* Posts by Bowlers

40 posts • joined 1 Jul 2015

Euro police forces infiltrated encrypted phone biz – and now 'criminal' EncroChat users are being rounded up


"cheddar cheese slices

Please don't take my cheese away from me..."

Except the rubbery ones.

Beware the fresh Windows XP install: Failure awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth


Re: Almost mouse free

One of our cats used to bring in live mice to play with but he would eventually eat them, except for what I took to be the stomach and some intestine. When we found these the comment was " he's been playing his mouse organ again".

It's National Cream Tea Day and this time we end the age-old debate once and for all: How do you eat yours?


Northern option

Butter first then cream then jam, if you're going for the clotted arteries do it proper like.

CompSci student bitten by fox after feeding it McNuggets


Re: This is why we can't have nice things.

Students...will they never learn?

After 84 years, Japan's Olympus shutters its camera biz, flogs it to private equity – smartphones are just too good


Re: Sadness...

How good would the camera on a phone have to be to be still in use after forty years?

NASA launches a challenge to fund AI systems for future spacecraft – hopefully without HAL-style errors


Re: The AI will just...

The AI will just...

...kill us all.

Or if sufficiently advanced it will assess the situation and instigate a cull. Around 50% of the population to start with, maybe using a virus?

Captain Caveman rides to the rescue, solves a prickly PowerPoint problem with a magical solution


Re: My word...

Don't tell them! It's how I know to put the phone down too.

Uncle Sam tells F-35B allies they'll have to fly the things a lot more if they want to help out around South China Sea


Did not know that. But wasn't Turkey destined to be the engine repair centre for this part of the world?

Blame of thrones: Those viral vids of PC monitors going blank when people stand up? Static electricity from chairs


Re: Office refurbishment...

Remember when we put an earthing strap on the back of cars to stop static zapping us when getting out. Perhaps a similar "tail" would do the same trick for a chair?

Why is the printer spouting nonsense... and who on earth tried to wire this plug?


Re: Back in the day ...

Went to a customer site to install an IBM 3274, earlier planning had ensured an underfloor 13amp socket was available. As I lifted a floor tile to connect the power lead I was informed a site electrician had to do all electrical work, union rules apparently. Leccy eventually arrived and proceeded to cut off the moulded plug with moulded ring pull on it to then try and install a cheapo bakerlite plug. The 3274 had a heavy duty screened cable which was not an ideal size for a standard 13amp plug but he managed it. I nearly offered to check his wiring but thought better of it, it worked fine anyway.


Re: My childhood...

I was visiting my parents and offered to mow the lawn while I was there. Typical UK electric mower, double insulated two wire with an 2pin inline connector at the mower end. At some stage my father had replaced the inline connector resulting in the male end live. When I pointed it out he just gave a casual 'Oh' and left me to it. These were the days when new appliances came without a fitted mains plug so I made a point of checking any kit he had wired.

Irish eyes aren't smiling after govt blows €1m on mega-printer too big for parliament's doors


Re: This May be Apocryphal...

I've mentioned this before but still relevant,

Mainframe site on first floor long used to delivering large bits of kit through removable window. This time it was an EMC 5500 full of 5 1/4 drives, batteries, PSs etc and it was a heavy bugger (in both imperial and SI). The box was to be lifted, inside a cage, by a crane. Large man in the cage ready to push box out when it reached the window opening. Unfortunately this time the cage was not quite high enough and when the large man pushed the box caught the lip of the window and the cage moved backwards, box fell out of the cage ...oops and was effectively destroyed. Later it was revealed the box was insured by weight not value...oops2. (Disclaimer: I was not the large man)

Teachers: Make your pupils' parents buy them an iPad to use at school. Oh and did you pack sunglasses for the Apple-funded jolly?


Re: Exclusive devices need in Schools

'My recollection of ink pens is that they were totally messy for right-handers too'

Bottled ink could be quite messy too, especially if you didn't want the Ink Monitors job...know what I mean?

IT protip: Never try to be too helpful lest someone puts your contact details next to unruly boxen


Re: Where were you 20 years ago?

I went to West Gorton a few times when ICL started using EMC kit. I always found it strange that I had to wear a white lab coat in the comp room. Made me feel a bit Boffinish.

We're late and we're unreliable but we won't invalidate your warranty: We're engineers!


Re: I need an electrician

A guy who lived across the road should have employed a qualified electrician but decided to do it himself. The mini cannabis farm he built in his roof space burnt his and his neighbors houses down. The kicker was it wasn't his house and it wasn't insured.

Was an interesting evening watching the fire brigade earn their money.

Welcome to the World Of Tomorrow, where fridges suffer certificate errors. Just like everything else


Re: Water cooker

If anyone wants an old geyser in the kitchen I'm available, just make sure your IOT fridge stocks Newky Brown and I'm no trouble.

July is here – and so are the latest Android security fixes. Plenty of critical updates for all


Re: If only

Updates, security fixes, not if you're an abandoned Google Nexus 9 customer. Does any manufacturer offer updates after the first year of ownership?

Those darn users don't know what they're doing (not like us, of course)


Re: Scope Creep

Don"t visit on a Friday then.

Let's make laptops from radium. How's that for planned obsolescence?


Re: Been there

Same here, my 10 yo MG Magnette was getting worse and worse fuel consumption even after fiddling with the twin carbs. At 6mpg I inspected further to find multiple drips from the petrol tank that turned to holes when a screwdiver touched them. Scrap dealers were my friends in those days!

AI has automated everything including this headline curly bracket semicolon


Re: Beware Electric Monks on ACID*

The amanfromMars 1 AI needs a little tweaking I think!

Just the small matter of the bill for scrapping Blighty's old nuclear submarines: It's £7.5bn


Re: Bah!

Better to sink it into a subduction zone, natures recycling system.

Groundhog Day comes early as Intel Display Drivers give Windows 10 the silent treatment


Re: Can Microsoft Windows Systems Supply Future Greater Service .... or Not?


Technical foul: Amazon suffers data snafu days before Black Friday, emails world+dog


Re: catalogue shopping

'Haven't you heard, pets by post is the next service from Amazon. When next you open an Amazon locker there'll be a stray cat waiting to follow you home and it will be hungry.'

Not by post, that's why they tested delivery by drone.

My hoard of obsolete hardware might be useful… one day


Re: assuming you know what it is

"*It's one of those unexplored laws of nature. Place two or more cables in a dark, isolated space and leave them undisturbed for more than a week.and they will form an impenetrable tangle."

Sorting through my cable collection I found a Parallel to SCSI cable which must have been bred in there as I knew nothing about it. What could it have been used for, truly a bastard cable?

Powerful forces, bodily fluids – it's all in a day's work


Re: Monitor

I was taught fault finding on airborne TX/Rx's in the early sixties. Box didn't work in the Vampire, into the radio bay, then inject the correct signal in the right place and the fault was isolated to half the box. Repeat until fault identified, valves, discrete components made it simple. Smell and signs of burning also were useful indicators.

Fast forward 50 odd years (some very odd) and can I use that training to fix my PC, no bloody chance. Event Viewer next to useless (for me) just tells me a hardware fault somewhere. Start swapping major components, luckily the PS is the first I try ( the cheapest) and fixes it. I don't envy current techs with the sort of faults mentioned earlier.

Sysadmin held a rack of servers off the ground for 15 mins, crashed ISP when he put them down


Re: System delivery

Similar story. Mainframe site on first floor long used to delivering large bits of kit through removable window. This time it was an EMC 5500 full of 5 1/4 drives, batteries, PSs etc and it was a heavy bugger (in both imperial and SI). The box was to be lifted, inside a cage, by a crane. Large man in the cage ready to push box out when it reached the window opening. Unfortunately this time the cage was not quite high enough and when the large man pushed the box caught the lip of the window and the cage moved backwards, box fell out of the cage ...oops and was effectively destroyed. Later it was revealed the box was insured by weight not value...oops2. (Disclaimer: I was not the large man)

Secret weekend office bonk came within inch of killing sysadmin


Computer room leak(ers)

Back in the seventies (sigh) the IBM mainframe computer room was 3/4 below street height. The windows were knee height on the street so easily accessible for viewing in or worse. Not 24hr operation then so when a couple of drunks decided to break in there was no water but a few "leaks" discovered next morning. Whole computer room moved at the next major HW upgrade.

Beer hall putz: Regulator slaps northern pub over Nazi-themed ad


Re: Trivialising?

Oh I don't know. See WW2 Jane cartoons, very educational to a young lad of the time.

Come in King Battistelli, your time at the Euro Patent Office is up


Re: He's probably got a patent on

Perhaps it's time for a new El Reg measurement; 1 Battistelli = an insufferable boss hated by all under him and impossible to reason with. It would be difficult to estimate how many Battistellis someone like Kim Jong-un would deserve though, maybe a kB unit is needed as well.

Has your spouse stayed on after Mobile World Congress? This sex doll brothel might be why


As long as the owner of the armpit has deck of cards to shuffle.

Amazon S3-izure cause: Half the web vanished because an AWS bod fat-fingered a command


I wonder

I wonder how long before the fat fingered one feels confident enough to report this to EL REG's On Call?

FAKE BREWS: America rocked by 'craft beer' scandal allegations


Re: Fake beer?

"Anybody else remember Grünhalle? "Bavarian" beer made by Greenall Whitley?"

I remember going to the Brewery at stupid o'clock to a system down call in the late 70's or early 80's.

While trying to diagnose the problem the night op was offering any drink I fancied, he had the keys to the management bar and hospitality was the norm. I declined until a part was ordered and a 4hr wait meant a refresher was needed. I had tried the Grünhalle before ( bog standard lager )so a couple of pints of bitter did the trick.

Parents have no idea when kidz txt m8s 'KMS' or '99'


Re: Top Tips

I still text longhand, but I do remember using NORWICH to communicate when I was younger, unfortunately on the back of the wrong envelope!

Reg man 0: Japanese electronic toilet 1


Re: Luddite

Three sheets were considered necessary when I was in the forces. One to wipe up, one to wipe down and one to polish.

Self-driving cars doomed to be bullied by pedestrians


Re: Hoodies playing chicken...?

First car I had with remote central locking was in the 90's. Going into garage for fuel on a rough Manchester estate there was group of youths hanging around. While filling up I thought their behaviour a bit suspicious so for the first time ever I locked the car while I went to pay. From the queue to pay I saw the older of the 'gang' trying the tailgate of my estate, locked but my tool bag and laptop visible. They drifted away then and I congratulated myself on still having my stuff for my next call. The exit of the filling station was just a few yards from a pedestrian crossing and who should be hovering there but the youths. As I approached the crossing one of them sauntered onto it and stood still to try and stop me. By this time I was a bit nervous so activated the central locking, again for the first time while in a car, and kept moving slowly forward. When I reached the crossing I steered around the youth who seemed too surprised to move in front again.

The point of the story; a safety first self driving car, presumably GPS equipped and programmed with all crossings, would have stopped and waited at the gangs pleasure.

Astronauts on long-haul space flights risk getting 'space brains'


Re: More reason to boot Donald Trump into space

Shouldn't that be "Hair Farce One"?

High rear end winds cause F-35A ground engine fire


Re: Not confined to F35

Slightly off topic, but around 1962 I was an erk at an RAF flying training base. The jet trainers were De Havilland Vampires, twin boomed with the tail plane between. http://cdn-www.airliners.net/photos/airliners/1/5/1/0961151.jpg?v=v40

They would occasionally fail to start (too much choke?) and a bunch of us would have to lean on the tail plane to tip up the nose while a highly trained engine fitter swabbed out the excess fuel with a rag. I often wondered how the student pilots felt when they were suddenly looking up at the sky then let down a little bit too quickly.

Boffins blow up water with LASERS, to watch explosions in slow-mo


Re: Always interesting

Been there, done that. As kids we would blowup water. Take a penny banger, light the blue touch paper, wait until it fizzes then drop in a stream and watch it act like a torpedo until the bang. Water everywhere, such fun and cheaper than X-Ray lasers!

Airbus to build plane that's even uglier than the A380


Ugly, beautyful or purposeful.

The TSR2 did it for me. I was in the RAF when the labour goverment cancelled it, changed my voting habits for decades afterwards.

Goodbye Vulcan: Blighty's nuclear bomber retires for the last time


Re: A beautiful aircraft though

I remember when the Vulcan's practiced QRA (quick reaction alerts) when we were supposed to get a 4 minute warning of imminent attack. The Vulcan's would be lined up at the end of the runway staggered left/right to avoid the exhaust of the preceeding aircraft. We would come out of our service bay to watch them start rolling in quick order very close to each other. The first Vulcan would take off and climb at a shallow angle the next really steep and so on. That really generated lots of noise, I could feel the vibrations through my whole body.

I also saw a firepower demo over the sea off RAF Episcopi Cyprus. A Vulcan released a full bomb load into the sea from a lowish height, I have a wonderful photo of the resulting 21 water spouts.


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