Posts by Paul Herber

Techie told 'Bill Gates' Excel is rubbish – and the Microsoft boss had it fixed in 48 hours

The Pedants' Handbook

If there is insufficient work for one pedant then there is always a surplus for two.

Japan stops measuring train crowding by ease of newspaper readership

Re: Fishy

Meby

Re: I have a suggestion for 250%

Just adjust the knob on your left size to change your height to either 4' 6" or 6' 6"

Re: Fishy

We'll have none of this Euro-centric sardine stuff in El Reg if you don't mind.

I'll raise you one Pilchard.

You Kernow it makes sense.

Hello? Emergency services? I'd like to report a wrong number

Young Bill or Old Bill?

NASA sends 4K video from a flying plane to the ISS using lasers

I thought this was going to be a *direct* laser link from the plane to the ISS. Now, that would be impressive. Next year.

CrowdStrike blames a test software bug for that giant global mess it made

Re: no excuse for not deploying on ... cannery channels

Real beer is not available in cans!

Google to kill off URL shortener once and for all

https://regmedia.co.uk/2017/06/15/death_shutterstock.jpg?x=477&y=239&crop=1

and

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/0/0d/Wishbone_Ash_-_Argus.jpg/220px-Wishbone_Ash_-_Argus.jpg

The picture that goes with this article, it always reminds me of the excellent Wishbone Ash album, Argus.

Chinese researchers create four-gram drone that might fly forever

'grew by over 100 percent in the last twelve months. The Chinese biz did not provide a baseline figure so we can understand if it's grown from, say, four customers to nine.'

Or from zero to one. Thousands or even millions of %age growth!

Big Music reprises classic hit 'ISPs need to stop their customers torrenting or we'll sue'

Re: Home Taping Is Killing Music

Feedback is on Radio 4

Southwest latest to aim at electric air taxi dream with Archer partnership

I would love an Archer plane to land at Grundy airport! With a Horrobin as the pilot!

Oh hello, I didn't see you there!

Evidence for Moon caves emerges as humans hunt for hospitable hideaway under lunar surface

We know what's down there ... waiting ...

https://familyguy.fandom.com/wiki/Sarlacc

EU officials say X’s paid-for blue check deceives users and breaks law

Re: But the interesting bit is missing....

There are three Anonymous Cowards, the fat one balances the two skinny ones.

Re: The EU will eventually decide every major/US internet service is breaking EU law.

Monty Burns: yes, and your point being?

Re: The European Commission is an executive branch

Ah, so it's Mrs Richards who is running the show.

Re: The European Commission is an executive branch

Hmmm, it looks your sanity chip has become dislodged. Let me fix that for you. Whump. Ooops it's broken.

Microsoft ad subsidiary Xandr accused of violating GDPR

Re: Yet another advert related story.

If you knew as much as I do about marketing you'd know that the key is the segmentation of that 100%. Besides, isn't that exactly the wrong shade of puce for this product?

Microsoft China staff can't log on with an Android, so Redmond buys them iThings

'Microsoft China has told its workers to stop using Android devices in the workplace'

Isn't that increasing the attack surface? Or have they been dropped as well?

NASA finds humanity would totally fumble asteroid defense

When The Clangers find out that a giant planet is going to hit their asteroid what are they going to do about it? I know exactly what they'll do and we'll all end up in the soup.

X boss Elon Musk tries to make nice with world at ad biz conference

Re: You told us to sort of go fuck ourselves.

Whereas musketeers probably throw their knickers on the stage when Musky is giving a speech, if I were a potentail (or ex) advertiser I'd be throwing a dildo.

Icon, I've got two in each pocket!

Microsoft cancels universal Recall release in favor of Windows Insider preview

Piers?

Let's kick off our summer with a pwn-me-by-Wi-Fi bug in Microsoft Windows

MS should let their own AI loose on their code. Go and find all the bugs.

Twitter 'supersharers' of fake news tend to be older Republican women

Re: Pasty keyboard warriors

Now you are just being Scilly.

A thump with the pointy end of a screwdriver will fix this server! What could possibly go wrong?

Re: 2 years with a dry joint, running an engine testbed

or beer

'pointy end of a screwdriver'

ooh a bit too technical for me. I think that sort of tool needs a special name. How about Malibu Mallet.

Venerable ICQ messaging service to end operations in June

Re: Trillian

Where will the vector take us?

Re: Trillian

Hey, Zaphod, come over here!

Tape is so dead, 152.9 EB of LTO media shipped last year

You've got to get the right angle on it.

152 ExaBytes? Pah. I bought a USB stick of that capacity on fleabay last week for just 29.99

Was there no one at Microsoft who looked at Recall and said: This really, really sucks

That's normal corporate culture, more so now than in the past. Contradict the boss, not a team player, can't see your name on the hymn sheet. You are the weakest link. Goodbye.

China creates LLM trained to discuss Xi Jinping's philosophies

'rebuilding a digital Napoleon'

make it out of ARM-in-waistcoat chips?

Boeing's Calamity Capsule launch date slides into the future

Two days. That's about 50 Earth orbits.

Ohio power plants want special tariffs on datacenters to protect regional grid

What is more important - timely advice on which emoji to use for your next instafart, or somebody else's kidney dialysis machine?

Underwater datacenters could sink to sound wave sabotage

'undersea bit barns (bit barnacles?)'

accessed using your Oyster Card?

NHS Digital hints at exploit sightings of Arcserve UDP vulnerabilities

Re: Tenable assesses the threat "critical," while the NHS deems it "medium" severity.

No, for the 5th time that's not cancer, just take a couple of paracetamol.

What's with AI boffins strapping GoPros to toddlers? We take a closer look

Re: Quelle surprise!

' these creatures clearly have intelligence* (as do many others.)'

I knew we'd get back to kitten videos eventually!

I told Halle Berry where to go during a programming gig in LA

Re: Halle Berry? big deal!

Was it free?

FCC slams banhammer on 5G fast lanes with final net neutrality text

Re: There Never Were Any "Fast Lanes"

How many countries have this problem? Is it only one?

Tesla devotee tests Cybertruck safety with his own finger – and fails

Re: Who's next

Doesn't anyone want to stick their neck out?

AI Catholic 'priest' defrocked after recommending Gatorade baptism

Rule 1: NO

Rule 2: see Rule 1

Boffins suggest astronauts should build a Wall of Death on the Moon

Re: Insert mad-scientist cackle here

My dear old things, can someone tell me why The Third Man was based in Austria, not exactly one of the top cricketing nations?

Not a Genius move: Resurrecting war hero Alan Turing as your 'chief AI officer'

Re: What does the "C" stand for . . .

In some jurisdictions guns have more rights than humans.

NSA guy who tried and failed to spy for Russia gets 262 months in the slammer

Re: "The Russian Ambassador may slip that into his jacket pocket"

I thought Ferrero Rocher played in goal for AC Milan!

"Maybe the US government should review who gets access to classified materials"

Or just bypass that and get yourself elected President.

Google Search results polluted by buggy AI-written code frustrate coders

'the AI answers rising to the top of the search results overnight'

People spend years trying to get their own websites higher up the search results, in a legitimate manner.

What's the %$@&%£ point!

Oracle Fusion rollout costs 15 times council's estimates in SAP rip-'n-replace

Re: I have just set up GUM

and your kick-backs for free.

State-by-state is the best approach for right to repair, says advocacy leader

Re: YES!

Where there are commas there are lawyers.

Cops cuff man for allegedly framing colleague with AI-generated hate speech clip

Re: standard american flight bag

Ok, wise guy, what would you do if the pilot starts getting stroppy?

Waymo robotaxi drives down wrong side of street after being alarmed by unicyclists

Video no longer available.