround us" form that pops up at every mention of the West Coast.

I prefered the sarky headlines - but someone seems to have taken to heart the old saying "sarcasm is the lowest form of wit." Whether the saying is true or not, I's like to see more of the sarky taglines!

Please activate the anti-ransomware protection in your Windows 10 Fall Creators Update PC. Ta

"The controlled folder access mechanism within Windows Defender prevents suspicious applications from changing the contents of selected protected folders."

Turned this on, went to check email. OUTLOOK.EXE is blocked.

OUTLOOK.EXE??

Another well thought out feature, then!

Samsung's Galaxy Note 8 is hot, but not much more than the S8+

Re: "the wrong accents on your text will completely change it's meaning"

I must be a grocer :-)

That is not normally an error I make, but mea culpa