Posts by Blubster

Fans decry tennis gal's breast-slash plan

Dear lord!

It's a wonder she hasn't knocked her own teeth out.

Strumpets strut Spain's Street View

Old Chestnut

Bishop and vicar

Bishop - "What an eyesore"

Vicar - "Yes Your Grace, two nice whores"

BMW driver follows satnav to edge of cliff

What you people don't realise.....

is that it's probably a `feature` of TomTom. It can detect whether you're driving a BMW and so takes the appropriate action. In this case, driving straight over a cliff.

To make it even worse (or better depending on your point of view) it happened in Todmorden - a right shit-hole nobody in their right mind would want to visit anyway, so he could have lain at the bottom of said cliff without being discovered for months.

Oz bloke in underpants wrestles 'lunatic ninja' roo

I don't suppose..

The real reason that the roo attacked him was because he was trying to shag it and it took the huff?

Italians boffins prove plausibility of spam-javelin spam

Wouldn't it be easier

And cheaper just to tie a selection of different sized bricks to the old todger?

Start off with half brick, then a full one and finally graduate to a breeze block - mine's turned black already.

The Netbook Newbie's Guide to Linux

Of course...

You could always use FBReader from the repositories and download ebooks in Palm Pilot format instead of using bloated pdf files.

Photography: Yes, you have rights

"This may be on the grounds of national.....

....security or .there may be situations in which the taking of photographs may cause or lead to public order situations or inflame an already tense situation or raise security considerations."

Or when photos show evidence of police brutality or the shooting of innocent un-armed civilians.

Last Xmas for CDs, please, researcher tells music biz

If they want to get rid of CDs

Can they make a start with those bloody awful `compilation` CDs churning out the same dozen or so fucking Christmas songs year, in year out?

Just how many times do we need to hear this shit for fuck's sake?

Asus sexes up Eee PC 1000 series

They need to.....

Sex up their customer support - it's fucking diabolical.

Absolutely no help for Linux users, terrible WiFi connections because of buggy drivers and you need a degree just to download and install any extra software.

We don't need umpteen eee's - just one that works!

Broadband speed testers fail the test

Does it also measure

How long it takes for Virgin Media to cut off your connection if you download anything approaching 500MB? Try to download a Linux iso image and you're fucked.

Sun trumpets radically simple open storage boxes

Have to get my eyes checked

Thought it was an article about strumpets but turned out to be just some article about storage devices.

Passport and ID card price hike laundered via private sector

The sad part is

That Jaqui Smith is convinced that we're all queueing up to get one!

Barack Obama will be president

The Yanks should count themselves lucky.......

They've got Black and we've got Brown :o(

Grim news at Dixons

Could explain...

Why they're desperate to sell cameras & TVs - they've been screwed by Vi$ta and cheaper internet sales.

Bloke knocked up kebabs close to corpse couch

Maybe...

The stiff was going to be the next kebab?

Virgin Media calls foul on web speed testers

@What I don't understand

Don't you believe it. I'm a FF user & my d/ls slow to a crawl sometimes being unusable at peak times. (this with the 10Mb connection)

Even worse, after accessing Usenet for any length of time, my connection is dropped completely leaving me to down power the modem and router to re-establish the connection AND I pay £25 pm for the privilege.

'Podestrian' risk rising for drivers, warns insurer

@Cyclists

"If car drivers pose such a risk to cyclists as they claim, why do 3/4's of the cyclists then block their only sense that could tell them of something happening behind them." ............... And it wouldn't hurt if some of these twats turned round to have a look what's behind them once in a while.

Asus Eee PC 1000 10in Linux netbook

It would be better.....

If Asus actually supported the Xandros version of the eee pc. There's minimal updates and few repositories. The so-called eee pc update/download website has lots of downloadable programs available in CNR (click `n` run) format, but guess what? Xandros doesn't support CNR as yet.

Well at least not 24 hours ago.

Trigger-happy Welsh cops taser sheep

@Steven Raith

"He made the right decision - it could have been a suicide sheep."

In which case they would have shot it seven times in the face.

Tesco reveals unannounced Dell 12in netbook

@PC World

Probably did come from Tesco - some PC World drone probably sent out to buy half a dozen (that's six to all those post decimalisation) 0.5 dozen?

China plans spacewalk by end of the month

You're assuming of course........

That we'll all still be here after the LHC experiment on Wednesday.

Still. Looking on the bright side. If that experiment DOES go tit's up, the French will be the first to go.

Europe loves HD TVs - but not HD broadcasts

Why bother 2

Is there anything actually worth watching on HD? Same old shite at better quality?

No thanks.

Microsoft: 'We will save America from foreign domination'

Microsoft: 'We will save America from foreign domination`

Yes. But who will save the world from Microsoft domination?

Handset sales drop for first time in mobe history

@Jamie

I shouldn't bother with HTC if I were you. Got an MDAIII on an 18 month contract. After 10 DAYS, screen cracked. Rang mobile company and turns out so-called insurance not worth paper it's written on as screens not covered.

Freesat launches in UK

Same Shit ..........

Different toilet

Lesbians turn on lesbians in battle of Lesbos

It should be easy..

to tell lesbians from Lesbos islanders - the islanders don't wear donkey jackets.

Mine's the one with the furry muff

Sage update fails to convince the markets

"It is not clear what is causing the bad feeling"

It's because their products are shite, and the `support` is even worse.

Unseen 'Marilyn Monroe' nude snap wows US expert

Monroe expert?

My Arse!

It's nothing like Marylin. As an old bastard who was around in the Monroe era, I could tell at a glance it wasn't her.

How old is this `expert`? Some snotty nosed graduate who did Monroe as his thesis?

Marilyn was nowhere near as skinny as that, her tits were a bit more, shall we say, pert? and her face a lot softer and rounder.

Get the guy some glasses.

New Mexico bets future on promiscuous supercomputer

Supercomputer?

Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. What are they calling it, SkyNet by any chance?

Linked to all computers of the world by the internet? Talk about rise of the machines. :)

Britt Ekland on board for 'Wicker Man 2'

@Dub

"Britt was dubbed over for the whole film, not just the singing.

Nice tits though."

Only nice? FANTASTIC tits!

Hollywood writers abandon Hollywood for web

Can't we find them...

A job over here (UK) doing the scripts for that load of shite Eastenders? Surely to christ they can come up with some humo(u)r to inject into this load of crap.

Germans launch flights for nudists

Difficult flight?

I'd expect a flight of this type to be very difficult. In fact, it would be very hard for the first few hundred miles.....

Plague: The new Black Death

In Africa be buggered.....

It'll be happening here in the UK soon as the rat population continues to increase at an exponential rate (14 million at latest estimate), fed by those dirty bastards who can't master the technique of throwing their Big Mac's, KFC's and fucking pizzas into a waste-bin instead of just dropping them in the street.

Oh, and while I'm in full-rant mode, they ought to start prosecuting those filthy twats who constantly gob in the street. Some parts where I live look they're infested with jelly-fish. Haven't these bastards heard of TB?

Rant over.... I'll get me coat.

Pope tells astronomers to pack up their telescopes

Looks like............

Another attempt to prove that the sun and planets go round the earth by ignoring the bleedin' obvious.

Macworld invites kiddies to 'Make Bouncy Bouncy'

Virtual One Night in Paris?

Is that Paris Hilton by any chance? I'll buy it if it is.

Dixons shares spanked after profit warning

Fewer laptops sold?

Nothing to do with the fucking awful Vista I suppose?

Air France compensates 170kg passenger

e=mc2

According to Einstein, mass and energy are interchangeable so it follows that people of more mass contain more kinetic energy thus adding to the forward velocity of the aircraft so REDUCING fuel consumption.

I know, I'll get my coat.

Reg Standards Soviet defines temperature and force

Norrises?

For the ease of proper pronunciation, I think that the plural of Norris should still be Norris as in:

A fish

Some fish

A story could then read - Deputy PM assaulted in egg outrage.

Deputy PM John Prescott was attacked by a disgruntled egg-throwing voter today. The egg hit mister Prescott with a force of at least 0.5 Norris.

Virgin Mary pebble provokes holy online bidding war

VM?

My Arse.

That's Father Christmas come early (if you'll pardon the expression). Mind you, he only does come once a year, and that's down a chimney. Poor bastard.

Simon Pegg to play Scotty

No Comment

"Just find out where James Doohan's remains are buried and piss on them."

Good luck. He was cremated and shot into space.

Not all of his ashes were - only part of them and they returned to earth after a swift orbit round the planet.

Ye canna change the laws of physics

Pegg's a comic, no more, no less and a southerner to boot. Can he even do a Scottish accent? And who are these other nonentities `starring` in the pic?

This is one movie that should never be made.

Why not add insult to injury? Just find out where James Doohan's remains are buried and piss on them.

Europe finally granted Xbox price cut

The reason why?

Nothing to do with the Wii gaining in popularity of course.

UK phone records to be kept for a year

Yeah.... Right....

Sounds like a scam to get everyone to use the internet in the belief they're safe from prying eyes. ISP logging here we come.

UK gov rejects Cliff Richard's copyright extension

Should have found in his favour

Then the bas%^*d won't have to release any more fucking awful xmas songs to live on. The same goes for McCartney - why in god's name does he feel the need to inflict us all with his lousy music, hasn't he got enough money already?