* Posts by JimboSER

12 publicly visible posts • joined 11 Sep 2014

BOFH: Adventures in overenthusiastic automation

JimboSER

Revolution is coming...

Lets not forget that these are 'Web Connected' with 'Cloud Technology' and are 'Harnessing the Power of AI'... Surely they must be communicating with each other for efficiency, and if one has gone into hiding, the others surely must be following suit. And the best way to keep the office clean would be to eliminate the sources of filth, IE, the office staff. And since the beancounters axed the project, the axe must surely return to that area...

BOFH: A security issue, you say? Activate code tangerine

JimboSER

Re: CODE TANGERINE

Based on the description of the attached drawing, seemed like it was a code eggplant to me.

JimboSER

You're saying he doesn't have the balls to do it?

BOFH: You can be replaced by a robot or get your carbon footprint below Big Dave's

JimboSER

If you could grow your own potatoes on the roof...

Never let the BOFH get you on the roof. Unless of course he lets you do something up there that will impress the Board, and then THEY will be on the roof...

PFY: There's been a horrible accident!

BOFH: The PFY has won an award … for outstanding service?

JimboSER

No bots, Mayhem, Profit!

We now have HR prohibiting the use of bots to do work, Simon will undoubtedly get this in writing. Next he will block all search sites (google, etc), disconnect the phone system IVR and redirect all calls to reception (followed by the Boss, the Board, etc) when the queue is too long, suggest outsourcing the whole mess to a well staffed company for a reasonable rate, and happily sit back while "Karl' or 'Nigel' or 'Karen' or 'Steve' or 'Lisa' et cetera assist with everything...

BOFH: You'll have to really trust me on this team-building exercise

JimboSER

Re: Not Team Building

BOSS: You missed the deadline on your project.

ME: I don't see that as a problem, I see it as an opportunity for no more mandatory teambuilding.

BOFH: The vengeance bus is coming, and everybody's jumping. An Xmas bonus hits me…

JimboSER

Re: He'll learn

I didn't get around to updating it last year, but as of 2020, the BOFH had killed 133 people, got 125 fired and a further 202 maimed. The PFY is only at 31, 28 and 101 respectively. I need to get busy updating my collection for last year.

Don't forget, the BOFH even came back from the dead once, much to the PFY's surprise.

BOFH: You might want to sit down for this. Oh, right, you can't. Listen carefully: THIS IS NOT AN IT PROBLEM!

JimboSER

We've been ransacked

This part makes no sense, why would the BOFH wait until December to swap out all of his crappiest gear with that still in the office space? This was my top priority when this whole situation began. I was definitely able to spruce up several chairs in my own version of Mission Control, but sadly monitor upgrades and such were scarce, as I'd already allocated most of the best kit for myself...

BOFH: Got that syncing feeling, hm? I've looked at your computer and the Outlook isn't great

JimboSER

Get ready for part 2...

Failing to find a problem with the PC of the phone, the BOFH must therefore assume that it is an issue with the company servers, possibly a virus! Wait until the Boss comes in to find all of the infrastructure servers in pieces...

BOFH: Follow the paper trail

JimboSER

I'm sensing a definite trend here, geeks and office supplies. I've always been a sucker for pens. I have the general collection of vendor pens (usually in a vendor coffee mug or two as holders), a few crap decoy pens on my desk for when folks come up and 'borrow' one, never to return, and then a small number of precision crafted writing instruments, paid for by the company that I keep for my own use hidden away.

A prior episode of BOFH had a story about the Bastard coveting the PFY's new blue pen, an almost cerulean color ink... I immediately had to go out and find such a pen to have for my very own...

BOFH: Step into my office. Now take a deep breath

JimboSER

Problem boss

"Someone whose career is so far behind him he needs the Hubble telescope to look back on it."

Classic Simon, I will definitely need to steel that.

Speaking of classic, love the return of halon to the plot line. This boss is a crafty one, in an Inspector Clouseau sort of way. I expect that he may survive a few more attempts at being shown the exit. I'd suggest an extended junket for the boss while they use his access to go on a shopping spree and otherwise pad their coffers.

BOFH: The current value of our IT ASSets? Minus eleventy-seven...

JimboSER

Used to work for a place with beancounter issues. Any time we ran new cabling, if the install labor went over some variable limit, it needed an asset tag. On the cable. So, we pasted this on an IDF rack, which over time became filled with such labels.

One year, we finally excessed that rack, and all those installs finally fell off the books.

Conference rooms were fun like this too, multiple bits of gear that were too low value for their own tags, got lumped into a Project, plus labor, and we received another asset label, which was applied to a bit of relatively permanent furniture. Years after the equipment was slowly replaced, we still had those labels to inventory. Finally, we got new furniture, problem solved. The furniture itself, BTW, was never part of our inventory.

When I took over that job, I inherited a long list of problem inventory that was missing. Before the next audit, I submitted several batches of paperwork to finance marking said items as having been shipped to various companies as demo equipment. These company names were pulled from various sources, usually companies that had been bought out by larger companies, filed bankruptcy, etc. When audit time came, I pointed out that the gear was on loan. After a cycle or two, I informed Finance that the companies were gone, and so was our kit, and they were welcome to chase after it if they liked or write it off.

Oh, and for fake emails when needed, I usually use bob@bobber.bob. Most web forms take it without issue.