* Posts by DV Henkel-Wallace

58 posts • joined 18 Jul 2007


From hard drive to over-heard drive: Boffins convert spinning rust into eavesdropping mic

DV Henkel-Wallace

Can't believe you missed the pun opportunity

Are editorial standards slipping? There's clearly a "voice coil" pun in this story!

Death notice: Moore's Law. 19 April 1965 – 2 January 2018

DV Henkel-Wallace

Umm, I don't think so

Moore's law is about the *number of transistors* and says nothing about speed.

Is this cough cancer, doc? No: it's a case of Playmobil on the lung

DV Henkel-Wallace

Re: 1930s law banning candy with non-food objects inside.

Yes, but new-age nutjobs can buy a packet of apricot pits (a packet of 60 includes the handy notice in small print: "do not eat more than five per day").

An insane country -- love working here, but the quality of life is, umm, better than India.

Trump's cyber-guru Giuliani runs ancient 'easily hackable website'

DV Henkel-Wallace

A good choice with a simple explanation

Putin specified an incompetent to make sure that the Russians could get in whenever they want.

The Life and Times of Lester Haines

DV Henkel-Wallace

Thanks for the phenomenal obit

I always read the pieces with his bylne -- his personality definitely came through. But I hadn't realized how wide his influence was. El Reg is definitely a different place without him.

Latest loon for Trump's cabinet: Young-blood-loving, kidney-market advocate Jim O'Neill

DV Henkel-Wallace

Oh, about that kidney thing...

turns out a recent analysis showed that kidney donor don't live as long as non-donors and most people regret donating 10 years later. Oops!

Tupperware vehemently denies any link to storage containerisation

DV Henkel-Wallace

Where are the units?

You claimed that El Reg has "impossibly high standards." It seems that without an appropriate unit of measure, this statement is without merit.

Since the Register's Standards Organisation maintains important units of measure, a committee ought to be able to determine the proper unit. Perhaps "mean distance between the centres of mass of the Earth and the Moon" would suffice? The Sun, of course, having an extremely small value in this case.

Only then could we rank the standards of The Register, The Spectator, The Torygraph, The Guardian, Pravda and DPRK News, anything by Elsevier, and the like.

London cops hunt chimpanzee in top hat

DV Henkel-Wallace

When I read the headline

I assumed you meant Boris Johnson!

Drug dealer demands jail to escape 'unbearable' missus after NYE row

DV Henkel-Wallace

Now we know why Snowdon is willing to stay in Russia

Find's being on same continent as Obama "unbearable".

Sick to death of Xmas? Try these explosive gift ideas

DV Henkel-Wallace
Thumb Up

My little pony

Shame I have only two thumbs to give the maximum score of two thumbs up! Outstanding work by the crack Register Playmobil team. The head in the wheelbarrow is particularly well done.

Still, I have this nagging fear: is this investigative journalism at its finest....or has the Register's advertising bureau simply sold out the editorial space to some big accounts?

Qatar whips covers off giant footballing vagina

DV Henkel-Wallace

don't they know any anatomy?

It's a vulva, not vagina.


Oooh! My NAUGHTY SKIRT keeps riding up! Hello, INTERNET EXPLORER

DV Henkel-Wallace

"custom Inori skin"????

ewww....I hope they at least tan it first.

Will they use a contrasting colour for the stitching?

From the Dept of You are Old: 'Selfie' officially 'Word of the Year'

DV Henkel-Wallace


Sorry mate, I use relo for a relocation record (when dredging object files for linker or compiler bugs). For my cuzzies and sis and the like I say "rellie," as does everyone else around here. But you're right that the arvo comes by every day.

Hmm, quick rummage and a bit of google-fu shows that Lester Haines was the Register hack who once thought we call a tarpaulin a "tarpo".

I suggest The Register give him six months' transportation to Australia. He can spend a nice traditional chrissie on the beach with some sheilas and go back and tell the poms what's what. And miss a horrible UK winter.

New nuclear fuel source would power human race until 5000AD

DV Henkel-Wallace

How long are you talking exactly?

Is this "AD" some new EU-mandated metric unit? Dekka-Amperes (presumably 10^30 Amps) perhaps? Long enough for 5000 Active Directory installations to lock up (a rather short period I would say)? Or perhaps it's the lifetimes of 5000 Denying Apologists (as in climate change Denying oil company Apologists)?

I think perhaps you meant "AD 5000" as in "Atheist Determined"

New iPad: The only review roundup you'll ever need

DV Henkel-Wallace

You forgot one

Please add this one to your sites summarised: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/03/15/ipad_review_roundup_roundup/

Headmaster freezes schoolkids for Gaia

DV Henkel-Wallace


I'm all for reminding people that Australia exists, but I'm not sure what a game in Australia has to do with all this.

And what's wrong with "pupil"?

Groupon BUSTED for bulging breasts bargain boob

DV Henkel-Wallace

Oh, the disappointment

Extra points for BAAPS but really, no mention of Bulgarian airbags?

Dennis Ritchie: The C man who booted Unix

DV Henkel-Wallace

Dont' go overboard; hardly the first general purpose language

He was a titan, but don't go overboard: "General-purpose programming languages had not existed before C" is rubbish: Algol, and Fortran preceded it by more than a decade, and Multics (which dmr worked on) was written in PL/1 as were its applications.

C was / is a good implementation of the idea, based on learning from those experiences, as dmr himself would say.

In other words: there's no need to denigrate the giants upon whose shoulders he stood.

EU recording copyright extension 'will cost €1bn'

DV Henkel-Wallace

Cheaper solution

I feel sorry for the poor lambs that may "face an income gap at the end of their lifetimes." Wouldn't it be cheaper to teach them to save their money when young rather than trash hotel rooms?

Brit expats aghast as Denmark bans Marmite

DV Henkel-Wallace

Typical poms

You whinge about this now, but you've had SEVEN years of gustatory relief as law was passed in 2004 while Vegemite has already got the chop. Typical for them to start with the colonials.

Perhaps the crown princess can get Vegemite's abusive treatment reversed.

SWAT team cuffs masked Dell flack for 'deadly' tablet promo

DV Henkel-Wallace

biker outfit, skull mask, "two metallic objects"

Pictures or it didn't happen!

Vodafone tosses out idiot tweeter

DV Henkel-Wallace

Headline is confusing

Aren't all tweeters tossers?

Brum DJ canned for cutting short Her Maj

DV Henkel-Wallace

For Shame!

I always liked sitting with my Nanna (boy I miss her!) and listening to the speech. It gave everyone a chance to finish their drink before the party started up again.

Kate Winslet sports top celeb bod

DV Henkel-Wallace

What, no pictures?

Not even a playmobil reconstruction -- complete with photoshopped distortions?

Blue whale males now singing bass, say scientists

DV Henkel-Wallace
Black Helicopters

Please help us on the important question

No good just repeating the data. We need some anaysis: to understand its implications for mankind. Specifically: what will be the impact on the rebranding industry????

US forces developing 'miniature weapons' for killer robots

DV Henkel-Wallace
Paris Hilton

Mini weapons?

Oh gosh, how CUTE!!!

Sony to bring Risk to the big screen

DV Henkel-Wallace
Paris Hilton

The big question though is

Who will be cast as kamchatka?

Catholic priests cane YouTube over blasphemous vids

DV Henkel-Wallace

"mistreatment of the host???"

How exactly do you mistreat a host? Send it malformed packets? Rough up its IP address?

Are today's developers more creative?

DV Henkel-Wallace

essentially: no

More people can dabble, which is your point. This is like more people painting pictures at the local arts program. The pictures are crap but they have fun and they have something of their own to hang on the wall.

You also ignored the huge number of "business process" "applications" which aren't really any more creative than writing a memo.

Making something creative that changes lots of peoples' lives is hard work and hasn't changed significantly over the past 25 years, whether you're programming a major, scalable web application (e.g. facebook, google) or an embedded app (e.g. ipod). Those still take creative work once the prototype is done.

US carriers hedge open network claims

DV Henkel-Wallace
Thumb Down

"poor experience"

I loved this quote: "all of us would probably agree that you probably [would have a] poor experience at the end of the day"

That's right, it would be a poor experience for the CTIA members who don't have a viable business model. It would be a better experience for the customer, however...

Al-Qaeda targets net-connected coffee machine

DV Henkel-Wallace

Ah, the TWO horsemen of the Infocalypse

Only paedos and Terr'ists? I guess that's just 'coz it's a simple embedded device. Were it a full-featured user device then we'd get Drugs and Organised Crime too, and then you'd have to register before using one.

Hey, that wouldn't be so bad. ASIO could monitor your caffeine consumption and see if your cardiac problems are due to excess consumption? If so Medicare won't have to pay. Taxpayers would be thrilled! And what about children drinking coffee?

Skull-n-crossbones because in the future only hackers 'n pirates will use unlicensed coffee machines.

Besuited cubicle monkey trashes office

DV Henkel-Wallace
Paris Hilton

I can believe it

At first I also agreed it looked fake because everybody pretty much just stood around and watched. But he was so incompetent: wandering around, taking several flabby kicks to remove a panel which then came imperfectly free, slipping on the desk because of leather shoes, etc. A hollywood epic would have had more planning and would have had attractive debris flying clear. It is convincing to me.

But maybe I'm just dim.

Paris 'coz normally....why else would you watch crummy web video?

Apple will please missile makers by backing PA Semi's chip

DV Henkel-Wallace

All joking aside

Generally embedded hardware comes with an availability guarantee (i.e. the vendor has to keep making the same chip for you even if the state of the art has moved on). When you buy a company you can't just throw its contracts away. So Apple has to do this even if they toss PA Semi's business away -- they can just refuse to sign any new contracts to supply chips. Whether this has to do with the DoD or anybody else is no big deal.

So sorry, this isn't really news. The only real complicated question is why I would bother to read an article about something I don't think is news...

Japanese council worker in 750k smut site pornathon

DV Henkel-Wallace
Paris Hilton

bah that's nothing

When I was young we had to download our porn by handing around stone tablets. And even _then_ we all managed to beat that total. Daily!

Young whippersnappers, grumble....

Paris because she can beat that routinely, as downloadeuse and downloadee.

Build a 14.5 watt data center in a shoebox

DV Henkel-Wallace

Thanks, I already know the "pleasure" of Buffalo gear

Having had a poor experience with their gear in the past, we nevertheless in desperation last year bought a buffalo NAS just to tide ourselves over for a couple of weeks until the real gear arrived. Wow, what a mistake. Even the nontechnical staff joined us in throwing it off the roof.

Which I might mercifully have forgotten had their name not come up this week...when someone complained to me that none of their buffalo gear was reliable.

Perhaps it's produced by a buffalo's....central processing system.

Antarctic meteorite points to smashed dwarf planet

DV Henkel-Wallace

cosmological proof

Sounds like dwarf tossing is an older tradition than I'd realised.

Why I downgraded from Vista to XP

DV Henkel-Wallace

upgrade to XP review

Sounds like you might enjoy this enthusiastic review from someone who upgraded from Vista to XP, played straight:


Vatican updates list of mortal sins

DV Henkel-Wallace

Waay out of touch

The Vatican wasnt paying attention when the list was dictated to them....they forgot to write down SPAM.

Software engineer builds straw house for £4k

DV Henkel-Wallace

A straw house you say?

Well blow me down!

MIT plans to roll out 'folding' car

DV Henkel-Wallace


It's a shame that MIT (which is in Cambridge) provided a picture which is plainly in New York.

Nokia unwraps bendy nanotech phone

DV Henkel-Wallace

But...what does it look like?

OK, after only the title I'd best be going then.

Jane Fonda c-word slip shocks US

DV Henkel-Wallace

dearie me

That sad monologue is all about the vulva. I guess they were afraid to say that word on stage.

Sarko calls for global Mars exploration gig

DV Henkel-Wallace

The great Green rush

I like that at the end of this message (and just above the comments) I got the ad, "What's your take on the great Green rush? Join the debate here." So are we to colonise Mars and massacre all the little Green men?

Right, then, first plan should be that upon landing we burn the ships. Oh and bring some blankies of smallpox. Let's see, what's next...

Dell tells customer 'Mac is good option'

DV Henkel-Wallace

Maybe he was an infuriating customer

You know the type who calls support every day looking for the cup holder etc. Perhaps they want him to start calling Apple?

US boffins create darkest material ever

DV Henkel-Wallace
Thumb Up


Gene Wolfe fans will remember Severian's cloak of Fulgin -- a colour "darker than black".

Brighton professor bans Google

DV Henkel-Wallace

Find the cheapest price for Winston Churchills in your area...

Ahh, but do they have Prince Albert in a can?

DV Henkel-Wallace

you need some links yourselves

oh, and though you had a couple of links to ludicrous wikipedia entries (perhaps changed by now) you didn't even provide a link to what she actually said. Which is rather her point.

Speaking of links, I'm impressed by what you got from Google. Please provide the search string. When I typed "what do you think about the ban of google in brighton" and clicked on "submit" what I got was nothing like "We believe that more knowledge is more power..."

Sysadmin admits trying to axe California power grid

DV Henkel-Wallace

Posted in the canteen:

New Policy:

Effective immediately, sackings are to happen Sunday evenings ONLY.

Microsoft kills Santa Claus

DV Henkel-Wallace

Already a sinister, creepy kook

Look, he knows where you've been sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. And now Microsoft shut him down.

Sounds like another Windows spyware cleanup to me.

Publishers punt new web crawler blocking standards

DV Henkel-Wallace

Yeah, yeah, been there before

Err, ACAP was defined in RFC-2244 exactly 10 years ago in November 1997?

I predict today's ACAP will be just as popular and effective as ACAP was 10 years ago.



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