* Posts by Francis Boyle

2735 publicly visible posts • joined 29 Jul 2007

Televisions in living rooms now the fastest-growing internet platform

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Re: Headline Stats Fail

I seem to recall reading years ago that Klingon was the fastest growing language in the world which means that by now we should jachchoHmeH 'Iwraj penaghtaH.

Swedish linguists nix new word after row with Google

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'search the innanet and end up with porn instead'

I. do. not. understand. 'instead'.

Dongle smut Twitstorm claims second scalp

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But then Jimmy Carr is a bit of a berk

No offense you understand.

Furious Stephen Fry blasts 'evil' Reg and 'TW*T' Orlowski

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Well I for one

am happy to wish Stephen Fry as much dick and head as he could possibly want. Not offering mind you, but whatever floats your boat. . .

India may can low cost Aakash tablet project

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Re: When it was started, a $40 tablet was outlandishly low

The trouble with spending $40 on a tablet is that you're almost certainly going to end up with unreliable, barely usable crap. That's fine for someone in the first world who just wants a cheap disposable toy but when $40 represents a month's wages (Wikipedia: poverty in India) you want something that works and lasts (and has a decent warranty). Leaving it to the market can't ensure that.

No, really: Austrians develop hi-tech jewellery made out of concrete

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Re: Something new.

IIRC the article said this stuff is lighter so it look s like you'll have to stick to the traditional method of pinning it to your trouser leg.

Space probe spies MYSTERY 'Cold Spot' in very fabric of cosmos itself

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Universe formed from soup

I'd always imagined it as more of a lukewarm porridge. Possibly with a tough skin on top.

Fukushima switchboard defeated by rat

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"japan doesnt have a sewerage system like ours"

Citation needed. Seriously, I really want to know where the shit from all those internet enabled toilets goes.

Nvidia stretches Tesla GPU coprocessors from HPC to big data

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Re: Not sure why..

Exactly what I was thinking. Impressive but profoundly stupid. Still if you have a hammer...

Drilling into 3D printing: Gimmick, revolution or spooks' nightmare?

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Re: have i seen this before?

Print at the point of sale was a nice idea rendered pointless by e-readers. Print on demand is hugely successful and dominates self-publishing. Of course, if you have a design for a working holo-projector. . .

Software bug halts Curiosity: Nuke lab bot in safe mode

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Safe mode

That's a Windows thing isn't it? I can feel an Eadon coming on.

National Security Letters ruled unconstitutional

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Re: Actually, No

Fair's fair, Steve. I always get my legal advice from greengrocers.

Google sidelines Maps bloke, shifts him from 'A' to 'X'

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The basement office will be a bummer

On the other hand if the job comes with the regulation ridiculously attractive partner. . .

We shall CRUSH you, puny ROBOT... with CHESS

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Re: Hi I'm the Chessmaster

African or European? Wait, I'll get the hang of this reference thing in a minute.

Curiosity succeeds – Mars was wet enough for life!

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I think you're on to something there

Cute lil kitty cat + xenomorph -> Cute lil kitty cat + puddle of acid

Heavily armed dolphins on rampage in Black Sea

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I like what you did there

But the klaxon awaits the less wary.*

*QI reference

Smartphone users prefer LOVELY apps to fiddly mobe websites

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Nice trick, Eadon

Go anonymous and get upvotes.

Microsoft backs law banning Google Apps from schools

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"And who said Microsoft retired their munchkin brigade..."

But the munckin's faith that in ten's years time the workforce will still be using Microsoft products is kind of touching.

The DIY spy-in-the-sky: From kites to octocopters

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Re: Living drones

You want to harness a DC-9 to a homing pigeon. Wouldn't that be just a little cruel.

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And I'll keep my SLR

with me too.

'We the People' seek to double NASA budget – at least

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The lesson being

fund your space program through product placement.

BAN SMUT, rage MEPs: Purpose of internet must be EXTERMINATED

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Misogyny howto

step 1. Convince yourself that if a woman is a feminist it's because "she can't get laid".

step 2. Don't worry about steps 1 - 2379: they'll come naturally once you master step one.

Android 'splits' into the Good and the lovechild of Bad and Ugly

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Re: Or worse?

I don't disagree with you but isn't the problem more fundamental than that? Analysts get paid to say stuff. They'll still get paid if said stuff is inane or obvious or misleading. They only only don't get paid if they don't say anything at all.

Boffins implant almost-cellphone in the BRAIN

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Re: tiny ?

That's what I thought. Some (unfortunate) men are not that well equipped.

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"extremely slow (19-15hz), massively parallel, "analogue", self-repairing and self-adapting, poor compartmentalisation, with pattern detection bias and high error ratio"

Sounds like the US Army. (OK , any army.) May be you should contact the Call of Duty and ask them how they did it.

Stargazers spot first-ever planet forming in dusty disc

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Who needs an exciting name

When they're "extremely large".

Sergey Brin emasculated after HORROR smartphone disaster

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Dear Sergey,

'Emasculating'. I don't think it means what you think it means.

Oh, and while you're here, please stop the fuck trying to get me to sign into my Google account whenever I do a quick search for movie quotes I'm pretending to know by heart.

regards - FJB

Colombian boffins reconstruct flight path of Russian meteor

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Must be wrong

That path goes nowhere near Edwards AFB - crazy Russian politician.

But they said "Apollo" and Project Apollo didn't go anywhere near the moon - crazy American.

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I thought you meant the vapour trails

then I remembered I came here to do a CMP joke.

Razzie voters drive stake through Twilight

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Re: Why revel in things someone else has decided are waste of time?

Because from a third person point we learn much more from failures than successes. Sure if you want to make an Oscar-winner by all means study Oscar-winners. But if you're not in the business you watch good movies and discuss bad ones.

Fondling again: HP slates new tablet for April

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Re: Looks like a Nexus 7 clone...

I'll certainly be considering it. I've been umming and aahing over a Nexus but I'm on a budget and the AU$200 plus price keeps putting me off. Basically all I need is decent battery life, reasonable build quality, and the ability to run a browser. If I can get that for $30 less than a Nexus I'm interested. On the other hand, there's the poorish screen and the HP liability . . .

Australia cuts Microsoft bill by AU$100m

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Re: John Sheridan, eh?

Most of the savings come by adopting Minbari technology but when you see the UI you'll be longing for the return of the ribbon.

AMD: Star Trek holodecks within reach

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Re: java?

That episode?I remember all of them and to be fair most were down to flash vulns.

Russian boffins race to meteorite crash lake as shard prices go sky-high

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International pretend to be a space traveller day

is next Thursday.

Civilization peaks: BEER-dispensing arcade game created

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Now to hook this up to one of those pee-controlled urinal games

and the circle will be complete.

Now, that's peak civilisation.

Roast entrepreneur: Mmm, tastes Just Like Chicken

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Entrepreneur tastes just like chicken

I think The Bongster is starting to tell porkies!

I have of course believed everything he has written up till now.

Love in the time of the internet: A personal memoir

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I'm interesting

You're an oddball. They're batshit insane.

Twitter translated to LOLCATZ: Strangely this had not been done

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Re: Sign of the times?

I was going to demand Klingon but a true warrior. . . . No, I don't have the strength to go on.

Public told to go to hell, name Pluto's two new moons

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Since we're restricted to the classics

surely that should be "Doug and Dinsdale".

British games company says it owns the idea of space marines

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Re: Marines?

They were all called Kevin, just to keep it clear.

Pinging in the rain: Boffins track wet spots using phone masts

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I'm happy to wait two days

for the puns.

Astronomers unravel solar system's strange energy 'ribbon'

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It's the G'Tall tripwire

and since we triggered it four years ago they'll be here any day now to put the animals back in the zoo.

Boffins find 17,425,170-digit prime number

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Are you trying to get them to multiply

or will you supply condoms?

YouTube's hilarious cat videos could soon cost you $5 a month

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Re: Tomorrows El Reg Headline.... Today

Anyone can create a streaming video service. It takes a Google to make money out of it.

The Oric-1 is 30

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Lots of flashing lights

Now that was a computer.

A lot of people are going to be disappointed by optronics.

'Like most convoluted theories, it was an incorrect one'

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I see your Whoooooosh

and raise a Poe.

NASA aims Curiosity's percussive drill at pink, veiny target

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And I thought they were just going to use

frikken lasers.

Pubic louse falls victim to eager Brazilian strippers

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Re: It's not all good though

Have you considered a stimulus package.

ESA, NASA agree on Orion module supply

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Because

the US doesn't have to prove anything to the Norks and they don't want China cutting off the supply of ipads.