* Posts by Ho Ho Hipster

23 posts • joined 12 Aug 2014

YES YES YES! Apple patents mousy, pressure-sensing iVibrator

Ho Ho Hipster

Re: It's that featureless mouse thing again!

>Apple have instructional videos built into the mouse's Preference settings that show you how to use every gesture.

Not the gesture that comes to mind when encountering yet another example of Think Different [sic] Because You're Worth It, even when different = plain, posily crass.

Or am clicking in the wrong place to find the "Deploying the One- / Two-fingered F**k O** Apple Salute" video?

Ho Ho Hipster

Re: It's that featureless mouse thing again!

"To me, this seems like bad design"

Anyone not encased in the hype-field knows that Apple does bad design, as well as good design, just as everyone else does.

I've just carefully wrapped Sellotape around another part of my iPad charging cable where it's starting another split in its oh-so-beautifully-thin-ness. I haven't had to do that to a non-Apple cable for many, many years. It's not the only example of "well designed" form over poorly designed function.

I imagine that if Apple had really been the supreme creator of the whole universe they would have made beautiful swifts (*) that were thinner than the thinnest size zero model but fell out of the sky on their maiden flight. And acolytes would have bowed before the pure genius of the Swift-Emperor's New Feathers.

(*) Birds that spend all of their lives, except for the new-bird-making process, on the wing; that fly just above a river surface, executing many high speed turns and catching tiny insects in ways that make Tom Cruise's Maverick look like a tyro.

Ho Ho Hipster

Haptic vibrations

"It allows users to press down on any part of the device and then detects how much pressure they are applying by responding to haptic vibrations."

Responding /with/ haptic vibrations, surely?

Haptic refers to a feedback, i.e. output, mechanism.

Or else it responds /to/ sensors: inputs.

'Aaaah FFS, 'amazeballs' has made it into the Oxford English Dictionary

Ho Ho Hipster

Totes bowlocks

cf. http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/rowlock

New voting rules leave innocent Brits at risk of SPAM TSUNAMI

Ho Ho Hipster

"Here we have disconnected doorbells because the bona fide vistors always call on mobile when they arrive."

Mail order deliverers?

Google's ANDROID CRUSHING smartphone rivals underfoot

Ho Ho Hipster

Re: Shipment v Market share?

"the number of shipped handsets"

If one of those ships sunk would there be a lot of armless people around?

Seven Apple Store staff cuffed in alleged $500k stolen iPhone scam bust

Ho Ho Hipster


The high resale 'value' on iPhones is because you pay several times over their actual value upon initial purchase!

Do you look out for snake oil bargains, too, by any chance?

FEAST YOUR EYES: Samsung's Galaxy Alpha has an 'entirely new appearance'

Ho Ho Hipster

Re: is that what ElReg sarcasm looks like

Mad dogs, Englishmen and ...

Snowden on NSA's MonsterMind TERROR: It may trigger cyberwar

Ho Ho Hipster

A future I see

Warfare becomes super-cyber, run by cyber-spook-geeks.

Human fighters (army / navy / air force) are side-lined.

Human fighters (with actual, cell-mangling guns) get fed up and take their actual guns to shoot at spook-geeks.

War returns to historical norms - shoot-em-up.


<repeat, ad infinitum>

Click on a Facebook ad on your mobe, then buy a thing on your PC ... Facebook remembers

Ho Ho Hipster

What they (and all online advertisers) don't track is how many serious / capable potential buyers are put off big-time by being tracked, spied upon, manipulated.

The most significant effect such practices have is to tell me which sellers to avoid.

The ones that treat me with respect (don't track / advertise at) but still provide good quality / real service are the ones I'm most likely to buy from / talk about.

This is a message that all sellers of actual goods / services would do well to heed and all sellers of advertising (smoke-and-mirrors trade) would wish them not to.

Five Totally Believable Things Car Makers Must Do To Thwart Hackers

Ho Ho Hipster

Re: God luck hacking my wagon...

>I drive a Series 3 Land Rover :-D

I admire your bravery.

Stanford boffin is first woman to bag 'math Nobel Prize'

Ho Ho Hipster

Re: Your Lie Groups are showing!

>Boffins eat tori. Cops eat doughnuts.

Geeks eat pizza.

Amazon takes swipe at PayPal, Square with card reader for mobes

Ho Ho Hipster

Girls grunts are the new rising intonation

They both turn me off listening by the end of the first sentence.

Google rival BLASTS Almunia 'n' pals for settlement proposals

Ho Ho Hipster

People don't like being spied on, it's evil

Google does evil.

We told you jailbreaking your iThing was dangerous

Ho Ho Hipster

So this is doing a favour to users?

By making life less attractive to those spaffing unwanted adverts at them?

It seems to be one up for jailbroken devices and one down for intrusive spaffers.

Tim Cook on pale, male Apple: 'As CEO, I'm NOT satisfied'

Ho Ho Hipster

Re: Walk the Walk

"He has rather cleverly included himself as underrepresented in his own diversity measures."

Uber-rich bar stewards are a minority.

More VPs, for equality's sake.

More CEOs, fewer Indians.

Beware of Greeks bearing spammy small omicrons, says Google

Ho Ho Hipster

G ဝ ဝ g l e

No more G ဝ ဝ g l e D ဝ ဝ d l e s ?

£100m DMI omnifail: BBC managers' emails trawled by employment tribunal

Ho Ho Hipster

Re: Public money

"In most commercial businesses pissing £100m up the wall for no useful output"

Facebook? Instagram?

Ho Ho Hipster

Re: Public money

"Based on the performance over the past five years I've paid the fat end of £400 for <mostly stuff you don't want>"

You seem to be an unwise spender, who would rather blame the BBC than yourself.

MPs to gaze upon biometric data industry's ID-gobbling tech

Ho Ho Hipster

Re: Did I miss anything?

6) There is no Rule 6.

Secretive Apple's super-secret university is full of BULL chic – leakers

Ho Ho Hipster

Why does Apple's view of the world

... always remind me of Tom Cruise's?



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