Why don't you use JIRA Service Desk?
Hello PaulW,
Great thread with lots of ideas and thanks for highlighting your requirements. I work with Atlassian and manage the marketing of JIRA Service Desk.
As you said "Normally I would go to JIRA and build something but quite frankly I need something quicker" so that's why we built JIRA Service Desk.
Based on the requirements that you have highlighted, JIRA Service Desk might be what you need. It addresses all of them and being built on top of JIRA, it has all the power of JIRA that you are familiar with and integrate with Confluence for knowledge management. It is also provided on demand and behind the firewall like most of our products.
As some people have mentioned there is an upcoming service desk show at Earls Court that might be worth a look [http://www.servicedeskshow.com/] (assuming you are in the UK). Atlassian will be exhibiting there and I will be more than happy to give you a demo there in person. BAE systems will present how it uses JIRA Service Desk to support a $2B navy program and Atlassian on how various business functions within Atlassian use JIRA Service Desk.
You can find out more information on JIRA Service Desk at [https://www.atlassian.com/software/jira/service-desk] or check the JIRA Service Deep dive at [https://www.atlassian.com/software/jira/service-desk/demo] to confirm whether this product would suit your needs.
Please feel free to contact our sales team at sales@atlassian.com and good luck with finding the best solution for your service desk.
Christophe Capel
JIRA Service Desk