Posts by Dave B

Stop us if you've heard this one before: IBM sheds more workers – this time, tech sales

Nobody ever got fired for buying IBM, just for selling it.

BT reprograms biz customers as hotspots

"Changes made by the cutomer"

I asked BT and they told me this:

"there is an option to advertise as a BT Open Zone hotspot and generate revenue but this is only an option and not a compulsory change across the board. Any changes are done so by the customer and not BT"

UK kids presenter gets online support

Taking it?

"What about the thousands of parents who have spontaneously put their hands up to state their support for Cerrie?"

Clearly they were taking the piss

Jacqui Smith ecstatically ignores more scientific advice

@Target the "undesirables"

They came first for the kiddy fiddlers, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a kiddy fiddler;

And then they came for the perverts, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a pervert;

And then they came for the druggies, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a druggie;

And then they came for me . . . And I let them because by that time nobody was any fun anymore..

UK asks to buy next-gen spy planes from US

@"next-gen"?????

Hmm..no engines, just the creaking of wood in sync with the surface conditions - I wonder what the acoustic signature of the Victory would be? Add a passive sonar and a few depth charges and we could well be looking at the next gen sub-hunter!

UK.gov told not to subsidise superfast broadband

£28.8b?

That's what the Olympics is going to end up costing us so we must decide - superfast broadband for all or two weeks of unpopular sports?

I think we should choose the one that'll leave the best legacy..

Winehouse jibe wins Fringe's funniest gag

Old gags

You'd think the award would be for best original gag - Both the top two are old (admittedly with a different subject in the no.1 spot). Third place was good though.

Hippo. Pocket. Too easy.

Free passports for WWII generation hit 500,000

Freebies for War

How about those brave souls who help to defeat the evils of Terrorism? Do they get free stuff? After all, those old-time, ever-so-dapper, germans were just Axis but now we have to deal with an Axis of EVIL - not just murderous but lacking any sense of style. Cut the beard bin laden, and get a sharp suit - I want my goody bag!

Scientists ponder future Moon mission activities

Send robots?

I'm not a robot and I want to go to the moon!

I was going to go to the pub later but maybe I'll send a robot instead - it would be much easier - it could be designed with a greater capacity so it could drink more _and_ not have to pee, and no hangover either. Perfect..

Consider yourself Moderatrixed

Well hullo Moderatrix and S&LiAR

I'm tall, handsome, wear long-trousers* and am in IT. Fragrant? Not sure - it's been a long, hot day, hang on while I have a scratch n' sniff ....<rustlesnuffle>....... mmmmm, just a bit more...<shlurple>...Yep, fragrant's the word, now where do we meet?

* photo on application

'HD TV gas' 17,000 times worse for planet than CO₂, claims boffin

Re: @James Butler

Sry, tht shd b "z fr z pssbl". Plz lrn propr mrkn mi gd man, s langwj v th net dntcha no

US allows visual inspections of nipple rings

Re: What about...

"Maybe the wankers at the airport thought the piercing were pins and she was a walking hand grenade?"

Bulgarian Pineapples?

'Heavy' handset challenges all comers to prove its mettle

Depth?

Now if was waterproof to 50msw I'd be interested..

Europe too cynical for iPhone

Re: Statistics

~60 million UK population, similar in France, and 80+ million in Germany is over 200 million people in just those 3 countries (Europe as a whole is getting on for 800 million if I remember right). USA population is ~300 million so the stats are not looking good..

Microsoft kills Santa Claus

Re: @solomon

"There is a string of red lights outside his house which shows the Arctic circle"

Arctic circle my arse! Proof that Santa eats it. For money.

And he's probably pimping out the elves as well if there's a string of them.

Wannabe US bank robber fails intelligibility test

@ Adrian

Not Gollum; 'All crime isss committed by arsssholesss therefore being an arssshole isss itssself a crime, punissshable by Death..'

Brit spooks: Yanks are frightful cowboys

Re: title

"Clear, irrefutable evidence is needed that the person is so beyond the law that the law no longer applies to that person. Only then should all the detentions without trial and torture occur."

So how is it decided whether the evidence is clear and 'irrefutable'? At a TRIAL, that's how.

JHC!