Posts by John

'Patricia Hewitt' donates £6m to charity

No sympathy

If people actually believe this, and other such, twonk. They deserve to lose their money and IP.

EU demands Google slashes cookie retention times

Say what?

"Today, a Google search is far more likely to provide you with the information you're looking for that it did a few years ago."

"information" in this context = Google Ads

But I'm NOT looking for adverts, not then, not now, not ever.

IBM smacks rivals with 5.0GHz Power6 beast

Re: VIsta

Those buns are not so hot, what with all that water cooling gear.

However they may still be cross.

Phorm admits 'over zealous' editing of Wikipedia article

Legal Dept

"The spokesman said Phorm's PR team had not been aware of Wikipedia's policy on conflicts of interest."

These Phormers don't seem to be very good at this Legal stuff do they?

Can of worms..........

Here they come, wriggling out all covered in PR bullshit.

Gates teases bankers with Windows 7 dates

Sorry, too late Bill

After years using Windows, my next OS, after XP, will NOT be from M$

Royal Mail sites hit by downtime cock-up

Email

Please email me some stamps, I want to write to someone, oh hang on a minute.....

'Bullying' Aussie high school stops fingerprinting kids

That's my old school!!

Always thought they were a haven for escaped Nazis.

Microsoft gives XP an extra two years to live (kinda)

To XP or not to XP...

...That is the question.

Actually, this will be my last MS Box. When support for XP finally ends, I'm ditching MS altogether.

It's time to grow up and use a real OS.

Naomi Campbell cuffed in Heathrow Terminal 5

T5 - Portal of Hell

I think they should rename it as per my suggestion.

UK postal vote system 'not fit for purpose'

Like they say...

Vote early, and vote often !

What's the best way to digitise VHS tapes?

Sony has a nice little unit too

http://www.sony.com.au/storstation/catalog/product.jsp;jsessionid=ZXVG5MZIW5IMACWSCFCSFEQK0IIUIIV0?id=VRDMC3

Local councils dish out shoddy computer recycling advice

My method

1 x HDD, working or not

1 x Bucket of pool water (salt)

1 x Drill

1 x Lump hammer

1 x Cup of hydrochloric pool acid

Drill hole through said HHD

Mash HDD with said hammer

Add HHD to bucket of water, add acid to taste, leave stand for 1 week.

Drain, dispose, enjoy.

Serves None.

Install the HHD on a senior manager's PC

The data will be unrecoverable by the end of the day. Or does this only happen at my place?

Forth Bridge painters to down brushes in 2012

Victorian Antiques

They don't make 'em to last like that anymore. If you haven't seen the bridge, I suggest you make the trip. Amazing!

Microsoft dishes out six critical updates

Norton

Apart from the motorcycles, Nortons software is a complete hunk-o-junk, then again so were the bikes....must go with the name.

FBI issues prosthetic pregnant belly bomb alert

Good enough for Mary.

Women should only travel by donkey, just like in the old days.

Mine's the fat suit on the steel peg.

EU squeals over US pre-flight personal data grab

Crazy Stuff

I'm just glad I've done all my travelling in Europe and the US. There's no way I'm bothering with all this "anti terror" crap.

Police bugging of lawyer visits might see flood of appeals

Illegal recordings

These prisoners need to get in touch with the RIAA !!

Flanagan reads riot act on police IT

New Web Site

www.Cam-Cop.com

Join Londons best.

Bobbies on the beat.

Live 24/7 video streaming.

US man threatens TV repairman with shotgun

Do the maths

More guns = more gun crime = more people shot

Less guns = less gun crime = less people shot

Teen hacker re-unlocks Apple's iPhone

Give him a job

Imagine the holes he could plug at Apple if he worked for them.

Paris: Because she knows about plugging holes.

US spooks see Sadville as potential terrorist paradise

Sadville

The other day upon the stairs

I saw a man who wasn't there

He wasn't there again today

He must be from the CIA

USB 'compact cassette' promises 1980s nostalgia, home taping

Meh?

Ages ago I bought a stereo lead to go between my old Sony walkman cassette player and my PCs sound card IN connection. For $1.95 I have cassettes transferred to MP3, etc. Sound is about as good as you can get from a dirty old tape.

Ad hijacking Trojan targets Google

Eh?

Paris Hilton connection?

Fire stations too much like fire stations, says Govt

I just wanted...

....to use the flame emoticon!

Thanks

419ers flash big bucks cashcard

ATM cash delivery driver

I hate refilling those ATMs in Antarctica. The long plane flight, the cold, nothing to eat but pengiun sarnies and the notes get all frosty and brittle in the machine.

Lately, the McMurdo Station cash machines have been running out even faster, it must be those Lads from Lagos offering free cash again!

Giant athletic todger defends Pennsylvania

That's...

....the correct use of technology.

Google Todger Viewer - cumming soon.

England flops shafted by enormous todger

Football and, er, cocks???

I thought football (soccer) was a girls game?

Panto star sacked for foul-mouthed outburst

@ John in Fairbanks

Alaska, hmmm nice. One of my fave' places to visit.

BTW, being in AK and closer to the North Pole, do you get your presents delivered any earlier?

John in Oz.

Facebook faces UK data probe

Facebook, Myspace, Sadville etc...

Ha ha, sucked in!

Just stay away, its actually quite easy to do.

Sierra Leone launches 'Operation Wash Lunatics'

Isn't it nice....

...the use of the term "lunatic".

It's just so very NON-PC it makes the heart glow with nostalgia!

Hospital's brand new '£1m' server room goes up in smoke

Multi-Purpose Server Rooms

With the heat these rooms are generating perhaps they could move some more hospital equipment in. Incubators, humidicribs, bio-culture growing racks, patient solarium, staff gym, etc.

French court says non to pre-loaded Windows on Acer laptop

Who buys a PC with an OS installed?

Ive had a few new PCs now.

None of them came pre-installed with any OS.

There are loads of IBM clones to be had, who needs the big manufacturers?

Never buy pre-installed !!

What's 77.1 x 850? Don't ask Excel 2007

That's it...

..I now want to see the following signs on Bridges, Aircraft, Tall Buildings and Motor Vehicles. etc.

"WARNING: The design process for this structure/vehicle/device involved calculations made by Excel 2007"

We need to know.

Three Gorges Dam an 'environmental catastrophe'

Chinese

Damn, I gorged myself three times, but an hour later I am still hungry!!

Japan, Google head for the moon

Golf Balls

I won't accept it as real until they can show me the (now heavily ablated) golf balls Alan Shepard hit/left behind.

Fore!

Led Zeppelin reunion opens with Communication Breakdown

Ho hum, after all these years...

....the song remains the same!

[hat, coat, gone...]

Patch Tuesday update triggered Skype outage

Bollocks, all of it...

This was a mandatory shut-down ordered by Washington so that "spook-ware v3.56" could be installed on the Skype network.

I know, because I hear the voices on the line........

PDF spam tsunami hits email inboxes

Hey Greg, bridge for sale...

..buy the world famous Brooklyn Bridge! Get it before its snapped up by the Japanese. Send loads of cash to: yesiamreallythatstupid.com

Russian firm targets wooden phones at posers everywhere

Looks like...

...wood-o-plastic [TM] to me. 5 grand for something that looks like cheap tat, I don't think so.

UK.gov publishes alien sightings list

Travel years at faster than light speed...

...just to do show some swirly lighting effects in the sky. Then, they bugger off home again! Probably just some alien boy-racers out for fun?

California e-voting machines have more holes than Swiss cheese

Remember the old maxim...

Vote early and vote often.....

Ghostly plastic bathtoy flotilla nears Cornish coast

But...

...has anyone told Ernie?

http://images.wikia.com/muppet/images/thumb/1/1a/Rubberduckiesingle.jpg/300px-Rubberduckiesingle.jpg

Symantec offer sticks in craw of some Chinese users

Old Chinese saying...

Man who lies down with dogs

Gets up with fleas

Hacker breaks into Pentagon email system

No email

Emails leave a trace of what you did and said.

Why would a government official want that?

Citizen Kane declared greatest US movie

What?

Where's Nerds III or Police Academy 18 ?

US car thieves floored by manual gearbox

Learn in an auto?

LOL

Why do people with a manual car say: "learn in an auto" ?

What's to learn?

If you can drive a manual car, then you are automatically a grand master in an auto - pun indended.

NZ couple fight to name kid '4Real'

That's not a name....

Years ago I went to school with a kid called Paul Hogan, (no not the Crocodile Dundee guy).

Whenever he had to give his name he got into trouble for 'lying'.

Texas cops taser diabetic seizure man

Bang Bang You're Dead

They should never have given guns to the 'mericans.

Never.