Posts by Mr Dogshit

Keep it Together, Microsoft: New mode for vid-chat app Teams reminds everyone why Zoom rules the roost

Re: Really?

Like this?

https://www.commitstrip.com/en/2019/08/30/the-future-of-video-conferencing/?

High-flying Microsoft exec jumps to Magic Leap as CEO. No, we haven't got that the wrong way round

Rat joins sinking ship!

After 84 years, Japan's Olympus shutters its camera biz, flogs it to private equity – smartphones are just too good

"shutters"

I see what you did there

Ex-director cops community service after 5,000-file deletion spree on company Dropbox

Crikey!

An "internet address". Sounds terribly technical.

Hayfever in Haymarket, or has Windows sneezed out a BSOD?

I just don't understand why this is supposed to be hilarious

"Operating system behaves as per design". Not funny, is it?

When a crash occurs in Kernel Mode, the operating system's task is to preserve your data. Unlike a crash in Application Mode, it can't recover and continue.

Therefore, it dumps memory to disk using a cut-down device driver and displays a message. What do you expect?

And since writing device drivers is very difficult, yes, they sometimes crash. And often these are drivers not written by Microsoft.

Linux and VMware aren't immune to Kernel Mode crashes, and neither was the Amiga. So where's the joke? I don't get it.

'One rule for me, another for them' is all well and good until it sinks the entire company's ability to receive emails

Apps?

They were called "applications" in them days. Or "programs".

Yeah, great start after sacking human hacks: Microsoft's AI-powered news portal mixes up photos of women-of-color in article about racism

Who the hell reads MSN anyway?

Smart fridges are cool, but after a few short years you could be stuck with a big frosty brick in the kitchen

Fridges are cool!

Ha! I see what you did there!

Amazon declined to sell a book so Elon Musk called for it to be broken up

Oh boy oh boy

And people buy cars from this nutjob

Choose your own adventure: HP's new Omen 15 gaming laptop offers choice between AMD and Intel processors

Replaceable RAM and storage! Whatever will they think of next?

Not the Wright stuff: Bitcoin 'inventor' loses bid to sue YouTuber who called him a liar

Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

Laughing UK health secretary launches COVID-19 Test and Trace programme with glitchy website and no phone app

Re: SERCO?

Yep. Could have used local government employees or the military, but better just to spunk a load of money on .gov's favourite outsourcer instead.

To test its security mid-pandemic, GitLab tried phishing its own work-from-home staff. 1 in 5 fell for it

Yep. Got one from my local council. It invited me not to go to https://localcouncil.gov.uk/counciltax but https://paymycounciltax.net or something stupid. Probably was legit, but I ain't clicking on it.

Beer rating app reveals homes and identities of spies and military bods, warns Bellingcat

We've reached peak fuckwit

when you have to have an app to drink beer

Dutch spies helped Britain's GCHQ break Argentine crypto during Falklands War

There is no such verb as "to author"

Repeat after me: there is no such verb as "to author"

We are not Americans.

Breaking virus lockdown rules, suing officials, threatening staff, raging on Twitter. Just Elon Musk things

Ugh

Who'd buy a car from this nut job?

Penny smart and dollar stupid: IT jobs slashed in US, UK, Europe to cut costs – just when we need staff the most

Re: tldr

You what mate?

Square peg of modem won't fit into round hole of PC? I saw to it, bloke tells horrified mate

I can't believe it was so easy.

Fitting an ISA modem usually involved fannying around with the IRQs and assigning the correct COM port.

Prank warning: You do know your smart speaker's paired with Spotify over the internet, don't you?

Serves him right for being a hipster.

Assange should be furloughed from Belmarsh prison, says human rights org. Here's a thought: He could stay with friends!

Snapchat domain squatter loses comedy £1m URL sellback attempt

Hmm

Looks like snaptwat.co.uk is available, someone should tell him.

Chinese carmaker behind Volvo and Lotus ships first two satellites for planned IoT ‘OmniCloud’

I'm middle class.

I'd quite like to go to a Volvo theme park.

Why should the UK pensions watchdog be able to spy on your internet activities? Same reason as the Environment Agency and many more

Suspicion builds Confidence

I am reminded of a film called Brazil.

Vivaldi browser to perform a symphony of ad and tracker blocking with version 3.0

It's not bad

But it's not Opera 12. Sniff.

Something a bit phishy in your inbox? You can now email suspected frauds straight to Blighty's web takedown cops

Re: Obviously ==>

Without your consent? Do you really need the Official Secrets Act explaining to you, you mooncalf?

Ex-TalkTalk infosec exec's equal pay and unfair dismissal claims tossed out at tribunal

HOW MUCH?

Cloudflare outage caused by techie pulling out the wrong cables

Re: Data Centre Management

Just keep it all on a spreadsheet on a file share, is much more cost effective.

French pensioner ejected from fighter jet after accidentally grabbing bang seat* handle

Well I hope Martin-Baker gave him a tie.

P.S. I want some anti-g pants. If they're what I think they are.

Watch out, everyone, here come the Coronavirus Cops, enjoying their little slice of power way too much

Pretty sure it's Cambridgeshire Police

Ofcom waves DAB radio licences under local broadcasters' noses as FM switchoff debate smoulders again

And another thing

Why are all DAB radios weird, ugly, wooden boxes?

Apple creates face shield for health workers, resists the temptation to call it the 'iMask'

No 3.5mm headphone socket I note.

Capita inks deal with NHS to 'bring back staff': Workers get an hour of training to recruit and vet retired doctors, nurses

"To ink" is not a verb.

Zoom vows to spend next 90 days thinking hard about its security and privacy after rough week, meeting ID war-dialing tool emerges

I really fancy a Lyons Maid lolly now.

NASA's classic worm logo returns for first all-American trip to ISS in years: Are you a meatball or a squiggly fan?

Worm!

As used on the orbiters, which were awesome!

Cloudflare family-friendly DNS service flubs first filtering foray: Vital LGBTQ, sex-ed sites blocked 'by mistake'

Boo hoo!

Kiddies can't get onto BLT sites.

When I was a kid, to find out anything meant cycling half an hour to the library.

Zoom's end-to-end encryption isn't actually end-to-end at all. Good thing the PM isn't using it for Cabinet calls. Oh, for f...

But do they have the necessary hashtags?

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson, health secretary Matt Hancock both test positive for COVID-19 coronavirus

Never mind

Just ruffle your hair and spout some bollocks in Latin, and everything'll be fine.

Dell publishes data centre cleaning guidance, suggests hiring pros to disinfect enterprise kit

Just use Jeyes Fluid.

IBM puts 1,248 frontline techies at risk of redundo, warns of data centre closures

Two lions escape from the zoo and split up to increase their chances. When they finally meet after two months, one is skinny and the other overweight.

The thin one says, "How did you manage? I ate a human just once and they turned out a small army to chase me with guns and nets, it was terrible. Since then I've been reduced to eating mice, insects, even grass."

The fat one replies: "Well, *I* hid near an IBM office and ate a manager every day. Nobody even noticed!"

Secret-sharing app Whisper shared secrets like last known location and actual password tokens in exposed database

Time can never mend

The careless whispers of a good friend

To the heart and mind, ignorance is kind

There's no comfort in the truth, pain is all that you'll find

Should have known better, yeah

Australian privacy watchdog sues Facebook for *checks notes* up to £266bn

Re: That could hurt

Cat puns freak meowt.

Microsoft's Cortana turns its back on consumers as skills are stripped from Windows 10

I think my dad had a Ford Cortana.

Hey, Brits. Your Google data is leaving the EU before you are: Hoard to be shipped from Ireland to US next month

But, but

This isn't the Brexit I voted for!

Crypto-upstart subpoenas Glassdoor to unmask ex-staff believed to be behind negative reviews. EFF joins the fray

You mean people use their real identities on Glassdoor?

So you locked your backups away for years, huh? Allow me to introduce my colleagues, Brute, Force and Ignorance

No hammer needed

Samsung HDDs. They'd sometimes make a strange clicking noise and the BIOS wouldn't find them.

If you rapped them on the top with your knuckles, or gave a swift tap with a screwdriver handle, they'd spin up and you'd be able to copy the contents across to a replacement drive using Ghost.

Happy days.

Ding-dong. Who's there? Any marketing outfit willing to pay: Not content with giving cops access to doorbell cams, Ring also touts personal info

One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,

One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

Virtual reality is a bonkers fad that no one takes seriously but anyway, here's someone to tell us to worry about hackers

Her initiative is seeking donations

Good luck with that.

Brit brainiacs say they've cracked non-volatile RAM that uses 100 times less power

Re: "Within the next decade we'll either have it or we won't"

Within the next decade I'll either be dead or I won't.

Take DOS, stir in some Netware, add a bit of Windows and... it's ALIIIIVE!

apps ?

We called them applications back then.

Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia accused of hacking Jeff Bezos' phone with malware-laden WhatsApp message

Re: Get your patient pads out....

What are patient pads?

Some kind of incontinence pants?