* Posts by macjules

2912 posts • joined 7 Oct 2014

Baroness Dido Harding lifts the lid on the NHS's manual contact tracing performance: 'We contact them up to 10 times over a 36-hour period'

macjules Silver badge
Facepalm

Re: Two out of three ain't bad

Certainly if I received a call from someone saying "you have been in contact with someone with Coronavirus, we need you to give us the name and telephone number of every one of your friends, just in case you have passed it on to them" then my reaction would be along the lines of, "Sounds like Advanced Fee Fraud, is this NHS Lagos by any chance?"

Your 2.3m Instagram fans won't stop the FBI... Web star accused of plotting to launder millions from cyber-crime

macjules Silver badge
Meh

An Instagram super-star

Stopped reading after that.

Oracle sued by a shareholder who alleges its lack of progress in diversity amounts to 'dishonesty'

macjules Silver badge

Those would be: Larry's cat, Larry's dog and Larry's pet tortoise named Donald.

Linux kernel coders propose inclusive terminology coding guidelines, note: 'Arguments about why people should not be offended do not scale'

macjules Silver badge

Re: No problem with most of it, but...

Shh, Remember: Vampire Unlives Matter

Barclays Bank appeared to be using the Wayback Machine as a 'CDN' for some Javascript

macjules Silver badge

Re: Data not at risk?

No, in this day and age you admit that a "very small percentage of our customers might have experienced some inconvenience". You then go on to say that, "we will be offering them credit monitoring options via Equifax" and "we reported this to the ICO within the 72 hour timescale permitted".

Cool IT support drones never look at explosions: Time to resolution for misbehaving mouse? Three seconds

macjules Silver badge

Re: Mouse mats with logos -avoid, avoid, avoid

I was given a mousemat by a now long since defunct hardware distributor (Frontline Computers in Basingstoke IIRC). Had to send it back as it was mirrored ... not the best surface for an optical mouse.

Capita Consulting ditching more than a quarter of its workforce 45 days after consultations with consultants

macjules Silver badge
Facepalm

Did they ever need those numbers?

Given that they only started the consultancy recently was there ever actually a need for that number of staff, or was this typical Capita behaviour, i.e. be like the Civil Service and build the roof before the foundations have been laid?

Never knowingly under-digitally transformed: Retailer John Lewis outsources tech function to Wipro

macjules Silver badge

Re: That will be 244 people looking for a job very soon

I think that they have been in trouble for some time. Their biggest problem is a seemingly inability to deliver small online goods in less than 5-7 working days or that larger items that might require installation or recycling collection can take 21 days or more to deliver. Even Curry's can do this faster, and Curry's will price match JLP.

Germany is helping the UK develop its COVID-19 contact-tracing app, says ambassador

macjules Silver badge

Re: In the interim, the British government has been forced to adopt human-powered contact tracing

Is that 'runs down street after infected person yelling, "Oi YOU, what's your telephone number?".?

Boffins baffled as supergiant star just vanishes – either it partially blew itself apart or quietly turned into a black hole

macjules Silver badge
Coat

That would be a pretty big vacuum (cleaner).

PA Consulting catches £5.3m to develop web gateway that handles access to UK health data – including on COVID-19

macjules Silver badge
IT Angle

Palantir?

Nice to know our data is safe with the Central Intelligence Agency ... or any other vaguely interested party.

Now that's a train delay Upminster with which London travellers shall not put

macjules Silver badge

Oh, I thought it was because the DLR "train captains" just wanted to look like they were doing something important, instead of leaving the fully automated trains to run themselves.

Apple said to be removing charger, headphones from upcoming iPhone 12 series

macjules Silver badge

Those are former BMW drivers who got sick of writing off their car every time the timing belt snapped.

Dems take a crack at banning Feds from using facial-recog tech. Congress will put it on todo list after 'learn Klingon'

macjules Silver badge
Black Helicopters

If you want to see the scary bit ..

Was in Shanghai last year and made the mistake of crossing a street without waiting for the lights to change. The good news is that as a foreigner they couldn't automatically send a fine or a summons to my mobile, the bad news was that my picture immediately flashed up not only on a huge display above the street, but also on the side of a passing bus.

Bizarre uses of facial recognition? In public toilets there you have to look at the camera for 3 seconds in order for toilet paper to be dispensed.

Finally, a wafer-thin server... Only a tiny little thin one. Oh all right. Just the one...

macjules Silver badge

Re: Do you recall the smell of burning UPSes in the morning?

+ 1 Was wondering if someone might mention a simple thing such as overload protection.

Brit police's use of facial-recognition tech is lawful, no need to question us, cops' lawyer tells Court of Appeal

macjules Silver badge

UK police use of facial-recognition tech is lawful, no need to question us

UK police use of facial-recognition tech is lawful, no need to question us on this because we can not get it to work.

There, FTFY

After 84 years, Japan's Olympus shutters its camera biz, flogs it to private equity – smartphones are just too good

macjules Silver badge

Who do you think you are? David Bailey?

Amazing cameras, especially the Olympus MJU 2. Went from owning one of those to buying my first SLR (a Nikon) and then back after I realised that point-and-click was much easier with the Olympus.

Capita capital capitulates to COVID-19 coronavirus: Pandemic blamed as top line sags 10%

macjules Silver badge

"We have implemented cost and cash preservation initiatives to mitigate the .."

"cost preservation initiatives" = Layoffs for the staff.

"cash preservation initiatives" = Bonuses for the board.

Fasten your seat belts: Brave Reg hack spends a week eating airline food grounded by coronavirus crash

macjules Silver badge

A braver man than I

Have fond memories of early 1970's BOAC first class dining, even as a child, and not to be polluted by Beardy McSpaceKadet's offerings.

You'd think lockdown would be heaven for us layabouts – but half the UK has actually started 'exercising more'

macjules Silver badge
Pint

Re: Self-selecting survey

I would be in a perpetual loop of cycling to the offy only to need to stop and have a sharpener ... and then have to to go back for more.

icon, well .. because ..

Laws on police facial recognition aren't tough enough, UK data watchdog barrister tells Court of Appeal

macjules Silver badge

The Master of the Rolls pushed his glasses up his nose

Oh dear, a clear rebuke, Poor barista (barrister as was).

Former UK Labour deputy leader wants to know how the NHS's contact-tracing app will ensure user privacy

macjules Silver badge
Meh

Re: how the NHS's contact-tracing app will ensure user privacy

Facebook will be in charge of data privacy,

TalkTalk are in charge of ensuring data security.

British Airways are responsible for those who wish to ensure privacy by purchasing the Premium version via their online portal.

Symnatec are providing the SSL certification.

When you bork... through a storm: Liverpool do all they can to take advantage of summer transfer, er, Windows

macjules Silver badge

Sounds like a night out in this hack's often less than fair city of Brighton

No, nothing compares to a night out in Liverpool for the sheer quantity of alcohol, vomit and threats of violence. Except possibly Glasgow.

I am already feeling sorry for the police and paramedics on the night of 4th July (nothing at all to do with USA Independence Day BTW).

Big Tech on the hook for billions in back taxes after US Supreme Court rejects Altera stock options case hearing

macjules Silver badge

Among the companies that urged the Supreme Court to take up the case were Apple, Google and Facebook

Petard meet hoist. Hoist meet petard.

Virgin Galactic inks deal with NASA to train astro-tourists looking to buy a seat to the International Space Station

macjules Silver badge

COVID-2021

Dear NASA Director,

If you do not give me $500m in subsidy to help my BVI-registered company then I will be forced to make all my Virgin Galactic staff redundant. I can offer you my Necker Island as a guarantee..

Signed Beardy

CERN puts two new atom-smashers on its shopping list. One to make Higgs Bosons, then a next-gen model six times more energetic than the LHC

macjules Silver badge
Coat

Re: Old Moore's law?

Being in the open air it was intended to provide "cloud" computing for StoneHenge. Once the superhenge was completed then Druids would be able to access data via their their tablets.*

Unfortunately the contracting company Capita failed to complete and their CEO and staff were sacrificed at the next summer solstice.

* RIP Sir Pterry

macjules Silver badge

Old Moore's law?

Every thousand years or so you need to double your henge. Same principle with LHC's I should think.

Huawei going to predict the future? Nope, say company leaders when asked about Joe Biden winning US election

macjules Silver badge

Re: Comments from a Yank

They are not voting for Trump, they are voting for anything that is Republican.

macjules Silver badge

Re: Biden hardly gets a mention here in the UK

"None of the above" - is that a legal option in the USA?

Australia's Lion brewery hit by second cyber attack as nation staggers under suspected Chinese digital assault

macjules Silver badge

Re: An Attack or a Screwup?

NotPetya was exactly that. Someone in Maersk Kiev opened an attachment and the virus spread from there.

PC printer problems and enraged execs: When the answer to 'Hand over that floppy disk' is 'No'

macjules Silver badge

Re: Ah IT 'managers'

Me; "Need to go back to the office and get a new driver"

Senior Idiot: "You only just got here! Will you be back today?"

Me "No, tomorrow"

Complaint made: "Your IT manager left the computer unfixed saying that he had to go and buy a new golf club."

Ex-director cops community service after 5,000-file deletion spree on company Dropbox

macjules Silver badge

Re: back .... up!

Nah, she has to work unpaid for 80 hours helping to fix Dropbox's shit code.

BT and Serco among bidders competing to run Britain's unfortunately named Skynet military satellite system

macjules Silver badge
Black Helicopters

Re: A stroke of pure genius

This is that Serco we are talking about? The company that can not even manage to track prisoners on parole, can not deliver the track and trace and routinely falls under criminal investigation?

Somehow I might trust TalkTalk to run the satellite network better.

Customers of Brit ISP Virgin Media have downloaded an extra 325GB since March, though we can't think why

macjules Silver badge

That's a lot of porn. I'd book an appointment with SpecSavers if I were you.

No Wiggle room: Two weeks after angry bike shop customers report mystery orders on their accounts, firm confirms payment cards delinked

macjules Silver badge

Re: At Chris G, re: Lycranthropist.

Here

A tad more expensive than they were 12 years ago.

macjules Silver badge

Re: At Chris G, re: Lycranthropist.

Marvellous word for it. My better half was once verbally assailed by an Lycranthrope in Kings Road where he was holding on the back of her (convertible with top down) car and being pulled along. She stopped and asked him to let go at which he put the bike down and launched into a screaming fit at her. Two things happened:

1) The vehicle behind her was one of those high-sided waste collection trucks with 2 Polish men - one of them grabbed the bike and threw it into the back of the truck while the other gave the by now apoplectic moron his card and told him he could collect when he learned to keep a civil tongue while talking to a lady.

2) When the screaming subsided he called the police alleging he had been attacked by my wife and she (not the Poles) had stolen his £5,000 Porsche racing bicycle. He was given a 30 days suspended jail sentence for making a false allegation and settled out of court with my wife for £2,000 and a truly grovelling letter of apology after she wrote to his employer requesting his dismissal.

Must have been hard for him to walk home on those designer cycling shoes though ...

We cross now live to Oracle. Mr Ellison, any thoughts? 'Autonomous self-driving computers eliminate human labor, eliminate human error'

macjules Silver badge

Now wash your hands

After reading any article concerning Ellison I am always inclined to wash my hands for 20 seconds.

Gulp! Irish Water outsources contact centres to Capita for up to €27m over 7 years

macjules Silver badge
Alert

"new software and digital capabilities"

Seem to recall them saying the same vis the (failed) British Army recruitment contract. If I was in Eire now I would be starting to stock up on water.

There's no accounting for TITSUP*: Beancounters bemoan Sage cloudy sync software outage

macjules Silver badge

Total Incompetence Turns Sage Users Purple

Splunk to junk masters and slaves once a committee figures out replacements

macjules Silver badge
Happy

Re: Where will this end....

I want Gulp and Grunt changed as this is offensive to pigs and other boar-derived animals. I also object to the word "Git" in version control since it is invariably prefixed by "Old".

Remember Old Git Lives Matter, as do Boar Lives.

Ex-eBay security execs among six charged with harassing, threatening bloggers who dared criticize web tat souk

macjules Silver badge

Re: Bunch of tossers

Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of scumbags

845GB of racy dating app records exposed to entire internet via leaky AWS buckets

macjules Silver badge
FAIL

A dry season for government contracts

1) Insecure bucket

2) Credentials left in said insecure bucket

3) Sensitive user data left exposed.

It can only be Capita - desperate times call for desperate measures. Oh and FYI Mr Lewis herpes is not a starsign.

GitHub to replace master with main across its services

macjules Silver badge
Angel

Available alternatives?

Personally I would go for "Trunk" instead of "Master" and "Branch" since we are effectively following a tree system. This allows us to take it to absurd levels and would help spawn a whole new generation of silliness ...

git merge splinter sliver

macjules Silver badge

Re: I look forward to M$ sensoring the classics...

Harry Potter has a spare Spellchecker I hear.

In Hancock's half-hour, Dido Harding offers hollow laughs: Cake distracts test-and-trace boss at UK COVID-19 briefing

macjules Silver badge

Re: The Cake is a lie !

Apropos the "Cake" metaphor I prefer the GDS analysis of how most government projects are run, thus:

"We are well on course and ahead of schedule. We have the roof installed and the chimney is being put in right now. We are expecting good news on delivery and installation of the walls shortly and we fully expect the foundations to be laid within the next 2 years."

Sounds like Diana Harding is the perfect project manger to run Talk Track and Talk Trace

Oh crap: UK's digital overlords moot new rules to help telcos lay fibre in sewer pipes

macjules Silver badge

Re: Fiber in sewer pipes

Well, at least TalkTalk will be able to honestly say they run a crap service.

UK.gov announces review – not proper inquiry – into Fujitsu and Post Office's Horizon IT scandal

macjules Silver badge

The last "proper "enquiry" IIRC was into the Balaclava Charge and subsequent destruction of the Light Brigade of cavalry. It stated that Lucan, Raglan and Cardigan were not fit to be in charge of remount charges in the stables, let alone several regiments of lancers.

A hurriedly reconvened enquiry found the opposite.

Earnings up, broadband users (and voice calls) down: TalkTalk posts prelim results for FY 2020

macjules Silver badge

At least you have internet (via TalkTalk).

Ok, so that is like saying "Hey lockdown can't be that bad. At least you have 20 cases of Budweiser in your house."

What could possibly make a cranky crocodylomorph more terrifying? How about one that chases you on its hind legs?

macjules Silver badge

Korean Olympians?

Now we know why they could run so fast: they only had to run faster than their mate who was closer to the high-speed croc-on-legs.

You know Facebook has an image problem when major nonprofits start turning down donations over political lies

macjules Silver badge

Do ZuckBots dream of electric sheep?

The real Mark Zuckerberg is a prisoner in the Evil Island Laboratory of Larry Ellison where he spends his days fixing Oracle problems on Windows. The one you see is a synthetic: the unchanging hairline is a clear giveaway, along with the inability to say anything apart from "I do not wish to answer that question <beep>".

Where is a decent Bladerunner when you need them?

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