Posts by Paul Herber

Oracle demands $12K from network biz that doesn't use its software

i placed a softwâre on the xxx video clips (Orâckle) web site ând guess whât, you vīsīted this website to hâve dâtâbâse fűn (you know whât i mean). While you were viewing trânsâctions, yoűr web brőwser initīatd őprating âs a RDP having a keylőgger which gav me âccessibility to your scrn and câm. Right after that, my software collectd all of yőűr contacts from yőur Orcâle, âs wll as -mail . and then ī mâde a doubl-screen vīdeo. 1st part shows the tâbl;es yoű wer watching (yoű hâve a nice tâste in bârgepőlis lől . . .), and nxt part shows the view of yőur webcâm, & it īs u.

Can you code a way to foil online terrorist vids? The Home Office might just have £600K for you

600K

and it would all have been mine if it hadn't been for those pesky vids!

Better Bluetooth in Windows 10 and more local Azure toys via Docker containers

Microsoft and Ball

but Ball & Gates might have worked. Or was that Cow & Gate? I forget.

Emergency button saves gamers from sudden death... of starvation

That joke was old when Not The Nine O'Clock News did it!

UK.gov's smart meter cost-benefit analysis for 2019 goes big on cost, easy on the benefits

SMETS2

More like SMEGS2

Treating us like gimboids.

Full of beans? Sadly not as fellow cracks open tin at dinner to find just one

Re: Beenz

Has beenz.

<queue canned laughter>

Even the bean counters are being dumbed-down. One bean, many beans.

Cortana makes your PC's heart beat faster: Windows 10 update leaves some processors hot under the cooler

Re: Agile !

I think that needs a flowchart.

Fragile !

good album, that.

Maltese browser game biz flings €1m sueball at Google over Adsense kerfuffle

Re: puns

Next they'll be selling Bounty bars on Coconut Airways.

puns

Chocolate Factory - Maltese. No, can't see any scope for puns in this article at all.

Hong Kong ISPs beg Chinese govt not to impose Great Firewall on them

Re: The Chinese Government not used to handling an informed population ...

You'll Roo the day you said that!

UK.gov: Huge mobile masts coming to a grassy hill near you soon

Re: Can someone explain...

Do Amazon not sell swan necks? In packs of 50? What is one to do?

complaints about masts

I tried to complain about a local mast once, but couldn't get a decent signal!

Eight-hour comms lags and shock discoveries: 30 years after Voyager 2 visited gas giant Neptune

I don't know why they didn't just use more power to get the signals back quicker! Laws of physics? Pah!

Xbox daddy bakes bread with 4,000-year-old Egyptian yeast

Just like Mummy used to make

Bitty - ah, sorry, wrong sort of mummy.

Toaster

Does an ancient Egyptian talkie toaster speak in hieroglyphics?

<closest icon I can get to a mummified face>

I could throttle you right about now: US Navy to ditch touchscreens after kit blamed for collision

Bring back the knob

... often to be found driving the car ...

I miss him already, says judge as Mike Lynch's court marathon ends

That will need to be in-vest-igated.

Dear hackers: If you try to pwn a website for phishing, make sure it's not the personal domain of a senior Akamai security researcher

logs

If I trolled through all the access logs for my websites and customer websites every day, I'd never get any work done, let alone read El Reg!

Sleeping Tesla driver wonders why his car ploughed into 11 traffic cones on a motorway

Richard FS

I wonder what FS stands for?

Flaming Sleepy? No.

Fail Safe? No.

Flipping Slow? No.

Faulty Software? Close.

Fucking Stupid? Bingo.

UK digital network Openreach takes 15 electric vans for a spin

"Personally I have considered future generations wanting humans to produce stuff may bring in dormitories, as in some ways certain modern Chinese factories do, with workers all living, eating and sleeping on the premises."

Our MPs can set an example here, a nice underground sleeping block instead of them all having a London house rented to them or bought.

Scientist, war hero and gay icon Alan Turing is new face of the £50 note

Two of them have downvoted me already!

I forsee some sad souls refusing to accept these notes because of the sexuality of the person shown thereupon. I hope I'm wrong.

Good luck deleting someone's private info from a trained neural network – it's likely to bork the whole thing

Re: An interesting problem.

Nobody in the UK media gets Icelandic pronunciation correct, sometimes close ...

Now that's just offal: Heap of pig guts hog road after truck spills load in Kansas City

Punctuality not your thing? You're an hour late!

Uuuurgh, I've just found a colon. It's after the word "quipping".

' emergency response vehicle'

Hopefully not a hambulance.

Ofcom head Sharon White pocketed nearly £500k last year

Re: Yet in interviews she's little more than..

That's a different Pai scale!

At $1k a page, take care when RTFM: Apple-1 documentation sells for nearly $13,000 at auction

Re: Thank you

I can almost read an RTS mnemonic somewhere in the listing.

However, there's also a mention of RTS in the 6502 Assembler Cookbook, so I should be ok.

Boffins ready to go live with system that will track creatures great and small from space

Re: Based on experience of other people's cats..

No. Shits in our own garden, twice per day. Well trained, our cat.

I'd want to use this to find out where our cat goes at 2am for a couple of hours!

<where is the cat icon?>

Front-end dev cops to billing NSA $220,000 for hours he didn't work

That has a ring of truth about it.

Smegohead!

Dundee Satellite Receiving Station: Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory

Re: You'll have had

Don't worry, we're only here for the annual beano!

You'll have had

You'll have had yer tea!

Poetic justice: Mum funnels £100 into claw machine to win single Dumbo teddy for her kid

Re: I beleve in Unicorns

Rainbows only exist because of unicorns!

A Register reader turns the computer room into a socialist paradise

Re: Socialism

Considering the Labour Party's current furore over anti-semitism ...

Socialism

Socialism - is that like "Share and Enjoy"?

Iran's blame-it-on-Bitcoin 'leccy shortage probably isn't a US hack cover story... yet

... TV boasted of new generation capacity coming online.

A new process has been developed that can convert Bitcoin back into reusable energy. How? Blockchain is always the answer.

Eggheads have found a positive link between the number of racist tweets and the number of racist hate crimes in US cities

Anglo-saxonen og vikingar eunt domus.

Is wearing the wrong type of helmet a hat-crime?

The Eldritch Horror of Date Formatting is visited upon Tesco

I'm Julian date and this is my friend Sandy date!

It's official. You can get FUCT, US Supremes tell scandalized bureaucrats in rude trademark spat

Re: Bring In The Fashion Police

"whilst waving fists(or other things) around."

I think "testiculating" is the word you are looking for.

Waving your hands in the air whilst speaking bollocks.

Re: Bring In The Fashion Police

You stupid Ghent. Brugge the lot of you!

Re: Bring In The Fashion Police

Not many people care, I only know one person who cares, my colleage, Wan. Wan cares.

Apple sued over fondleslab death blaze: iPad battery blamed for deadly New Jersey apartment fire

AOL

I can foresee the scrap dealers in the future ... Any Old Lithium? Any Old Lithium?

You're Huawei off base on this, Rubio: Lawyers slam US senator's bid to ban Chinese giant from filing patent lawsuits

drive Trumpton further into a technological backwater.

That was Camberwick Green!

Must watch: GE's smart light bulb reset process is a masterpiece... of modern techno-insanity

Re: Simple

Have it on, have it off, have it on, have it off ...<smirk>

After years of listening, we've heard not a single peep out of any aliens, say boffins. You think you can do better? OK, here's 1PB of signals

Re: Discovery

If alien life is extremely small, will they be nano, nano.