Posts by Aladdin Sane

Do you know what TikTok is? Then you might make a good magistrate, says Ministry of Justice

Re: Valar Morghulis

Decent rain coat will see you right.

Games Workshop has chucked another £500k at entrenched ERP project with no end to epic battle in sight

Profit before tax £88.2m

Or one decent sized Imperial Guard army.

Snap continues to make a spectacle of itself as it tries to trademark the word spectacles

Bunch of pricks

Up there with Peloton. Off they can fuck.

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... a coding puzzle and it's a doozy

Re: I challenge you to use a better language...

The turtle moves!

GNU Sir Pterry

Swooping in to claim the glory while the On Call engineer stands baffled

Re: Hey Rob!

One night, a few years ago, a fireworks display was being set up at my rugby club. The lads doing the work has left the lights of the van on so they could see what they were doing, but this ended up flattening the battery. Wasn't room to push it forward so we tried bump starting it in reverse, coming very close to success. After a few tries, we had enough space to successfully do it going forwards.

Rugby players 1, diesel transit 0.

From the studio that brought you 'Mortal Wombat' comes 'Pernicious Possum'

And now I want one as a pet.

There's only one cure for passive-aggressive Space Invader bosses, and that's more passive aggression

Considering the size difference between me and most of my colleagues, I'd probably knock them on their arse.

See, when people invade my personal space, they first get a death stare, followed by instructions to get out of my space. Bob would've been told to fuck off very quickly.

The Ministry of Silly Printing: But I don't want my golf club correspondence to say 'UNCLASSIFIED' at the bottom

Re: An MP today would lose their seat for that

Misattributed:

Skinner: "Half the Tories opposite are crooks."

Speaker: "Please retract that unparliamentary language."

Skinner: "OK, half the Tories opposite are not crooks."

Re: Amateur Opera Society Newsletter

Were they using aria(l)?

Just leaving, don't mind me.

Labour Party supplier ransomware attack: Who holds ex-members' data and on what legal basis?

Re: The Other Lot

The Lib Dems?

Google's 'Be Evil' business transformation is complete: Time for the end game

Re: 42 huh

But it's not the meaning, it's just the answer. What we need is the question.

31-year-old piece of hardware not working very well: Hubble telescope back in safe mode over 'synchronization issues'

Design duration: 15 years

Current duration: 31 years

Expected duration: 36 years+

Several beers for all involved.

BOFH: So you want to have your computer switched out for something faster? It's time to learn from the master

That developer's going places. Possibly wrapped in a roll of carpet.

Instagram is testing feature that tells panicking users the service is broken again

Re: Oh FFS

It's not dead, it's just pining for the fjords.

IBM US staff must be fully vaccinated by December – or go back to bed without pay

Re: The register comments

Mater and Pater's abode has a west wing, is that what they mean?

Except the vaccines slow down the spread of the disease, therefore it affects the community as a whole and not just you as an individual.

Re: "PS This will probably get rejected"

Ah, TheRegister. Come for the articles, stay for staff calling out disingenuous bollocks.

BOFH: You. Wouldn't. Put. A. Test. Machine. Into. Production. Without. Telling. Us.

Re: Testing 1 2 3

The dwarves delved too greedily and too deep. You know what they awoke in the darkness

Re: Testing 1 2 3

Would that be more or less permanent than temporary portacabins in schools?

Is it a bridge? Is it a ferry? No, it's the Newport Transporter

Re: Wind Strength

Force 10 is from Navarone

Pressurised caissons. Great for building bridges, not great for workers.

BOFH: You'll find there's a company asset tag right here, underneath the monstrously heavy arcade machine

Re: I sometimes feel

Well that's just dandy

Re: I love my kitchen fire alarm ..

Is that you John Wayne? Is this me?

Re: I sometimes feel

During the war...

Other half resents being called a coffee machine.

On their Peloton's what?

On a side note, fuck Peloton, bunch of pricks.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Nah, it's just Windows suffering from a bit of vertigo

I consider doing that anyway

Arms not long enough to reach the plug socket? Room-wide wireless charging is on the way

Re: "...37 per cent efficiency..."

Plans within plans

Socket and see.

Wait...

Re: "...37 per cent efficiency..."

Any idea if it'll interfere with my COVID-19 vaccine?

Spring tears down math geek t-shirt listing because it dared to mention the trademarked word 'zeta'

He's the truest repairman.

How to stop a content filter becoming a career-shortening network component

Re: "That would not be... convenient"

Conversely:

"You might very well think that, but I couldn't possibly comment."

Re: SquidGuard Logs

I believe the middle leg was tugged first.

UK promises big data law shake-up... while also keeping the EU happy, of course. What could go wrong?

Re: A BASE jumping error

So Brexit means I should jump off a cliff, parachute optional? Sounds good to me.

NASA postpones spacewalk as it would be too much of a pain in the neck for astronaut

Re: The war between the East and the West...

The beginning is a difficult time. Know then that it is the year 10,191, and the war between the East and the West is still ongoing.

Re: Pinched nerve in astronauts neck?

Great scene in SpaceBalls

Re: Still...

I blame the bloody awful Warsaw Concerto.

Happy birthday, Linux: From a bedroom project to billions of devices in 30 years

Re: I've got a suggestion...

Nah, we're still doomed.

Hacking the computer with wirewraps and soldering irons: Just fix the issues as they come up, right?

Re: Anyone

How do you think we measure kerning?

Google staff who work from home might see pay cut under corporate policy – reports

Re: Absolute cunt's trick

Unless there's a specific allowance for travel costs, my salary is mine to do with as a please, not for my employer to say "x amount is for travel".

Absolute cunt's trick

Fuck them.

Re: "reductions in pay for employees that [..] choose to work from home permanently"

Obligatory Dilbert.

You can now live life like Paul Allen on Microsoft cofounder's luxury yacht for '£1m a week'

£1m a week

Cheaper than Cornwall this summer.

84-year-old fined €250,000 for keeping Nazi war machines – including tank – in basement

Re: WTF?

Hard to call somebody coming in with an invitation an 'invader'/

Re: though corroded with rust, could be cleaned and restored to working condition

The 8mm Mauser round is still in production and is popular with hunters in Europe.

Re: WTF?

That just shows a lack of ambition.

Remember Google Plus? Remember its privacy blunder? Remember applying for a slice of a settlement?

Absolute cunt's trick

Fuck them all

I've got a broken combine harvester – but the manufacturer won't give me the software key

Re: A beer for the headline writer!

Surely it should be a cider?