Posts by Paul Herber

After years of listening, we've heard not a single peep out of any aliens, say boffins. You think you can do better? OK, here's 1PB of signals

Re: Equidistant Letter Sequence

This is a search to find some Livin' Thing.

Ahhhhh! What year is it?! Users left without direction or clue after Google Calendar 404s

Re: Seems to be working just fine for me

That's my entire life, that is!

UK.gov whacks export ban on 'grotesque' crab made by famous Brit potter bros

If I had the cash spare I'd be interested in finding a new target for my sledgehammer.

ALIS through the looking glass: F-35 fighter jet's slurpware nearly made buyers pull out – report

F35

It's the Facebook-35 isn't it.

Large Redmond Collider: CERN reveals plan to shift from Microsoft to open-source code after tenfold license fee hike

Organisations should beware of getting locked in with open-source software.

<cough>

Please be aliens, please be aliens, please be aliens... Boffins discover mystery mass beneath Moon's biggest crater

Re: Could it be

You're crackers!

Bear insistent on playing tonsil tennis with you? Just bite its tongue off

Re: Watch out for the wild boar, though

livid

Re: Shed antlers

I'm an El Reg commentard. What is dignity?

Shed antlers

My shed doesn't grow antlers! Am I missing out? Perhaps I should get another shed.

NASA goes commercial, publishes price for trips to the ISS – and it'll be multi-millionaires only for this noAirBNB

Trump: I want the USA to put a lander on Jupiter.

NASA: We can't land on Jupiter. It's impossible.

Trump: I don't DO can't. Impossible is not in my dictionary. Do it.

If servers go down but no one hears them, did they really fail? Think about it over lunch

Let's call them re-fuse-niks.

Oracle AI's Eurovision horror show: How bad can it be? Yep. Badder

I think it's time I invented Eurovision Song Appreciation Chairs.

Re: El Reg is treading on thin ice

Compliant and complaint are anagrams. Coincidence? I think not.

Re: El Reg is treading on thin ice

I forsee a retrospective sue-ball from The Sirius Cybernetics Corporation.

Cray's found a super scooper, $1.3bn's gonna buy you. HPE's the one

I do hope HPE pay a bit more attention to Cray's accounts than they did with Autonomy!

SpaceX takes a leaf from the Microsoft playbook and stands down Starlink for an update

It looks like you are launching a rocket. Do you want to ask Amazon for help with that? Not.

Tesla big cheese Elon Musk warns staffers to tighten their belts in bid to cut expenses (again)

Headcount

Are comments concerning headcount in bad taste here?

Polygraph knows all: You've been using our user feedback form

Re: I assume...

I'm glad it's off the air but inievitibly it will soon be replaced with something worse.

Tesla driver killed after smashing into truck had just enabled Autopilot – US crash watchdog

Re: Driver Aid

The Milligan: Oooo, I didn't know I came in different sizes.

Two Capita staffers to double up as non-exec directors, get keys to corporate biscuit barrel

Re: obviously misquoted

Much toadying required, else you get frog-marched off the premises. Should be an argument and conclusion in there somewhere.

Japan's mission to mine Mars' moon is cleared – now they've filled out the right paperwork on alien world contamination

Re: "from well underneath the moon's surface"

Well spotting, just like camel spotting, but more exciting.

"from well underneath the moon's surface"

Where there's a well there must be water!

Europol takes down Wall Street market: No, the other cesspool of dark international financial skullduggery

Something, something, something dark side.

<'cos it's one day early>

Meeeemmory ... prices tanned Samsung's behind: Profits tumble 60% as semiconductor demand in freefall

Feeling very sad

Left with your memories

Take a hike: Grab a flask of tea – South Korea is opening hiking trails in the DMZ

Mines (and yours)

George:

If we should step on a mine sir, what should we do?

Blackadder:

Well the normal procedure is to leap 200 feet into the air and scatter yourself over a large area.

Take your pick: 0/1/* ... but beware – your click could tank an entire edition of a century-old newspaper

Re: destructive hdd check

I shaw will.

Re: destructive hdd check

How about commands called Go and Reversi?

Idiot admits destroying scores of college PCs using USB Killer gizmo, filming himself doing it

(It's the old programming OCD of having to complete things.);

USB

U Silly Bugger

Cisco whispers the three little words to really get an ASR 9000 net admin's blood pumping: Remote unauthenticated access

Be totally secure - stick to the venerable old ASR-33.

IT meltdown outfit TSB to refund all customers that fall victim to fraud in 'UK banking first'

Where is the money going to come from?

Unicorns - we have an infinite supply.

Hole lotta crud: Chinese stock photo pusher tries to claim copyright on Event Horizon pic

Is this the flag they want to claim copyright on?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flag_of_the_Republic_of_China

French internet cops issue terrorist takedown for… Grateful Dead recordings?

extinguishing four candles

You'll be creating snuff videos next ...

User secures floppies to a filing cabinet with a magnet, but at least they backed up daily... right?

Re: Well if the US ships want the Chinese to keep out of the way

Years ago I had a floppy disc sent to me in the post, neatly folded in half ...

Uncle Sam charges Julian Assange with conspiracy to commit computer intrusion

Re: Is this the best that the USA can come up with ?

If Julian Assange is going to be hung out to dry then he might as well be subjected to a good chlorine wash first.

Fake Google robocallers hit with $3.4m fine – but it turns out that the joke's on you

Re: Re unpaid fines

How about if fines had to be paid to the court within 30 days, non-payment to mean contempt of court = porridge time for all the company directors. Problem solved.

As the UK updates its .eu Brexit advice yet again, an alternative hovers into view

Infamy, infamy, the EU have got it infamy!

Back to drawing board as Google cans AI ethics council amid complaints over right-wing member

Re: Google needs AI opinion? El Reg commentards to the rescue!

Can't wait for AI to be used for prison sentencing. On being told a certain person should be given a really long sentence that person will be handed a copy of James Joyce's Ulysses. A real punishment. Ah, wait, sentience, not sentence, sorry. Not much of that in my posts!

Naming your company 101: Probably best not to have the word 'Oracle' anywhere near branding

Or even Elcaro Transport Services.

COracle Transport Services

If I were naming a new company I would ask for advice from, ah, wait ... can't we use the name Delphi either?

Lip-reading smart speakers: Just what no one always wanted

Re: subliminal facial muscle movements instead

It looks like you are winking. Can I help you with that?

Chap joins elite support team, solves what no one else can. Is he invited back? Is he f**k

A is for Arnold (you know who ...)

Debate around Huawei espionage fears in UK about as clear as those darn Brexit negotiations

Sir Humphrey would have been so proud.

Super-crook admits he nicked $122m from Facebook, Google by sending staff fake invoices for tech kit

FBI?

Face Book Investigations?

Brit Police Federation cops to ransomware attack on HQ systems

This isn't just any old malware, it must have been programmed in fuzzy logic.

Brit prisoners to be kept on the straight and narrow with JavaScript and CSS

Prisoner in Cell Block HTML

Mine's the coat with the pointy arrows on it.

Can't do it the US way? Then we'll do it Huawei – and roll our own mobile operating system

Re: Open source

Someone has downvoted me for some reason, either they don't know about CP/M or they are a fan of ISIS (Intel's OS for the 8080/86 families).

:F1: