Posts by Paul Herber

I want life to be boring, says Linus Torvalds as Linux 4.15 debuts

New. Shiny, Me. Want. Now.

Whenever I see a word like that I want to see what it spells backwards. Nothing interesting in this case. Mind you, maybe it's about time someone invented an enilopter. Yes, I want one now.

Death notice: Moore's Law. 19 April 1965 – 2 January 2018

Re: Two words...

Cat's don't like being stared at.

Causes of software development woes

Dear architect, please design me a new house, I'm not sure how many bedrooms I want, somewhere between 2 and 7 should do the trick, some on the ground floor, some upstairs, maybe. I'll also want a good sized basement for the snooker table. I don't think the house will need much in the way of foundations as the rock in this area is solid granite. I might also want an underground garage for two or three cars as well as a workshop and storage space. You can draw up plans for all the possible options so I can decide what I want. I'm happy to finalise the design there and then but bear in mind that my wife will have something to say on most aspects of the house. You should also consider discussing the design with the in-laws, they will be unhappy with whatever you design but will not say a word about it until the build is finished. Please take this into account.

MPs sceptical of plan for IT to save the day after UK quits customs union

IT sceptical of plan for MPs to save the day after UK quits customs union

IT sceptical of plan for MPs to save the day after UK quits customs union

Fixed.

Kernel-memory-leaking Intel processor design flaw forces Linux, Windows redesign

Re: Can you hear it?

Well, that just about wraps it up for blockchain mining!

The hounds of storage track converged and hyperconverged beasts

Re: Are you actually going to write anything new now?

That needs pen and paper to converge, or, finger and tablet to hyperconverge.

HMS Queen Elizabeth has sprung a leak and everyone's all a-tizzy

PGI

Have you been a victim of PGI (Propellor Gland Insurance) miss-selling? You must act soon or lose the ability to claim. The deadline for claims is fast approaching (2075 by current MOD estimates).

Irony's lost on old Pope Francis: Pontiff decrees fake news a 'serious sin'

Re: Have you guys read the 10 commandments

Otherwise known as Space Corp Directives.

Comments from anyone named Matthew, Mark, Luke or John especially welcome...

Millions of moaners vindicated: Man flu is 'a thing', says researcher, and big TVs are cure

Curry

Nobody has mentioned the big pot of chicken madras bubbling away on the hob. A must for any illness.

FCC backtracks on helping with neutrality fraud investigation

Щhy doэs anyoиe thiиk thэrэ is inflцeиcэ from oцtside ЦSA in its iиtэrиal mattэrs. It is very циlikэly Яцssioиs woцld care a jot. Фиly a fool woцld thiиk this!

Disk drive fired 'Frisbees of death' across data centre after storage admin crossed his wires

Re: Servicing a VCR was like playing with a Hellraiser puzzle box

Never, ever repair a broken toaster.

Lister.

Hortonworks takes ex-sales manager to court over non-compete allegations

Who?

Who?

Forget Sesame Street, scientists pretty much watched Big Bird evolve on Galápagos island

Re: "The proof of a pudding is in the eating though"

Why is it that rare species always taste better?

Munich council finds €49.3m for Windows 10 embrace

Re: Keep politicians away from IT decisions

My village shop uses Local Libre Office for Local Lindows.

Samba needs two patches, unless you're happy for SMB servers to dance for evildoers

Re: Samba again

pa ti

Bitcoin outfit 'Tether' reveals US$31m BitBuck BitHeist

Re: Wording

Do you think they are just resting in someone else's wallet?

Container ship loading plans are 'easily hackable'

I'd like to find a way to get the word 'rowlocks' into the discussion.

Amazon to make multiple Lord of the Rings prequel TV series

base it in South America

Just rename the mountains as the Andes, Rohan can be Patagonia, Numenor can be the Falkland Islands, Mordor can be Tierra del Fuego. Any ideas for Anduin, The Great River? Anyone?

Cupboard of matrices looking a little... sparse? Have this delicious Taco

SPAAAAAAAAAAARSE

TalkTalk glitch causing mobiles and landlines to go off at the same time

Apologies for any inconvenience

Oh, hello, Fenchurch. I didn't see you there.

2nd time I've been able to use this today!

It must be a Thursday.

Black Horse Down: Lloyds Banking Group goes TITSUP*

We apologise for any inconvenience

Oh, hello Fenchurch, I didn't see you there.

Robot granted Saudi citizenship has more rights than Saudi women

the selfish grunting pig.

I see what you did there. Very appropriate.

'Screaming' man fined $149 for singing 'Everybody Dance Now'

Was this a tenorist crime?

Three words: Synthetic gene circuit. Self-assembling bacteria build pressure sensor

Like the invention of the marketing department?

Cortana, please finish my sentences in Skype texts for me

I hate eloquence

I fact I hate all grey animals with large ears.

Foiled again! Brit military minds splash cash on killing satellites with... food wrapping?

In tune

That picture looks like a giant hi-tech bass guitar. I can tell it's in tune 'cos all 4 pegs line up!

What does Elon Musk really need? A personal theme tune, of course!

Da feme tune

Who can we get to write da feme tune and sing da feme tune?

Physicists win Nobel Prize for spotting ripples in fabric of space-time

Did I just see a velvet paisley-covered Chesterfield sofa go wafting across the garden?

Hubble spies most distant comet zipping through Solar System

Rama

Microsoft and Facebook's transatlantic cable completed

I'll get my Côte

' including our newest Azure regions coming to France, and beyond.

Côte d'Azure?

Would you get in a one-man quadcopter air taxi?

Still from a vid on the vendor's website

Something here reminds me of Futurama.

US government sued by 11 pissed-off travellers over computer searches

Re: America is in decline! Go elsewhere

Canada is fine, but not for a whole weekend.

Giant frikkin' British laser turret to start zapping stuff next year

> The laser reportedly drew 10kW during its 2010 trials, with MBDA claiming 50kW would be possible with extra funding.

'By charging another £10M and just changing the fuse to a higher rating?

All they need is a new knob, one that goes up to 11.

Boffin rediscovers 1960s attempt to write fiction with computers

Asimov - Earth is Room Enough - Someday

Northern Ireland cops hired cybersecurity biz to ID critics on Twitter

"Criticizing the Thai royal family's 3rd assisant toilet cleaner's wife's cat's toy ball's ding-a-ling bell's lack of ding-a-ling, while technically legal, will often turn out upon investigation to be linked with other offences..."

Headless body found near topless beach: Missing private sub journalist identified

the submarine

Of course the submarine is important. What if it had been a nuclear sub?!!!!!!!

Want a medal? Microsoft 7.2% less bad at speech recognition than IBM

Re: Accents

@TonyW

Absolutely

What weighs 800kg and runs Windows XP? How to buy an ATM for fun and profit

Re: What weighs 800kg and runs Windows XP?

"Your mum."

Ha. Your dream robo-girlfriend who you know is so far beyond your reach!

Blighty’s beloved Big Ben bell ends, may break Brexit bargain

... twiddles moustache ...

ding-dong!

Brit folk STILL not getting advertised broadband speeds – survey

advertised speeds are always rubbish

My new car is advertised as capable of 127MPH but I only got it up to 96MPH and it crashed on a bend. The advert said nothing about speeds being limited on bends. Anyway I turned it off and back on again and it seems ok but some of the glass is broken and I can't see out properly. Could this be a windows problem? Should I do another test to see if it crashes at the same speed again or should I fix the glass first? Maybe the 96MPH is programmed into it somehow. Sounds like a major bug to me! Is there a workaround for this? The fuel consumption also goes down at higher speeds, well, that doesn't sound right to me. I'm getting the car to my destination quicker so there is less time for the fuel to be used. Makes sense to me ...

WannaCry-killer Marcus Hutchins denies Feds' malware claims

@AnonymousCoward

'post Trump era' ? Oooo, are we nearly there yet?

Now here's a novel idea: Digitising Victorian-era stamp duty machines

Many stamps used to contain the text 'Postage and Revenue'

LHC finds a new and very charming particle: the Xi_cc⁺⁺ baryon

XICC - how do you pronounce that?

XICC = chic?

Chic++

WikiLeaks doc dump reveals CIA tools for infecting air-gapped PCs

Bleedin' albatross

It's Stormy Petrel on a USB stick, mate.

US Air Force resumes F-35A flights despite not knowing why pilot oxygen systems failed

Comrades?

Comrades? COMRADES? Is this the Russian air force? It is now.

You wait ages for a sun, then two come along at once: All stars have twins, say astroboffins

You know how it is with twins, one of them is always evil.