* Posts by Andytug

312 posts • joined 17 Apr 2015


BOFH: Despite the extremely hazardous staircase, our IT insurance agreement is at an all-time low. Can't think why


Foundation users....proper lol

Very close to a coffee/keyboard interface situation :)

Accidentally wiped an app's directory? Hey, just play the 'unscheduled maintenance' card. Now you're a hero


Be very careful where you click...

Once when fixing a shared folder permissions issue, nice and easy, right click folder, permissions, reset permissions on child objects, job done.

.....except if you have accidentally highlighted the workgroup folder for the whole office, not the single folder at the top that you actually wanted to reset.

Correct folder resets, then it started on the next one......ohsh!t moment. Frantically cancelled out of it....after 5-10 seconds of terror, and it had only got part way through folder 2, which fortunately had no special permissions or structure under it.

Step away from the computer.......slowly. Get drink, calm down. Resolve to be more careful in future.

George Clooney of IT: Dribbling disaster and damp disk warnings scare the life out of innocent user



That is so getting used the next time I present via Teams (evil laugh)....


Re: It is very important to select your victim carefully,

He'd already done the "screenshot destop, hide all shortcuts and icons, set screenshot as background" on me previously (first time I'd seen it so mild panic ensued) so it was my turn :)


It is very important to select your victim carefully,

or the fallout may not be what you wish for.....

Also sometimes good practice to prime those around the victim so they can (a) support the joke and/or (b) won't turn on you if it goes wrong....

Did something similar back in the day with a fake virus checker that moved a person's files off their (3.5") floppy on to the HDD and displayed a message saying a virus had been detected. Panic ensued, until I "recovered" the files after a suitable time lapse and then explained the scam. Person selected was known to be both able to take a joke and deliver one, although even he did suffer a partial sense of humour failure briefly......

To have one floppy failure is unlucky. To have 20 implies evil magic or a very silly user


Re: if it works...

There's a very simple couple of reasons why companies are trying to push stuff that's Internet-connected.

Monthly subsription

Personal data that can be monetised.

They sell the initial product cheap (e.g. doorbell camera) then rake in the money from subs. If you had to buy the storage etc for your home to keep the videos it would cost more initially, but cost little in the long run. Only benefit in this case is being able to view footage remotely on your phone.

Move aside, Technoking: All hail the Sweat Master and his many inspirational job titles


Re: Uptitling


Window Cleaner - Transparent Wall Maintenance Engineer

The 40-Year-Old Version: ZX81's sleek plastic case shows no sign of middle-aged spread


Still got one in the loft

Although it's in a "proper" (well sort of, rather clunky) full size keyboard case, we got sick of the membrane very early on. Plus the case makes the (non Sinclair) RAM pack much less likely to wobble.

Chess in 1K of RAM, 3D Monster Maze, Catacombs, etc etc. Even had a Dig Dug in Hi Res by the time it got updated (to an Acorn Electron). No idea how someone managed to get that to work. I remember it being a swine to load from the tape though.

I haven't bought new pants for years, why do I have to keep buying new PCs?


I hate to say it, as I don't like the way they work...

...lack of back button etc, but for the elderly Apple is usually the answer

Yes, overpriced, hobbled in file transfer, etc etc but the volume of "IT Support" calls drops to almost zero once you get them off laptops and onto iPads. And they last a fair while too.

For those who must have a PC or laptop, an SSD upgrade from spinning rust (where possible) is a cheap way to speed up an older PC or laptop.

The older stuff does have an analogy with old cars - the people who can keep those running are the ones with the knowledge, the cupboards stuffed with old parts, and so on.

A word to the Wyse: Smoking cigars in the office is very bad for you... and your monitor


Don't think there's anything worse than the motherboard of a smoker's laptop...yuk

Even one that had had lager spilt into it smelt better.

One possibly worse....way back when I was at college a fellow student got a maintenance job at the local amusement park, sorting out all the arcade machines. It was when the "sit inside" machines like Star Wars and the tank battle one were popular. However the manufacturers chose under the seat as a good place to put some of the mainboards, which is fine until a Very Young Person decides to sit in there, play around with the controls and have a "little accident".

Seems urine is very good at attacking solder, so not only was there a bad smell but the board was trashed..

UK Supreme Court declares Uber drivers are workers, not self-employed: Ride biz's legal battle ends in a crash


Re: Well....

Not only the exploitation of workers, but the even bigger elephant in the room, low prices bankrolled by billions in VC capital, which if a state subsidy would be illegal, and that subsidy provided on the proviso that once competitors are driven out of business then "surge pricing" will deliver a hefty profit for the VCs.

Customers don't come into it, apart from as cows to be thoroughly milked come the day they realise it's too late and they have no alternative.

The wastepaper basket is on the other side of the office – that must be why they put all these slots in the computer


Re: We kept an enormous paper clip (suitably bent) in our toolkit.....

Only ever seen that happen once, with an old Fujitsu 486DX (I think), the sudden bang and silence as the CDR shattered into several pieces was a bit of a shock to the surrounding company.....

Although just like yours, after dismantling and removal of all the (many) shards of shattered CDR, the drive still worked perfectly. CD/DVD drives are built tough......


We kept an enormous paper clip (suitably bent) in our toolkit.....

....specifically for removing smart cards from laptops where the user had managed to insert them fully into the gap between the DVD drive casing and the laptop casing, conveniently positioned just a couple of mm below the actual smart card slot. Thanks HP, great piece of design there.......

We know it's hard to get your kicks at work – just do it away from a wall switch powering anything important


Back in the days when cars had cassette players....

Can remember driving past RAF Fylingdales (missile early warning radar station in Yorkshire) and the music being drowned out by a loud brrrrrrrtttttt for most of the way past. Think the radar interfered with the playback head in the cassette deck.


My favourite one....

A staff member who suspended herself at the login stage and couldn't understand why.....until we discovered that her nice electric rise/fall desk was pushing her keyboard (particularly the enter key far right) into the underside of her bosom. The embarrased IT person explained....the lady in question fell about laughing!

There is also a special level of hell reserved for whoever thought that Ethernet sockets at skirting board level were a good idea, when they are exactly the same height as the ends of the legs on a standard office chair........so many broken/pushed into the socket box :((((((

How do you save an ailing sales pitch? Just burn down the client's office with their own whiteboard


Re: This is one thing...that doesn't always help

Many years ago we had a dud batch of auto sensing PC power supplies that were supposed to set themselves to whatever you connected them to......except every so often one would set itself to 110 on a 240v plug, so when you switched it on the fuse would blow with a nice "pop". Very entertaining first thing i the morning when people are half asleep......

You can drive a car with your feet, you can operate a sewing machine with your feet. Same goes for computers obviously


Obligatory Dilbert...


The Novell NetWare box keeps rebooting over and over again yet no one has touched it? We're going on a stakeout


Re: More Mystery Reboots

Put one next to a live speaker with unshielded inputs. Then ring it and listen......

Just under a second before the phone rings you'll hear a buzz as (I think) the handset responds to the base station. Older phones had much more transmit power than modern ones do.....

Same happens just before a text lands but a bit less so.

Can still hear same if you stand near the door in our local chemists, as the call patient intercom speaker is above the door.

The curse of knowing a bit about IT: 'Could you just...?' and 'No I haven't changed anything'


Re: Sorting other people's stuff

Same here, all you need to do is find your local friendly firm that takes ex business laptops at refresh time, fits new SSDs, reinstall W10 and sells them at 1/3 of the original RRP or less. Choice of models etc. Had 5 from our local one and every one a good one. Buying new is stupid in my view,

Everybody's time is precious, pal: Sometimes it isn't only the terminals that are dumb


Re: Reminds Me Of A Customer One Time...

The original "Space Invaders" machine in our local sports club was finally removed after many years when the management discovered that punters had for some time been flicking a piezoelectric lighter in front of the screen, which then gave you free credits....

UK on track to miss even its slashed full-fibre gigabit coverage goals, warn MPs


That's this government for you

If it doesn't make money for them ot their mates, it won't happen.

No money in rural broadband, in fact a loss.

Windows might have frozen – but at least my feet are toasty


I've seen a spark like that from an old twin tub washer..

which a friend has asked me to look at as "the fuse had gone". Took the back off, new fuse, switched plug on and fizzbang, large spark, fuse gone again. Get someone who knows what they're doing please, I'm out.

Although you are correct that to make an arc in dry air needs 3kV per cm, etc, the presence of dust, metal debris or anything else flying about can make for a larger (if only briefly) spark (I used to make good "fireworks" with a 13V supply as a kid, due to tiny metal bits flying off glowing). Also the image left burned on your retina will probably be larger.....


Even worse with heaters...

…~~~wavy lines~~

Back in the day when the office had lovely white plastic-cased Fujisu PCs, for the important people only.

One Important Person was cold, and placed a fan heater on top of their desk, on a box. Then went to the toilet for some time, during which the heater fell forwards.....on to the PC base, blowing right on it. The result looked like Mr Soft's (from the Softmints advert) PC, only the internal metal casing stopped the whole thing from flowing off the desk like lava. Very lucky not to cause a fire.

There are two sides to every story, two ends to every cable


Re: I was close

That is even more likely where you have the IP phone and PC on the same port, so goes port to phone, phone to PC, 2 patch leads. Twice the chance to do it and have the data go round in circles, presumably!

When even a power-cycle fandango cannot save your Windows desktop


Re: Not quite the same

We had a bunch of faulty Fujitsu base units back in the day which auto-sensed 110/240V and set the PSU accordingly.

Faulty in that every so often one would get it wrong. Picture the scene, 0700 or so, desks back to back, user sans coffee so barely awake, colleague over the desk turns their PC on and "bang" there goes the fuse. User is now thoroughly awake!!

Not sunshine, moonlight or good times – blame it on the buggy


Re: The First Law Of Computing

And to constantly er...er.....er....err.... means you are the Prime Minister...

Right to repair? At least you still have the right to despair: Camera modules cannot be swapped on the iPhone 12


Re: Vote with your wallet

Indeed - then they can also be derided by most of the media and government: "you can't possibly be poor - look, you own a smartphone!".

Need a new computer for homeschooling? You can do worse than a sub-£30 2007 MacBook off eBay


Talk to your friendly local recycler....

We have a local firm that takes ex-business laptops and refurbs them, new SSD, etc. I've kitted the whole family out with them over the last couple years. Start at less than £150 and go up depending on spec, way less than half the price of a new one.

Just got myself a refurb i5 8Gb RAM 14" Thinkpad, and it's great, plays World of Warships no bother at all.

SSDs are what makes an old laptop so much better, wife has a Toshiba she really likes (because of the keyboard mainly), had it about 3 years and it was 2nd hand when we got it, £40 for an SSD and an hour or so to re-install W10, and it's at least 10 times faster. Cheap upgrade that really extends the life of a laptop.

We bought a knockoff Lego launchpad kit from China for our Saturn V rocket so you don't have to


Cheaper alternative to LEGO

Blox - sold in Wilkinsons in the UK and about 30% of the price of the real thing (less if on offer).

Almost as good, my daughter has about 25 sets of the stuff. Not quite as technically correct maybe in some cases but the instructions are good (she started them at 7 years old) and they seem to last as well as the real thing.

Remember the days when signs were signs and operating systems didn't need constant patching?


I saw this one on Sunday and took a pic....

then forgot all about it in the usual fudge of trying to get out, decide which chest of drawers was best, etc :)

It was conveniently right in the main entrance for everyone to see what a PITA Window Update can be......

There ain't no problem that can't be solved with the help of American horsepower – even yanking on a coax cable


Floor tiles can be fun too..

Temporary patching for a roof replacement (don't ask....), 25m patch cables run under the walkway, blockage discovered. Pull up tiles both sides, me one side mate the other, can't even push a rod through. Pull up all the floor tiles, and discover a whole floor box under them! Someone obviously saved money by not re-locating it when they decied that was going to be the walkway.....


Yep, got that in our kitchen

When replacing it after we moved in, took the old wall units off, hmm, why is there an 8mm hole here in the middle with burn marks round it? Stud/wire detector out, wire (in metal conduit fortunately) runs diagonally from top corner to socket in middle of wall.

Wall now has appropriate areas shaded and labelled in big letters, just in case I forget in the future!

I am not a sparky but even I know wires should run vertically!

We're not getting back with Galileo, UK govt tells The Reg, as question marks sprout above its BS*




He was a skater boy. We said, 'see you later, boy' – and the VAX machine mysteriously began to work as intended


Re: The need for speed

Not diesel, but you used to do similar with clogged up petrol engines, remove the air filter and pour Redex (fuel system cleaner) carefully into the top of the carburettor. Clouds of white smoke would ensue, but would take crud out of the engine with them.

Did this once with an old Nissan Micra (the squared off one), however unbeknownst to me it had some double throttle flap thing in the carb, so some of the Redex sat on the second (closed) flap, until I pulled out onto the road and floored it, at which point it did a pretty good impression of James Bond’s DB5 by leaving an impenetrable white cloud for a good 400 yards plus as all the remaining Redex was dumped into the engine at once....

Ran much better afterwards though :)

You think the UK coronavirus outbreak was bad? Just wait till winter: Study shows test-and-trace system is failing


Re: Youre the herd, this is a cull

Yep - just look at the pics of the audience at the last Conservative party conference.

Nokia 5310: Retro feature phone shamelessly panders to nostalgia, but is charming enough to be forgiven


Re: There's also room for two SIM Cards

The photo of the inside definitely shows two SIM slots (SD card slot is at the top by the look of it).

Rest is still true though.

Twitter says hack of key staff led to celebrity, politician, biz account hijack mega-spree


I can't imagine any tweet they could have put from the POTUS's account that is any more unbelievable than the ones he normally puts out...…..

The red panic flag would possibly only be raised if the tweet was intelligent, correctly phrased and cogent.

Finally, a wafer-thin server... Only a tiny little thin one. Oh all right. Just the one...


Not blown one up, but it helps if they are live....

Following a planned power off for electrical work, 06fartooearly on a Monday, I come in, fire up all the network kit, lights come on in the right order, everything goes green as it should, lovely. Go to the server cabinet, start them all up, all the usual whirry noises, fans, lights, etc. Fantastic. Then my ears pick up a regular beeping noise, one not normally heard. WTF?? While my half awake brain processes this, all the servers shut down and there is silence again. Mild panic ensues. Press power again, nothing. Beeping continues. Finally look at UPS at the bottom of the rack....oh-oh, red lights all round. No power. Phone electrician on call...…

After the inspection one of the RCDs hadn't been replaced correctly, so the entire rack had no power. All the servers fired up on UPS power, which then promptly shut them all down gracefully before it ran out of battery power.

Lesson learned, check everything for red lights. Even the stuff right at the bottom...….

How do you run a military court over Zoom? With 28 bullet points and a ceremonial laptop flunkey, of course!


Re: If the Boris Johnson Junta decides to declare Martial Law

Well... they do say that one more look and your heart goes Boom.....

Only true boffins will be able to grasp Blighty's new legal definitions of the humble metre and kilogram


Re: Candela

Isn't that because the contruction/use regs still specify the max in terms of power consumption (55/65 watts) which is only relevant to halogen/incandescent bulbs, not LED, gas discharge or Xenon/HID? A 55W LED light is about 4-500W in brightness.


Is that also the reason why it inexplicably keeps reverting to "Letter" instead of A4, especially if the paper guides aren't 100% spot on the marks?


Re: Me too

Or the 660ml (double 330) bottles many lagers are sold in.

750ml is already a bottle in wine and spirits terms so would work best I think.

Wow, Microsoft's Windows 10 always runs Edge on startup? What could cause that? So strange, tut-tuts Microsoft


2004 update to blame?

2 out of the 3 laptops I've upgraded to 2004 recently (all different manufacturers) had a brief issue after reboot where they opened 100+ Edge windows on startup. End Task in Task Manager stopped it, but could be connected?

Bite me? It's 'byte', and that acronym is Binary Interface Transfer Code Handler


Not coding, but similar effect....

The admin console of Novell Networks allowed for the sending of IM's to people. Didn't get used very often, except for a couple of the PFYs to annoy each other. One day this was occurring, so one PFY logged off to (he thought) put a stop to it.

Unfortunately the IMs are based on user IDs assigned at login, and when someone logs off that ID is often immediately assigned to the next user that logs in, if it's within a few seconds.

So ……..that was why a senior manager called up to ask why his PC has a message in the middle of the screen saying "STOP IT!!!!".

Could have been a lot worse though!

The end really is nigh – for 32-bit Windows 10 on new PCs


Probably just as well, given how much RAM it uses..

4GB limit doesn't leave much for apps and programs...

Quick Q: Er, why is the Moon emitting carbon? And does this mean it wasn't formed from Theia hitting Earth?


It's the high carbon content of the soup..

...made by the soup dragon.

French pensioner ejected from fighter jet after accidentally grabbing bang seat* handle


Re: Double ejection

Even worse, it had partially gone off... From another site......

As I understood it from someone involved in the Rafale community the command eject system was live and was triggered by the rear ejection. The initial sequence for the front seat was complete (pyro gases triggering canopy, seat harness retraction etc) but failed at the very last step - the main cartridge for the front seat gun itself. Apparently the front seat sequencer was energised / impinged by the pyro gases but rather than sequencing correctly it exploded and was physically blown free of the seat mounting structure.

So the pilot got to land a cabriolet, having been subject to a power retract of his harness and with an explosively damaged seat underneath him.

Forget about those pesky closures, Windows 10 has an important message for you


That's the latest feature update - that tries to reserve 9GB of HD space for future updates!

So will never install on a 32Gb eMMC machine where Win10 already uses more than 20Gb of the 28 or so Gb of actual usable space.

I have moved everything possible to a USB stick (update folder, filesystem, etc)....no joy.

Why do you write an update that even when the update cache is on a different disk insists on still trying to reserve it on C:?????

What's inside a tech freelancer's backpack? That's right, EVERYTHING


Even worse if your work uses Surface Pros.....

Sum total of ports, 1 USB one DisplayPort.

Lovely lightweight tablet laptop it may be, but I have to carry a mains adaptor, a USB Hub (with a separate power adaptor lest you want to plug more than one thing into it as it may run out of power....) which also has the Ethernet port in it, and a displayport adapter if I want to use any external monitors (plus VGA/HDMI lead becasue nowhere ever has one).

Plus mug, coffee, chocolate, the usual stuff.....

BOFH: Here he comes, all wide-eyed with the boundless optimism of youth. He is me, 30 years ago... what to do?


Cynical is what an optimist calls a realist...


Optimist : The glass is half full

Pessimist: The glass is half empty

Engineer: The glass is twice as big as it needs to be

IT: Bring me a full glass, I've nearly finished this one......



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