Posts by Paul Herber

BOFH: What if International Bad Actors designed the vaccine to make us watch more Steven Seagal movies?

It's not just the doctors ...

Dentists are also in on the game, they'll get you when you next need an anaesthestic for some dental work, and that goes into the bloodstream far closer to the brain! Just say no.

A lightbulb moment comes too late to save a mainframe engineer's blushes

Re: I had a somewhat similar problem

Sorry, emergency stop procedure not yet implemented.

The ideal sat-nav is one that stops the car, winds down the window, and asks directions

Re: Paying extra for devices to shut up?

Is that the way you like it Mr Beeblebrox?

Chap who campaigned to oust Nominet's CEO and chairman and reform the .UK registry is elected as non-exec director

All power to Simon's elbow

From the studio that brought you 'Mortal Wombat' comes 'Pernicious Possum'

Kill all humans. Now, what was the question?

Russia blows up old satellite, NASA boss 'outraged' as ISS crew shelters from debris

Re: Burning down the jungle gym

Bladder wracks in spaaaace.

NASA delays crewed Moon landing until 2025, citing technical infeasibility

Re: The US will get serious about going back

Hong Kong, Tibet, Paracels, Spratlys, Taiwan, Bhutan, Moon, Mars (western hemisphere).

Re: Dust off Apollo

'going "goo goo goo" and soiling nappies.'

That can happen at both ends of life.

AI algorithms can help erase bright streaks of internet satellites – but they cannot save astronomy

Re: Painting them black ...

They're being very busy inventing non-reflective white paint!

Re: Painting them black ...

It's about time someone clever invented a black paint that didn't absorb!

What a clock up: Brit TV-broadband giant Sky fails to pick up weekend's timezone change, fix due by Friday

A job in Salisbury? There are a couple of guys in Russia who could do that!

Re: Time is an illusion.

Our down-voter might be a vogon. Mustn't upset them. One visit from a constructor fleet will upset all our hopes of becoming CO2 neutral.

Re: Time is an illusion.

Good, mine's a pint. Make it two pints (but not lager, thank you).

'We will not rest until the periodic table is exhausted' says Intel CEO on quest to keep Moore's Law alive

Re: "progressing along a trend line to 1 trillion transistors per device by 2030"

Those problems were being raised when chips had just 50 transistors!

Boeing's Starliner capsule corroded due to high humidity levels, NASA explains, and the spaceship won't fly this year

Re: an issue with the spacecraft’s valves

Nobody can hear your authentic 60s valve sound in spaaaaace.

an issue with the spacecraft’s valves

I've got a few 12AU7s in a box somewhere. It really is about time they started looking at TTL though. CMOS might be better in space though.

Nine floors underground, Oracle's Israel data centre can 'withstand a rocket, a missile or even a car bomb'

IRTA as Nine Feet Underground, is 70s band Caravan back in fashion?

Windows 11 in detail: Incremental upgrade spoilt by onerous system requirements and usability mis-steps

Round things, square things ... this is starting to sound like Play School (BBC children's TV).

Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram deplatform themselves: Services down globally

My mother

My mother joined F/B yesterday. I think it's her fault.

UK's £5bn National Cyber Force HQ to be sited in Lancashire beside Defence Secretary's constituency

The name Samlesbury always sounds like it should be in Wiltshire.

One-character bug gives away $90m in COMP tokens – recipients can keep 10% or consider themselves doxxed

Rigorous testing and auditing. This was mentioned elsewhere on El Reg. I shall have to find out more ... sorry, no budget for that.

A crypto-trading hamster is outperforming the S&P 500, Nasdaq, Bitcoin

Re: wouldn't be the first time

or as per Newman and Baddiel's feuding professors:

a. You see that whale in the distance?

b. I see that Cetacean surfacing ...

a. That's the size of your pet hamster, that is.

I have a friend from Barcelona asking me whether it is the right time to invest in Siberian Hamsters.

'Nobody in their right mind would build a naval base here today': Navigating in and out of Devonport

Left hand down a bit.

Hellfire and damnation: Two French monks charged over 5G mast arson attack

'a Capuchin monastery'

So, monks getting up to monkey business.

Où est mon manteau ?

Space tourists splash down in Atlantic Ocean after three days in orbit

Re: Every breath you take...

Too late

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/518617713333439235/

Re: ...in one piece.

Nomination for a Bad Taste Award.

Why tell the doctor where it hurts, when you could use emoji instead?

Re: History repeats itself

Also compare emoji sizes for testicle and brain.

Only 'natural persons' can be recognized as patent inventors, not AI systems, US judge rules

Re: He ought to give it up

Any aliens would probably be sufficiently advanced compared to us that any patents we have would be instantly out of date compared to their technology. Who is interested in a patent for a pointy stick with rounded corners when The Traders arrive with their portable atomic powered personal shields the size of a walnut

.

US Air Force chief software officer quits after launching Hellfire missile of a LinkedIn post at his former bosses

Re: So true...

It's one thing to know all about DevSecOps. But what if your speciality is SecDevOps or DevOpsSec. It's all OpsSecDevSec to me.

More cracks found in Russian annex of the International Space Station

'It's safe to say the station generally leaks a small amount of air all the time, which the crew compensates for.'

My wife tells me that I am well qualified for this job. Icon + curry. Sorted.

Think you can solve the UK's electric vehicle charging point puzzle? The Ordnance Survey wants to hear about it

I think this is a wind-up!

Oh the humanity: McDonald's out of milkshakes across Great Britain

Re: Border Bureaucracy?

Too late, too much of the country already has a huge underground infrastructure viz. the national curry sauce pipeline that starts at Southall, many local and national lager pipelines, and the newly-built kebab slurry pipe running under all the major UK motorways.

A man spent a year in jail on a murder charge involving disputed AI evidence. Now the case has been dropped

Sense of humour failure?

The Butlerian Jihad cannot come too soon!

UK's Surveillance Camera Commissioner grills Hikvision on China human rights abuses

Re: CCTV in England is obviouslty a new trend....

How good are they at recognising A(ussie)-list celebs out and about in HK when they should be isolating?

Re: An Easy Equation

It's the ists who are a problem ...

terrorists, separatists, racists, psychiatrists, maoists, receptionists, sexists, florists, communists, chemists, socialists, optimists, wantedlists ...

Magna Carta mayhem: Protesters lay siege to Edinburgh Castle, citing obscure Latin text that has never applied in Scotland

Re: Bampots

Bidh an fheadhainn ris an canar na romansan a ’dol chun taigh

Re: Sumption is wrong

'When you get arrested, you have the right to a fair trial before being jailed.'

When you get arrested, you have the right to a fair trial before being hanged.

FTFY

British defence supplier Ultra Electronics to be sold for £2.6bn to US-controlled firm

Re: doesn't bode well for Britain's industrial future

Marconi, Racal, GEC, Plessey, Dowty, Ferranti, Lucas, Decca ....all gone.

Selling England By The Pound

Tired: What3Words. Wired: A clone location-tracking service based on FOUR words – and they are all extremely rude

Homophones has got nothing against you either. Can't say the same about other Greek philosophers though.

You can now live life like Paul Allen on Microsoft cofounder's luxury yacht for '£1m a week'

"It turns out if you go 1,000 ft down in the ocean, it's really dark, and the animals are really strange. But if you put on some Pink Floyd, it's fantastic."

Sounds like one of Neil's lines from The Young Ones.

Woman sues McDonald's for $14 after cheeseburger ad did exactly what it's designed to

We could reap the Bounty of the seas!

Does this help them to talk in tongues?

Please stay on-topic.

Re: The Sin of Gluttony

'cos the sin of pi is always zero.

FTFY