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* Posts by Ascylto

776 publicly visible posts • joined 20 Jul 2007

More problems for Apple's top desktop

Ascylto

@Waffles666

How aptly named!

The trolls are out again.

This is a non-story. There have been problems with the screen etc., so why wouldn't that cause a delay as Apple delay/stop production until the problem is sorted?

Is 'campatible' in your Windows spell-checker?

Oh wait ... it is!

Apple's iPad - the tablet with the data center soul

Ascylto
Jobs Halo

Needed

The iSlate/Pad/Whatever is needed because ...

POOR PEOPLE are getting the iPhone! I've heard that some are even UNEMPLOYED!

This state of affairs cannot continue.

My street 'cred' is disappearing!

Big Blue boosts profits despite sales slump

Ascylto
Pint

Hurrah!

That'll please those made redundant and the pensioners!

BT takes axe to Local Business

Ascylto

BT

"Lots of high value customers have left us... we haven't won enough back,"

Move into chocolate.

You'll do better there!

Apple turns to Murdoch for iSlate content

Ascylto
Big Brother

War

What if providers like NewsCorp decide to withdraw from providing material for i/book/slate/thingy in the future ... I smell war!

Apple's 'latest creation' debuts January 27

Ascylto
Jobs Halo

Angels AND Archangels

"If the clouds don't part and legions of angels descend from the skies ..."

They will, MobiFan, they will!

ALSO, there'll be Powers and Dominations so don't miss it!

British government ignores MS browser fears

Ascylto
Big Brother

Ha ha ha!

The only thing that the UK Government (euphemism) is interested in is ...

Can we sell it?

And, anyway, there are now so many Microsoft moles in Government and BBC that they don't care anyway.

US makes travellers go online, before getting onboard

Ascylto
Big Brother

Better than the UK

"The have you ever been convicted of a crime of "moral turpitude" is far more "interesting""

At least it's better than the UK "Have you ever appeared on a database where, even if you haven't been convicted, we've got your information." But then we spoil it by saying to, well, anybody remotely suspicious, "Now you must be good and report weekly to this Centre and we'll pay for you to get there." and then act surprised when they don't turn up!

McKinnon: The longest ever game of pass the parcel

Ascylto
FAIL

Spelling and grammar ...

are so poor in this post that I can't be bothered reading it in full.

Ascylto
Big Brother

Civil Serpent

We still don't know the name of the twat who signed the one-way extradition agreement with the US where they get to protect their citizens (rightly) and we don't.

Where's John Wayne when you need him (or Superman would do).

Secretive Brit millionaire buys Segway Inc

Ascylto
Pirate

Need for a collective noun ...

I saw a party of tourists on Segways in Vienna. What a brilliant idea.

However, we need a collective noun to describe them. Any ideas?

A 'seg' of Segways

A 'caramba' of Segways ...

come on, you can do better.

MPs slam IBM pension moves

Ascylto
Big Brother

Just wait ...

until you see what they'll do with UK Identity Cards information.

Selling their grandmothers was something IBM did a long time ago.

HP, Microsoft form $250m IT tag team

Ascylto
FAIL

Hewlett F**kHard

HP + EDS = FAIL

HP + EDS + MICROSOFT = BIG, BIG, BIG FAIL.

Enough already.

Microsoft predicts Linux will fail mobile 'quality' test

Ascylto
FAIL

Aaaaah ...

Microsoft predicts Linux will fail mobile 'quality' test.

They should know!

Home Office picks new prof for Nutt job

Ascylto
Big Brother

Patsy

The word "Patsy" comes to mind.

The march of the Orwellian State continues apace.

Labour MP experiences nasty video shock horror

Ascylto
Big Brother

Ministry of Love

There's no way to rule innocent men. The only power government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws.

Israeli ducted-fan robo sky-jeep in hover trials

Ascylto
Black Helicopters

Gimme!

I WANT one.

Why is this not in the Innovations Catalogue?

Acer recalls 22,000 over microphone flame out fear

Ascylto
Alert

Hey ... sir!

You pays your money ... you gets your fire.

EDS man joins BT Services

Ascylto
FAIL

BT plus EDS

Oh boy, BT certainly know who to pick when wanting to fail big-time.

Still, they should get government contracts.

IPS in cunning 'get an ID card, get crucified' scheme

Ascylto
Big Brother

End of the line

The next one will be funded by IBM and will have a train coming to the end of the line with some people getting off and being separated into lines ... one of which goes to the work camp, the other to, well, let's wait and see.

Asus goes wide with Bang & Olufsen laptop

Ascylto
Jobs Halo

Looks kinda good ...

but it still runs Windows!

FSA charges four ex-directors of NHS software supplier

Ascylto
Paris Hilton

Taxpayer pays again

It's the same Patricia Hewitt, then Health Secretary, who yesterday mounted a 'get Brown' attempted coup with Hoon.

These people should be imprisoned along with the iSofties for wasting taxpayer money.

Paris, because even she couldn't mess up like the madwomen of politics.

iSlate? I spy more control from Cupertino

Ascylto
Troll

@ Martin Nicholls

Microsoft's 'concepts' alway look good. They NEVER come to fruition, however. Sad but true.

China executes securities trader over $9.52m fraud

Ascylto
Coat

Now there's a thought ...

If China continues to execute bankers/fraudsters surely this opens employment opportunities for the bankers who want to leave UK banks because their bonuses are under attack?

Apple said to snub Intel's next-gen mobile chip

Ascylto
Jobs Halo

As expected!

"... and suggested that we contact Apple instead. We did and received no response. As expected."

And the reason is because you are perceived to be anti-Apple and an area for M$ Trolls to wander freely, eating fanbois at will.

Has your iPhone been involved in an accident?

Ascylto
Joke

This ...

reminds me of the joke:

You're in a lift (elevator) with Hitler, Stalin and a Lawyer.

You have just two bullets in a gun.

Whom do you shoot?

Answer: The Lawyer, twice.

Manchester journo gets first ID card - late

Ascylto
Big Brother

Willing Fool

Ms Epstein ...

Always remember ... they still have the plans of the gas chambers.

At least we know where NOT to look for journalism.

Privacy fears prompt Fry to quit Plaxo

Ascylto
Boffin

@A AC Who Cares?

Who honestly cares? Stephen Fry is just an unfunny, pretentious, pseudo-intellectual twat with a posh accent.

And you are ...?

Oh yes, an Anonymous Coward.

Windows 7 soars while Mac OS X trips online

Ascylto
Flame

BSOD

Could this be due to the new Windows 7 feature .... BSOD?

No, not the old Blue Screen of Death ... that is still available.

This is the NEW and EXCITING 'BLACK SCREEN OF DEATH'.

Available ONLY with Windows 7.

Hackintosher Psystar to pay Apple $2.7m in settlement

Ascylto
Jobs Halo

@ AC Resistance is Futile

Psystar were thieves.

Federation 1

The Real Dark Side 0

BT could jack up line charges to fill pensions hole

Ascylto
Pirate

@ LJ Vino

It was an act of theft originally.

The whole operation should be given back to the taxpayers who originally funded what WAS a profit making company. Giving BT back to the taxpayer should come under the legislation for seizing the assets of criminals.

Border agency to start fingerprint checks

Ascylto
Big Brother

Supermarkets

It's time the supermarkets were brought in to offer ID Cards.

We could get Tesco or Nectar points on the £30. We might even get 'loss leader' offers!

They need all the help they can get.

Gov targets boozers as Manc ID card scheme launches

Ascylto
Big Brother

What do points mean?

It's time the supermarkets were brought in to offer ID Cards.

We could get Tesco or Nectar points on the £30. We might even get 'loss leader' offers!

Or even 'Free ID Card with every purchase of 30 bottles of Stella'

Or Buy one ID Card and get one FREE!

They need all the help they can get.

Afghanistan disappears from Planet Apple

Ascylto
Jobs Halo

Not Apple

This has nothing to do with Apple.

It's Blair at work.

Manchester united against ID cards, ID minister finds

Ascylto
Big Brother

Stalinists

Why do I have this mind-picture of Meg with her fingers in her ears going ... La, la, la?

This government is so thick it can't even shift its attention from Manchester. We gave them two fingers for the Congestion Charge lying and now another two fingers for the ID Card.

Which part of 94% against do you not understand?

iPhone comes to Tesco

Ascylto

Thank the Gods ...

it wasn't ASDA.

If it had been ASDA(Mart) I'd have had to get another phone. I couldn't bear the chavvy, shellsuit image and be sold the phone by a 'colleague'.

Not that I'm a snob, you understand.

Murdoch puffs Microsoft over Google

Ascylto
Big Brother

It can't be true ...

If Los Angeles Cardinal Roger Mahony anoints Rupert and his wife as members of the Pontifical Order of St. Gregory the Great in January, 1998 then this scurrilous rumour must be incorrect.

This knighthood, bestowed on behalf of the pope, is given to persons of "unblemished character" who have "promoted the interests of society, the Church and the Holy See.

To sully Mr Murdoch's name (God bless 'im) with witchery like the Sun, Microsoft and Fox is akin to bringing the Catholic Church into disrepute and that unblemished character = kerchinnnnng!

Facebook battles attack by child protection chief

Ascylto
Big Brother

Fits in well ...

This temper tantrum from CEOP fits in well with one of the latest wheezes of the Polizei ... to treat people as criminals BEFORE they commit an illegal act. Yes, the Department of Pre Crime is alive and well and can't wait to use non-touch graphics and little balls.

The rozzers want to treat people with a history of complaints or allegations against them (which can't be taken to court through lack of evidence) as perpetrators. So. allegations made by the use of the CEOP Button will probably count and so the filth can lock someone up on 'number of allegations' evidence. In fact, they've been doing this for a while but have had to use the courts so far.

Jim Gamble ... dontcha just love him? (Is that a 'come on'? Best press the CEOP button!)

Microsoft co-founder battles cancer

Ascylto

Another Apple user ...

wishes PA the strength and positive energy to get through this illness. Whatever it takes ...

'World-mode' iPhone due next year, says fanboi rumor

Ascylto
Jobs Halo

Prediction

The iPhone 3GW will retain its present screen size but will be smaller. It will have 'Sandal Camp' and thus be able to run Widows Mobile.

Travel agents accused of shilling for ID cards

Ascylto
Stop

@ Marvin the Martian

"Only reason I could settle in the UK was a 10y old student bank account I never closed..."

No wonder the UK has problems with immigration. Even Martians can get in with an old student card!

All-in-one PCs to replace desktops, claims Asus

Ascylto
WTF?

Behind the times

I've had all-in-one computers since 1998. That's 11 years ago!

They're called iMac.

Next, Asus will be telling us that floppy drives will be replaced soon.

Fifth of iPhone users watching porn

Ascylto
FAIL

Ouanquerres!

To those of you (mostly anonymous, understandably) who would paint iPhone users as wankers I say this ...

In view of statistical evidence that MOST males are truly into at least occasional onanism, you must at the very least be in denial and at worst, liars.

I suppose you blame the stains on your N97s or whatever.

Back to the poll ...

Nielsen Mobile estimates there are 2.3 million US mobile subscribers using an iPhone.

The iPhone accounts for 1 percent of all embedded mobile phone users in the US.

And they polled 445, INCLUDING Blackberry users!

They ought really to be out of work!

iPhone apps top 100,000

Ascylto
Coat

Piggy, Tazzy, Vincent Himpe et al...

Useful to YOU, perhaps. There are other people in the world.

And if there were fewer you'd moan about Apple being too 'controlling'.

Oh, you already do that?

Woman rings cops to decry daughter's superior BJ skills

Ascylto
Coat

It's an event now

She'd obviously seen the London Olympics logo.

The x-texting Metrotextual comes out of the closet

Ascylto
Coat

XXX and James 55

You could always add ...

'But no tongues'.

And, James 55 ...

Are you a REAL bear?

Fujitsu UK workers vote to strike

Ascylto

Government IT services could be hit ...

How will we know?

p.s. Jeremy 3, it's 'loses' not 'looses' – a common but ugly mistake.

Nokia sues Apple over iPhone

Ascylto
WTF?

Money, money, money ...

I would just like to assure you that THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH Nokia making a loss and Apple making huge profits. Nokia have just decided to sue for patent infringement because ... well, they forgot to sue before.

Big Blue union calls for probe of all IBM execs

Ascylto
Pirate

IB Ahem...

They just can't stop it can they ... then it was the Nazis, now it's insider trading. I wonder what we'd come across in other large corporations?

Apple preempts Win 7 with fresh iMacs, Macbooks

Ascylto
Jobs Halo

@ Can't think of anything witty

"By the way, I got stung by buying an iPod for Apple to release a shinier, bigger and better one a week later... pretty annoying."

You stung yourself, I'm afraid. Apple have a 14-day return policy.