Posts by PaulK

British support for fracking largely unmoved by knowledge of downsides

and another thing...

... anything which might contribute to Blackpool sliding in to the Irish Sea can't be all bad.

Not hard to understand

Faced with a smelly unwashed pierced banshee who's argument consists of "LA LA LA I can't hear you!" I am inclined to side with the Frackers

Sincerely

Suck Fwampy

Mars attacks! Morocco pelted with rocks from the Red Planet

From Mars?

...Who saw it set off then?

'NATO RESTRICTED': The lowest possible classification

This is just wrong on every point.

Did you think of this all by yourself?

TSA to revise nudie scanner software

The TSA is as nothing...

... compared to the true professionals at Ben Gurion. At least the staff are not in need of a gastric band though a sense of humour transplant would not go amiss.

Lancs plods exposed complainant on website

Warning not for the plod.

It's a warning to individual members of the public that they should not make any complaints to the plod.

Can Liam Fox break the power of British Army, Navy, RAF chiefs?

And the answer is...

...Semper fi.

BAA promises to get its Heathrow act together

I must be stupid

I got stuck at LHR 2 years running on the same date. Wondering whether to make it 3/3 :-D

To be fair to LHR (which is just shit and not because of the snow) I have been snowbound at Roissy, Munich, Frankfurt, Zurich, Shithole Amsterdam (which is not as bigger shithole as LHR) and Vienna. Oh and Manchester. So we Brits do not have a monopoly on the wrong kind of snow.

Only in Russia and the Nordics have I never been snowbound with impressive amounts of snow - think three feet / 24 hours, not the 3 inches that paralysed the UK.

My solution to it all. Find bar. Drink beer.

BBC apologises for Top Gear outrage

I am sad to report...

...the death of humour as we know it. Don't get caught laughing or you risk being summarily judged for being racist, sexist, bigoted, lewd, discriminatory and simply human. You have been warned.

End of the line for ID cards

For 400K

I would go directly to 3. Expenses = 1 sledgehammer. I love the sound of platters shattering in the morning.

Heathrow Express treats iPhones as tickets

Platinum card holder?

Why don't you flash your card then? Works for me.

Idea predates the ibone by several years.

Not new at all. Don't even need an app. You can receive your boarding pass as email or MMS on several airlines. Have been able to for years. Even my dodgy old Centro and a dumb Nokia before that.

Herts cops 'ate the evidence' at scene of crime, court told

We're the Sweeny...

...and we haven't had our dinner.

LIDL punts circular saw blades to innocent kiddies

Ideal present

For S2BX. Thank you Lidl for solving a dilemma.

Twitter joke martyr loses appeal

twits all round then

The perp was a twit for committing the "offence", the "off duty" manager is a twit for calling the plod. The plod, self explanatory. The CPS, that well known hotbed of common sense and the judiciary, well they are just twits.

Craigslist to tell Congress why it cut adult ads

Land of the free...

...and the home of the twat.

Documents show CAA fears over powerline networks

PLAN or WiFi...

Homeplug or buttplug.

Judge halts domain registration scam

Wouldn't it be easier...

to prevent fookwits from registering domains in the first place? Can't say I'm a fan of the re-reg scam, but FFS, $4.26million! Sweet!

Saudi Arabia beats UAE to BlackBerry ban

Yet another illustration....

of why rich Arabs come to UK to do their shagging and drinking.

If I was boss of the airline, I'd be holding my head in my hands muttering "WTF!" repeatedly.

Chaos surrounds New Zealand iPhone 4 day

"100's of Fanbois disappointed.

Literally hundreds. Jobby don't care about hundreds of thousands so this is a really big deal. Not.

Apple antenna guru 'warned Steve Jobs' over Judas Phone

Is there a sad-iPhone or a bomb?

Just curious. I haven't been near anything Apple since I had a Mac Plus.

Policing personal calls on business mobiles

Want me to carry your phone?

Then expect me to make personal calls on it. Simples.

Beeb dubs Facebook users 'saddos'

It is discrimination!

Facebonk users should not have been singled out for ridicule. What about the twatterer?

Vodafone sticks universal mail in shredder

Don't you mean

Web for wankers to use the universal sobriquet for 3.11

You think mobile voice is expensive?

It will always be thus...

...as long as they give away the handsets.

Apple iPad

Mega Fail

It's an iPhone for chavs.

"Like me new iPad pocket Burberry's, innit?"

Man jailed for sex with donkey and horse

And the IT angle is...

... it is no 47 in the list of things to do with a dead WinTel server, perhaps?

'Steve Jobs' switches to Android

You iz a fanboi.

Apple: censored content and no subsidy.

vs

Google: Superior OS, open platform, subsidised handsets

Vodafone shocks data users with roaming price rise

Greedy bastards

Thank you Vodafony. I was doing very nicely within the 25MB/day limit as I crawl my way around Europe. I am going to be one of those users that gets kicked in the nads with a 400% hike. Value for money, not!

By the way, please could you explain why roaming on Vodafone Turkey is so bloody expensive?

L'Orange and T'Mobile: Together at last

Further proof that...

...marketeers are paid far too much.

Pity Tango was already taken.

Nokia tops iPhone and BlackBerry (again)

Poor Palm...

There but for the grace of... Having been a palmist for many years I have just binned my Centro for an HTC Desire. I have seen the future and it is none of the above.

Paris - I don't need Mrs Palm any more.

Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Conviction

I need my eyes testing...

I thought the headline said sphincter cell! Perhaps that is the correct spelling because the Clancy franchise stinks these days.

Tories go nuclear, promise to prop up carbon price

Time to go down't pit

I'm just abut ancient enough to remember town gas that were made from t'coal and stored in big drummy things. It smelled nasty and you really could see yourself off by putting t'head in t'gas oven.

Them nice blokes in t'NCB used to tell us we had enough nutty slack to last us 300 years. And then t'North Sea farted up a load of methane and t'pits started to close. And then Wiggy Scargill finished 'em off in t'80s. T'UK could burn it's weight in t'coal and it would make sod all difference t't'global warming (if it exists). So let us buy British and stuff't carbon rubbish. And if I am overheard ordering t' coke and a bag of nuts you know it is perfectly innocent.

Northerners give up ID cards for Lent figures suggest

Why bother?

The guvvy website says:

"Remember: Both the National Identity and Identification Cards are entirely voluntary. No one can make you show them. No one can check the information on them without your permission. And you don’t have to carry them with you all the time."

So what is the point?

MoD turns to bloggers for advice on UK defence policy

Easy

Retire everybody above the ranks of Captain (Navy), Colonel or Squadron Leader. Sack all the Whitehall leaches. That gets rid of most of the obstacles.

The whole lot should then be reformed into a unified strike force along the lines of US Marines. They have a single chain of command with land, sea and air assets and none of this inter service rivalry. Save the fighting for the fuzzywuzzies, you morons, not your mate in light blue.

Britain will not have an effective defence strategy until this is taken care of. Deep down you know it is right - this will save far more than Gordon Broon could ever dream of give the UK a force worthy of the 21st century. Our forces are admired today as hard bastards and complete nutters (what you want in a front line troop!) because they go into battle with peashooters and cloth caps. Just imagine how hard they would be if they had the right kit and effective leadership.

British poshos outdrink chavs

I do not abuse alcohol!

For instance, if asked "What would you say to a small drink?" I would not say "Fuck off you homicidal gin!" No, I would be far more likely to say "Hello, small drink!" Before consuming said drink.

PM: UK airports to get perv scanners next week

I would like to know if...

...the people who vote against the posts that accept the new machines and implore those who are against them to fuck off; have they ever flown? When you fly about 100 times a year, you would welcome anything that expedites your passage through the airport. privacy be buggered. All I want to do is get to the lounge and get pissed. Now go away.

Oz man coughs to DD-jub job advert outrage

Not PC.

This ad contravenes equal opportunities legislation. I am prepared to accept that there may be some miserly Yorkshiremen with sweaty DD moobs, but it is stretching a point...

Paris, obviously...

British government ignores MS browser fears

HMG says "No!"

Because they use it to spy on you all.

Discrimination warning over airport body scanners

Don't Like It?

Then don't fly! Easy, innit?

US airport body scanners can store and export images

Can I have the one with...

... the optional http server! Sweet.

Paris because I need some more smut.

Naked scans: Net cries nude-o-geddon

Get a grip!

I am well hacked of with this hysteria.

The body scanner is a useful tool for passenger screening, but it is not the panacea some politicos and megalomaniacs have suggested. Combined with explosives sniffers (canine variety included) and passenger profiling, we could create a smooth and mostly hassle free security process. I am afraid that the rubber glove search has not been replaced so if you are Iqbal from Islington, you should bring a change of underpants. This is not racist - it is a fact that Iqbal is more likely to be a threat than Granny from Grantham. And if you are Nigerian with a recent Yemeni stamp in your passport - forget it.

There are those that say that it is illegal to scan under 18's because this constitutes "making an obscene image" of a minor. Some are worried that the operators might be kiddy fiddlers even though they all have to have the same CRB check as teachers and swimming instructors (OK this only proves you haven't been caught...)

And then there are those that argue the use of these devices constitutes an invasion of privacy - OF COURSE IT DOES - THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT - but it is not a breach of your human rights! What is worse? A virtual strip search or an actual strip search?

Get a grip people and lets have an outbreak of common sense. To those who feel threatened by racists, paedophiles and losing their privacy, remember this: you don't have to fly. The majority of the put-upon law abiding passengers who suffer all this in silence,if not gladly, have the right not to be blown up in mid-air or crashed into a building.

Footnote:

to all those bumbling idiots who take 10 minutes to divest themselves of coats, laptops, boots, belts, phones, money, chav jewelery, etc., at the baggage xray and then still set the arch off, I despise you with all my heart.

Yank walks plank over Liverpool fan email

Yank disses Scouser

What's wrong with that? There's 50,000 Scousers slagging off 2 Yanks every week! Why don't they all fuck off.

UK mobile operators call for UK competition regulation

It will of course be...

TANGO

US mum calls 911 over Grand Theft Auto

If this was in the UK...

...the mother only had to refuse to get the electric card credited at the corner (pawn) shop. Ah but then she would not have been able to watch Corrie/ Emmerdale/ East Benders/ Xfactor or whatever shite the brainless watch these days. What's wrong with a smack round the head anyway?

BA.com titsup

That explains why...

...I could not check-in on-line and get a decent seat for my flight to LA. BA check-in at Ringpiece was overloaded due the knock-on effects of the fog cancellations my arse feels like I was sitting on a rock for 11 hours and it's raining in LA. Bah humbug.

RAF's new military airlifter finally lumbers into the air

Britain gives you wings...

Literally. Does anyone for one moment truly believe that the Airbus will leave the wing plants in the UK now that there is no British shareholder? Of course not, unless the government stumps up billions in incentives to keep a few beards in work, which is becoming increasingly hard to justify. Airbus owns the technology, they can do what they want with it. I always thought it was crackers to transport the wings by barge and big fuck off plane to the final assembly line. It's the equivalent of building a boat that will not go through the door of your shed. The wings should be built at the assembly site and in a few years time, they will be.

Parcelforce fails to deliver for Windows 7 lovers

Think yourselves lucky!

If you can't book a collection, the fuckers can't take your money and then not bother to collect.

Took me weeks to get my money back off the incompetent twats. Waste of oxygen they are.

Lord Carlile: Police are taking the proverbial on terror

Your photographs can't hurt me...

...my section 44 is like a shield of steel!

Batfink is a twat, too!

Gov confirms plans for Sky box in charge of your house

Just Typical...

This is typical arse faced politicing. The real problem is that generating capacity is decreasing because we don't dig our own coal out the ground any more and it is otherwise too dirty to burn, we haven't committed to clean gas burning power stations and we've no fucking gas anyway and our nuclear reactors are about to fall apart and the closest we've got to replacing them is to sell the industry to a bunch of frogs who don't give a stuff about a bunch of unwashed swampies. So the govvy response is to tax the fuck out of it or ban it and now we have direct load management.

Knobheads.