* Posts by Whit.I.Are

50 posts • joined 5 Jan 2015

No more slurping of kids' nationalities, Brit schools told


Re: skewed

I had to fill in the same forms several times for the same school for my kids, so had the impression they didn't save the data anyway. Unless the school thought the kids ethnicity might have changed over the summer holidays - little Johnny was White British last year, but now he's Chinese...

British egg producers saddened by Google salad emoji update


If Google are trying to be more inclusive...

...they should also remove the face from the poo emoji. That would be less discriminatory against those of us who don't do poos with faces.

Size does matter, chaps: Oversized todgers an evolutionary handicap


Re: "all that we have going for us, is opposable thumbs, and intelligence"

It can't be a coincidence that the penis fits so conveniently in the palm of a hand with an opposable thumb.

Europe dumps 300,000 UK-owned .EU domains into the Brexit bin


I love it

I love the bitching about Brexit. Brexiteers think that remoaners are a bunch of w@nkers. Remainers think that Brexiteers are a bunch of w@nkers. So, democratically speaking, that makes all of us a bunch of w@nkers - it must be so, coz we voted for it!

Meanwhile while we all blame each other for this f*cking mess, this country is going further and further down the toilet - NHS, education, defence, law and order, public transport, you name it, it's shit, always has been shit and it's getting shittier by the day.

So keep on arguing, if only for my amusement.

What the @#$%&!? Microsoft bans nudity, swearing in Skype, emails, Office 365 docs


Inappropriate content

What is inappropriate content?

If someone is being a c*nt and you call him a c*nt in an email, I'd say that was wholly appropriate.


Re: It's a feature

Classic speech to the troops:


Chilly willies: Swedish nudie nightclub opens in -11°C to disgust of locals


Re: Swedish Winter..

On a trip to Finland in the winter I arrived in the morning when it was still dark. In the taxi from the airport, I asked the driver when it gets light. With characteristic Finnish deadpan he replied "April".

National Museum of Computing rattles the bucket: Help shift war-winning proto-puter


Re: Well-known actor Bandersnatchington Cumperdinklehough

Bendydick Cumbersnatch

Apple’s facial recognition: Well, it is more secure for the, er, sleeping user


I had a Nokia Lumia 820 in 2012, that had Qi wireless charging...

Smart meters: 'Dog's breakfast' that'll only save you 'a tenner' – report


You're lucky. After getting smart meters fitted I got an email from British Gas to inform me that my monthly direct debit was being increased to £4327.56...

Google hit with record antitrust fine of €2.4bn by Europe


Re: Pesky Euros

So that's what our spanking new aircraft carrier is for...

User needed 40-minute lesson in turning it off and turning it on again


Re: Can you hold down the power button

>check the tyres

There are 4, so I'm good to go...

Earth wobbles on axis as Google rebrands


It looks crap

Just looked at the new logo on my phone. Haven't these jokers heard of anti-aliasing?

UK.gov wants to stop teenagers looking at tits online. No, really


16/18 paradox

So you can legally have sex at 16 in the UK, but you'll have to be 18 to look at boobs?

That's as daft as being able to join the army at 16, but not able to play Call of Duty till you're 18.

Windows 10: THE ULTIMATE GUIDE to Microsoft's long apology for Windows 8


Re: Just one thing left to make it good

My experience of your average user is that they click 'Save', but haven't got a clue where they saved it to and don't know how to find it again.

Personally, yes, I can remember where I saved the last thing I worked on, but I have a heck of a job finding anything even a few months old...

Why the BBC is stuffing free Micro:bit computers into schoolkids' satchels


Re: Milllllleeeelins !!!!

It's 'up to 1 million', so in practice they'll get one each.

Les Américains order a MEEELLION doughnuts ... from French baker


Re: 1,000,000 doughnuts???

The US gets through about 10 beeellion doughnuts a year, so 1 meeellion would last a bit less than an hour.

'Backronym' crowdfunds itself into Oxford English Dictionary


Re: Twerk

"Really the Germans do allow themselves such twists & twirks of the pen, that it would puzzle any one."

Germans in lederhosen twerking. Now that would be a sight...

Indiana Jones whips Bond in greatest movie character poll


Batman in 4th place

Adam West presumably...

Wake up, sheeple! If you ask Siri about 9/11 it will rat you out to the police!


phonetically vs iPhonetically

DEATH by VEGETABLES: Woman charged with killing boyf using carrots. And peas


Re: EVERYTHING* can be bought in a can

I recently saw canned brussel sprouts...

Ecobee3: If you're crazy enough to want a smart thermostat – but not too crazy – this is for you


Re: Touchscreen is pointless

My house has screens in every room that tells me what the weather is outside. Sorry, not screens, windows...


Re: These are primarily products for the US - not the UK

Prior to the widespread use of air conditioning in the hotter states of the US, many people died of heat exhaustion...

Using leather in 'leccy cars is 'unTesla', rages vegan shareholder


Re: Hmm let's think about this...

I was thinking wicker chairs...

Everything Apple touted at WWDC – step inside our no-hype-zone™


Re: Shift Key

That's the one reason I really hate iPhones.


Re: El Capitan?

I found the whole big cat thing stupid stupid stupid. When you're told you need version "Mountain Tiger" or later, how the flip are you supposed to know whether the "Snow Panther" you're running is a newer version or not. At least Androids sweetie names are alphabetical...


Re: El Capitan?

I had to Bing that one - turns out it's a rock formation in Yosemite National Park. Who knew...

Oh, shoppin’ HELL: I’m in the supermarket of the DAMNED


Re: Some Dutch shops..

Some manned tills in Japan have a hopper for the input of cash and automatically spit out the correct change into a bowl too. Very handy if you're a tourist unfamiliar with the money, probably quicker for the checkout staff and less prone to errors.


Re: Online buying is sometimes not much better...

And what you get is a bit of a lottery. The first time I tried, I ordered five baked potatoes -what I got was one potato the size of a hens egg, with a 'baked potato' sticker on it. The next time I somehow got 9 cucumbers...

City of birth? Why password questions are a terrible idea


Re: Even Worse

I had the same with my mother's maiden name - which at 4 characters long was too short for the dumbass site I was trying to register for.

Manchester car park lock hack leads to horn-blare hoo-ha


Re: Another reason for a physical key..

>>If the car I want doesn't come with a physical key, the first thing I'll install is an electrical cut-out so I can kill the thing when something goes haywire


Mobiles at school could be MAKING YOUR KID MORE DUMBER


Teaching kids

Schools are supposed to teach kids stuff. So how about they teach kids the accepted norms of mobile phone usage - turn your phone off when you're in the cinema, don't use your phone at the dinner table, don't use your phone in class or you'll fail your exams etc.

Microsoft's certification exams: So easy, a child of six could pass them. Literally


Re: Nice

I got called in to my 14 year old son's school when he flat refused to do IT because it was purely focussed on Office. He told the teacher he wasn't going to disrupt the class, he'd sit quietly at the back and catch up on real work, but he wasn't going to participate as he just didn't see the point in the class - Office isn't IT. I did the parental thing and told him he was right, but to toe the line to make life easy for himself...

Milking cow shot dead by police 'while trying to escape'


Re: coming from ireland,

At my mum's primary school they used the adjacent field to play rounders - the field with the bull in it. At my dad's school they learned how to drive a rotavator, keep bees and grow tobacco.


Cows often cause a pile up. I put it on my roses...

Dev gives HBO free math tips to nail Game of Thrones pirate leakers



Some simple options for getting the movie translated:

1. Get the translators to come to your studio to do the translation and don't let them in or out with any media or recording equipment. I believe Apple had this approach when previewing the Watch to some devs.

2. Remove all the bits where nobody is speaking before sending it for translation. It would probably make the movie unwatchable.

3. Obscure a significant portion of the image with a big black rectangle. Again, it would make it unwatchable.

4. Send each scene to a different translation bureau - chances of them all being dishonest is smaller.

17 Carnations, The Art of Creative Thinking and Last Night on Earth



Doesn't he mean Haus Sachsen-Coburg und Gotha?

He can't give it away FAST ENOUGH: Bill Gates richest man in world again


Lucky him

Microsoft is 40 years old.

Bill Gates is worth $79.4B.

That's a bit less than five and a half million every day or $62.94 per second.

National Grid's new designer pylon is 'too white and boring' – Pylon Appreciation Society


Re: White pylon

My kids never turn the flipping lights off, so it's their own fault...

Blighty's 12-sided quid to feature schoolboy's posterior


Re: Coin-swallowing machine

The machine at our local railway station takes coins and notes, but only gives change as coins. So you buy a £21 ticket with two £20 notes and you get 19 pound coins as change - quite a pocket full...

Aged 18-24? Don't care about voting? Got a phone? Oh dear...


Re: Here are my ideas to improve politics.

2. Get rid of voting by the politicians and replace it with on-line voting by the general public. For every vote. Sure, let the politicians have their debate (I don't even mind if they boo and cheer as it just makes them look like a bunch of tw4ts), but leave the voting up to us, the great unwashed.

That way there's be a better chance that the will of the people be used to determine the way the country is run, rather than by the minority rule system we have at the moment. By which I mean our dumb, first-past-the-post system that usually results in a party in power that polled less than half the popular vote.

Honey, I shrunk the Windows footprint


Re: Modular design

Try OSX...

$17,000 Apple Watch: Pointless bling, right? HA! You're WRONG


Re: How long before...

Or just gold plate it...


Re: Pussy Magnet

You'd be better off spending your 17k on having your "chap" extended by a couple of inches. You'll stand more chance of getting laid for a second time...


Re: But what happens a few years down the line

And even if you can get it fixed, you'll need to get your old iPhone fixed to work with it. And then you'll need to get your apps made backwards compatible with the old kit.

Shove off, ugly folk, says site for people who love themselves


Somthing else to discriminate against

Sexism, racism, ageism, fatism, uglyism. Whatever next?

Canadian bloke refuses to hand over phone password, gets cuffed


Confidential information

My employer would take a dim view of me giving the password of my work laptop to some random border official. I may even be in breach of my contract of employment...

A Bombe Called Christopher, or A Very Poor Imitation


For historical accuracy...

...you should see "Churchill: The Hollywood Years".

Preserve the concinnity of English, caterwauls American university


Re: I'm perturbed

Any word can be verbed...

Reg man confesses: I took my wife out to choose a laptop for Xmas. NOOOO


Re: Just say it

My wife handed me a handbag just before Christmas and told me to wrap it and stick it under the tree. Everyone happy :)


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