* Posts by Mr. Abelazar Woozle

10 posts • joined 20 Feb 2015

The ultimate full English breakfast – have your SAY

Mr. Abelazar Woozle

Bacon - got to be proper smoked back bacon, ranging from crispy round the edges to thoroughly crozzled. Rinds can optionally be cut off and fried separately to a proper state of crozzledness, think miniature pork scratchings.

Sausage - something lightly flavoured, or plain but nothing too "mucked about with" as my father-in-law would put it.

Black pudding - no excuses, this is essential...

Eggs - both scrambled and fried (yolk runny), or if you want to make a token gesture for healthy eating, poached.

Baked beans

Staffordshire/Derbyshire oatcakes - I've you've never had one of these, it's high time you did, they're the Midlands' best kept secret.

Toast - freshly baked white bread, can be lightly done to cremated depending on your taste.

Mushrooms - fried in the bacon/black pudding fat to absorb more of that dead pig goodness

I'd put tomatoes and hash browns on the optional items list, and tomato/brown sauce for the sausage if you're feeling like it.

Wash down with pint mugs of well-brewed Yorkshire tea, then go out and take on the world.

Gullible Essex Police are now using junk science lie detectors

Mr. Abelazar Woozle

Maybe they could use divining rods, I'm sure they could pick up a few wire coathangers and a pair of pliers from the local Poundland and knock up a few sets?

Haruspicy would be another option and a good way to keep the local air-rat population in check but there might be a few animal rights issues to consider....

Tracy Emin dons funeral shroud, marries stone

Mr. Abelazar Woozle


There is an Oglaf cartoon I recall about a young man drawing the sword of kingship from the stone but subsequently getting *ahem* stuck in it but since I'm at work right now, I'm not searching for the link, and if you're at work too, gentle reader, I'd advise you not to search for it either....

Intravenous hangover clinics don't work, could land you in hospital

Mr. Abelazar Woozle

Feh! Best cure for a hangover is plenty of cups of tea and a greasy fry-up (featuring Willie Rushton's hangover blaster of choice, Nepalese scrambled eggs), or at least in the "that which does not kill us makes us stronger" sense....

BT dismisses MPs' calls to snap off Openreach as 'wrong-headed'

Mr. Abelazar Woozle

I've recently told BT they can keep their 0.1mb "broadband" which was what they seem to think is an acceptable service for us bumpkins and we should be grateful to be getting that. We are fortunate in our area in that a local radio telecommunications company got into supplying wireless broadband over their networks and we signed up with them. All of a sudden, the internet works for us at home....

Blood-crazy climate mosquitoes set to ground Santa's reindeer

Mr. Abelazar Woozle

There are other solutions...

Arctic mozzies are evil buggers as we found out on a sixth-form expedition to Norway many moons ago, but we also found out that Tescos own-brand gin made an excellent repellent, far better than the proper ones. So, we just need to ship plenty of cheap gin out to the reindeer herders!

VENOM virtual vuln proves less poisonous than first feared

Mr. Abelazar Woozle

Re: Snakebite made with cider and lager?

I know... the other bad habit I had "back in the day" was drinking pints of OP with a mead chaser, then hitting the nightclub and the Newcastle Brown, with a predictable result. I look back in wonder at the abuse your body can take when it's young!

Mr. Abelazar Woozle

Re: Snakebite made with cider and lager?

AC, remember El Reg is a British site, and the 50-50 mix of cider and lager has been known as snakebite here for a long time - I drank the stuff in my mis-spent youth back in the mid eighties, before graduating on to the variant known as executioner, which was a mix of Theakstons Old Peculier and Merrydown Vintage. Went down easy, came up easy too....

El Reg chefs whip up Post-Pub Noshographic

Mr. Abelazar Woozle

Another suggestion

Although this was defined as a morning-after food by its creator, the late, great Willie Rushton, might I suggest Nepalese scrambled egg as suitable for inclusion in the post-pub nosh selection? He published the recipe in his book "Superpig" with the comment that it "scares the hell out of hangover". Yes, it can be an accompaniment to a good smoked bacon too.


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