* Posts by FBee

101 publicly visible posts • joined 9 Jun 2014


Lawsuit claims Google Maps led dad of two over collapsed bridge to his death


Re: Pointless to complain.

Musta changed it, canna find Iur Road, Nova Scotia

Hacking a Foosball table scored an own goal for naughty engineers


Pinball Wizard Master fell asleep

Pinball arcade overseen by a sleepy (liquor-induced) manager who snoozed in a little cubby in the corner. We would gently relieve him of the keys to the coinboxes and, rather than steal any quarters, simply tap the interior "free game" button a time or ten, just as gently returning keys to their owner. He never woke up or found out...place was called House of Gomes!

It's time to mark six decades of computer networking


and don't forget the AlGorithm!

and Globe Al Warming as well...OK, I'll let myself out...

California man jailed after manure-to-methane scheme revealed as bull


Mooved to Montana? Shoulda stuck to dental floss, not investor floss...

I might be moovin' to Montana soon

Just to raise me up a crop of dental floss

Raisin' it up

Waxin' it down

In a little white box

That I can sell uptown

By myself I wouldn't have no boss

But I'd be raisin' my lonely dental floss

Owner of 'magic spreadsheet' tried to stay in the Lotus position until forced to Excel


DOS Box didn't help

Older Doctor used a DOS program for preparing patients' bills "written by his colleague in 1989" that ran on an old Windows Millenium machine hooked up to an old B&W laser printer that I finally convinced him was unsafe to use circa 2019. He promptly went out and bought a "refurb" box with Windows 7 installed but only because another old friend suggested he use DosBox on his "new" computer to run the old billing proggie but for some arcane reason it would not compute.

In order to keep the WinME box as far away from the internet as possible, I set up a 2-port KVM switch with the web-facing Win7 (he did use email and an online calendar!) on one side and the old WinME box on the other with the old printer attached directly to via crossover cable - the newer computer had its own combo printer/scanner/fax inkjet (he still used faxes as indeed, many pharmacies still do at least here in the USA).

This all despite the fact he was supposed to be completely online so that clients could access their billing etc. While he was dragging his feet in this regard, he managed to dodge professional censure, at least until the WinME computer finally booted its last. After two months of basically working for free as he could not charge anymore, he finally retired!

Boffins claim to create the world's first wooden transistor


I had a six-transistor AM Radio as a child

Shirley you could build a wooden one with six of these?

Astronomers clock runaway black hole leaving trail of fresh stars


NaCl Love Song

Obligatory Kate & Anna McGarrigle reference-


Bringing the IBM Thinkpad 'Butterfly' back to life


Re: Low bar

Yeah, how about something more practical like turning a Macintosh 512K into, I dunno, a Macquarium?

What's up with IT, Doc? Rabbit hole reveals cause of outage


Re: Ouch

I have never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure - Clarence Darrow NOT Mark Twain

Shag pile PC earned techies a carpeting from HR


Why does the porridge bird lay its eggs in the air?

New IT boss decided to 'audit everything you guys are doing wrong'. Which went wrong


Paid for 8 and went home after 6?

I once had the fortune to work under a supervisor that would let us leave whenever we finished the day's work. He had the misfortune of getting fired after it was discovered (by upper management) he was clocking us for a full 8-hour shift. 'Course WE were fully aware of this lapse of accountability...

No, working in IT does not mean you can fix anything with a soldering iron


Re: Obligatory XKCD

Ah, but our company adds an additional phrase at the end of chart after "Ask someone for help or give up" namely "...and close help desk ticket without comment!!"


Re: Live Printer

Search "Suicide Shower Head" to see how some parts of the world create heated water without any sort of hot water system. I take that back, it literally IS a HOT water system!!

Datacenter migration plan missed one vital detail: The leaky roof


Didn't eXcel at their Contract?

Been there, seen that!!

BOFH: It's Friday, it's time to RTFM



...had an acronym bot at one time but apparently DXC shut it down after too many inquiries about, wait for it, DXC

p.s. After some time, DXC stated its acronym is short for Delivering eXcellence for our Customers WTF LOL

How Arm popped CHERI architecture into Morello Program hardware


I see what you did there

popped CHERI indeed

Microsoft's Secure Boot fix sends some PCs into BitLocker Recovery


Re: So... ummmm...

Around here (international operation with 10,000 employees) a request for Domain Administrator to supply the BitLocker password results in "Your computer must be reimaged. Please supply the machine to local Image lab. Thank you!"

Scientists find gasses from Earth in rocks from early Moon


Earth, Gasses, Moon...and Grateful Dead

Deadheads are everywhere. Cosmic!

BOFH: Who us? Sysadmins? Spend time with other departments?


Re: Bullshit jobs


Microwaved fish could help scientists create sustainable LEDs


So it seems you CAN tune a fish!

Pentester says he broke into datacenter via hidden route running behind toilets


Also "Yellow River"

by I. P. Daly

Ransomware encrypts files, demands three good deeds to restore data


Also Cheeseface the dog on cover of NatLampCo's Death Issue

"If You Don't Buy This Magazine, We'll Kill This Dog" January 1973 "Death" issue of Nation Lampoon Magazine. Sadly, Cheeseface was actually shot and killed by a hunter a couple of years later.

You can keep your old ERP system, but you'll still need ServiceNow, CEO tells The Reg


Re: SNOW Sucks

SNow takes a breezy shoulder-tap request - from a customer to a tech - and turns it into an immense hurricane of emails/forwardings/incidences/work orders/work order tasks and dog knows what else involving a dozen or more individuals throughout multiple continents and time zones. Back in the Goodle Days, there would have been a single filled-out ticket sheet which was then stabbed onto a check spindle, fini!

Thinnet cables are no match for director's morning workout


Dick Brush - Head of Custodial Services

Presumably he delegated bog-swab duties...

IT blamed after HR forgets to install sockets in new office


...and ceases, too

Both words appropos!!

Amazon Alexa can be hijacked via commands from own speaker


Software guy smashes through the Somebody Else's Problem field to save the day


Some Days You Eat The Bear And Some Days The Bear Eats You

1974 album by Ian Matthews

OK, boomer? Gen-X-ers, elder millennials most likely to name their cars, says DVLA


My Yugo was named Slavia

...with a state-issued vanity plate to match. Speaking of match, I met my wife (at the time also a Yugo owner) via ol' Slavia as she thought that was the cleverest vanity plate ever.

While her car was soon traded in for a VW Golf, Slavia was eventually driven into the ground years later with the only major repair being a carburetor replacement while still under warranty, although he did suffer a major incident when a neighborhood thug ripped out the duct tape-attached cassette deck taking the entire heating system box with it.

Luckily the adjustment cables remained so I could still regulate heat/defrost although there was a learning curve to understand which cable did what...

When civilisation ends, a Xenix box will be running a long-forgotten job somewhere


Re: .MRE Lifespan

I just finished off the last carton of Nestle's Double Chocolate Quik Powder (Best if used by 10/2008 presumably manufactured circa 2006) which I've been rationing for almost 15 years.

While here in USA the similarly-named 14-ounce ready-to-drink Nestle's Quik Double Chocolate Lowfat Milk is still available, the powder version has not been around since 2007.

I much preferred the stir-in powder form as, even upon vigorous mixing, there remained tiny crunchy "nuggets" of the mix creating a delicious (to me) bonus in every glassful. This phenomenon occurred even whilst fresh back in the Early Aughts and remained so right up to my final quaff.

While speculating this very effect might have led to its demise/end of manufacture, I have so far resisted searching for vintage containers on Fleabay etc. as MY stash was always stored in a cool dark location buried deep in the closet...

Firewalls? Pfft – it's no match for my mighty spares-bin PC




When everyone else is on vacation, it's time to whip out the tiny screwdrivers


Re: Haynes Manuals

Protip - WD is up to version WD-40

BOFH: Where there is darkness, let there be a light


Re: Old school methodology.

But who enables WMI access on each and every machine? Never seen 100% WMI availability...

The black screen of BIOS borkage haunts Space Shuttle Discovery's new home


My Dell 755 is running Win10 21H1 quite fine thank you

although boosted to a max capacity of 8GB RAM from original 2GB albeit on equally-old spinning rust and the stock Core 2 Duo @ 2.66 GHz CPU. Sadly, looks like no Win11 in its future.

Bug at payments processor WorldPay swipes £2k+ per ride ticket from Brighton Pier revellers


Re: I May Be Cheap...

I don't log into my bank app after every $1.75 soda purchase but mayhaps I should start to do so, eh?

Vissles V84: Mechanical keyboard hits all the right buttons for Mac power users


2 thumbs up for Malvina Reynolds reference

Little Boxes - Malvina Reynolds 1962

Pete Seeger had a 1963 hit record during the Great Folk Music Scare but I have always preferred her own version with her slightly creaky-sounding voice adding even more authenticity.

Little boxes on the hillside

Little boxes made of ticky tacky

Little boxes on the hillside

Little boxes all the same

There's a pink one and a green one

And a blue one and a yellow one

And they're all made out of ticky tacky

And they all look just the same

And the people in the houses

All went to the university

Where they were put in boxes

And they came out all the same

And there's doctors and lawyers

And business executives

And they're all made out of ticky tacky

And they all look just the same

And they all play on the golf course

And drink their martinis dry

And they all have pretty children

And the children go to school

And the children go to summer camp

And then to the university

Where they are put in boxes

And they come out all the same

And the boys go into business

And marry and raise a family

In boxes made of ticky tacky

And they all look just the same

There's a pink one and a green one

And a blue one and a yellow one

And they're all made out of ticky tacky

And they all look just the same

Tech scammer who fooled Cisco, Microsoft and Lenovo out of millions jailed for more than seven years


Often the system doesn't work for VALID claims...

I've sent APC at least 75 claims for their infamous power strip recall involving more than 15,000,000 units. Despite following proper procedure involving taking/sending closeup scans of each unit, individually as determined by their cryptic serial numbering system to determine eligibility, we've received exactly ZERO replacements.

Stale and past its best. Are you talking about Windows or the pizza you're waiting for?


Ham & Mushroom

One of those accidental combinations that is now a favourite in the FBee House!!

WTH are NFTs? Here is the token, there is the Beeple....


Internet Meme "victims" are now profiting via NFT

Aprops on Star Wars Day (May the Fourth be with you...) some folks who have been (mostly) UNfortunately turned into internet photo memes (see: Star Wars Kid) can now see money in their pockets by selling said NFT meme photos. Surely The Kid deserves a few million for all the embarrassment he's been through...

So what if I pay peanuts for my home broadband? I demand you fix it NOW!



Immortal album but the narrator's observations of The Lamb Opening the Seals is the best part. What a Revelation!!

A trip to the dole queue: CEO of $2bn Bay Area tech biz says he was fired for taking LSD before company meeting


50's housewife on LSD

"It's so sad that you can't see it...you'll never see it..."


ESC key for escaping reality!

Something went wrong but we won't tell you what it is. Now, would you like to take out a premium subscription?


You have not responded for two minutes...

We will close this ticket if no response is forthcoming.

TICKET CLOSED (ONE SECOND after "You have not..." appears on the screen). And you can see the one-second-later time stamp on your CLOSED ticket.

Don't be a fool, cover your tool: How IBM's mighty XT keyboard was felled by toxic atmosphere of the '80s



just nudge your car's fuel cap between the pump trigger and finger guard and let go away!

What happens when cancel culture meets Adolf Hitler pareidolia? Amazon decides it needs a new app icon


No logo, just the name...

Unfortunately, now out-of-business but they had a lot of balls - C.O.Jones

Microsoft fixes four zero-day flaws in Exchange Server exploited by China's ‘Hafnium’ spies to steal victims' data


Note: Hammer needed to break the seam to enter their heads

Pirate Bay co-founder criticises Parler for its lack of resilience


Their backup is currently available for download/restore on archive.org

See: Wayback Machine

IT Marie Kondo asks: Does this noisy PC spark joy? Alas, no. So under the desk it goes


Re: Location location location

We weren't in the lavatory, but rather the closet underneath, in the basement, with the flushing pipes right behind our desks. We always took lunch break right AFTER the rest of the building as otherwise we could barely hear each other over the din...

Good news: Euro sat spots liquid pools on Mars. Bad news: Under ice, saltier than someone who put last penny into a failed crypto biz


Dragon's Egg by Robert L. Forward

Life as we know it?

Outage: Faulty UPS at data centre housing London Internet Exchange causes grief for ISPs and telcos alike


uninterrupted power supply??

I'd say it WAS interrupted! Uninterruptible Power Supply STAT