Posts by David

Virgin Media pilots 200Mbit service

100mbit NIC cards

I see a backhander to increase sales of 1gbit nic cards :( its all a ploy

DHS tests bomb-proof CCTV by blowing up bus

Not really

16 chips tested, 14 found.....

Self-replicating machine replicates

@Lionel Baden

just print a shed ?

Darling points at silver lining, floats investment in broadband

He didn't even use vaseline :(

Can I have an inflatable rubber ring to sit on please

Teenage hacking menace jailed for 11 months

Crikey

"He obtained his victims' phone numbers and addresses after breaking into the systems of their ISP and looking up subscriber records. ISPs targeted by these attacks included Charter Communications, Road Runner, and Comcast, among others."

These damn techo wizard kidz whats wrong with a phone book, would have been 1 less charge to deal with :D

Go-Between actress backs McKinnon extradition fight

I'll save the country millions....

"A judicial review on whether Home Secretary Jacqui Smith was correct...." NO! done dusted

Paris, as I'd enter through her backdoor and deny damaging it

BBC fined £150k over Manuelgate

OK..

Say they pay up, where does this money go?

Paris hilton coz ofcom bosses MAY use the money ofr stimulating ways

Police union leader calls for 'killer games' sales ban

It so true!

I spent hours playing viva pinata. Now i'm addicted to working in the garden, inviting pinata type things that have a mind of their own and move around in polygon form, then smacking the crap out of them with a spade......

Chinese crackers create counterfeit iTunes racket

Yawn... Buying music is crap.

I've taken to humming infectious tunes in ear shot of colleagues who instinctly pick the tune and hum it too . Therefore i can listen for free

Metallica's Lars Ulrich illegally downloads own album

As always...

one rule for them one rule for us

MPs vote to keep addresses private (theirs, not yours)

Heh

"MPs vote to keep addresses private (theirs, not yours)"

D twatdangler 26 homeroad

Z nobface 25 homeroad

F Talking-Crap 24 homeroad

<content removed to protect identity>

W TimothyFredericks 22 homeroad

I'l get my own coat thank you

Excel Trojan targets unpatched flaws

erm!

Cue “my OS is better than your OS” flame wars and the descent into anarchy that fills most forums after this kind of article.

Its excel nothing to do with the OS. But I'm so glad I use open office. (actually I don't, but I have a level of intelligence that makes me not belive I have an excel spread sheet from UPS saying that I had a parcel that couldn't be delivered)

Pay cut consultations could trigger redundancy payments

dole....

Union Unite has opposed the move to cut wages at HP, however. The UK's largest union said that its members would be "astonished" at being asked to take a pay cut.

they'd be even more astonished when they compare their dole money to their supposed newly agreed wage with pay cut.

Wankers

ICO tears school CCTV a new peephole

So what?

the girl at the centre of the inquisition was understandably less so. Her mother said: "My daughter no longer wants to go to the school: the cameras have made her a bit panicky."

drag her a**e into school, stop molly coddling them, and let them get used to the real world. When I had to do lines at school i didnt wanna go in, dad dragged me in kicking and screaming. didnt do me any harm

Brits 'a bunch of yellow bastards', says irate Yank

Cavemen....

Once used flint spears they moved on

Brits used to carry guns, but we moved on to Paris Hilton grumble flicks.

Something fishy about men alone in the woods touching each others' guns

Arizona Super Bowl fans cop eyeful of todger

Sports. Porn?

it was the terrorists

Egypt offline for weekend after Med seabed cables cut

Great!

Answerphone message = " Due to cable break in med your outlook doesnt work"

Me = Pub

Apple sued in Apple TV wireless audio patent clash

Sounds like

Erm a radio?

".. all infringe a quartet of patents it holds that centre on streaming audio over a wireless network."

McKinnon faithful to stage further US embassy demo

Meh

Can't do the time, don't get caught

Boss frogmarches bound employee to cop shop

Yep yep yep

Do the good guys, i'm in full agreement, cant stand people stopping people from theiving truly disgusting state of affairs, lock em up and throw away the key.

UK justice system is full of mugs

UK health records should not be flogged off

Even easier, less work, less costs

Just ask the Russians/Chinese for access to their database

Love bug worm inspires Asian film

huh

Virus writing IS cool AND sexy, i get so many chicks when i'm coding on my aspire one in a local night spot

Police collar kid for Wi-Fi pinching

whats wifi?

Is that how i can access facebook without those wire thingies

Home Office coughs to stolen lappies

But how many servers did they lose?

No mention of that, damn government cover ups!

BOFH: Lock and reload

Can today get any better?

Woke up happy

4 coffees for breakfast

great dlr journey

30 mins outta the office for a fire alram

a great bofh

and its pub time

Mythbusters RFID episode axed after 'pressure' from credit card firms

errrr

Walks past

glances left

turns head back to face forward, takes a bite of chicken

keeps walking as there is obviously nothing to see here.

good chicken though :D

US customs: Yes, we can seize your laptop, iPod

re: re: War on terror? My arse!

" " I always wanted to take my kids to Disneyland and visit me relies in Florida, but that has now gone out the window."

Well, you would need to do two trips, Disneyland isn't in Florida."

he didnt say it was.

Ban booze in supermarkets, says health adviser

hmmm

Guess i'll have to just buy carton loads of mouthwash and get smashed on that. why should I be inconvienienced just because some body cant take their drink?

And what about sprouts I hate them, they definately should have a seperate store for them. reduces methane emissions too *nods*

Home Sec in anti-terror plan to control entire web

@ AC

"The government will make the Interweb available on DVD."

There is a slight flaw in your plan :)

Cops admit CCTV no use in deterring drunken violence

Stick em all in....

The army, where battle hardened sgts will beat the living out of them with big sticks.

Head banker leaves job over Muslim gaffe

hahaa

Well i expect to see that joke in next years christmas cracker set, break the monotiny of why does rudolf have a red nose ......

Bhutto murder used to spread malware

ah, erm...

"He's not worried about viruses and trojans, for some reason..."

I use XP, vista, 98 and nix, and i'm not worried about viruses or trojans either,

Skype confirms / denies job cuts

thats it a dart in my eye thank you

Hahaha, you are all wrong, did anyone run this statement through an enigma decoder?

It turns out that skype seem to be having a bit of a laugh here, after decoding the message actually reads thus:

"I will be having a grilled ham and cheese sarnie with a litre of hedgehog piss"

Microsoft readies seven patches for Tuesday

A .. :)

"Several of the updates will require a reboot",

so we'll lose skype again for a couple of days :) how will my multi billion pound business survive?

HMRC offers £20k reward for ID goldmine CDs

wtf

"Staff were told that finding the discs and handing them to their union representative or line manager would not amount to a criminal offence"

i've lost my car keys, if any of you find them, i'll see you in court!! you dirty finding bastards

coat has been ordered

Microsoft kills Santa Claus

@Andy G

You: you're who now?

Santa: Oh. I am Santa. I give presents to kids.

You: you give it to kids?

Santa: It is always better to give than to receive.

You: do you get oral sex?

Santa: I have gotten oral sex.

You: do you get bum sex?

Santa: I have gotten bum sex.

You: do you like pussy?

Santa: I am not particularly interested in it.

Well probably not as fun, but as I have proved santa is of a homosexual nature

UK Gov confirms new Foot and Mouth leak

Hmmm

There is a probable foot and mouth outbreak in my a**e too, just mindless drones that have run out of pencils to shove up their a**ses

Skype faces 020 7870 cut-off

meh

From the message board

".I've just had to pulp a mailshot to 3,000 people" I bet those 3,000 people will be really p1ssed that they wont be getting the crap you are sending them.

Also it makes me laugh at how many people use skype for business purposes and complain about the quality.

I mean i'm in India and manage to call the UK most weekends, though the quality isnt all its cracked up to be, mostly due to my internet connection, but even when its top notch some times just saying "all i want is a sodding beefburger" gets mangled.

So soley relying on it for a business is just retarded, yeah I wanna order four of whatever crap you are selling, 400,000? OK! :D, oh and then follows the ofcom complaints, LOL, people need to get real.

I wonder if Paris Hilton is having these woes too there is no mention of it! Journalism at its poorest i'm afraid guys :(

BOFH: A foray into HR

Nice...

The best chuckle i have had all week :D

BOFH: Operation bean the beancounter

erm...

asset database?

:D

The return of the ransom-ware Trojan

Simple Solution

Just dont open any unrecognised emails.... That way your data wont be encrypted, you wont be forced to pay $300, you wont need to charge back any credit cards, and when these people learn that no-one is opening their emails(rubbish they deploy etc) , well they may, just may, stop these kind of shenanigans.