* Posts by Shadow Systems

1463 posts • joined 26 Jul 2007

I got 99 problems, and all of them are your fault

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Re: Correlation does not equal cause

Customers: can't live with 'em, aren't allowed to strangle 'em with their own tongues...

Trump administration labels WeChat, TikTok ‘threats’ to national security, bans transactions with both

Shadow Systems Silver badge
Joke

The DeathStar analogy is apt...

That would make Trump into Darth Vader & someone like Biden into Luke SkyWalker. I'll laugh my ass off if Biden flies an X-Wing up Trump's exhaust vent, blows his 'Star into so much space junk, and flies off to go do victory loops around a few battle cruisers in classic "Neener Neener Neener!"

Dynabook Portégé X30L-G: So light, you might even forget about its terrible keyboard

Shadow Systems Silver badge

It's got an ethernet jack?

Shut up & take my monkey!

*Flings gobs of cash at you*

You damn-near have to buy a portable workstation to find that particular port any longer, so to find one on an UT&L version? Woot!

The USB-A ports mean I wouldn't need a docking station nor type-changer-plug to connect external HDD's, the occaisional need for the portable BR drive, or a proper keyboard.

Now all I need to know is if it runs $ObscureOS worth a damn. =-)P

'I'm telling you, I haven't got an iPad!' – Sent from my iPad

Shadow Systems Silver badge
Stop

Which is why I always turn off email sigs...

Maybe it's a hold over from Usenet days, but I hate (email) sigs.

My "favorite" were those idiots whom had half a megabyte of sig attached to an (email) message that amounted to "Ok, thanks, bye."

Oh, and if your sig tries to intimidate the recipient into deleting the missive under pain of legal punishment, you can take your sig & stuff it _RIGHT_ up your arse. The recipient is under no legal requirement to do any such thing. In fact, if they decide to forward it as a BCC to the entire Gmail, Apple, AOL, Microsoft, & EU email owners as global spam, there's not a damned thing the sender can do to stop it.

Email sigs: Just Say No!

It's been five years since Windows 10 hit: So... how's that working out for you all?

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Win10 is Not Fit For Purpose.

Is it stable yet? Every time it updates it breaks something & generates a flood of complaints. The answer from MSHQ is to be patient while they work on a fix to be released "soon". For those of us that use assistive technology & must have a stable OS upon which to run it, Win10 is an utter failure.

Can the general public turn the telemetry completely off? If we can't then it has no business being on any computer that involves a lawyer-client, doctor-patient, clergy-practitioner, or other legally restricted information channel. Oh sure corporations can & do turn it off, but until that option is available *and off by default* to the public, Win10 is a privacy raping nightmare.

Can we choose when, where, & even if we apply an update at all until after it's been verified, validated, & the bugs ironed out first? Because the public is not MSHQ's beta testers, we're not the QA department, and we shouldn't have unstable, untested, unreliable code shoved down our throats. "You can defer the update for a week" is not the ability to refuse it entirely. If the update breaks some critical subsystem & we *absolutely must* have that subsystem working, MS' "we'll fix it eventually" attitude is not just unacceptable, it's utterly reprehensible.

Why do the public get served advertisements in their operating system even if they paid full price for it? Making it an option to get a reduced price on the device it came with, "allow ads & it's $100 cheaper" style situation might be acceptable, but it comes with every copy of Win10. You have to dig through the menus to find out how to turn it off. It should default to off. We should not be served ads in an OS we've paid full price for. Amazon can get away with it because they *point blank* let the customer know that the device will (not) come with ads for a given price. MSHQ doesn't say it comes with ads, doesn't reduce the price because of it, and makes the customer jump through hoops to turn them off.

Have you fixed the UI yet to be useable? Because I keep hearing that $Control has been moved/hidden yet again, rendering it difficult to well nigh impossible to find, so that it takes a technical person a not insignificant amount of time to hunt it down & get it to work. A normal, non technical person will probably never know it's even possible to alter $Behavior, much less be able to drill down to where it's been hidden to prevent them from messing with their own damned computer. So have you fixed the UI yet to present a unified, intuitive, easily understood & navigatable, helpful user experience that lets us get shit done?

Do I *really* need to go on? And MSHQ wonders why some of us are still on Win7? It's because it's stable, you idiots!

Reply-All storm flares as email announcing privacy policy puts 500 addresses in the 'To' field, not 'BCC'

Shadow Systems Silver badge

An email storm?

I never get those anymore. I miss them. I want to be included in them. I !LIKE! email storms.

*Comical pout*

Who do I have to fuck around here to get added to the email storm list?

*Head explodes from the sarcasm*

What the duck? Bloke keeps getting sent bathtime toys in the post – and Amazon won't say who's responsible

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Re: I did something similar once...

There is another euphamism that is popular on this side of The Pond at least that goes "She Who Must Be Obeyed" (SWMBO). It is always capitalized, always said in sepulchre tones of ultimate doom, & is meant to indicate that failure to obey may, can, & often does result in the imminent death of the offender.

The fact that my friend's SWMBO Was Not Happy is pretty much intended to mean that someone, likely him if no other target could be found, would be shortly found strung up a tree by their scrotum & used as a speed sack punching bag.

I knew this, knew it was my fault he was Up Shit Creek, so came clean to SWMBO in order to save his bacon. I said that I hadn't known that each LG would be encased in so much of the offending peanuts, I had thought the LG would be encased in the styro cube to protect it in transit. How was I to know that Amazon would insist on further packing it in enough additional padding to insulate it from a direct tactical nuclear strike?

I appologized profusely (there may have been abject groveling & foot kissing involved, but that's a different fantasy), and SWMBO calmed Her Righteous Wrath enough to let me live.

For those of you homosexuals laughing at us straight folks, don't get too uppity. You've got a HWMBO to contend with & he's just as dangerous to your health. =-)P

Shadow Systems Silver badge

I did something similar once...

A friend of mine really likes LawnGnomes. His birthday had been fast approaching when I hit upon a surprise. I purchased one new LG every day for a week, sent them to him with the gift card reading "Happy birthday!", and "signed" it as if it had come from Old Man Henderson.

He whined to me about it over drinks on his birthday, frustrated that he didn't know who the hell was sending them to him. He figured it out when I started laughing my ass off.

He showed me just how much trouble I was in when he pointed out the fact that each LG had come in a large box, filled half full of styro packing peanuts, the LG nestled in a styro cube, then the rest of the box filled to bursting with a final bunch of the peanuts. He had seven boxes of the stuff & nowhere to put any of it, a fact that his wife was Not Happy about.

I told her it was my fault & took the boxes of peanuts off her hands, for which I was taken off her shit list.

I poured all the peanuts into a "lawn & leaf" bag, tied it closed, & mailed it back to Amazon as a CashOnDelivery package that cost me nothing.

I'm sure they were <Sarcasm>Thrilled</Sarcasm>. =-D

India drops the bar on e-commerce seller's listings: You want to sell it? Tell us where it came from from then

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Re: We need those rules too.

At DrewWyatt, this is my mom's biggest gripe.

In her most recent incident of this kind the seller claimed to be in San Francisco, California which is essentially a short crow flight away. The shipment should have taken 2~3 days to get here. It took over a week (6 days plus the Sunday in the middle) and the customs slip indicated it had come from *Pakistan*. This is _not_ a "local" seller, it's an intermediary for an overseas source. She needed to return the item & wanted to return it to the seller, but was told it would have to go to Pakistan instead & thus cost *three times* the original purchase price to get it there.

Mom complained to the Etsi folks whom told her to be sure to read each seller's return policy before purchasing. This did *not* make her happy as an advertised as local seller should in no way require international shipping. After much back & forth between her, the seller, & Etsi, she finally just called her CC company, explained the situation, at which point the CC company refunded the money, charged the seller, & gave Etsi a kicking for letting it get so far.

As I said in my first post, had the laws been on the books to reveal such info, perhaps potential buyers would steer clear of such sellers. While it might not disclose _everything_ about the product, having a clear "requires international shipping for returns" on the listing would certainly have made my mom skip that seller.

*Hands you a pint & taps rims*

To not getting screwed over by the sellers. If they do it then it should be legal to ship them a box of live bobcats...

Shadow Systems Silver badge

We need those rules too.

I agree with you on this one.

It's not a protectionist thing, it's a "making sure I'm buying from whom I _think_ I'm buying" issue.

My folks are frequent Amazon shoppers & while the item description says it's from one place (Canada, Mexico, etc), the customs info shows it actually came from somewhere else (Where the hell is Esoterica 6?) and if they have any issues requiring them to send the product back, it takes a Midas fortune to do so.

This especially irritates my mom when she buys something from an Etsi vendor that claims to be here in the States, only to find a customs form on the item when it arrives from Outer Elbonia. If she has to send it back because it wasn't what she ordered, it suddenly costs her more to ship than it took to buy it in the first place.

Laws that required the sellers to list country of origin, countries of importers, and all the rest would go a LONG way to informing the potential customer if they want to buy something that claims to be local but turns out to have been anything but.

Motorola Moto G 5G Plus: It won't blow your mind, but at £300 we're struggling to find much to grumble about

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Re: Plastic construction

Just stick it in a phone pouch style holster on a lanyard around the neck & wear it like that old rapper Flava Flav. =-)p

On a more serious note, I bought a shoulder holster for my phone; exactly like what a policeman might wear for their weapon, but designed for a cellphone instead. It does multiple duty as it also holds a tablet, extra battery pack, or any other small item I want to carry with me but don't want to risk in a pocket with my keys.

Cornish drinkers catch a different kind of buzz as pub installs electric fence at bar

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Re: Great idea

Or just get a set of suspenders, a hulahoop, some clip leads, & a portable battery pack. Hook the hoop to the suspenders & wear like it were a pair of clown trousers. Run the clip leads from the battery, via the suspenders, to the hoop to act as your own personal cattle fence.

I'm using neon disco plaid suspenders & a fanny pack contained Mr. Fusion to keep folks away, but those may be overkill given that I'm completely nude except for the face mask.

=-)p

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Re: Can't abide the stuff.

I'll add a recipie to the thread for others to try, improve upon, or spitspray as they choose.

EverClear 191 or the nearest thing to "evaporates at room temp" alcohol you can find.

7-Up or Gingerale, something light, bubbly, & fizzy to waken the senses.

Kiwi-Strawberry fruit juice from Snapple or your favorite source.

A pinch of sugar to taste.

Crushed or shaved ice to make the results into a Slushie, Snowcone, or other similar treat.

Fill glasses with the ice & set aside in the freezer.

Mix everything else in a large *non metallic* container using a *non metallic* spoon.

Pour the mix into the glasses of ice for a tasty hot weather drink.

Just be sure to be either sitting in a very low chair or already laying on the ground when you start drinking.

It is called "Insidious" for a reason, namely that you don't realize you're sloshed until you're already under the table & giggling at the hallucinations.

The mix can also be poured into *non metallic* icecube trays & frozen into cubes for adding to other drinks, but this tends to make the other drinks *much* more lethal.

Mixing this with other alcohols is *NOT* recommended as it's already potent enough to flatten your ass like a sperm whale dropped from orbit.

I learned how to make it while in the Society for Creative Anachronism (kind of like the Renaissance Fair except infinitely less pole-up-the-ass-ish) and got quite a few pirate camps into trouble for the resulting public indecency.

Enjoy! =-D

Shadow Systems Silver badge
Pint

Re: Puntastic

This entire thread is utterly revolting! XD

All of you go to the pub so I can buy you a pint. Cheers!

We've paused Sigfox roof aerial payments, says WND-UK, but we'll make you whole after COVID

Shadow Systems Silver badge
Joke

How's this...

Take a zombie. Stick it in a wire cage enclosed hamster style wheel. Hang a brain just out of the zombies reach so it endlessly trundles along trying to snag the snack. Connect the wheel to a power generator so it generates electricity. Connect an RX/TX unit atop a pole & attach the pole someplace suitably high for decent coverage. Run power to the antenna & to the computer unit required to do all the fiddly bits. Presto, you've got a self powered, eternally powered, self sustaining way to form a node in a WAN.

That's one node. Repeat a few zillion times across the region to give total coverage as needed. Say one set on each street corner, back alley, & in every flower box around town.

You could even disguise them as something pretty & decorative like a public bill posting kiosk, or a public notice billboard for official notices about unimportant stuff, or as coffee/newspaper stands. Whatever is appropriate for the area.

Would that work? =-)p

Heir-to-Concorde demo model to debut in October

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Re: Great timing

They won't let me sleep on the plane, but that's probably because I sleep in the nude... =-D

£40m wasna enough for ink and toner cartridges in public sector, says Scottish government

Shadow Systems Silver badge

At Arthur the cat, re: vacuum pumps...

<Austin Powers>Would those be Swedish by any chance? Yeah Baby!</Hairy Git>

=-)P

E-scooter fanboy so hyped for Teesside to host UK's first trial

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Here's an idea...

What if instead of electric-bicycles that clutter up the sidewalks & annoy the piss out of some folks, they used electric golf carts?

Those little two person "Cushman pickup" style things would let folks carry a passenger if needed, haul a decent amount of groceries in the back, and wouldn't require a helmet since the cab is enclosed to protect against the weather.

Granted, it would need more space to park/charge, but it's unlikely anyone would drive on the sidewalks in them since pedestrians might be tempted to use their phones to take a picture of you doing it & upload it to the police to report you for unsafe driving. You would have to have a valid drivers license & a credit card to rent one, so the police wouldn't have any trouble hunting you down once they had a GPS+Date+TimeStamped photo of you doing something stupid in one.

Would that be a better idea than the scooters, or just a bigger problem with additional headaches?

NEC insists its face-recog training dataset isn't biased, but refuses to share details of Neoface system with UK court

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Freudian slip?

"An ML aglo with a non-pubic training dataset..."

Cheers! =-D

Beware the fresh Windows XP install: Failure awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth

Shadow Systems Silver badge
Megaphone

Re: chewed wires

An old friend of mine used to play the violin. When he was "in the groove" & playing well, his dog would happily sit by listening in silence. If my friend started hitting too many wrong notes (accidental or on purpose), the dog would start howling. The worse my friend played, the louder & more anguished the dog would howl. One day my friend had to stop playing because his dog had finally had enough, ran from the house, & dove into the swimming pool. Theoreticly it was to clog the ears with water & stop the pain. I teased my friend that it was an attempted doggy suicide at the attrociousness of the playing. My friend wasn't very happy & made the "Everyone's a critic!" complaint.

"If you think you can do better, then let's see you play!"

Evidently he'd forgotten that I'd been First Chair concert clarinet in high school for four years. I assembled my clar', wetted my lips, & started playing "Hound Dog" by Elvis. The dog sat up, barked happily, & started howling *in harmony*. My friend never forgave me.

I wonder if I should inquire if the dog has gone swimming lately? =-)P

Section 230 authors despair of Trump, Barr, Biden, US Congress’ aggressive ignorance of critical tech law

Shadow Systems Silver badge
Pint

Thank you for this well written article.

I shall bookmark it, share it to educate those whom seem unable to grasp what the section is *really* about, & try to enlighten the clueless.

I won't hold my breath, some of them are too stupid to not drink bleach as if it were the sweetest of ambrosia, but I can hope that it'll shine some light into the corners where the FUD likes to hide.

*Hands you a giant tankard & taps rims in salute*

Enjoy & keep up the good work!

Korean boffins build COVID-bot to shove a swab right up your hooter

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Re: Any ideas...

Would that be a Blue Scream Of Death?

*Runs away*

=-)p

Shadow Systems Silver badge
Stop

For once I'm glad I'm blind...

Just the _description_ of that sucker filled my mind with horrid visuals of "New! From the makers of the Sinusbot, The Colostobot 9000!"

I think the blast doors on my ventilator shaft slammed shut so hard that they may have cracked my frame.

*CoughTwitchComicalWince*

No Wiggle room: Two weeks after angry bike shop customers report mystery orders on their accounts, firm confirms payment cards delinked

Shadow Systems Silver badge

,At Joe W, re: bike riding.

Actually, I've ridden enough that if I had gotten "frequent flier miles" for it all, then I'd be flying 1st Class for the next few lifetimes.

I took cycling as my Physical Education class in high school & would often ride 25~50 miles during a single class period. My best friend & I would regularly challenge each other to see whom could ride the fastest the farthest, so when it came time to cycle in class we'd easily double if not *quadruple* the rides of our classmates. Our teacher once tried to time us to find out just how fast we were doing. He had a minion at the halfway point with a walkie talkie that would call in when we arrived, then the teacher would stop the clock when we came back. He was used to the other students barely managing to finish in a single class period, so when my friend & I got to his minion in under ten minutes, he tried to accuse us of cheating. We demanded he get his asson a bike or motorcycle & join us. So he did. The next day he had a Honda Elite scooter & told us to do the ride again. He was *livid* when we hauled ass so fast & far that he had to open the throttle on his scooter to keep up with us, then back off when he realized *we were all exceeding the speed limit for the bike trail*. As in, if we had been on a surface road & doing the same pace, we'd run the risk of getting ticketed by the cops. He backed off & kept us in sight, verified that we hit the midpoint marker in *seven* minutes, and then got back to the start even faster than the previous days' ride. He had to admit we hadn't cheated, gave us our A+'s for the class, & promptly made the two of us go absolutely *last* in any future rides so as to not demoralize the rest of his class.

He asked us if we rode proffessionally, we said no, but admitted that we would like to. He had us do a speed test on a surface street to determine if we could keep up a similar pace. He went slack jawed when we, a pair of teenagers on mere tenspeeds, easily kept pace with the traffic. Read that again. Granted it was only a 30MPH zone, but we were still keeping pace with the cars as they flowed along. My teacher asked how long we might keep such cadence up to which we replied that, on the bike trail at least, we'd often maintain it for runs from our high school as a starting point, to where the trail ended in either direction, plus the return trip. He did the math. He told us we were full of shit. We challenged him to ride his scooter with us again so we could prove it. He accepted, we did, he stopped claiming we might be full of shit. The only reason we didn't go pro as the teacher had suggested was because the Team Shimano officer we spoke to during the sign up tried to claim that our submitted timing numbers had to be fake. No amount of explaining or telling him to join us on a ride would change his mind. So we gave him TheFinger & continued to ride for the fun of it.

My little brother & I would regularly do the "Ride for $Event" charity rides, usually 100 miles or more, and could complete them in under a half days' actual riding time. We'd get to sit at the finish line & drink our juice, eat the sandwich, talk to the race organizers, & then ride back to where we started, passing the "leaders" on their way up. Bro & I would be back home & playing board games for the rest of the time, the other riders often requiring a day or two to finish the same trip.

I cycled to school every day, then later to work, then to college. I cycled daily until I got married & had my own little minions to deal with, at which point I had to buy a car to haul the wife & squirts. But I still cycled on weekends if nothing else, just to stay in shape.

It wasn't until I went blind & couldn't ride at all before I stopped, and even then I still had my excersize cycle to get my workout upon.

Rain, shine, Winter snows, any weather you care to name, I've ridden in it & laughed. But not once did I resort to wearing Lycra. Cotton shorts over boxers in warm weather, thermals & denim pants in cold, wet, or other crappy conditions. Chafing was dealt with by a liberl sprinkling of talcum powder, frequent stops to stretch & pull my clothes out of the cracks, & "air out the naughty bits".

Please don't assume. It makes an ass out of you and me. =-)

*Hands you a pint to take the sting out of the rebuke*

Here's to cycling for the love of the ride.

*Taps rims & pours the liquid over my head to squeal in glee at the ice cold sluicing falling down my knickers*

Cold! Cold! Col- ICE CUBE! AAAIIIEEEehahahahahahahhhaha...

Shadow Systems Silver badge
Pint

At Chris G, re: Lycranthropist.

Please enjoy a pint with my compliments for making me think of "Lycranthropy" as a form of affliction for cyclists.

Instead of turning into furry beasts with fangs & claws & bad breath, they gain slick skin, skid marks up their backsides, & *really* bad breath.

=-)P

'One rule for me, another for them' is all well and good until it sinks the entire company's ability to receive emails

Shadow Systems Silver badge

At Tip PC, re: 2Gb RAM.

I can confirm such a beast existed, I was running it.

I'd found a "memory tree" card that allowed you to add many more sticks of RAM than the motherboard had sockets, supposedly so the hobbiest could use a bunch of 1, 2, & 4 Mb sticks to max out their system. I'd filled mine with the max capacity available at the time (employee discounts FTW!), and used a utility to turn most of it into a RAM disk. Windows had more memory than it knew what to do with, the RD allowed me to save downloads faster than the HDD could maintain write speeds, & as long as I remembered to save from RD>>HDD before shutting down, I could zip along faster than my piddly little 'puter had any right to be.

Even better was using the RD to load programs into in which to run them. I quickly found out which ones could be safely run that way, which ones ran too fast when purely in memory, & which refused to run at all. Another DOS based RD utility allowed me to create one from a pure DOS prompt, thus allowing me to run my DOS games the same way. It was heaven...

Right up until the damned thing caught fire & turned itself into slag.

*Weeps rainbow arcs of sparkly tears at the memories*

City of Los Angeles sued for tracking rental scooter rides – that's the rideshare company's job says EFF and ACLU

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Re: But they're our streets

I agree with the bulk of your post, all but the last bit. If you desire privacy in your travel then use your own transportation. Use of public transportation (bus, cab, etc) means the ride operator can track the vehicle location as part of providing the ride. Don't like it, don't want to be tracked, then don't use public transportation. The rental company is perfectly within its rights to do any form of tracking on their property, renters desires to the contrary be damned. The fact that the Department of Motor Vehicles is also tracking those vehicles is not a violation of the customers' rights, the rental company can be/probably already is/is actively tracking that vehicle already.

TL;DR: sorry you don't like that rental vehicle being tracked, but it's not a violation of your rights for the rental company nor the DMV to do it. Don't want tracking, use your own personal, owned by you, private vehicle.

Lenovo certifies all desktop and mobile workstations for Linux – and will even upstream driver updates

Shadow Systems Silver badge
Joke

I've had a penguin on my desktop for years!

*Gives a stuffed Tux a head pat & smiles*

I just wish he'd stop surfing fish porn while I'm asleep, it makes my keyboard all yucky.

*Changes the gloves for a fresh set*

=-)p

Bite me? It's 'byte', and that acronym is Binary Interface Transfer Code Handler

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Re: FUCKED

At Hubert Cumberdale, it's obvious innit?

It's said like Throatwarbler Mangrove.

*Hands you a pint & leaves another out for our friend when they read this*

Cheers!

So you really didn't touch the settings at all, huh? Well, this print-out from my secret backup says otherwise

Shadow Systems Silver badge
Pint

Re: Ah, customers.

"Just because the sprocket wangler could thromble 23 threads a minute in theory, real life said that anything over 20 would cause it to overheat."

I wish I could upvote you another hundred times for that statement given how... oddly & naughtily... it sounds through my screen reader.

*Hands you an extra tall tankard & goes back to LMAO*

Microsoft blocks Trend Micro code at center of driver 'cheatware' storm from Windows 10, rootkit detector product pulled from site

Shadow Systems Silver badge
Joke

Re: Hanlon's Razor does not apply today...

I prefer Occam's Razors for that closer shave. =-)p

eBay users spot the online auction house port-scanning their PCs. Um... is that OK?

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Re: This is not okay

Just added them to my Hosts file & will be rebooting in a moment to make it stick.

You port scan my computer, I blackhole your fekkin' arse.

Help your fellow IT pals spruce up their virtual meetings: Design a winning background, win Register-branded gear

Shadow Systems Silver badge
Joke

Here's my submission...

Since I can't see to doodle a damned thing, I'm submitting it as plain text & leaving it up to the ElReg crew to create or not as they see fit.

Imagine a front view of the ElReg Vulture, winking, smiling, & sticking out a tiny pink tongue.

Now turn it into an icon just *barely* large enough to be recognizable for what it is. As in you have to either squint or zoom in a few thousand percent to be sure.

Repeat the icon a few million times across a gradient wash of dark red at the bottom fading to almost pink at the very top, being a nod to ElReg's colours.

Last but not least, imagine a few of those static icons being animated sticking out & retracting the tongue, winking first one eye then the other, so the person viewing the entirety gets the hinkey feeling "something is... off... about this". Or if more are needed, then sufficient animated ones to trigger such feelings of uncanny valley-ness/Twilight Zone apprehension.

Because having a subtly, eerily, comedicly animated vulture blowing feisty raspberries at you from behind the subject of your video call, from the depths of your desktop wallpaper, or as the screen saver image of your devices makes me want to purse my lips, bite my tongue, & clamp my mouth into the crook of an elbow to stop myself from laughing at the poor sods as they finally figure out the joke.

;-)p

With millions upon millions out of work in the US, here come the scammers claiming victims' unemployment money using stolen info

Shadow Systems Silver badge

At Steve, re: recording your calls...

A friend once sent me a small device he'd bought off of Amazon.

It plugs into your landline corded handset between the base & the handset itself. Everything the phone transmits is also sent down a patch cable to a standard 3.5mm audio in plug for capturing by any device that accepts a mic. Everything they say, everything you say, their call quality might be crap & the recording will reflect that, but your stuff should be crystal clear.

You just have to remember to keep a recording device plugged in & either charged up or itself plugged in to an outlet, but you can then record your conversations just as quickly as you can punch "record".

IANAL, I don't know the laws regarding making such recordings in your neck of the woods, so contact one & find out before you wind up getting your butt in trouble.

Otherwise, visit Amazon & look for a telephone recording patch cable. Enjoy a pint & be sure to provide us the Youtube link to your uploaded recordings! =-D

Lawyers hail 'superb result' in Facebook biometric privacy battle: They'll get 25% of $550m, Illinois gets the rest

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Fucking lawyers...

The people actually wronged get essentially squat while the lawyers laugh all the way to the bank.

If 400M people got the max 5K per person the law allowed, FB would be out a whopping *Two Trillion* for the illegal act.

It'll never happen. Why? Fucking lawyers.

Can we _PLEASE_ build the B Ark to pack them all into & then launch it into a blackhole?

Mad dash for webcams with surge in videoconferencing has turned out rather nicely for Logitech

Shadow Systems Silver badge

At Kitten, re: pics...

I wish I still had any to share, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Unfortunately I've had to purge my system of all the pictures, movies, & visual only media due to my inability to see any of it any longer.

*SnifflePout*

*Long comical arcs of rainbow sparkly crocodile tears over the loss of all my porn*

Shadow Systems Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Man, I miss being able to see...

Back when I could still see to enjoy the confusion it caused, I'd built a small box with mirroring on the inside, a pair of holes for the cables to pass through, & a lift off lid through which I would lower a pair of webcams down inside & then close over it.

Anyone "hacking" the site I used to host the live stream (like "user" and "password" required much hacking skills), they would get to see the infinite reflecting & mind smashing visuals of the mirrored box.

I also made a diarama of a bedroom scene & made it look like Ken & Barbie were doing the nasty, using a small motor under the bed to shake it & them to simulate the rumpy rumpy motions, plus piping in classic 70's era porn theme music to act as a delightful addition for those sick bastards that wanted to see if they got up to anything better.

Before you ask, NO I did not already own the dolls, I was at a yard sale & saw the pair arranged to mimick sleeping in a bed side by side. My dirty mind thought "Oh now THAT could be twisted!", I started laughing, it lasted longer than 30 seconds, I knew it had just been added to My Skippy's List, and so decided to buy them & tell Skippy to fek off.

It's amazing the amount of fun you can have with a webcam, a small cardboard box, a bit of glue, & a Creatively Devious Imagination...

*Cackles in glee*

Microsoft doc formats are the bane of office suites on Linux, SoftMaker's Office 2021 beta may have a solution

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Re: Trust Office

Andy, an employer I used to work for liked to use the ruse of "Our IT folks say your file is triggering virus warnings for some odd reason. Is there any way you can save it as something else like PDF & resend it? Thanks, we really appreciate it."

The other person would save it as something else, resend it, & the productivity suite he used would then happily open the file.

No anti-MS rant required, just use MS' security against itself! =-D

Users of Will.i.am's Wink IoT hub ask 'Where is the love?' as they're asked to pay for a new subscription service

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Cue the lawsuits in 3, 2, 1...

He sold it as "pay once". Folks bought it based on that claim. They have already paid for the service under the terms of that contract. Changing to a subscription model from now on would be fine *IF* all the existing customers were grandfathered in as already having paid for the subscription in perpetuity. Everyone that buys the new device with the new ad stating that it will be a subscription from now on will have no grounds for complaint from that clearly stated fact.

But to use clear Bait & Switch tactics to force preexisting customers under the original pay once contract to now have to pay a subscription? Yeah, I can already see the slavering hoardes of lawyers drooling & straining at their leashes to be let loose on the company.

If the company is lucky all the preexisting customers will do is return the devices to demand a full refund. If not then there will be an army of lawyers happily chewing off their arse...

It is unclear why something designed to pump fuel into a car needs an ad-spewing computer strapped to it, but here we are

Shadow Systems Silver badge

I hated the pump ads...

Back when I could still see to drive I'd often encounter those buggers when I tried to refill the tank with petrol. Noisy, annoying, & ignored as much as possible, they were still enough to make me want to "accidently" back my truck over the pump... repeatedly.

My local Shell station was the worst for this with them forcing a 30 second ad on you before it would start to pump the fuel. I complained, they did nothing, so I stopped buying from Shell. Funny how that works, eh? Piss off your customers & they'll choose not to BE your customers any longer.

I found a local Mom&Pop station that did *not* have the ad slinging shite, switched almost entirely to buying my petrol there, & let them know the reason. The lady was rather pleased with my candour & replied that she valued the feedback. Then she gave me a free cookie from the rack. I wonder why they became my favorite station?

*Remembers the cookie & tries not to drool*

=-)p

TL;DR: Ads are bad. Chocolate chip cookies are tasty.

What do you call megabucks Microsoft? No really, it's not a joke. El Reg needs you

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Good taste?

Fuck that, we wanna know what he was almost called! =-D

(I have good taste... I've been told I taste like chicken.)

NUC NUC. Who's there? It's Intel, with a pint-sized 8-core Xeon workstation

Shadow Systems Silver badge
Linux

Clean up on aisle 5!

*Copious geeky drooling*

Bring a mop!

<Homer Simpson>Me waaaaaants...</Homer>

Fill it with the full 64Gb of RAM, slide in a pair of capacious NVMe drives, & a video card with a few Gb of VRAM, then give it a copy of *nix for that all powerful feeling of having "computational overkill" at your fingertips.

Of course there's no such thing as overkill, only reboot & reload! =-)p

India makes contact-tracing app compulsory in viral hot zones despite most local phones not being smart

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Re: Fool proof!

And with the stay at home restrictions imposed, those same folks will have plenty of time on their hands to prove you very, very, very wrong.

"I'm sorry Mister Officer but I *can't* install the app. I don't own a SmartPhone. Will the government give me one for free so that I can, or shall I keep using the only device I can afford which is this simple phone too dumb to do anything but make & take calls?"

*ChortleCough*

Intel is offering more 14nm Skylake desktop processors, we repeat: More 14nm Skylake desktop processors

Shadow Systems Silver badge

Re: Last paragraph of the article"

And that's why I'll be going with AMD in my next system. They've proven they can reliably, steadily, consistantly produce 7NM parts while Intel is still stuck in 10NM land.

Intel is trying to bolster their sales by touting 5+GHz speeds, but then you look at the fine print to find out that's only on a single core, only if the chip can maintain it before thermal runaway, & only if you've installed the uber cooling system to keep it cool. Meanwhile AMD "only" runs at 4+GHz, but that's on all cores, no OC needed, & with just a plain cooling fan. If you do the uber cooling rig & OC that Intel does, you wind up with a part that (pardon the pun) smokes their ass.

I'll take the AMD for $500 Alex!

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