* Posts by macjules

3367 posts • joined 7 Oct 2014

UK celebrates 25 years of wasteful, 'underperforming' government IT projects

macjules Silver badge

Re: The main problem is...

Trained in PPE contract awarding?

Alan Turing Institute to spend £60m from UK.gov on AI for air traffic control and banking

macjules Silver badge

get humans and intelligent machines working closer

get intelligent humans and machines working closer

FTFY

You're not imagining it. Amazon and AWS want to hire all your friends, enemies, and everyone in between

macjules Silver badge

Re: Space Rockets don't grow on trees

And in true Amazon style the top came off and the rest fell out at the climax.

macjules Silver badge

Space Rockets don't grow on trees

It takes a lot of money to boost one egotistical billionaire into orbit.

Troll jailed for 5 years after swatting of Twitter handle owner ends in death

macjules Silver badge

Re: Sentence should have been far longer

5 years of being sold around the jail for sexual services should do the trick I think.

Tencent to acquire Brit games developer Sumo Group

macjules Silver badge
Black Helicopters

"Chinese games developers"

Difficult to call them that now with all the changing rules from National Press and Publication Administration. No cult or superstitious games allowed so no Farcry series for China then and difficult to see how just about any RPG would be allowed, Blood was allowed so long as it was black but was recently outlawed completely. Definitely no visible skin but also no skeletons allowed, so skeletons have to be fully clothed and, err, not be skeletons. You may not “endanger social morality or national cultural traditions” which translates as "we can ban whatever we like" so clothing and locations in China must be 100% accurate.

Oh and no political message in any game, anywhere at all.

"Wouldn't you prefer a nice game of chess?"

Our Friends Electric: A pair of alternative options for getting around town

macjules Silver badge

Re: The door

It was done in Top Gear where they put Clarkson in a Bubble car (Isetta) which he drove around inside the BBC offices until he parked facing a wall and couldn't restart the engine.

Cyberlaw experts: Take back control. No, we're not talking about Brexit. It's Automated Lane Keeping Systems

macjules Silver badge

+1 Very good. Goes nicely with the Tesla Impala

macjules Silver badge

Re: How indeed

Sadly, telling autonomous vehicle drivers n the UK to not trust the computer and keep both hands on the wheel will have about as much effect as handing a firework to a football supporter and asking him to not stick it up his backside and light it.

macjules Silver badge
Trollface

For Tesla drivers that should come up through the seat as they are probably in reclining position and fast asleep then anyway.

I no longer have a burning hatred for Jewish people, says Googler now suddenly no longer at Google

macjules Silver badge

Re: This is confusing

Me too. I fail to understand why so many people in America have to describe themselves as though they are still a national of whichever country they or their parents migrated from. If your ancestors left Ireland in the mid-nineteenth century then surely by now you are simply an "American" as opposed to an "Irish-American"? Likewise "Egyptian-American"?

Impromptu game of Robot Wars sparks fire in warehouse at UK e-tailer Ocado

macjules Silver badge

The Curates Egg

Right Reverend Host: "I'm afraid you've got a bad CFC, Mr Jones!";

The Curate: "Oh no, my Lord, I assure you! the vast majority of the CFC is in good condition"

This page has been deliberately left blank

macjules Silver badge

"We are still very keen to donate some of the proceeds to the cause"

©2021 Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Richard Branson et al.

"Charity's fine, subscribe to mine!"

©1964 Lionel Bart

Facebook pulls plug on mind-reading neural interface that restored a user's speech

macjules Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: So, a stunning breakthrough in neuroscience is abandoned . .

I should think that someone told Zuckerberg that forcing Facebook users to undergo a USB implant might be seen a as somewhat unfair breach of the user agreement. After the tantrums stopped Mark moved everyone to the "Bad News Office" (he has a Good news office and a Bad news office) and told them to stop funding.

Facebook are now understood to be buying data on anyone in the UK who has had colorectal surgery recently with a view to implanting the neuro implant "from the other end".

BOFH: Where there is darkness, let there be a light

macjules Silver badge

All these comments

And nobody spotted the date error? Unless 31st June 2021 is a new date intended to confuse HMRC.

Richard Branson uses two planes to make 170km round trip

macjules Silver badge

Re: Bring back Concorde - much more impressive.

My thought as well, Branson could have invested in R&D for a new supersonic passenger jet and would probably make a lot more out of it than space 'tourism'.

Revealed: Perfect timings for creation of exemplary full English breakfast

macjules Silver badge

"full English breakfast"

Since when did fried grated potato make its way into the Great British Breakfast menu? Suppose next you will be advising on how to pour maple syrup over the mushrooms.

Where's the boss? Ah right, thorough deep-dive audit. On the boardroom table. Gotcha

macjules Silver badge

Re: Ethics

Clothe to Suffix I think.

Suck on this: El Reg forces dog hair, biscuit crumbs, and disconcertingly sticky stains down two mini vacuums

macjules Silver badge

Re: destroyed another robot vacuum cleaner

Point being that it is a robot mower, so that yes you can be next to it when it decides to catch up on its mowing and passes closely to where you are all eating.

macjules Silver badge

Re: destroyed another robot vacuum cleaner

But definitely the most lovable - so long as you get a good pedigree dog that has none of the breathing problems. My only issue is the sheer uncontrollable appetite as they can easily beat the labradors in food volume consumed.

macjules Silver badge
FAIL

destroyed another robot vacuum cleaner

Been there, done that. Came downstairs one day after buying an AEG RX9 robovac only to find one dog maliciously peeing into it. I am now on the third one as 1 was replaced and one since failed to charge and now all 4 dogs (2 pugs and 2 labradors) appear to have declared war on it. This ranges from running in front of it, which causes the robot to keep deviating from its cleaning course, to sitting on top of the robot just as it is moving out to start cleaning, which causes it to stop and move back into its dock. Being barked at in unison just confuses the poor thing and it stops.

The ultimate was a very recent occurrence where a pug managed to leave a small message right in front of the TV since I had forgotten to leave the back door open for them to go in the garden and we returned to find said message splattered all over the floor, thanks to the robot. It has now been consigned to the place where all gadgets marked as "nice, but bloody useless" end up.

Be warned: The Husqvarna AWD robot mower is so powerful that it can shoot dog crap for some distance - I have seen this at a friend's house recently (same pug as it happens).

The world is chaos but my Zoom background is control-freak perfection

macjules Silver badge
Devil

"hide the witchcraft tomes"

My parents never bothered to hide the Dennis Wheatley books: I recall a primary school head teacher once enquiring if I was baptised or not.

BOFH: Here in my car I feel safest of all. I can listen to you ... It keeps me stable for days

macjules Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

"our public wireless is less secure than James Dean's seatbelt"

That should be copyrighted. I am most definitely going to use that from now on.

Florida Man sues Facebook, Twitter, YouTube for account ban

macjules Silver badge
Paris Hilton

Re: Surprised it took this long

I don't understand why he is suing them at all. Surely he should be praising both Twitter and Facebook since they did, after all, change the generic emoticon skin colour to match his own?

Robots still suck. It's all they can do to stand up – never mind rise up

macjules Silver badge

Bingo got lost, and lost communications with the team outside.

That's what it wants you to think ... right up until you don't expect the shot to possibly come from behind.

Audacity fork maintainer quits after alleged harassment by 4chan losers who took issue with 'Tenacity' name

macjules Silver badge
WTF?

Seriously?

Someone does not like a name for a project so physically goes round to your home and threatens you?

That person (persons?) needs to be in a mental institution, and the quicker the better.

Age discrimination case against IBM leaks emails, docs via bad redaction

macjules Silver badge

What a bunch of scumbags

Having worked contracted at IBM I am so relieved that I passed on the opportunity to take up full time redundancy employment there.

Nice place to work at. Shame about the morons management.

Devilish plans for your next app update ensure they never happen – unless you start praying

macjules Silver badge

Re: Crime of the century

Replaced by Townshend's Law: "They decide and the shotgun sings the song"

macjules Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

Think Different for Death

Icon says it all ->

PS, The road to Hell is not in fact paved with good intentions. It is paved with frozen door-to-door salesmen. On weekends many of the younger demons go ice-skating down it. (Good Omens).

The wheels come off Formula 1's notification service as fans plied with attacker's messages

macjules Silver badge

Oops

ConfentFul security config issue methinks?

IT manager who swindled Essex hospital trust out of £800k gets 5 years in prison

macjules Silver badge

Didn’t know Matt Hancock reads The Register.

macjules Silver badge

… unless you are providing tat PPE to the NHS for £200m using a £100 off the shelf company.

FTFY

macjules Silver badge

Re: Barry Stannard

More likely to be seen acquiring skills with Timpson’s rehabilitation courses for prisoners.

My understanding of POCA is that they will take the house regardless of ownership if they determine that this was paid for, or improved, as a benefit of his crime. If he fails to cough up then he can be repeatedly incarcerated for anything up to an additional 14 years.

Richard Branson plans to trump Jeff Bezos by 9 days in billionaires' space race

macjules Silver badge

You know he could have really pissed off Bezos and bid the most for the spare seat.

Go to L: A man of the cloth faces keyboard conundrum

macjules Silver badge

Re: Calling upon a higher power

Yes, but if you were not part of the 'flock' you were excused from the obligatory Tuesday morning church service though.

macjules Silver badge

Calling upon a higher power

I have worked for a UK church organisation that did not so much hold daily standups but morning prayers, at which we would be praised for accomplishing completion of a Jira ticket or a prayer would be invoked, asking God to guide the hand of the developer in solving the blocker. Production deployments merited a special meeting where everyone would stand and contemplate for a moment before a prayer asking God to look down favourably upon the DevOps team.

Radioactive hybrid terror pigs have made themselves a home in Fukushima's exclusion zone

macjules Silver badge

Re: Three words:

Wait until they start growing

NASA talks up Perseverance Mars rover's self-driving rock-avoiding abilities

macjules Silver badge
Joke

‘thinking while driving'

That wipes out it being used in BMWs then I guess.

IBM's 18-month company-wide email system migration has been a disaster, sources say

macjules Silver badge

... but it isn't a total disaster

No, the person who made sure you have to still use Lotus Notes ("Notes") in 2021 caused the total disaster.

Sir Tim Berners-Lee's World Wide Web NFT fetches $5.4m at auction while rest of us gaze upon source code for $0

macjules Silver badge

Re: How much do you think that I would get ...

Charity is fine, so long as Sir Tim subscribes to mine (you've got to auction an NFT or two).

Exoskeleton startup wants to slap robot arms on schoolkids

macjules Silver badge

Don't let Amazon hear this

Last thing we want is children in exosuits being forced into slave labour at Amazon re-education camps distribution centres.

UK arm of international charity the Salvation Army hit by ransomware attack

macjules Silver badge

Re: I'm surprised

Is that you John McAfee? Nice fake suicide BTW.

Bezos v Branson: Battle of the wannabe Space Barons as Virgin Galactic cleared by FAA to start flying customers

macjules Silver badge

Re: A pair of rich white men...

Just think. Between all these awful old men they could have built several factories to manufacture a coronavirus vaccine that could have been distributed throughout the developing nations.

Serco bags £322m contract extension for Test and Trace, is still struggling to share data with local authorities

macjules Silver badge
Meh

So now we know what SERCO means

Soames' Extremely Rich COVID-19 Organisation.

Facebook CEO puts picture of himself wearing too much sunscreen on new board

macjules Silver badge

Alex DeLarge on a surfboard ..

Social media meets A Clockwork Orange. Wonder which is scarier.

Who would cross the Bridge of Death? Answer me these questions three! Oh and you'll need two-factor authentication

macjules Silver badge
Flame

Am experiencing exactly the same

My iPhone decided that with the last update that it would remove all Google Authenticator data and none of my 2FA settings had been backed up (it has to back up to Google cloud, not the Apple cloud). So just now I tried to log into a client portal and it wouldn't allow me in. Never mind the "Is it done yet?" Teams messages which I have circumvented by saying "Tech issue - ticket raised".

Now waiting on a nice lady in Manila at ServiceNow to unblock 2FA and let me manage to screw it all up again.

Russia spoofed AIS data to fake British warship's course days before Crimea guns showdown

macjules Silver badge
Flame

Re: To sadly turn this political

But what was the actual point of this manoeuvre? Was it to antagonise or test Russia into taking action so that we can say, "Ooh look at the nasty baddie." If it was a simple test of the TSS then surely a Ukrainian vessel could have done this, with significantly less fanfare and publicity? Or perhaps that is what they wanted.

Next up: Russian fishing vessels are seen fishing in British waters.

Researchers find evidence that stress does turn your hair grey, and it can be reversed – you just need a holiday

macjules Silver badge
Facepalm

Its not the colour that's the problem

Did the stress test also cover hair falling out?

UK urged to choo-choo-choose hydrogen-powered trains in pursuit of carbon-neutral economic growth

macjules Silver badge
Joke

Re: Huh

I hear that HS2 will be powered by unemployed illegal migrants pedalling Boris bikes. Priti Patel has volunteered to be the first overseer with a pledge that she can make them reach 200mph.

Pub landlords on notice as 'Internet of Beer' firm not only pulls pints, but can also clean the lines

macjules Silver badge

Re: And Newky Brown tastes really weird, but maybe that's an acquired taste...

Or the worst of the lot .. Whitbread Trophy

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