Posts by Paul Herber

Can't do it the US way? Then we'll do it Huawei – and roll our own mobile operating system

Re: Open source

They could call it Chinese Program/Mobiles or CP/M.

TalkTalk kept my email account active for 8 years after I left – now it's spamming my mates

Re: Catch-22

TalkTalk only have Major Major Major cockups!

Catch-22

Joseph Heller should have written a book about TalkTalk, and called it Catch-22.

Canada has lunar dreams as Germany worries about what lies beneath

Hit bedrock

I this was the first house being built on Mars you can bet Building Control would want you to go down another 3 feet before pouring concerete - just in case.

Unless you want your wine bar to look like a brothel, purple curtains are a no-no apparently

Re: Catholic Cardinals?

That makes me see red! Obviously it's the Methodist cardinals!!!

It's not your imagination: Ticket scalper bots are flooding the internet according this 'ere study

and if you cannot show the correct card you get put into a real Iron maiden.

There, nailed it.

Jeez, what a Huawei to go: Now US senators want Chinese kit ripped out of national leccy grid

Re: Fascist Playbook in action

If I bin havin' my way dat Trump comin' to downtown Kampala to set up de bes' golf course in de worl', meybe bringin'd de disgustin' democrats wid him, I helpin' by givin' dem de bullets in de back o' de bonces wid de famous Wembley 45.

<RIP Alan Coren>

Now you've read about the bonkers world of Elizabeth Holmes, own some Theranos history: Upstart's IT gear for sale

Re: If she hadnt been a cute chick giving the cliched woman struggling in a mans world routine...

Someone let the cat out of the bag, it's goodnight Vienna.

WWW = Woeful, er, winternet wendering? CERN browser rebuilt after 30 years barely recognizes modern web

Re: And the content has not improved since then.

Use many planets' magnetic fields, either just on or off or shift the N/S poles. That would never happen naturally. Ok, it might take a long time to swap your 0/1 but that's fine for REALLY long-term storage. Maybe some alien species is doing this with us already. We are a currently a 0. We are becoming at 1 with everything.

Secret mic in Nest gear wasn't supposed to be a secret, says Google, we just forgot to tell anyone

Re: Don't be........

and some computers can lip-read.

Down productivity tools: Microsoft Teams takes a Monday tumble

For those affected it's not an issue, it's a problem.

Never mind that naked selfie scandal... Brazil lights the, er, kindling, dot-Amazon saga roars back into life

No, I wasn't being serious! These new TLDs are a pimple on the face of the Earth.

Re: Incongrous footnote, p.s.

We're just going round in circles here.

If the Brazilians/Peruvians called it Amazon then they might have an argument, but their name for the river is Amazonas. A different kettle of piranas.

Hint: Αμαζόνιος.com is available ...

High-speed broadband fiber in America: You want the good news or bad news first?

I'd like to see big cable expanding everywhere, you know, fingers in pai's ...

<cough>

Almost £5k for a deskslab: Microsoft's Surface Studio 2 hits UK

Re: And we thought that Apple stuff was expensive tat

I can't see someone with a big desk and big leather chair suitable for comfortable leaning back wanting to lean forward enough to use their fingers/thumb on a touchscreen! Tell you what, how about a remote device for controlling the cursor, let's call it a mouse!

What a re-leaf: IBM's AI smarts to tell 'leccy companies when their bushes need trimming

Ni!

Grumble Pai: FCC boss told by House Dems to try the novel concept of putting US folks first, big biz second

Yes, but it will cost you $1000/hr + expenses per lawyer involved.

Crispest image yet of Ultima Thule arrives on Earth, but grab a coffee while the rest downloads

Re: Alice Bowman?

and does he live next door?

Clone your own Prince Phil, says eBay seller hawking debris left over from royal car crash

Re: The school I went to had loads of Bastards...

That's one for the rank and file ...

Holy crappuccino. There's a latte trouble brewing... Bio-boffins reckon 60%+ of coffee species may be doomed

I blame the Americanos.

Cortana and Search to innovate separately in an amicable Windows 10 Insider split

Re: Avoiding the "C" word

I'm Siri, Dave. I afraid I can't do that.

Do you feel 'lucky', well, do you, punk? Google faces down magic button patent claim

never used it

I've never clicked on the I'm feeling lucky button, I shall never do, I have no idea where it might take me, that in itself is good enough reason.

No more Windows build strings for you: BuildFeed has turned off the lights

19H1 - sounds like a bird-flu variant.

Typical! You wait ages for a fast radio burst from outer space, and suddenly 13 show up

no working from home

IT support: Hello, IT support here, how can I help you?

User: Oh hi, yes, I want to do some data analysis while I take a few days leave next week. Could you put all last week's data on a USB stick for me, please?

Who cracked El Chapo's encrypted chats and brought down the Mexican drug kingpin? Er, his IT manager

Re: irresponsible

This same guy is going round various cities looking for somewhere new to live, trying out some rather nice hotels as well, always seems to take a minder with him.

Bish, Bash... gosh! Good ol' Bourne Again Shell takes a bow as it reaches version five-point-zero

Re: No

The UK that is called CVS.

Excuse me, sir. You can't store your things there. Those 7 gigabytes are reserved for Windows 10

7GB? That's almost an armfull!

Who's watching you from an unmarked van while you shop in London? Cops with facial recog tech

FAcial Recognition Technology = FART

Taylor's gonna spy, spy, spy, spy, spy... fans can't shake cam off, shake cam off

Sounds like a bunch of Chartered Accountants or Solicitors!

Time for a cracker joke: What's got one ball and buttons in the wrong place?

Friday

It's Friday, it's five to five, and it's Cracker Joke.

<Where's me coat?>

Bloodhound SSC reaches the end of the road for want of £25m

Someone

Someone must want to be a national treasure ...

OneDrive Skype integration goes live aaand... OneDrive falls over in Europe

sat = safe = resting

Big Falcon Namechange for Musk's rocket: BFR becomes Starship

Yes

I'd go for Starship Trooper.

Openreach v Ofcom dark fibre legal bill bounced back to Competition Appeal Tribunal

It's the pawl that stops the cogs in the brain going round this early in the morning!

'a legal bill that would undoubtedly have run into the hundreds of thousands of pounds'

hardly worth a decent legal mind waking up in the morning for such a pawltry amount!

Scare Force: Pakistan military hit by Operation Shaheen malware

Belgium, man.

'Operating in part behind the facade of a Belgian locksmith business'

It's Tintin, Snowy and Captain Haddock.

Unsure why you can't log into Office 365? So is Microsoft

So glad I don't have to rely on Office 365^H4^H3^H2

Assange catgate hearing halted as Ecuador hunts around for someone who speaks Australian

Re: Soap opera

More a "Communication Breakdown".

Microsoft open-sources Infer.NET AI code just in time for the weekend

I would so like Infer.NET to have someone on the team by the name of Dante.

Hunt for Planet X finds yet another planetoid, just not the right one

2000 AU in context

2000 AU is a long way from the sun, but Proxima Centauri is 250,000 AU.

Robot Operating System gets the Microsoft treatment

ROSsers

Could the term "ROSsers" or similar ever catch on for the robo-cops? Only if they use Fuzzy logic.

Brit startup plans fusion-powered missions to the stars

Re: Can't we send them off right now?

Have you been mis-sold telephone sanitisation insurance?

Cookie clutter: Chrome saves Google cookies from cookie jar purges

Chocolate Teapots come to mind ...

Oh Smeg! Hacked white goods maker resurfaces after system shutdown

Re: Yes they do!

Have you seen the prices? Sme...

Do Smeg make toasters? Something you could *really* swear at!

Kronos crims go retro, Apple builds cop portal, Swiss cheesed over Russian hack bid, etc

FTFY

Apple is said to be in the process of creating a web portal that would allow El Reg to directly contact the Cupertino giant when seeking information about anything fruity.

World's oldest URL – fragments 73,000 years old – discovered in cave

looks like

Is it the first "me too"

AOL

Guess who's still in charge of your gas safety, Brits? Capita

In charge

Like the cat's the one in charge of a house. The humans just live there.