* Posts by Rtbcomp

17 posts • joined 5 Jan 2015

That code that could never run? Well, guess what. Now Windows thinks it's Batman

Rtbcomp

INP Error - System Halted

I used to generate "INP Error - System Halted" 4 months after any program I wrote was installed. INP standing for "Invoice Not Paid".

Once the customer paid I'd call "to install a patch" to disable this feature.

Fortunately all invoices got paid and the error never occurred.

I'm still not that Gary, says US email mixup bloke who hasn't even seen Dartford Crossing

Rtbcomp

Unsolicited Fax from a Solicitor

I once got a fax from a solicitor intended for his client. I put it in an envelope and sent it second class to the client.

Rtbcomp

Re: Capital One

IIRC in the UK once it's been delivered you can open it because it's no longer in the postal system. Some council somewhere wanted to read a suspected criminal's mail and the only way they could do it was by getting the police to break into the house after the letter had been delivered and picking it up off the doormat!

Boris Johnson's promise of full fibre in the UK by 2025 is pie in the sky

Rtbcomp

Re: Won't Broadband be obsolete by then?

"bring full fibre to all homes by 2025" I don't think he meant Broadband, more likely a packet of All-Bran and a can of baked beans.

Crash, bang, wallop: What a power-down. But what hit the kill switch?

Rtbcomp

Non Accidental Power Interruptions

I worked on a local government ICL 1900 site and the system kept crashing. Over time we noticed a coincidence between the crashes and the presence of a particular operator in the line printer room.

It transpired that this guy had a chip on his shoulder and found he could crash the system by switching the circuit breaker at the rear of the printer off and on.

Police block roads to stop tech support chap 'robbing a bank'

Rtbcomp

I set an alarm off in a bank once, it was a red footswitch under the desk, I should have realised it was there as I was working full-time for the banking division of Burroughs Machines Ltd.

The alarm was very noisy rather than silent though.

Office junior had one job: Tearing perforated bits off tractor-feed dot matrix printer paper

Rtbcomp

Re: Ah, the "good old days" ...

We had a machine to do that, but it wasn't very good, we called it an inferior decollator.

Brit moron tried buying a car bomb on dark web, posted it to his address. Now he's screwed

Rtbcomp

You mean he was going to test a car bomb? I thought these devices were single use only.

Car trouble: Keyless and lockless is no match for brainless

Rtbcomp

I dread replacing my 25 year old Volvo with a current model. Too much technology for technology's sake.

Brit prosecutors ask IT suppliers to fight over £3 USB cable tender

Rtbcomp

If I was working in a large organisation and couldn't get my work done I'd buy the bloody cable myself and nick £10 worth of Biros out of the stationary cupboard.

Waiter? There's a mouse in my motherboard and this server is greasy!

Rtbcomp

Vomit

I worked for Burroughs in the UK who had ATMs installed in Midland Bank branches and my colleagues regularly had to clean vomit out of the machines, especially those installed at branches near pubs and takeaways.

Luckily I never got trained on these machines.

Angry user demands three site visits to fix email address typos

Rtbcomp

Re: I generally now won't help any family members or friends with any IT problems

Now I'm retired I won't help ANYONE with their IT problems.

Kids today are so stupid they fall for security scams more often than greybeards

Rtbcomp

Younger people never take advice and us older folk remember Thatcher so we've learnt not to trust anybody

Avoiding Liverpool was the aim: All aboard the world's ONLY moving aqueduct

Rtbcomp

As kids we used to try to ride on the road bridge when it was swinging open, we always got chased off though. In those days (late 1950s) there was Barton Power Station and an oil refinery next to the swing bridges, and the Bridgewater canal was covered in a film of oil.

Ditch crappy landlines and start reading Twitter, 999 call centres told

Rtbcomp

If it means improving the response time they should get to a fatal road accident the same day instead of 3 days later.

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/missing-couple-lain-side-road-6030148

This whopping 16-bit computer processor is being built by hand, transistor by transistor

Rtbcomp

Brilliant

The IT equivalent of the Tornado steam engine.

Mainframes were like this when I was a lad!

Countdown contestant pays homage to IT Crowd's Moss

Rtbcomp

IT Crowd

I started in the computer industry when ICT stood for "International Computers and Tabulators" and I thought the IT Crowd was a documentary - it's closer to the truth than many people realise!

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