* Posts by Joe User

545 publicly visible posts • joined 30 Jul 2007


I'll give you my Windows 7 installation when you pry it from my cold, dead hands (and other tales)

Joe User

About that January 2020 "deadline"....

No one said that you can't run Windows 7 after January 2020. Microsoft just said that they aren't releasing any more updates to the general public after that date. You can keep using Windows 7 for as long as you like; however, you have to accept all risks for lingering vulnerabilities in that 10-year-old operating system.

We lose money on repairs, sobs penniless Apple, even though we charge y'all a fortune

Joe User

Note to clueless Apple execs

Design your products with ease of repair in mind and you won't have this problem.

Cortana makes your PC's heart beat faster: Windows 10 update leaves some processors hot under the cooler

Joe User

A novel concept: don't ship until it's ready

The sleuths over at Windows Latest found the issue also reported in Microsoft's Feedback Hub for the Windows Insider Preview Ring, but no action was taken before the update was unleashed on the wider world.

When the deadline arrives, Microsoft pushes the updates out the door, ready or not.

The spice must flow! Er uh, the code must ship!

Imagine being charged to take a lunch break... even if you didn't. Welcome to the world of these electronics assembly line workers

Joe User

Do the math

30 minutes x 260 workdays = 7,800 minutes or 130 hours per year

130 hours x 6 8/12 years = 866.67 hours

$2,450 / 866.67 hours = $2.82 per hour

$4,720 / 866.67 hours = $5.44 per hour

$2.6 billion in profits and Tyco still shits on their employees, even after a lawsuit settlement....

If at first you don't succeed, you may be trying to install that Slow Ring Windows 10 build

Joe User

No surprise there. Linux is an obvious (and stable) alternative.

Nuisance call boss gets 8-year ban after trying to dodge firms' £700k fines

Joe User

Re: Not bad, but...

But if they send him to prison, then the public has to pay for his upkeep. Better to sentence him to 8 years of in-house arrest plus scrubbing public loo's with a toothbrush for 16 hours every weekend.

South Korea reckons mystery hackers cracked open advanced weapons servers

Joe User

If the western world did, the store shelves would be almost empty because the western corporations have shifted nearly all of their production to mainland China.

(Where is the "hoisted with his own petard" icon?)

Detailed: How Russian government's Fancy Bear UEFI rootkit sneaks onto Windows PCs

Joe User

Re: The real solution

Way back when, motherboards used to have a jumper that enabled writing to BIOS. But since this is 2019 and UEFI, that solution is much too antiquated....

(That was sarcasm, for those who missed it.)

American bloke hauls US govt into court after border cops 'cuffed him, demanded he unlock his phone at airport'

Joe User


Many U.S. citizens didn't vote for that ass-clown. Don't paint us all with that broad brush.

Boffins don't give a sh!t, slap Trump's face on a turd in science journal

Joe User

No peer review?

"Indeed, some questioned why it hadn't been spotted in peer review."

Because Trump shit doesn't bear close scrutiny....

Yes, Americans, you can break anti-piracy DRM if you want to repair some of your kit – US govt

Joe User

Breaking DRM to perform "unauthorized repairs"

You can bet your ass that The Orange Menace will do his best to cancel this "affront to American businesses".

Greybeard greebos do runner from care home to attend world's largest heavy metal fest Wacken

Joe User

If it's too loud, you're too old

Rock on, grey-beards!

*Thunk* No worries, the UPS should spin up. Oh cool, it's in bypass mode

Joe User

Re: I, for one, can't wait to read about the sequel.

> It's called Fukushima.

It's also called New Orleans.

Suspected drug dealer who refused to poo for 46 DAYS released... on bail

Joe User

Re: Ah well...

There is a point when Indian police approach of force-feeding bananas under similar circumstances starts to seem more humane.

Just provide him with a bowl of sugar-free Gummi Bears (and be prepared to hose-out his cell...).

Put down the eggnog, it's Patch Tuesday: Fix Windows boxes ASAP

Joe User

Re: IE and Edge

"So edge is proof you can't sharpen a turd either..."

Actually, MythBusters proved that you can polish a turd.


But in the end, you still have just a turd, even if it is nice and shiny.

Euro Patent Office commanded to reinstate 'Nazi judge' it attacked

Joe User

If Battistelli is going to act like a junior Napoleon, they should put him in charge of the branch office in St. Helena....

Jupiter flashes pulsating southern pole, boffins understandably baffled

Joe User

Flashes pulsating at the poles

The solar system's biggest raves.

Ex-Facebook manager sues biz after getting 'Zucked out of overtime'

Joe User

Re: All depends on how useful you are.

> And I never got a thank you.

Nor will you. Management didn't want to pay for overtime. You had them over a barrel, and they caved in. Once it dawned on management that everyone in their IT department saw one of their coworkers "stand up to The Man" and succeed, they were forced to pay overtime or be faced with future refusals to do after-hours work.

US voting server in election security probe is mysteriously wiped

Joe User

Re: "Low level format"

@ElReg!comments!Pierre: Also know to most techies as simply "format". There is no such thing as "high-level format". There is formatting, and there is deletion of the partition table. Microsoft's "quick format" is therefore not formatting anything. "low-level" format here would not be (more) indicative of deliberate mischief.

You don't know what you're talking about. Perhaps you should try using that new-fangled thing called Google:

Low-level format (LLF) -- https://www.webopedia.com/TERM/L/LLF.html

High-level format (HLF) -- https://www.webopedia.com/TERM/H/HLF.html

Interstellar space rock screams through Solar System

Joe User

Re: That's a weird orbit

Are we missing two humpback whales and a cetacean biologist, by any chance?

Robot granted Saudi citizenship has more rights than Saudi women

Joe User

"promote Saudi Arabia as a place to develop artificial intelligence"

Because the country is sorely lacking in real intelligence....

China cools on Apple's high-priced iBling

Joe User

Emergency announcement from Apple's CEO

Make the Kool-Aid stronger!!!

Equifax CEO falls on his sword weeks after credit biz admits mega-breach

Joe User

Equifax CEO "retires"

More like "bails out with his golden parachute."


IT plonker stuffed 'destructive' logic bomb into US Army servers in contract revenge attack

Joe User


Is "Das" short for Dumbass"?

F-35 firmware patches to be rolled out 'like iPhone updates'

Joe User

The current version, Block 3i, is due to be superseded by Block 3F once development on the latest version is completed

The whole F-35 project looks more 4-F to me....

(For those who are unfamiliar with that designation, see http://directionsindentistry.net/4f-unfit-for-service-because-of-teeth/ ).

Surprising nobody, lawyers line up to sue the crap out of Equifax

Joe User

Re: So, time to settle on some insulting synonyms for Equifax

How about "Bend-Over-And-Grab-Your-Ankles-fax"?

Sub plot subplot thickens: Madsen claims hatch fumble killed Swede journo Kim Wall

Joe User

Re: Indeed

Next excuse: sawfish cut off her head and limbs.

Don’t buy that Surface, plead Surface cloners

Joe User

Re: Open up!

"Pretty confident RAM DIMMs in laptops went away forever about half a decade ago..."

Uh, no. More laptop models than not have DIMM slots. The ultra-slim machines have soldered-only RAM because there's just no room for the slots. It's a lot faster (and cheaper) to replace a DIMM with a bad chip than it is to get a system board transplant from the manufacturer's service company.

Well, debugger me. Microsoft's BSOD fixer is getting a makeover

Joe User

An easier way to analyze Windows memory dump files

BlueScreenView -- http://www.nirsoft.net/utils/blue_screen_view.html

Scans all your minidump files created during "blue screen of death" crashes and displays the information about all crashes in one table. For each crash, BlueScreenView displays the minidump filename, the date/time of the crash, the basic crash information displayed in the blue screen (Bug Check Code and 4 parameters), and the details of the driver or module that possibly caused the crash (filename, product name, file description, and file version).

Simply unpack the ZIP and run the EXE. The crash suspects are highlighted with a pink background.

Daily Stormer booted off internet again, this time by Namecheap

Joe User

Re: Vileness in public

joeW: "The Daily Stormer - Literally Less Classy Than ISIS"

Talk about splitting hairs....

70% of Windows 10 users are totally happy with our big telemetry slurp, beams Microsoft

Joe User

Re: Still not going there

Novex: "Until then it's Linux Mint, and VMs with older MS OSes (if only I could get the updates to install properly on them without 100% svchost.exe usage for days on end)."

If you're running Windows 7 in that VM, give Windows Quick Patch a try:


US military gets authority to shoot down citizens' small drones

Joe User

Puff, the Magic Dragon


Puff's big brother


Linux kernel hardeners Grsecurity sue open source's Bruce Perens

Joe User

"Ah you don't get this sort of trouble with Windows..."

Seeing as you have NO redistribution rights with Windows, it's a non-issue.

Thought your divorce was ugly? Bloke sues wife for wiretapping – 'cos she read his email

Joe User

Re: Why issue a sueball?

Perhaps he doesn't want his former "ball and chain" in jail, he just wants some of his money back.

Adobe will kill Flash by 2020: No more updates, support, tears, pain...

Joe User

Good-bye, Adobe Flash Player

Don't let the door knob hit you on the way out....

Iranian duo charged with hacking US missile simulation software biz

Joe User
Thumb Up

Re: International Traffic in Arms Regulations? Another US Government joke!

The older readers will no doubt remember how T-shirts were used to distribute PGP, written by Phil Zimmermann, to circumvent the US Arms Export Control Act - an activity that continues to this day. See: http://www.cypherspace.org/adam/shirt/media.html)

I had a t-shirt on which was printed the C header needed to decode a video DVD. I was quite proud that my shirt was classified as a munition by the U.S. government and banned for export.

Slower US F-35A purchases piles $27bn onto total fighter jet bill

Joe User

Re: An imperfect solution for an imperfect world

@DougS -- I think that Putin is displaying two classic Russia traits: greed and paranoia. Greed because a bigger country is a more "manly" country. And paranoia because he has some twisted idea that NATO wants to invade Russia, when the truth is just the opposite. NATO was created to resist Russian expansionism (see the first part about "greed"). Russia has a not-so-friendly China on its southern border, but you don't see Putin trying to annex Mongolia, do you?

And if you're going to talk about "the west" supplying arms to the rebels in Syria, please expound on the Russians supplying arms to the Syrian government/dictatorship. If you want to play the blame game, then there's plenty to go around.

Joe User

An imperfect solution for an imperfect world

And now for the flip side of that coin. The nutballs running those countries have an intense dislike of more enlightened countries, i.e. France, Germany, the U.K., the U.S.A., etc. They either a) slip some of their nutballs into those countries to cause murder and mayhem; b) encourage local nutballs to join their cause; c) buy/develop potent weapons to attack those countries; or d) all of the above.

What are you going to do then? Keep saying "Stay out of my country!" until the nutballs chose to listen? This "turn the other cheek" mentality gets old fast when a bully keeps hitting you because you refuse to defend yourself (especially when you are very capable of defending yourself). Or do you develop a bunker mentality and watch as your country becomes increasingly paranoid and eliminates personal freedoms in the name of security?

Microsoft drops Office 365 for biz. Now it's just Microsoft 365. Word

Joe User

"We are transforming the way we partner with you," corporate VP Ron Huddleston intoned.

"The same way that we 'partnered' with you during the development of Windows 8."

Joe User

Re: As if they didn't have enough

Sounds a lot like my damned cable TV company/local monopoly.

"Oh, you want channel A? It has been repositioned in our channel line-up and is now available in bundle X and above."

"Why can't I simply choose the few channels that I watch and just pay for them? I don't need any of those others."

"I'm sorry, we only offer select channel bundles."

<Sigh> "Okay, I guess I'll take bundle X for $50 a month."

"I'm looking at your account. In order to get bundle X, you have to add phone service and increase your data speed to 1 gigabit."

"But I don't need phone service, and 100 megabits is fine for my needs."

"Bundle X is tied to those services. We have no way to separate them."

Etc., etc., ad nauseam. My cable TV company uses 2 shovels to fling all their bullshit....

Britain's warhead-watcher to simulate Trident nukes with Atos supercomputer

Joe User

Re: do we really need to simulate this?

It would be somewhat amusing if nuclear war broke out and all the worlds weapons failed to go off through lack of use.

Yes, but there would still be a lot of highly radioactive material scattered about (think "dirty bombs" instead of "big-boom bombs").

Florida Man to be fined $1.25 per robocall... all 96 million of them

Joe User

Re: Good luck with collecting that fine.

I think a fitting punishment would be to make the perp scrub public toilets until shiny clean, one toilet per call violation.

Lockheed, USAF hold breath as F-35 pilots report hypoxia

Joe User

That will end up being the pilots' nickname for the plane:

I fly an F-35 "What's wrong now?!"

Joe User

Re: Stinks!

The American equivalent is "butt trumpet", which is a pretty good description of the President's statements....

Joe User

Re: O2 many issues

Ledswinger: Had the idiots of the British government included catapults in the original spec of the QE class carriers, we wouldn't need the costly abomination that is the F35B.

I think would it have been cheaper to equip the carriers with catapults and conventional aircraft than to flush money down the crapper on the shoddy F35's.

US Navy developers test aircraft carrier drone control software

Joe User

Re: Really??

They may be hacker proof but are they jarhead proof?

That feature is available on the U.S. Marines' version.

Apache OpenOffice: Not dead yet, you'll just have to wait until mid-May for mystery security fixes

Joe User

Updates for OpenOffice

Amounts to one last transfusion because the body is still warm....

Waiter? There's a mouse in my motherboard and this server is greasy!

Joe User

Re: Seen that one too

I love the smell of napalm burned roach in the morning. It smells like . . . victory!

Stop asking people for their passwords, rights warriors yell at US Homeland Security

Joe User

Request for login credentials

The proper response to that is "Piss off".

Joe User

We desperately need a Trump icon.

My vote is for a picture of a horse's arse.