Posts by Aladdin Sane

If you ever felt like you needed to carry 4TB of data around, Toshiba's got you covered

How many would you need to download tumblr?

Asking for a friend.

OM5G... Qualcomm teases next Snapdragon chip for phones: The 855 with a fingerprint Sonic Screwdriver, er, Sensor

signals can't travel very far nor penetrate walls and fog

"NEITHER RAIN NOR SNOW NOR GLOM OF NIT CAN STAY THESE MESENGERS ABOT THEIR DUTY"

GOPwned: Republicans fall victim to email hack

Re: This kind of thing will happen when the NRCC Admin password is

I can haz?

Apple co-founder and former CEO has the most expensive John Hancock on the planet

perhaps keep a box of tissues nearby

For the most ardent of iFanboys

Microsoft: New icons, new drivers, AI! Everything is awesome!

Re: New icon design

I always think of Anne McCaffrey's talents universe.

Re: FUCK YOU MICROSOFT!!!!!!!

'And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.'

Terry Pratchett, Maskerade.

Intel eggheads put bits in a spin to try to revive Moore's law

I prefer to write code.

Microsoft polishes up Chromium as EdgeHTML peers into the abyss

That would involve them turning Windows into a Linux distro.

No, you haven't gone deaf – the Large Hadron Collider has been wound down for more upgrades

Has the LHC not destroyed the universe yet?

How disappointing.

Millennials 'horrify' their neighbours with knob-shaped lights display

Re: Worthless without pictures

Bit of a cock up.

Space policy boffin: Blighty can't just ctrl-C, ctrl-V plans for Galileo into its Brexit satellite

TL;DR

We're fucked.

Dog with 'psychotic tendencies' escapes home to poop on his neighbours' pillows

Re: Friday afternoon ROFL

Probably a scent thing to show his dominance.

Gigabit? More like, you can gigabet the US will fall behind on super-fast broadband access

Re: The report correctly notes:

You're not a gamer, you don't schedule large file transfers, gigabit is not aimed at the likes of you. Numpty.

Re: There is no use case for consumer gigabit broadband today.

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."

Thomas Watson, president of IBM, 1943

It was a lit CeBIT see, got teeny weeny, world's biggest tech show yearly party... closed its German fest's doors yesterday

Re: Free Tat

Free memory sticks are overpriced

Re: I've only one thing to say to that... Ah yeah!

Yeah, but that was harder to work a joke around.

Sidenote, Mike Myers appeared on the Wide Awake Club when he was still funny.

Re: English..

He's obviously not a member of the wide awake club.

If I close my eyes, the end-of-life kit vanishes: UK banks in doghouse over poor resilience

Re: After 20+ years in the financial sector

Not the banks, it would appear.

Huawei MateBook Pro X: PC makers look out, the phone guys are here

Re: I don't like the aspect ration

Can't you just ration your media consumption?

How much?

Australia to build a pirate-proof fence: Brace yourselves, Google

"primary effect" is infringement

That's youtube fucked then.

Blighty: We spent £1bn on Galileo and all we got was this lousy T-shirt

Re: "brexit thing has been a clusterfuck of unimaginable proportions."

Has been, will be, and currently is.

Re: Three weeks...

But how will it be funded? If it's not from Brexit savings then the bus was still absolute bullshit.

Re: "I'd rather laugh at you when you are in the dock for murder f**kwit."

Who said anything about murder? Stab in the neck means stab in the neck...

Re: Three weeks...

After I stab the brexiteers in their collective necks, you're all invited to my knighting ceremony at Buck House.

Baroness Trumpington, former Bletchley Park clerk, dies aged 96

Not enough of these in the world------>

Facebook spooked after MPs seize documents for privacy breach probe

Re: Sergeant at Arms

The Serjeant-at-Arms of the House of Commons is the only person allowed to wear a sword in the chamber (oo-er).

POPCORN TIME!

This is going to get interesting.

Great Scott! Is nothing sacred? US movie-goers vote Back To The Future as most-wanted reboot

Re: originals will still be enjoyable

George Lucas will see to that.

I believe this is still relevant

But you know I saw this movie this year called last year called er, 'Basic Instinct'. Okay now. Bill's quick capsule review: Piece-of-Shit. Okay now. Yeah, yeah, end of story by the way. Don't get caught up in that fevered hype phoney fucking debate about that Piece-of-Shit movie. "Is it too sexist, and what about the movies, are they becoming too dddddddd." You're, you're just confused, you don't get, you've forgotten how to judge correctly. Take a deep breath huuh, look at it again. "Oh it's a Piece-of-Shit!" Exactly, that's all it is. Satan squatted, let out a loaf, they put a fucking title on it, put it on a marquee, Satan's shit, piece of shit, walk away. "But is it too, what about the lesbian connot.. ddddd." You're, you're getting really baffled here. Piece-of-Shit! Now walk away. That's all it is, it's nothing more! Free yourself folks, if you see it, Piece-of-Shit, say it and walk away. You're right! You're right! Not those fuckers who want to tell you how to think! You're fucking right! Sorry wrong meeting again. I keep getting my days mixed up. tomorrow, it's the meeting at the docks. Tonight it's comedy entertainment with young Bill. Horrible film. And then I come to find out after that film. that all the lesbian sex scenes, let me repeat that, all the lesbian sex scenes were cut out of that film, because the test audience was turned off by them. Ha. Boy, is my thumb not on the pulse of America.

Bill Hicks

Barnet Council reckons Capita's dropped the ball on outsourced services

Re: I'm shocked that someone has found Capita wanting. Shocked, I tells ya.

The Pope isn't Catholic

Re: "realignment" of its partnership with Capita.

There's nothing in the streets

Looks any different to me

And the slogans are replaced, by the bye

And a parting on the left

Is now a parting on the right

And the beards have all grown longer overnight

Consultant misreads advice, ends up on a 200km journey to the Exchange expert

Re: Cleaning a laser printer

Always read instructions top to bottom before starting step 1.

Re: Reminds me of a recipe...

Whenever I write process docs I get people who don't know what I do to check them.

Howard

is a dick.

I hope he stuck around to sort out the mess he created.

HMRC: 30 months to prep Northern Ireland backstop systems, 24 for customs

Re: So this is what Brexiteers meant by "Quick and simple."

Oh wise and mighty Anonymous Fucking Coward, pray tell, how would you have gotten a better deal?

Lush scrubs its card-processing servers squeaky clean

Re: Here too

20 blocks is too close for comfort.

Shocker: UK smart meter rollout is crap, late and £500m over budget

Re: keep the freezer fully packed

The bodies of smart meter installers do take up a lot of space.

What an absolute fucking waste of time and money.

Pasta-covered cat leads to kid night operator taking apart the mainframe

Re: Click bait

You need to move pasta it.

In Space, Still: 20 years since Russia hurled first bit of floating astronaut hostel into orbit

Re: "Floating"

This isn't flying, this is falling with style!

This--->

Big data at sea: How the Royal Navy charts the world's oceans

Re: Bah!

Would that be Pavarotti?

I'd imagine there's a slight difference in price.

Well that's just spliffing: UK Amazon merchants peddling Mary Jane

Re: "El Reg yesterday made Amazon aware of the weed being sold via its website."

Yeah, but he preferred uppers, not downers.

Infosec's Thanksgiving turkey triumvirate: Tesla, Tumblr, Trump (as in Ivanka)... and tons more

Re: Lock her up Lock her up!!!

Because The Donald only wants to do one.

A 5G day may come when the courage of cable and DSL fails ... but it is not this day

Don't expect these two to be in the vanguard

Maybe they should take a long, hard look at Kodak and Polaroid.

TalkTalk hackhack duoduo thrownthrown in the coolercooler: 'Talented' pair sentenced for ransacking ISP

Re: Di-do'h

White Flag is still #1 in France.

Microsoft sysadmin hired for fake NetWare skills keeps job despite twitchy trigger finger

Re: Nothing beats them

And they're surprisingly useful for beating uncooperative equipment into submission.

Have the opposite problem

Whenever I update my CV, I find it hard to brag about myself. I don't want to come across as an absolute cock on paper (I wait for the interview for that).