Posts by Major Ebaneezer Wanktrollop

2015: The year of MAD TV science, but who can keep up?

8K !

Almost feel embarassed sat on the train watching Peaky Blinders on my Note II

Hollywood vs hackers: Vulture cracks Tinseltown keyboard cornballs

Magic USB sticks

How about the USB sticks that the good guys insert into any random bad guy machine and without a tap on the keyboard up pops a huge 'Downloading Data' message on the screen. That, instead of triggering the Microsoft Transfer Fibbing Protocol (the everlasting 2 minutes to go until completion) actually fills the building with bad guys who can't reach said machine until the transfer is complete.

Pure movie magic

Earth-bound exoplanet hunter's eyes blink open

Question

Whilst I am a keen science / astronomy follower and also find this fascinating I can't help but think how this was funded?

'We want to build an array of telescopes that detect exo-planets via their transits of their home star'

'Keplers already doing it and doesn't suffer from atmospheric distortion and artifical light'

'Well OK, we can look at different areas of the sky than Kepler'

'Fine, if you find more exo-planets how will that be of benefit to mankind as we already know there are hundreds out there already - what benefit is there to finding more as we can never communicate with them or send probes to any of them for generations to come, quite possibly never?'

'urmmmm'

'No problem, here's £500m'

Like I said, I'm glad this kind of stuff goes on as I'm deeply interested in it - I just don't quite get how they attract funding whereas SETI struggles for every dollar, a project which I think could in time reap rewards whereas this duplication seems rather strange????

UNDER A VEST: Man cuffed for smuggling 94 iPhones strapped to his body

AirMail

Why not just buy the iPhones on the internet and have them delivered to China by post?

Just have them scrawl 'gift' on the customs label and should sail through security without a hitch as that is exactly what the Chinese do when they deliver to the UK and I, I mean my friend always gets his goods.

Fujitsu: Slide your fingertip through our ring piece and show mice the finger

Re: Fu-who?

Fujitsu have been huge in enterprise-class IT infrastructure solutions and services for many years - they never went away.

Look at any large scale contract our Government has handed out over the last 20 years or so and you won't be too far from Fujitsu - or Utter Failure for that matter.

Double-digit tablet growth spurt is OVER, say pundits

Utter tripe

'From 2015, we expect Windows to grow faster than iOS'

I'm your average, technically proficient, XP and Win7 lover and no WIndows 8 was my idea.

Yotaphone 2: The two-faced pocket-stroker with '100 hours' batt life

Doesn't matter how good it is, El Regs shite Android app will still crash constantly and lag like crazy on it.

Yeah you El Reg app developers - pull your bloody fingers out!

FORGOTTEN Bing responds to search index ECJ ruling: Hello? Remember us?

Bing should file for its own right to be forgotten

Titan's salty waters scupper the chances for alien life

It's full of herring

'Biologists have linked a mysterious, underwater farting sound to bubbles coming out of a herring's anus. No fish had been known to emit sound from its anus nor to be capable of producing such a high-pitched noise.'

Source

Cambridge Assessment exams CHAOS: Computing students' work may be BINNED

They just need to look at how Red Hat and Cisco deliver IT exams for RHCE and CCIE respectively. Not difficult for a Government to copy their model is it?

Yahoo! Bids! To! Own! Your! Smartmobe! Home! Screen!

I've been using for it around 9 months (in beta) and before Yahoo bought it. It's better looking by far than the standard Android screen and customisable in what you want on the home screen. As for the intelligent features - never taken any notice. They're a bit dumb.

Adobe all smiles as beret bods spaff cash on non-cloud Creative Suite

Most people will get by just fine with Pixlr.com - now they've changed to an unstable cloudy platform my PS spaffing days are over.

Come off it, Moon, Earth. We know you're 60 million years older than we thought

Yep, it's old but it beats reading articles about storage arrays which el Reg is awash with nowadays....

EBAY... You keep using that word 'ENCRYPTION' – it does not mean what you think it means

If you have chosen the option to 'link' your eBay account with your PayPal account (as they prod you to do every time you purchase something) then you don't have to login in to PayPal at all and you can go on a right old spending spree with just the eBay login.

Their statement of credit card details not being at risk, partly true as you can't recover your card number or CVV from your own PayPal account but the hard fact that the hackers could easily empty your card is not being banded around is it?

Windows Phone Live: Microsoft's plans for enterprise on mobile

Ooooo enterprise functionality! Does this mean I can remove the Xbox Live integration from Windows Phone?

Don't bother. I still don't want one.

Tim Cook: Apple's 'closer than it's ever been' to releasing new product range

Re: Nothing that innovative coming, then

May I be so bold as to suggest that it was Alan Sugar (in the UK at least) and his Amstrad PC1512 range that popularised the PC.

I could and did afford that. At that time there may have been a handful of Apple's in the UK so their contribution to the popularisation of PC's in the UK is negligible if not totally insignificant.

Friends don't let friends use Internet Explorer – advice from US, UK, EU

Stop slagging them off. They brought us tiles FFS. And that seamless, streamlined customer experience across all Windows platforms that we all enjoy and love. That Xbox Live tile on my business workstation is a Godsend.

Yeah, how stupid do ya feel now huh MS haters?

Look behind you, 'declining' sub-$5bn iPod. The iWatch has come... to EAT YOU

Maybe Apple will use a globally unlicensed, 2.4 GHz short-range radio frequency band so that a lead isn't required?

UK.gov chucks £28m at F1 tech for buses and diggers plan

So the UK Gov sees fit to award a grant in excess of £3m to JCB? A company which in 2012 had a turnover of £2.7bn with earnings of £365m. FFS!

'The Business Secretary says other companies can now bid for a further £75m from the APC.'

So that will be Capita and HP then?

Got Windows 8.1 Update yet? Get ready for YET ANOTHER ONE – rumor

Re: Windows 8.1 Update 2

Windows 8 Reversion to Windows 7 Patch would be a better name

Windows 8 in the cloud!

Wow! I can access my Windows 8.x desktop from anywhere and enjoy it's brilliant new interface!

I'm the happiest braindead fucknugget in Ikea right now.

KILLER SPONGES menacing California coastline

The crustaceans should develop pubic hair and smother those damn sponges just like they do in my bathroom!

Yep. Icon. Collecting it now.